Tag Archives: snatch

Don’t Touch My Chicken Wing

I was starving at work the other day and brought some buffalo wings into the breakroom to scarf down. I sat down and one of my coworkers had the audacity to take one of my wings without asking me first. She just reached her grubby little hand out and snatched one. Well, that really pissed me off and I let her know it. I grabbed the wing back from her and threw it away. I asked her who the fuck she thought she was. I told her that we weren’t homies. She doesn’t get to eat my food. She doesn’t get to touch my food. I let her know that she would have gotten one if she had simply asked. I said none of this nicely, mind you. I was fucking livid. I walked out of the breakroom and handed out a couple of wings to coworkers that I actually am friends with, knowing that they would take the wings back to the breakroom and she would see them eating the same wings that I had fiercely defended. They can have my wings. Her entitled self is forbidden. 

Looking back on it, I know that I overreacted but justice comes at a price. The moral of the story is don’t touch my chicken wing. Don’t assume you can just take one without asking. It’s my food. It’s my property. But if you ask, I’ll be more than happy to let you have one. I might even offer you some ranch to dip it in.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

1 Comment

Filed under Random Rants, Snacks

Coin Snatching

Coin snatching is when you snatch a coin or coins off of your elbow. If you’re right handed, put a quarter onto your right elbow and balance it there. Then let your elbow drop and try to grab the quarter out of the air with your right hand. It takes a couple of tries but it’s pretty easy to get the hang of it. Practice with one quarter for a while and you can start moving up to more and more coins. It more impressive if you have more coins, but it’s also more embarrassing when you fail. Coin snatching will never get you any girls, but it’s a good bar trick if you can do it when you’re drunk.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Knocking Something Over and Catching It Before It Falls

You’re talking to your friend and telling a dramatic story using sweeping arm gestures for emphasis when you accidently hit a bottle on the table. It slowly tips over and starts to fall, it’s about to shatter into a million pieces, but then your superpowers activate and you snatch the bottle out of the air with the speed of a mongoose. Knocking something over and catching it before it falls is the closest thing to heroism that most of us will experience. You feel like your quick reflexes averted a disaster. In reality, your clumsiness almost caused an accident. It’s a classic example of being a winner and a loser at the same time. Oh well. No harm, no foul.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants