Monthly Archives: September 2018

September 27, 2018 · 8:31 pm

Fantasy Football

The NFL season is four weeks in and that means fantasy football is in full swing. Fantasy football is a game where you and your friends form a league and each person has their own team. It starts with a draft: each person picks real NFL players to fill out their own roster. Each week you play head to head against another friend, accumulating wins, losses, and points. There are surprise victories and stunning upsets. And a whole lot of shit talking. It’s not fantasy football without shit talking.

There is some skill involved, but it’s mostly luck. For example I currently have fifty points more than my league leader, but I’m in third place because I lost two close games and he is undefeated. I have more than a hundred points more the person in second, but she has won one more game than me so she’s better. Points are nice. Wins are what really matter though. As the great Vin Diesel says, “It doesn’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning is winning.” If you win you are obligated to let your opponent know that you beat them with an insulting GIF and a taunting message in the group chat. It’s the only way to play.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 20, 2018 · 8:50 pm

Cursive

I spent the majority of third grade learning to write cursive alongside my classmates. We had to use cursive on every paper in fourth, fifth, and sixth grade. Then we got to seventh grade and we didn’t have to use it anymore. Papers were either typed or written in print. It’s been two decades since the last time I used cursive regularly.

I wrote my name in cursive today, just to see if I could still do it. I could. It looked sloppy but it was legible. I was actually a little impressed with myself. It became a bit of a game. I challenged my coworkers to write their names too. Most of them succeeded but there were a few spectacular failures.

Learning cursive was a huge waste of time. We should have learned how to code instead.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 1, 2018 · 6:16 pm

Three Thousand Meter Run

I went to a private school that was kindergarten through eighth grade. Once a year there was a school wide track and field day. All the students from grade 4-8 would choose two events and everyone had their moments to experience the glory of competition. The most popular events drew the best athletes, I thought I could cheat the system and get a medal by choosing a fringe event. Instead of competing against fifty kids in the hundred meter dash or high jump, I chose the three thousand meter run against six kids.

I was in fourth grade at the time, making me ten years old. I was the youngest one in the race, the others were all thirteen or fourteen and had been running the three thousand for years. They dominated me. I was so slow and they were so far ahead and there was no way I could beat them. I forget how many laps we had to complete but it was a lot, and that was a long time to know that I’m going to be in dead last. I just put my head down and kept on running around the track.

After a while I heard cheering. I thought someone finally won and it would be over soon. I kept running. I heard more cheering. I kept running. More cheers. And then my name. I realized that the cheers were for me. My fellow fourth graders were cheering for me, rooting me on. They didn’t care that I was clearly losing. They just didn’t want me to give up. I can’t remember how long it took me to cross the finish line but I did it and I did it because of them. It was a great feeling. Like something out of a Disney sports movie. I never ran the three thousand again. I never needed to. I already did it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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