Monthly Archives: February 2013

February 28, 2013 · 9:09 am

American Gods

            Don’t tell Harry Potter this, but American Gods is my favorite book. This is the book that I suggest when people ask me what book they should read. Neil Gaiman is an English author who writes about America better than anyone else. In American Gods he takes you all over America and captures the magic and mysticism of the US. It’s almost impossible to describe what the story is about without telling you the whole damn story. Imagine a road trip/mystery novel involving fighting gods and a quiet protagonist with a thing for coin tricks and that’s American Gods. It’s quite an experience.

            There’s this big guy named Shadow who gets out of prison and his life is in shambles. He has no job, his wife is dead, and he has nowhere to go. A mysterious stranger (it’s always a mysterious stranger) offers Shadow a job. And Shadow accepts and finds himself in the middle of a war between gods. There are old gods from Norse and Egyptian and Christian beliefs and there are new gods, gods of TV, technology, and drugs. Gods exist because people believe in them, they get their power from sacrifices made in their honor, whether you sacrifice your time, money, perform a ritual, whatever. Shadow and his boss go all around the US, from small towns to big cities and all the sacred places in between. He even has sex with a cat lady at one point, if you like that kind of thing.

            If that sounds interesting at all then should definitely read this book. And if you want to read it, then you might as well go ahead and buy it because you’re going to reread it. This is a really good book and you deserve good things in your life.

            Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

February 28, 2013 · 9:05 am

Jensen’s Orchard Spinach & Artichoke Chips

There are a lot of different brands of snack food out there and Jensen’s Orchard Spinach and Artichoke Chips are on the healthier side of the spectrum. These chips are all natural with no trans fat, MSG, or hydrogenated oils and they are made with real spinach and artichokes. They don’t taste anything like a regular potato chip. You can really taste the spinach and artichoke and there are hints of garlic. You can eat them out of a bag or with a dip. If you eat them with a dip you should use a spinach and artichoke dip and go all out. They’re a bit on an acquired taste but I finished the bag. I don’t know if I’d buy them again, maybe if they were on sale.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Snacks

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

February 27, 2013 · 9:28 am

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story is a Judd Apatow comedy about a fictional singer named Dewey Cox. John C. Reilly plays Dewey Cox, a gifted but dimwitted musician trying to create his masterpiece, a song that sums up everything he’s learned about life. It’s pretty much a direct parody of Walk the Line, but it also spoofs biopics in general.

Walk Hard begins with little Dewey Cox accidently cutting his brother in half, and his father spends the next few years reminding him that “the wrong kid died.” This childhood trauma propels Dewey’s desire to prove that he’s worth something and win his father’s approval. He’s a natural at the guitar and soon begins his rise to the top. The film follows Dewey’s life as a rockstar: meeting women, having kids, doing drugs, going to rehab, changing his sound to reflect the current decade, all that fun stuff.

The humor is not for everyone. I know people who can’t make it five minutes into the film without turning it off. Personally, I think it’s one of the funniest movies of the last ten years. There are a lot of absurd moments and intentionally horrible casting, but John C. Reilly is able to make Dewey seem like a real person. His lyrics might be stupid, but to him they’re sincere and more importantly they are consistent to his character. He’s a poet who uses terrible metaphors and believes in what he thinks he knows. And John C. Reilly actually sang all his songs.

There’s a great supporting cast and tons of cameos: Jenna Fischer, Kristen Wiig, Tim Meadows, Craig Robinson, Jonah Hill, Paul Rudd, Jack Black, Justin Long, David Schwartzman, Frankie Muniz, Jack White, Eddie Vedder, the Temptations… the list goes on and on. I like this movie a lot. I still quote this movie more than I should. And I also bought the soundtrack. The iTunes exclusive extended edition in fact. I don’t regret it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

