Category Archives: 420

Critically rating ways to get high. Don’t tell my mom.

April 23, 2017 · 3:13 pm

PAX Era

I recently joined the dark side and got a vape pen. I didn’t get your standard vaporizer though, that would be boring and I need to stand out from the crowd. I got the PAX Era. PAX is known as the “Apple of vaping” and for good reason. They make quality products that look great and work great. They are best known for the Juul, their flagship e-cigarette. The Era is an updated version of the Juul, but it uses cannabis oil instead of nicotine. The cannabis oil comes in a 500mg pod. It’s kind of like a Keurig, you put in the pod, use it up, and throw it away. It’s a little wasteful but I’m American so it’s ok.

It’s ready to go as soon as you pop in the pod. There aren’t any buttons. You just put your lips on the pod and inhale. There is a cluster of four LED lights that glow when it’s in use. Shaking the device will cause the lights to show how much battery is left. You can also change the temperature setting by shaking the Era, removing the pod, and letting the lights cycle around until you find the one you prefer. There is also an app that connects to the Era via Bluetooth that allows you to change the color of the lights and to customize the temperature to the exact desired degree. You can even play some games on it. There aren’t any instructions on how to play the games so I have no idea what to do, but still my vaporizer has games. Technology is rad. It uses a micro USB cable to charge and it only takes forty-five minutes to get a full charge.

The Era costs $60 and the pods run at $45 to $50. The pods use CO2 extracted cannabis oil, which makes it taste clean and flavorful. They have sativa, indica, and hybrid strains so there is a pod for every type of stoner. I like how discrete it is. I’m not gonna lie, it makes puffing in public very easy. Anything that makes Muni more bearable can’t be a bad thing. I’m never going to stop smoking flowers, but vaping has quickly become my preferred way of smoking. It’s a lot more practical, especially for a stoner on the go like me. The PAX Era deserves to have its praises sing, that’s why I’m singing. 

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 29, 2017 · 4:55 pm

Cannabis Card

Well, I finally did it. I got my cannabis card. I know that I’m a few years late to the party, but it’s good to finally be part of the club. I just never wanted to be on a list, to have documented proof that I smoke weed. Then I realized that it wasn’t a secret and nobody cares. And if they do care, fuck them. It was time to get it so I got it.

There are a few ways to get a cannabis card. I used an app called eaze. And it was really easy. I downloaded the app, answered a few questions, verified my identity, had a quick FaceTime session with a doctor, got approved, and started shopping for a home delivery. The whole thing took ten minutes and cost forty bucks.

I browsed a few strains before deciding on an eighth of NYC Diesel. It was in my hand fifteen minutes later. If only filing taxes was that easy. Oh well, priorities.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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July 14, 2015 · 8:40 pm

Lighter Thief

I was smoking a bowl with some friends yesterday. There were about seven or eight of us passing a pipe around and taking turns packing it. We had a couple of lighters going around too. I saw my friend put a light blue lighter in his pocket and I thought it was mine. I told him that he took my lighter. He said it was his. I told him mine was light blue with a couple of chips from opening up beer bottles at the bottom. He took the lighter out of his pocket to show me. It was light blue but without any chips from opening beer bottles at the bottom. It wasn’t mine. I apologized but declared a Pocket Check and told everyone to empty out their pockets. I pulled out my pockets to demonstrate and pulled out a light blue lighter with chips from opening beer bottles at the bottom. Fuck me. Everyone started laughing at me. I deserved it. I knew it. I hate when I turn out to be my own lighter thief.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 29, 2014 · 12:11 pm

Hemp

The Green Revolution is upon us and the US Government just passed a bill allowing the cultivation of the plant in ten states thanks to a “federal farm bill agreement” that occurred on Monday. Hemp is also Cannabis sativa, which is a strain of marijuana, but hemp is grown with a reduced amount of THC (and any stoner will tell you that THC is the shit that gets you high). You don’t want to smoke hemp, you want to smoke weed. Hemp is a wonder plant. Hemp was a part of our agricultural industry back in the day. The word “canvas” is derived from cannabis. It does so many things. You can make clothes out of it, you can make paper out of it, you can make rope out of it, you can make food and nutritional products out of it. You can use it to make plastic. It can be used as a source of fuel. You can even make hemp milk (similar to soy milk) out of it. Hemp is amazingly versatile, the only thing you can’t do with it is smoke it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 2, 2013 · 12:35 pm

