Monthly Archives: September 2015

September 30, 2015 · 10:33 pm

Keeping Extra Deodorant in Your Bag

I work six days a week in a busy restaurant, usually working six to eight hour shifts with a couple of doubles thrown in. After work I’ll grab food, drinks, run random errands, or hang out with friends. My house is on the other side of town and I commute via public transportation. When I leave the house in the morning, it’s typically about twelve hours before I get home. I learned a long time ago that keeping a spare stick of deodorant in my backpack is essential, not just for my personal hygiene but also for my personal life. Keeping extra deodorant in your bag is a great idea. Sometimes you get a little sweaty and that makes you a little stinky. Being stinky makes people avoid you. Smelling good will bring those people back. Deodorant makes you smell good. Therefore, you should always have it handy. Storing it in your bag seems like a no-brainer.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 28, 2015 · 8:22 pm

I Got Rid of Cable

There was a time when I was addicted to cable television and all it had to offer. My roommates and I had every single HD channel you could think of, including all the premium movie channels, along with Video on Demand, and few DVRs, the works. I could watch anything at anytime and I did. It I spent hours flipping through my favorite channels and searching for shows and movies to record. It was an addiction and I was hooked. Or I thought I was. Until my roommates and I decided that cable wasn’t worth it anymore and we discontinued our service.

You know what? It wasn’t the end of the world. It wasn’t that hard of a transition either, as long as you have a solid internet connection. It helps having a Netflix or Hulu subscription too. I don’t have Hulu, but I have Netflix and Netflix is pretty great. They have tons of movie and series and great original programming. You could survive on Netflix. But honestly, I rely on YouTube more than anything else for entertainment. I subscribe to a lot of channels like WatchMojo, Vice, Vsauce, and too many more to name. You can get stuck in a music video playlist. All the late night talk shows upload their best content. There’s tons of sports highlights too, its like having ESPN at your fingertips. YouTube is better than basic cable and it’s free.

The biggest thing that I miss is watching sports, particularly baseball. The first thing I did after I got rid of cable was go out and buy an old radio from Goodwill. Listening to Jon Miller and Dave Flemming on KNBR 680 with MLB Gameday open on my laptop is almost as good as watching the San Francisco Giants on TV. Almost. I will go to a friend’s house or to a bar for really important games. It’s more fun to watch with more people anyway so it wasn’t much of a change. Other than live sports, there is plenty of life after cable. I got rid of cable. I regret nothing.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 25, 2015 · 9:17 pm

Passing Cash Down to the Vendor

I went to the San Francisco Giants game the other week with my friend. We scored some pretty decent seats about twenty rows behind home plate. It was a hot day and we were stuck in the sun. There was no escape from the heat unless we left our seats, and we are gamers so there was no way that was happening. We were going to sit there and be miserable. And we were. We were both dripping with sweat by the second inning. Luckily a vendor came by with some ice-cold lemonade. We hailed him, ordered a couple of lemonades, he passed them down the row, and we passed cash over to him, and then he passed back our change. It dawned on me how weird passing cash down to the vendor really is. You are trusting random strangers with your money. That’s one of the only places where you do that. Try pulling that shit at McDonald’s and see what happens. The craziest part is that nobody ever takes advantage of it. Just once I would love it if somebody tried to pocket a five-dollar bill during an exchange. But I’ve never seen it happen. You would have to be pretty bold or pretty stupid to try something like that. You’d have no escape and multiple witnesses. I’d like to try it sometime. Not because I need the money, I just want to watch how people would react. Maybe I’ll try it the next time a Dodgers fan tries to buy a bag of peanuts, because fuck the Dodgers.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 23, 2015 · 9:37 pm

Ben & Jerry’s Party

I had yesterday off. My roommate did too. So did his girlfriend. We all work in the restaurant industry. The fact that we all three of us had the same day off was a miracle. We celebrated by playing cards in the park while sipping on beer on wine, followed by a nice sushi meal, and we topped it off by buying several pints of Ben & Jerry’s. That’s right. We had an impromptu Ben & Jerry’s party. If you’re not jealous, there is something wrong with you. We got Coffee Toffee Bar Crunch, Americone Dream, half baked, and Cherry Garcia. That’s a pretty nice variety. Sure we could have gotten more, but there were too many decisions and we had too little time. We chose what we chose and I have no regrets.

We brought the pints home, we opened them up, we took a picture to post on social media, and we dished them out, devoured them, and went back for seconds. We made gluttons of ourselves. Food comas all around. It was glorious. It was like Thanksgiving. We all had to lie down after. We all went to bed early. The best part was that it wasn’t planned. It couldn’t be. If I told you that we should have a Ben & Jerry’s party soon, we would look at our calendars and plan it for Tuesday next week. Tuesday would roll around and we wouldn’t be in the mood for ice cream. We would postpone it, and postpone it, and postpone it again. It would never happen. It has to be spontaneous. We had a spontaneous Ben & Jerry’s party. I consider myself lucky.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 22, 2015 · 1:55 pm

Driving Without A/C

I went camping last weekend and had to drive through Sacramento, California in the middle of the day and during a heat wave. My car has no air conditioning. It was over a hundred degrees out. That’s in Fahrenheit. I don’t fuck around with the Celsius. Anyway, it was over a hundred degrees out and I was driving without A/C. It was terrible. I was wearing shorts and a T-shirt, had the windows rolled down, and had to continually dump cold water on my head to cool down. It wasn’t enough. I was about to pass out from the heat. I had to stop a few times, finding various gas stations and 7-Elevens to use as sanctuary from the merciless sun. At one point I got the largest Slurpee they had and savored it as I travelled on down the road. I’m pretty sure that Slurpee saved my life. It kept me cold and comfortable and lasted me long enough to avoid getting heat stroke.

I wouldn’t recommend driving without A/C. If you have to do it, be prepared. On the way back from my camping trip, I made sure to bring a bunch of ice. I would suck on a couple of cubes, drop one down my shirt occasionally, and rub one across my face and forehead every now and then. I never had to stop or pull over for fear of passing out. It dawned on me that ice keeps you cold. Being cold is nice on a hot day.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 19, 2015 · 1:50 pm

Don’t Trust Anyone Who Hasn’t Seen Star Wars

I don’t trust anyone who hasn’t seen Star Wars. I’m talking Episode IV: A New Hope, the original film that started it all. There’s really no excuse for not seeing it. It’s only two hours long and it’s been out for nearly forty years now. Everyone’s had plenty of time to catch up. Star Wars is a huge part of pop culture. Everybody knows about lightsabers and Darth Vader and that Luke made out with his sister. The film transcends the cinema, it’s more than just a movie. So I think that everyone should watch it at least once. If you don’t like it, that’s fine. At least you watched it. And if you do like it, then there are tons of sequels, spinoffs, and a whole extended universe for you to explore.

Not watching Star Wars is like living under a rock. And people shouldn’t live under rocks. They should live in houses with Blu-ray players and Star Wars on Blu-ray. I’m not saying you’re behind the times if you haven’t seen Star Wars. I’m saying you’re way behind the times. They finished the original trilogy. Then they finished the prequel trilogy. Now they are starting a whole new trilogy. It’s the perfect time to jump on the bandwagon. And I won’t talk to you scruffy-looking Nerfherders until you do.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 18, 2015 · 9:14 pm

Buying Toilet Paper

I don’t like buying toilet paper. It’s kind of embarrassing. It’s a little degrading. I don’t know why. It shouldn’t be. Everyone buys it because everyone poops. You still don’t want people to see you buying it. Especially when you buy it in bulk. It’s declaring to the world that you’re planning on taking shits, lots and lots of shits. I’m a single guy too so I have to be careful. I could bump into the woman of my dreams at the checkout counter while I’m buying T.P. and I wouldn’t be able to make a move. She would obviously look at the things that I’m buying to get a sense of my personality. Naturally the toilet paper would stand out. She would know that I’m planning on taking shits, lots and lots of shits. I don’t have enough game to withstand that much scrutiny. But I have to buy toilet paper. It’s my duty. Please tell me you caught that pun. Duty. Doodie. Never mind. Sorry. I’ll go now.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 17, 2015 · 7:57 pm

Shoelace in Bike Chain

I remember riding my bike as a kid. I was fearless. My friends and I would ride down steep dirt hills, jump off rickety homemade ramps, and fly around blind corners all without a helmet. Helmets were for babies so we left that at home (it didn’t matter though, we were young and immortal). The only thing that I was afraid of was getting my shoelace stuck in the bike chain. It rarely caused any serious damage, but it was always terrifying to being racing downhill and having my chain suddenly lock up. All I could do was grip my handlebars tight and try to avoid any major obstacles until I finally slowed to a stop. Most times I was successful. A few times I wasn’t so lucky. I never broke any bones from getting a shoelace in a bike chain, though I did have a lot of uneven shoelaces growing up. It happened quite a few times. I don’t know why I didn’t ever double knot them. You live you learn. I don’t know if kids still play outside these days, but if they do please make sure they double knot their laces.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 13, 2015 · 4:42 pm

Crawdads

I just came home from a weekend camping trip in Coloma, CA. It’s gold country and it’s also home to the American River, which is one of the few remaining California rivers that still has a healthy amount of water flow. The fish were abundant and so were the crawdads. Crawdads are little freshwater lobsters. They are also commonly called crawfish or crayfish, but I grew up calling them crawdads, so they are crawdads. I didn’t get a fishing license so I could catch any trout so I resorted to catching crawdads. I didn’t mind. Catching crawdads is one of those things that everyone should have fond childhood memories of, and I gladly spent the afternoon wading through thigh high waters scanning the river bottom for the little fuckers.

Catching crawdads is easy. They like to hang out near rocks so they have somewhere to retreat. Once you spot one you have a few ways to catch it. The bold people slowly sneak their hand from behind the crawdad, then they grab it from the back, just behind the claws to avoid getting pinched. I’m not bold. I used a stick and a red keg cup. I would poke and prod the crawdad with a stick to make it retreat backward straight into the cup. It worked pretty well. I caught four of the bastards in an hour. I could have cooked them. I almost did. I kept them in a bucket as it got closer and closer to dinnertime. We ended up eating barbeque. They got lucky. I set the little guys free. Crawdads are tasty but they don’t compare to brisket.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 9, 2015 · 9:11 pm

Say Hello For Me

I was having lunch with an old coworker before I had to go to work today. We had a good chat, talking about what we did this summer, catching up, and having a few laughs. We finished our food, paid our bill, and left a generous tip (because that’s what you do when you’re in the industry). As we parted ways, he told me to say hello to everyone at work for him. I told him I would. Then I went to work and proceeded to not tell anyone hello for him. I never planned on saying hello for him. I don’t think he expected me to actually say hello for him. Say hello for me is an expression, not instructions.

What would happen if I actually said that Dave says hi and Chris said hi back? Do I text Dave and let him know that Chris said hi? Should I wait until I see Dave in person again to tell him that Chris said hi? It all seems like too much work. I don’t want to be the middleman in a back and forth conversation that doesn’t involve me. I’m not an owl. So yeah, be aware of that. I probably won’t say hi for you. I lied. Sorry, not sorry.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, And Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 7, 2015 · 8:04 pm

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014 film)

I was born in 1985 and, like most kids my age, I was brought up a huge fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I grew up watching the cartoon show on TV. I remember watching the first movie in theaters and somersaulting down the aisles and practicing my karate moves. I had all the toys, the classic toys, the ones where you had to punch the weapons out from the brown plastic thing that held them together. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you never had real Ninja Turtle toys. I still rock Ninja Turtle gear. I have a few shirts and a few pairs of boxers featuring my favorite reptilian warriors. The Ninja Turtles were a big part of my childhood, and that’s why I was scared to see how Michael Bay would butcher the franchise in the 2014 cinematic reboot.

I didn’t see the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in theaters because I was pretty sure that it was going to suck and I didn’t want to waste my money on it. It came out on Netflix last month, so I caved in and watched it. It wasn’t half bad. It wasn’t half good either, but it really wasn’t terrible. They changed the origin story a little bit. They made April O’Neil way more important than she should have been. She’s the main character for some stupid reason. The film follows her journey as she tries to become a respected journalist. They should have focused more on the Ninja Turtles. The movie is called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, not April O’Neil and the TMNT.

            They changed a lot of minor things, but they still stay somewhat true to the comics. The Ninja Turtles all have the same names, weapons, and colors as they do in the comics. They live in the sewer and eat pizza. Leonardo is still the leader, Donatello is still the smart one, Michelangelo is still the party dude, and Raphael is still the rebel and badass. They were all raised and trained by Splinter, only Splinter’s origin story is slightly modified. They changed his character arc to include him teaching himself martial arts after he was mutated. I always thought that he learned by imitating his master before he got mutated. Not a big change, just a huge middle finger to my childhood.

The action scenes and set pieces were all satisfactory. My biggest complaint would be that some action scenes were too chaotic and hard to follow. Imagine Transformers only with turtles instead of robots and you’ll see what I’m talking about. Other than that, it was the fiasco that I was hoping it would be. It was entertaining and that’s all you expect from a blockbuster with over a hundred million-dollar budget. I still prefer the Ninja Turtles from my youth, but the next generation of kids deserve Ninja Turtles of their own.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 4, 2015 · 8:31 pm

Same Hand, Just Different Cards

As I’ve mentioned previously and multiple times, I play cards with my roommate on a regular basis. We were playing Cribbage the other night and we were counting out our points. We both scored six points. My roommate quipped, “Same hand, just different cards.” I instantly repeated it. Same hand, just different cards. I like that. It goes way beyond card games. It’s philosophical and it sounds good. It’s bumper sticker-worthy. Maybe some plucky teenager will use it as their senior quote in the yearbook. I would if I had a time machine. I’m still working on that. Sorry. I got distracted by time machines again. That happens. I’m back now. Same hand, just different cards is a great statement. I want it to be an actual expression, so please feel free to use it. Sprinkle it into your next conversation at a fancy cocktail party and see where it takes you.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 3, 2015 · 3:21 pm

Queen at Live Aid 1985

My roommate and I play cards a few times a week. We sit and talk, drink beer, maybe smoke a little bud, and watch music videos on YouTube. If that sounds like a good time, it’s because it is. We take turns being the DJ and playing songs, trying to introduce each other to new stuff and revisiting old favorites from the past. The other night I played him Queen’s set at Live Aid in 1985. In case you don’t know, Queen’s Live Aid set is considered to be one of the best live performances of all time. Watch it and I’m sure you’ll agree. Watch it right now. Seriously. Here it is. Watch the entire set and then finish reading this blog. I’ll wait.

Wow. Just wow. I still have goosebumps. Now you do too. How electrifying was that? They killed it. Freddie Mercury had a stadium full of people clapping in unison and singing along while millions more watched it live via satellite from home. He generated more energy than a thousand nuclear bombs. It’s only a twenty-minute set, but it will be remembered forever, especially that rendition of “Radio Ga Ga.” It deserves to be remembered. It’s not a perfect set, that’s the amazing thing about it. It’s far too abbreviated. There’s feedback and distortion. The rest of the band wasn’t particularly spectacular. But Freddie Mercury was. He was all over the stage, playing multiple instruments, singing his heart out, and owning the crowd.

I’ve been to a lot of concerts. I’ve seen a lot of big bands and famous names and great sets. I’ve never experienced anything half as good as this. It’s weird to watch a recorded live set that you didn’t experience personally, but you watch it and you feel like you were there. You feel like you are a part of it. That’s the sign of a great frontman, and Freddie was the best. You can disagree with me, but you’ll be wrong.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 1, 2015 · 1:31 pm

2-For-$2.22 Deal

I was feeling rather parched yesterday on my way to work. I stepped into a 7-Eleven in search of something to quench my thirst. I wanted something a little more exciting than bottled water, preferably with caffeine. It was either iced tea or soda, and soda has bubbles, so soda it was. I walked over towards the soda side of the cooler and looked over their incredible selection of pop. There were too many choices and I got overwhelmed and grabbed a Coke. Then I noticed a sign advertising Coke products as 2-for-$2.22 deal. Hmmm. I could buy one twenty ounce bottle for a dollar fifty, or I could buy two for two dollars and twenty-two cents and hypothetically save myself seventy-eight cents if I bought both bottles at the same time. I’d be a fool not to do it. So I did it. I bought one regular Coke and one Cherry Coke because I like to mix things up. Needless to say, my thirst was soon quenched.

But now I had a new problem. I had too much soda and I was going to work. We have a refrigerator in our break room, but some of my coworkers have sticky fingers and I wasn’t going to leave my unopened bottle in there unguarded all day. I chose to leave it in my backpack. Of course I forgot about it until I was on the way home and got thirsty again. I pulled it out of my bag and cracked it open. It was warm. It wasn’t very tasty nor refreshing. It was downright disappointing. Next time I will think twice before I fall for the 2-for-$2.22 deal.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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