Tag Archives: knife

I Cut My Finger 

I cut my finger at work last week. It wasn’t on purpose. I was cutting some limes to make mojitos and the knife slipped. I cut the tip of my left index finger. I looked down at the damage and saw that it was gushing blood. It hurt. It hurt even worse when the lime juice got into it. I don’t recommend getting citric acid into open wounds. It stings really bad. I quickly washed the cut, wrapped a paper towel around it, and slinked towards the back office to find a manager. The paper towel was completely soaked with blood through by the time I found one.

My manager gave me first aid. He cleaned out the cut better than I did. He put some antibacterial cream on it and wrapped it up with gauze. Then he told me to sit down and keep my arm raised above my head until the bleeding stopped. It took about forty-five minutes to stop. I’m glad it stopped because that meant I didn’t have to go to the hospital and get stitches. I would have gotten worker’s compensation but it would have been a huge hassle and I don’t like hassles. 

The best part about cutting your finger at work is you get a half day. I left early and went to the drugstore to get some bandaids and liquid bandage. Liquid bandage is cool. You should get it the next time you cut or nick yourself. It’s an antiseptic that acts like a second layer of skin. It’s more flexible and waterproof than a regular bandaid. 

It’s been about a week and it’s almost fully healed. It was a deep cut so it will need a few more days. I can’t wait to have use of all ten fingers again. I’m tired of being a gimp. 

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Eating Pizza with a Knife and Fork

 I will eat pizza with my bare hands ninety-nine times out of a hundred. More than that even. I will eat pizza with my hands nine hundred and ninety-nine times out of a thousand. But every once in a while I will use cutlery to enjoy the culinary treat. Eating pizza with a knife and fork makes you feel classy instantly. Suddenly you’re not eating pizza, you’re eating pizza pie. It becomes a delicacy. When you take the time to cut each bite, you savor each bite. And people will look at you and respect you instantly. You could have ripped into your pizza like a commoner but you ate it like a civilized man instead. That’s worth something. Not sure what, but it’s gotta be something. 
 Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Leatherman Squirt PS4

I got a Leatherman Squirt PS4 for Christmas. It’s a handy little multi-tool that fits on your keychain. I’ve had it for just over a week and I’ve used it about a million times. It’s practical and well-built. Leatherman knows how to make quality tools. The Squirt PS4 flips open to reveal pliers, both needlenose and regular equipped with wire cutters. It also has a few other tools like a knife, scissors, a bottle opener, a Phillips screwdriver/small screwdriver, a wood and metal file, and a medium screwdriver. The knife, file, scissors, and screwdrivers are all easily accessible from the outside. You don’t have to open it up to access anything except for the pliers and wire cutters. The knife is really sharp and cuts through paper and plastic like it’s butter. It cuts through butter like it’s really soft butter. The scissors are better than anything you’ll find on a Swiss Army knife. And I’ve already used the screwdrivers to fix a broken model helicopter and to tighten the handle on my roommate’s frying pan. The only tool I haven’t used yet is the file. If you have anything that needs filing, let me know and I’ll file it for you. The Squirt PS4 is practical and versatile and you’ll end up using it a thousand times a day. The zombie apocalypse is approaching. Be prepared.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Knives

Knives are the deadliest utensil. If you’re gonna be stranded on a desert island with only one kitchen utensil, it would be a knife. You can cut things, stab things, spear things, slice things; they are very versatile. I am convinced that Jews invented the knife because you can use a knife to cut open a bag of bagels, slice a bagel in half and spread your cream cheese and lox around.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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