February 27, 2013 · 9:23 am

Peace Iced Tea Sweet Lemon Tea

Peace Iced Tea or Peace Tea is a brand of iced teas made by the people who make Monster Energy drinks. They come in 23 oz cans and cost 99 cents. I got their Sweet Lemon Tea. It says that it’s 100% natural tea, with no artificial flavors, no preservatives, no artificial colors… that means it’s healthy because labels don’t lie. The cans are colorful and have artwork on them. My can of iced tea depicts the fall of the Berlin Wall. I don’t like it when my beverage goes political. Next time I’ll grab my usual Arizona Iced Tea and leave the Peace Tea for the hippies.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

February 26, 2013 · 8:54 am

Spring Training

Spring training is a glorious six-week long period from mid February to Opening Day. It’s when baseball starts to come back to life as players and coaches come back for practice and exhibition games. Some players are competing for a spot on the team, fighting for a chance to make it to the big leagues, and others are trying to prove they still have some gas left in the tank. And a lot of the old time greats walk around offering advice the players and signing autographs for the fans, trying to prove they are still relevant. Teams either train in the Grapefruit League in Florida or go to Arizona for the Cactus League. Most games are played against other MLB teams, but they’ll also play minor league teams, colleges, and every four years they’ll also play World Baseball Classic national teams.

There is a lot of turnover in professional sports and spring training lets to become familiarized with the new faces and talent. And you also start getting psyched for the real season to begin. Spring training is like pregaming: you can’t just start at the bar for a night of marathon drinking, you have to start drinking early and gradually get ready for the real thing.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

February 26, 2013 · 8:51 am

Watching Someone Fail at Parking

I live in San Francisco and parking spaces are hard to come by. It’s not uncommon to see two or three cars fighting for a single spot. So you have to be able to park if you’re gonna drive in the city. And if you can’t parallel park then you can’t park at all. You can always spot a tourist based on how long it takes them to park. Watching someone fail at parking would be the ultimate reality show. Each futile attempt becomes increasingly sloppy, and you would see the driver’s frustration rising and exploding into rage. At a certain point it stops being entertainment and you start to feel bad for the driver. It’s like watching a goldfish flopping on the ground next to its tank. You want to plop the little guy back in his bowl, just like you wanna go over and park the car for him. But you have to refrain yourself from helping him. If you can’t park, then you can’t drive, and if you can’t drive you shouldn’t own a fucking car. You shouldn’t help goldfish park, sometimes you just gotta let those fuckers flop around.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

1 Comment

Filed under People I Feel Sorry For

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

February 25, 2013 · 10:17 am

The Monday After The Walking Dead

The Monday after The Walking Dead is a great time to be a nerd. AMC’s hit series is one of the coolest and most talked about TV shows on the air. Every Sunday night Rick Grimes and his fellow survivors kill zombies and fight one-eyed bad guys. And you better watch it because everybody will talk about it on Monday morning. You had a night to sleep on it and reflect on the best parts, now you get to stand around the water cooler/coffee pot and gush about how much of a badass Daryl is and speculate on what’s going to happen next. If you watch the show but missed an episode, you should just call out on Monday and stay home because everyone will be talking about what happened. Even if you don’t watch the show, you’re still going to hear all about the latest zombie kills. The Walking Dead is a great show to watch, but it’s more fun to talk about.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

February 25, 2013 · 10:14 am

Overnight (documentary)

Overnight is a 2003 documentary about the fast rise and quicker fall of Troy Duffy, the writer and director of The Boondock Saints. It’s almost like a real life episode of Entourage; you get to see how Hollywood works. And there’s a whole lot of backstabbing and ego trips. Tony Montana and Mark Brian Smith take you behind the scenes to show you the dark side of movie making.

Troy Duffy was a virtual unknown, just a bartender from Boston that played in a band and wrote on the side. Somehow Harvey Weinstein and Miramax found out about him and a script called The Boondock Saints. They bought his script, they named him the director (despite never making a movie before or going to film school), and even gave his band a recording contract. Troy Duffy became one of the biggest sensations in Hollywood overnight.