The Last Nugget

You always have to monitor your stash to avoid being caught off guard and discovering that you only have one more nugget left in your jar. The last nugget is a scary time for a stoner. It means that you’re almost out of weed. You have to start conserving, trying to make sure that you have enough to last until you get a chance to get more. You need to start thinking about how your work schedule looks and which dealers will be available or which dispensary will be open when you finally get time to re-up. If you’re smart, you will save the biggest bud for last for this very occasion. A bigger last nugget buys you more time. But you still have to get up off your ass and get more eventually. And that’s the hardest part.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 23, 2013 · 12:35 pm

Life Savers

It’s hard not to write about a fruity candy that you orally insert and suck on without sounding a little gay, but I will try. Life Savers are a brand of ring-shaped candies. They make hard candies and they also make gummies. This article is about the fruit Life Savers, the familiar five-flavored hard candy roll that you grew up with. The five flavors are Cherry, Raspberry, Watermelon, Orange, and Pineapple. If that sounds delicious, it’s because they are. Cherry is the best flavor of the bunch, but the rest are also good. If you’re still reading this, good for you because I’m going to tell you a secret. The next time you’re smoking a bowl, pop a Life Saver in your mouth and take a hit. You now have candy-flavored smoke and your weed will taste amazing. You’re welcome. Just try not to inhale the Life Saver because you could potentially choke to death. You can still enjoy Life Savers without weed, but I wouldn’t recommend it because weed makes everything better.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 18, 2013 · 10:19 am

Smoking Someone Out

Getting stoned is fun and getting stoned with other people is more fun. There’s nothing quite like passing a pipe or joint around with a good group of people. A lot of my friends smoke regularly so somebody always has weed, and there are usually two or three people contributing to each session. But there always seems to be a moocher who tries to jump in without offering anything in return. It’s ok to crash the occasional circle, but it’s bad form if you make a habit of smoking other people’s weed without offering anything in return. Weed is expensive; I can’t afford to get you high all the time. I don’t mind smoking someone out, but if I smoke you out, I expect a future session funded by you. Or a beer at least. And if somebody smokes me out, I make sure to return the favor. Real smoking buddies pass the pipe back and forth without any worries. If you packed the last bowl, I would pack the next. And I would give you a nugget from my personal stash if you were dry, because I know that you would sponsor the next session. Smoking someone out is an integral part of stoner culture. If you have weed, it’s a given that you’re going to have to smoke someone out. Just make sure it’s someone who will return the favor.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 22, 2013 · 9:26 am

Getting Stoned and Going Grocery Shopping

One of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made was getting stoned and going grocery shopping before a camping trip. Anyone who has ever blazed knows what it’s like to experience the munchies. You take a few puffs and suddenly all you want is Cheetos and a Coke. And some Skittles. Oooh, and a Snickers too. Now imagine that you have to buy enough food and drinks to last for the next three days. You don’t want to underestimate how much shit to get, so you’ll compensate by buying a lot more than you need. Instead of getting a pack of 8 sticks of string cheese, you’ll get a pack of 32 just to be safe. Instead of one pack of hot dogs, you’ll buy two. And you can’t forget the buns, ketchup, mustard, and relish. And what goes good with hot dogs? Potato chips! So then you get a few bags of chips, and some dip to go with it. And then a few packs of beer to wash it down. And a few cases of soda just in case somebody doesn’t want beer or if you need a caffeine boost. And obviously you need ice to keep all the drinks cold and the food from spoiling. All that shit adds up, and it adds up quickly, and it doesn’t help that your stoned ass is walking up and down each aisle throwing more unnecessary shit into your cart. Before you know it, you’re at the register and you owe them $364.24. Then you go camping for a few days and end up with a fridge full of expired leftovers that remind you of your stupidity. And you don’t even want to eat any of it because it all tastes like failure. This is the type of situation they should discuss during anti-drug assemblies in middle school.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 10, 2013 · 9:53 am

4:19

4:19 is a great time for a stoner. It means you still have time to get ready. If you glance at the clock and it’s already 4:20 there’s no way you can get set up in time. By the time you spark the bowl it’s 4:21 and your window of diplomatic immunity has closed. 4:19 is a minute away from the main event. It’s like Christmas Eve and 4:20 is like Christmas but better because it happens everyday. 4:19 means you’re approaching your favorite time of the day. Anticipation makes everything more exciting, and you won’t appreciate it if you aren’t looking forward to it.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 10, 2013 · 10:46 am

Smoking in the Bathroom

Smoking in the bathroom is cliché, but it’s only cliché because it makes sense. If you are a high school student, a college student living in the dorms, or if you’re a grownup stoner with a nosy landlord, then smoking in the bathroom is ideal. The tiled floor and walls combined with ventilation fans and windows means that you can air out any smoke within a few minutes. Then you can just spritz some air freshener and light a match to cover up any lingering aroma of burnt herbs. The bathroom offers you a place to sit and a lock to prevent trespassers. And you have a toilet to flush away the roach and any ash. Some bathrooms are pretty luxurious these days, even more comfortable than the living room. The nicer the bathroom, the nicer the session. Just don’t poop while you’re smoking, that’s tacky.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 18, 2013 · 11:04 am

Edibles

Why smoke weed when you can eat it? Edibles are culinary cannabis creations that get you high. You can buy premade treats from a dispensary or find appetizing recipes online. You can make almost anything magical: cookies, brownies, rice crispy treats, pasta, dressing, butter, chocolate, etc. You can even improve bacon. Edibles have endless opportunities but smoking weed is more fun. I like rolling it or packing a bowl, I like sparking the lighter, I like taking a hit and holding it in… I like the whole ritual of it all. But edibles are delicious and discrete. You can eat them in plain sight, you can take them on planes, into movies and concerts and get your stoned on without bothering anyone with smoke. They’re called magic brownies for a reason: not only is the brownie delicious but it also gets you stoned. How magical is that?

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 15, 2013 · 7:52 am

Time Slows Down When You Pass a Blunt

Have you ever noticed that time slows down when you pass a blunt? You’re stoned and rambling on about something while you puff and puff until it’s time to pass. You shut up and slowly and carefully transfer it from your hand to the his, taking extreme precautions to avoid the sin of dropping the blunt. Time seems to slow down and stretch out. If you weren’t so preoccupied with the blunt you would be able to see each individual wingbeat of hummingbird in flight. It’s similar to an athlete being in the zone, when you’re in that perfect state of consciousness and you’re only focused on the task at hand. In this case, passing a blunt.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 30, 2012 · 11:33 am

Zig-Zag Rolling Papers

Zig-Zag is a company that makes rolling papers for cigarettes. They are inexpensive, usually $1-2 for a pack of thirty-two and they last for a while if you’re not using them to smoke cigarettes.  A lot of people use them for rolling joints or spliffs. Zig-Zag is like the Coca-Cola of rolling papers. If you ask someone to get you soda, they’ll come back with Coke. If you ask someone for papers, they’ll come back with Zig-Zags. There are a few other brands out there, but Zig-Zag is the most common and the most trusted.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 29, 2012 · 11:33 am

Cleaning Your Piece

You probably have a pipe, bubbler and/or a bong if you smoke weed regularly. The more you use it, the more resin it accumulates. Too much resin and your piece gets clogged. If it’s too clogged you can’t smoke out of it. Then it’s time to clean it. You can get special cleaning supplies like Formula 420 and pipe cleaners, but salt, rubbing alcohol, and a paperclip will work just as well for half the cost. You get an odd sense of accomplishment from cleaning your piece that you don’t get from recycling beer cans. You shouldn’t be smoking drugs in the first place, but if you do then you should smoke from a clean and well-maintained piece.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 25, 2012 · 9:54 am

Grinders

It’s time for a joint or a blunt and someone has to break up the weed. You can cut it up using scissors or break it up with your fingers but they will get all sticky. Grinders are the way to go. They are little cylinders that open up to reveal jagged teeth. You put the buds in between the teeth and twist the top and the bottom. This shreds the weed, making it the perfect filling your rolling paper or blunt wrap. Some of the better grinders have a keif catcher on the bottom. All the extra THC crystals will make their way into there and you can harvest that to make hash. Grinders are for the more committed stoners. If you don’t smoke regularly, you probably don’t need one. You slacker.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 16, 2012 · 9:12 am

“I Don’t Smoke… Cigarettes”

You move to a new place and you need to find a new weed connection but you aren’t sure how to go about it. All you need to do is ask if someone smokes and listen to how they respond. If you ask if someone if they smoke, they will assume that you mean tobacco and they will respond with a simple yes or no. But if that person smokes weed, they will reply with a subtle response: “I don’t smoke cigarettes.” That means that they smoke something else, and that something else is probably weed. Hopefully it’s not crack or peyote that they are smoking. Either way, it’s better than tobacco.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 5, 2012 · 9:50 am

Crossfaded

Crossfaded is when you are drunk and stoned at the same time. Being drunk is fun. Being stoned is fun. Put the two together and it’s a great time. Just be weary of the spins. You will be ok if you start smoking before drinking. It’s when you’re a few drinks in and you smoke a blunt that makes the world start spinning. Pace yourself and socialize. Enjoy the buzz. Enjoy the fog. Enjoy life and being alive. Crossfaded. Everyone’s doing it.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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