Category Archives: Snacks

Chips, candy and other munchies

Otter Pops

I’ve been blogging for more than five years and somehow never got around to writing about Otter Pops. I’m even more shocked than you are. Otter Pops were a staple of my childhood. I always knew that summer was approaching when my mom would come home from Costco with a big box of Otter Pops. My sisters and I would squeal with excitement and quickly throw them in the freezer because Otter Pops are the frozen treat that you have to freeze yourself.

Otter Pops come in six zippy flavors, each one named after a different character. There’s Louie-Bloo Raspberry, which tastes like blue raspberry. There’s Poncho Punch, he tastes like tropical fruit punch. Alexander the Grape is the purple one. He tastes like grapes and might be the worst flavor if there is such a thing. The orange one is Little Orphan Orange and she tastes like orange. She’s the other contender for worst flavor. Strawberry Short Kook is red and tastes like strawberries. Then there is Sir Issac Lime, he’s green and tastes like lime. There used to be a yellow lemon flavored Otter Pop known as Rip Van Lemon, but he must have sucked because he disappeared in the seventies and nobody really cared.

I was addicted to Otter Pops. I would steal them and hide the evidence. I would go after Poncho Punch, Louie-Bloo Raspberry and Sir Issac Lime first because they were the best flavors. Then I would eat a Strawberry Short Kook to make my tongue red again. I would stash the wrappers under the top layer of trash. I had my Otter Pop stealing technique down. I probably ate half of each box by myself. I should apologize to my sisters but I regret nothing.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Delicious Memories

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Pork Butt

My roommate likes to cook. He’s recently gotten into using our crockpot to make delicious feasts. He made ribs last week. Right now he’s making pork butt. Pork butt (also known as Boston butt) is a really popular cut of meat. It’s the preferred cut for pulled pork. It’s also a misnomer. Pork butt comes from the upper shoulder. Shocking, I know. Your life is a lie. I told my roommate that pork butt comes from the shoulder and he responded by saying “Gross!” My roommate is a funny guy. 

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Ham is the real pork butt.

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Babybel

I like cheese. Cheese is good. It takes burgers to another level. It turns tortilla chips into nachos. Cheese is like bacon. It makes everything better but it’s best enjoyed by itself. If I’m eating cheese as a snack I generally prefer some type of string cheese, but every once in a while I get the hankering for a Babybel. Babybel is a brand of cheese with a distinctive look. Each mini cheese wheel is encased within a protective red wax cover. 

The cheese is decent but the red wax seal is the star of the show. After you eat the cheese you’re left with the wax. You can mold and squish and squeeze the wax. Its not as malleable as Silly Putty, but it’s still fun to play with. Babybel is an interactive snack. The wax also makes it holds up better than most cheese so you can take it hiking or backpacking. It’s a heavy duty cheese for traveling and enjoying life outdoors. You can also also eat it at the office. It’s very versatile. 

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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Skipping Breakfast 

I skip breakfast. I usually wake up, take a shit and a shower, get dressed, and go to work. I’ll have a cup of black coffee and a glass of ice water in the breakroom before my shift starts. My first meal is usually lunch, then I’ll snack throughout the day until dinner, and maybe a few more munchies before bedtime. That’s been my routine for a while now. 

The nice thing about skipping breakfast is that I’m conditioned to it and my body doesn’t rely on it. So when I do actually do eat breakfast I feel like Popeye downing a can of spinach. All the naysayers will say that’s proof that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Malarkey, it’s just a boost like a video game power up. 

The weird thing is that I like breakfast foods. Eggs, hash browns, sausage, pancakes, motherfucking bacon… all are delicious, but I’d rather have them for dinner when I’m awake enough to enjoy them. Cereal is more of a snack for me, but I’d rather eat it straight from the box than pour it in a bowl with milk. That makes it soggy and soggy cereal is gross. Don’t get me wrong. Breakfast is good, it’s just too early for me. I need time to build up my appetite.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich 

You have a piece of bread covered in peanut butter on one side and another piece of bread covered with jelly on one side. Slap the two together and you have yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the official stereotypical dietary staple of American childhood. One mention of PB&J and you automatically conjure up images of opening your lunchbox and seeing a lovingly-prepared peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crusts cut off. It doesn’t matter if you never cut the crusts off, or had a lunchbox, or even ever actually had one because pop culture has groomed us to accept them as a part of our past. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are a part of us. To deny that is to deny how the world views America. They are as American as apple pie, hot dogs, burgers, beer… that’s a lot of food… and um, oh yeah, motherfucking guns. You can’t spell ‘Murica without PB&J. You know that’s true because you’re reading it on the internet. 

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Don’t Touch My Chicken Wing

I was starving at work the other day and brought some buffalo wings into the breakroom to scarf down. I sat down and one of my coworkers had the audacity to take one of my wings without asking me first. She just reached her grubby little hand out and snatched one. Well, that really pissed me off and I let her know it. I grabbed the wing back from her and threw it away. I asked her who the fuck she thought she was. I told her that we weren’t homies. She doesn’t get to eat my food. She doesn’t get to touch my food. I let her know that she would have gotten one if she had simply asked. I said none of this nicely, mind you. I was fucking livid. I walked out of the breakroom and handed out a couple of wings to coworkers that I actually am friends with, knowing that they would take the wings back to the breakroom and she would see them eating the same wings that I had fiercely defended. They can have my wings. Her entitled self is forbidden. 

Looking back on it, I know that I overreacted but justice comes at a price. The moral of the story is don’t touch my chicken wing. Don’t assume you can just take one without asking. It’s my food. It’s my property. But if you ask, I’ll be more than happy to let you have one. I might even offer you some ranch to dip it in.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Good Idea for a Restaurant 

I have a good idea for a restaurant. You remember that dinner scene with the Lost Boys in Hook? The one where Robin Williams as Peter Pan regains his imagination and an amazing feast appears before them, you remember that? My restaurant will recreate that wonder. 

You start by approaching a large communal table. You’ll sit right next to strangers. It’s real friendly like. The servers will bring out a bunch of empty plates and dishes and put them on the table. There’s about five minutes of pretending to eat, then suddenly the empty plates and dishes are replaced with real food.

Of course the food is all inspired by the food that appears in the movie. All the different types of meat and fruit, the hunk of cheese with Thud’s face in it, the crazy colered pie things, cups of hot cocoa with heaping servings of whipped cream, it’s all there. Everyone eats their fill. The feast ends with a food fight. It’s a little wasteful but it’s worth it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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BLT

A BLT is one of the most classic and simple sandwiches in existence. BLT stands for bacon, lettuce, and tomato. You stack those three ingredients in between two slices of bread and you have yourself a BLT. I had one a few nights ago. It was dinner time and my girlfriend and I decided to make dinner at home instead of going out. I suggested BLTs because that’s one of the few things I know how to make. My girl said that she liked BLTs with onions and avocados instead of lettuce and tomatoes. That’s not a BLT. That’s a BOA. You need the lettuce and tomato for it to be a BLT. The bacon is the most important ingredient. Bacon is always the most important ingredient in anything.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Pretzel Incident 

I went to a San Francisco Giants game last summer with a bunch of friends and the girl I was seeing at the time. We all bought tickets in different sections so we decided to move to the bleachers so we could all sit together. We sat in front of a spot that was empty except for an abandoned half-eaten pretzel and a pile of discarded peanut shells. I was sitting there watching the game, talking and laughing and enjoying being alive, and I turned to my girl to give her a kiss. But I couldn’t because she was eating a pretzel. I thought that was odd because we didn’t go on a food run yet. I asked her where she got the pretzel. She pointed to the spot behind me where the pile of discarded peanut shells was. The abandoned half-eaten pretzel was no longer there. It was in her hand. And her mouth. And I couldn’t even look her in the eye. It was horrible. It still is. And it’s come to be known as the Pretzel Incident. I pray you never experience it for yourself.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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Backpacking Food

Backpacking food is food that you take backpacking. I realize that you can take lots of food backpacking, so this post is focusing primarily on freeze dried food in a sealed bag that you add boiling water to in order to cook it. It’s kind of like a cup of noodles on steroids. There are quite a few different brands to chose from, but it seems like I always end up getting Mountain House or Backpacker’s Pantry. Both offer a wide variety of meals that provide you with a shit ton of caleries to get your energy back after a day on the trail. There are staple dishes like beef stroganoff, bacon and eggs, chicken and rice, etc. but they also have more exotic meals now too. I had beef pho and huevos rancheros on my last backpacking trip. Whatever brand or meal you chose, it’s a great way to reward yourself after lugging a heavy bag on your back for twelve miles. It’s even better with a couple swigs of whiskey.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Drunk Food

 One of the best things about getting drunk is getting drunk food. Drunk food is a complete meal you can eat with your hands that fills you up and is served quickly. Certain foods taste better when you’re inebriated. Pizza is always good, but it’s so much better when you’re drunk. A drunk burrito in between bars keeps your night going. Stumbling across a street vendor selling bacon-wrapped hot dogs will make you believe that God is real and wants us to be happy. Drunk food provides you with the much needed fuel to keep on drinking. It makes the party last longer. You know you had a good night when you find an empty pizza box on the counter when you wake up the next morning and no recollection of getting it. I’m not promoting binge drinking, I’m promoting eating food when you’re binge drinking. There’s a slight difference I’m sure. 

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Cooking Microwavable Food in the Oven 

 I like to eat food but I’m not much of a cook. I usually go out for dinner or get microwavable food. I don’t cook it in the microwave though. I cook it in the oven. It takes a lot longer but it makes it tastes more like real food. And there’s less radiation involved. A lot of people don’t seem to realize that you can cook most microwavable food in the oven but if you flip over your box of Hot Pockets you’ll see that they have directions for microwave ovens and for conventional ovens. Toaster ovens are shit out of luck though. The only major downside to cooking microwavable food in the oven is that you’re still eating microwavable food. Nothing beats a home cooked meal.
 Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Eating Pizza with a Knife and Fork

 I will eat pizza with my bare hands ninety-nine times out of a hundred. More than that even. I will eat pizza with my hands nine hundred and ninety-nine times out of a thousand. But every once in a while I will use cutlery to enjoy the culinary treat. Eating pizza with a knife and fork makes you feel classy instantly. Suddenly you’re not eating pizza, you’re eating pizza pie. It becomes a delicacy. When you take the time to cut each bite, you savor each bite. And people will look at you and respect you instantly. You could have ripped into your pizza like a commoner but you ate it like a civilized man instead. That’s worth something. Not sure what, but it’s gotta be something. 
 Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tater Tots

A tater tot is like a bite-sized hash brown. It’s diced up potato that is deep-fried and delicious. I would place tater tots in the top ten of American comfort foods because of how versatile they are. They can be a side dish or be featured in the main course. You never had a childhood if you never had a tater tot. Tater tots, or tots if you wanna be cool, are the official food of the Midwest. They have tater tot casseroles, tots are an acceptable pizza topping, and tots have even replaced tortilla chips in nachos (creating a dish called totchos). Every broke ass college kid should have a big bag of tots in the freezer. You can’t eat ramen everyday. You should mix it up with potato products and fries are too cliché. Tater tots can go with every meal. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner are all improved by a simple appearance from the majestic tot. You don’t have to believe me, but you’re missing out if you don’t have tater tots in your life.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Dog-Haus_Menu-Detail-tater-tots

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Leftover Chinese Food

I ordered Chinese food for dinner last night and you know what that means… I had leftover Chinese food for dinner tonight. It’s the only way to do it. You order way more food than you can possibly eat, stuff your face as much as you can, and then put whatever remains into the fridge and that’s lunch and dinner for the new few days. I think leftover Chinese food almost tastes better than freshly cooked Chinese food. Somehow sitting in the refrigerator for hours and hours and then getting nuked in the microwave really brings out the flavor. Maybe it supercharges the MSG. I don’t what’s in it. I just know I can’t stop eating it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

chinesetacos6

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Ben & Jerry’s New Belgium Salted Caramel Brown-ie Ale

I like beer. I like ice cream. Ben & Jerry’s New Belgium Salted Caramel Brown-ie Ale combines the two. They use New Belgium Brown Ale ice cream and combine it with fudge brownies and salted caramel swirls. I was expecting to get a slight whiff of beer when I took off the lid, but it just smelled like normal ice cream. Well, I’ve never really smelled ice cream before but it didn’t seem to have much of an aroma at all. I took a spoonful and put it in my mouth. My first thoughts were that it was smooth and creamy and not much else. I took another bite, and then another, trying to find a distinguishing flavor, but there really isn’t one. It doesn’t taste like a brown ale at all. It’s bland. I can taste the caramel and brownies, but the New Belgium Brown Ale ice cream is more boring than vanilla. I was expecting an ice cream that tasted like beer. I just got ice cream. Meh. It’s a limited batch. It’s going away soon. Good.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

ben jerrys new belgium salted caramel brownie ale ice cream pint.jpg

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Nougat

I was having a lengthy discussion about candy bars with my roommate (we may or may not have had the munchies) when I discovered that he didn’t know what nougat was. I was kind of shocked. Nougat is an essential ingredient in a lot of great candy bars. Snickers has nougat. Baby Ruth has nougat. Big Hunk has nougat. LOOK! has nougat. Mars bar has nougat. Milky Way has nougat. And somehow nougat is still overlooked and underrated. It deserves more attention and affection. So I decided to blog about it to help get the word out.

Nougat is a chewy confection made with roasted nuts and sugar or honey. There are a few different types of nougat. There is white nougat, brown nougat, and German/Viennese nougat. They are all made differently but I’m not going to tell you the differences between them. Stop being lazy and do your own research on nougat if you’re so fascinated by it. Anyway, a long time ago somebody discovered that nougat tasted good and they decided to combine it with chocolate and the world was changed for the better. Nobody knows who originally combined the two, so I’m just going to give credit to the Pope. You can decide which one.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

zzangcross

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