But then the politics and reality of filmmaking start to present themselves. Making a Hollywood movie is not easy. And Troy Duffy is a difficult guy to work with. He is arrogant and argumentative and grows more and more frustrated as preproduction keeps getting delayed. His business and personal relationships start to flounder as he spirals out of control; he goes from being the toast of the town to the butt of jokes. Eventually his film gets made, but both him and the movie are blacklisted from Hollywood. You can achieve success overnight, but you can lose it all before breakfast time. This documentary about the making of The Boondock Saints is more memorable and entertaining than the film that inspired it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

February 24, 2013 · 10:08 am

Waiting for the Bathroom at the Bar

You drink at a bar. That’s what you do. And drinking makes you have to pee. Eventually you’ll end up waiting for the bathroom at the bar. You have to wait in a single file line with other drunk patrons, alternating between random drunken conversations with strangers and checking your phone for texts and Facebook notifications. You’ll bitch and sigh and shuffle your feet while the line slowly creeps along. Finally you get your chance to drain your bladder and check your reflection, then you wash your hands and grab another drink. Fifteen minutes later you’ll be in line for the bathroom again. It seems like half your time at the bar is spent trying to order another drink or waiting in line to pee. As long as you’re drunk, who cares?

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

February 24, 2013 · 10:05 am

Taking a Picture of Your Shirt in the Mirror

You’re checking Facebook and surfing through all the bullshit events, check ins, status updates, and picture uploads when you notice a picture of your friend modeling a new shirt. She makes a caption about her new shirt and how lucky she was to find it while shopping. But she took the picture in the mirror and it’s backwards. And she looks like a fucking idiot because everything is reversed. I’m glad that you got a new shirt. But I’m amazed that you took the time to pose and focus and adjust the flash and crop the photo and update it as your profile pic, all without noticing that the image is reversed. There’s no excuse for that level of ignorance. Most smartphones have a front and rear facing camera so you don’t need to rely on mirrors to take a self-portrait. You can flip the image on your phone or computer even if it’s backwards. There’s no reason to post anything backwards. But it still happens all the fucking time. I’ve started deleting people from my Facebook for these offenses, and I always make sure to send them a message to let them know how much they suck at life and why they deserve to die an early and painful death. I shouldn’t have to hold my phone up to a mirror to see what your stupid shirt says.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

IMG_1218

1 Comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

February 23, 2013 · 9:28 am

Riding Your Bike on the Sidewalk Next to the Bike Lane

The sidewalk of a major city can be a pretty dangerous place. You have a lot of pedestrians and joggers and skaters and dog walkers and vendors and tourists all fighting for some sidewalk space. And then you’ll also have stupid bikers cruising along the sidewalk mere feet away from the fucking bike lane. I seriously have to refrain myself from shoving a stick through their fucking spokes. You have your own designated lane, a safe haven, a pathway created especially for you and your fucking glorious bicycle. Instead you’re riding your bike on the sidewalk right next to the bike lane. It’s a safe bet to say that you failed at life. You’re the type of person who drives with the left turn signal on for miles on end. You just don’t get it. I know that it might be scary to ride on the street next to the fast, loud and shiny cars, but that’s what you’re supposed to fucking do. So fucking do it. Bikers always bitch about sharing the road but then they try to steal the sidewalk.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , ,

February 23, 2013 · 9:25 am

Check In

People like to go places and check in on Facebook or Foursquare. It’s a way of making your life seem more interesting than it actually is. Nobody really cares that you’re getting a burger, but everyone will like it if you check in at In-N-Out. People like to check in places and tag friends almost as much as they like Instagramming their food. Someone will do the obligatory check in whenever there’s a small party or get together. Everybody will get tagged except for one person, and they will inevitably comment on the check in to let everyone else know that they were there too. Check ins can be useful. I’ve met up with friends because I’ve seen that they were in the neighborhood. Businesses and establishments like the free advertising. It’s also a great way to tell the Internet that you’re not home so they can totally ransack your house and kill your goldfish. I like to abuse the check in system and tag friends that I’m not with. It can cause chaos and friction when people think that Jon came to town and didn’t tell them personally or even try to hang out. Then they’ll think that Jon’s a jerk and get mad at him. And I just laugh and laugh and laugh some more.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , ,

February 22, 2013 · 6:20 am

Forgetting Somebody’s Name

You’re at a small party and you’re enjoying yourself, making small talk and shooting the shit, and a new person enters the conversation. He looks familiar, you know that you’ve met him a few times before, but you can’t remember his name and you know that you should. It’s something like Arthur or Ben or Dan, something boring like that, but you can’t be sure. Forgetting somebody’s name is inevitable, you meet a lot of people and a lot of people are forgettable. But you seem like a jerk when they remember your name and you can’t remember theirs. You can always resort to calling them friendly nicknames like “Buddy” or “Guy” or something. Sometimes you’ll be hanging out with a friend and bump into a forgotten acquaintance, and have to stumble your way through an awkward introduction. Hopefully your friend will introduce himself before you have to admit you forgot the other guy existed. Forgetting somebody’s name is still better than pronouncing a name wrong though.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , ,

February 22, 2013 · 6:18 am

Pho

Pho is a Vietnamese noodle soup and one of the most delicious things in the world. Pho is usually broth with rice noodles, herbs, and meat (typically beef or chicken). Lots of places also offer onions, jalapenos, bean sprouts, basil, lemons or limes to garnish your pho. Feel free to add Sriracha and other sauces too. Pho is an amazing dish, but it’s best experienced when you have a cold or a hangover. Pho might be the best remedy for a hangover. In fact, sometimes I intentionally get a hangover just so I have an excuse to get pho. And it’s always worth it.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

1 Comment

Filed under Snacks

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

February 21, 2013 · 12:17 pm

Calling the Wrong Person

In the old days you used to have to memorize phone numbers or carry around a piece of paper with all your contacts. Now you can just store everybody’s number in your cellphone and call them instantly. Or text them if you don’t want to hear their voice. The problem is that most people have duplicate names and entries in their phones. Sometimes they got a new number and you didn’t delete the old one, sometimes you made a new friend when you were drunk that you forgot about when you were sober, and sometimes you just know a bunch of people with the same damn name. I have like seven Jessicas in my phone and I only talk to three of them. Where did the extra Jessicas come from? And why do I always dial the wrong Jessica? Calling the wrong person is a problem that has plagued phones since the beginning. The smartest and most advanced technology is still vulnerable to human error. Calling the wrong person is eventually inevitable. Just act like you meant to call them to catch up, and then you can call the real target. And make sure you get the number right this time.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

February 21, 2013 · 12:15 pm

Snot Rocket

Snot Rockets are the answer to many of life’s questions. Need to blow your nose but don’t have any Kleenex handy? Snot rocket. Need to impress a girl but don’t know how? Snot rocket. A snot rocket is a glob of mucus that you launch from your nose. It’s a liquid booger projectile that can be used as a biological weapon. Aim at your enemies and fire. Hopefully they’ll be too disgusted to sock you in the face. There are many YouTube instructional videos if you want to learn how to harness your phlegm and become good at it. Someday you could be like Madison Bumgarner, a snot rocketeer and two-time World Series Champion.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , , ,

February 20, 2013 · 10:20 am

Spare Key

I have a key to my front door that I keep in my pocket at all times. And I have a spare key in case I ever lose my main key. The problem is that I keep the spare key in my bedroom. So if I’m ever locked out of my house I would have to break in to get to the spare key. That kind of defeats the point of having the spare key. It’s like keeping an extra car key in the glove box. On one level it makes sense, and on the other level it’s fucking retarded. They should make backup spare keys so that you can get to your spare key in case you lose your main key. But then where would you keep your backup spare key? Probably right next to your spare key. On one level it makes sense…

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , ,