Tag Archives: fork

Eating Pizza with a Knife and Fork

 I will eat pizza with my bare hands ninety-nine times out of a hundred. More than that even. I will eat pizza with my hands nine hundred and ninety-nine times out of a thousand. But every once in a while I will use cutlery to enjoy the culinary treat. Eating pizza with a knife and fork makes you feel classy instantly. Suddenly you’re not eating pizza, you’re eating pizza pie. It becomes a delicacy. When you take the time to cut each bite, you savor each bite. And people will look at you and respect you instantly. You could have ripped into your pizza like a commoner but you ate it like a civilized man instead. That’s worth something. Not sure what, but it’s gotta be something. 
 Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Snacks

Getting a Fork at an Asian Restaurant

You’re hungry and in the mood for some rice and decide to try out that new Chinese place down the street. You get a table, sit down, pour some tea, and glance at the menu. At one point you notice that there isn’t any silverware on the table, just a few pairs of chopsticks. That’s ok because you know how to use chopsticks and want to show off your skills. Your waitress doesn’t think you have what it takes and she brings you a fork. Getting a fork at an Asian restaurant is an insult. It’s insulting for them to bring you one without you asking for one. That means they think you suck and aren’t cultured. It’s also insulting if you ask for a fork. I know that eating with sticks is hard, but you should eat Asian food the Asian way.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Sporks

Sporks are amazing. They are the brunch of the cutlery world. It’s a flying car. A spoon and a fork in one handy utensil. The future is now. Sporks combine the spearing powers of a fork with the scooping/stirring/holding capabilities of a spoon. I’m pretty sure that KFC invented them. I go backpacking occasionally, and one of the first pieces of equipment I bought was a metal spork. My life was now complete. I had nothing else to live for, so I took up heroin so I have something to do.

Critically Rated at 17/17

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Forks

If you were going to be stuck on a desert island with only one kitchen utensil, it would be a knife. But if you could have two, you might consider a fork. Maybe a spoon because it’s like a little shovel, but most likely a fork. Forks are ideal for poking and stabbing food. Once the food is speared, you can use the fork to hold it in place to cut it with a knife (they work well together), or you can lift the food to your mouth and chew it. Pretty nifty. The more I think about it, the more useless a fork is. Knives can stab, cut and spear. Spoons can stir and hold mouthfuls of food… forks are just glorified food pokers for civilized people. No one will go to your dinner party if you don’t have forks (unless you’re Asian, then they demand chopsticks).

Critically Rated at 12/17

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