Monthly Archives: October 2018

October 24, 2018 · 4:38 pm

Zoomies

You know when a dog gets super excited and starts zipping around all crazily? Those are the zoomies. It’s one of the best things dogs do (it’s hard to top unconditional love for their masters though). My dog gets the zoomies when we let him off leash at the park or beach and usually whenever me or my girlfriend comes home from a long day at work.

I always knew about the zoomies but I didn’t know there was a term for it until I discovered the subreddit dedicated to them on Reddit. You better believe I wasted a whole afternoon glued to my phone after that discovery. Life doesn’t get much better that watching hyper dogs running around excitedly. Happy dogs make happy people.

Dogs weren’t meant to stay cooped up all day. They need space to run and play and let out all their energy. They need the zoomies. Don’t deny them that. And make sure you record them so you can upload them to the internet and share them with the world. We all deserve to enjoy the zoomies.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 23, 2018 · 2:08 pm

My Good Deed at Jack in the Box

I work at a corporate restaurant and have dealt with a lot of shitty customers. I bite my tongue and turn the other cheek because I have to. The end result is that I hate cheap people who do scummy things to get free food. A few months ago I was at Jack in the Box and there was an irate customer in front of me yelling at the teenaged cashier. From what I gathered, the customer was really upset that the cashier asked him if he wanted only an Ultimate Cheeseburger or the entire meal. The customer was going off, calling the cashier all sorts of nasty things.

Then the customer fucked up and asked me a question: “Hey buddy, wouldn’t you be upset if you clearly ordered one thing and they kept on trying to get you to buy more things that you don’t want?”

Finally I had a chance to voice my opinion to a shitty customer without getting into any trouble. I looked that asshole dead in the eye and said “First off, I’m not your buddy. And no, I wouldn’t be upset that he’s asking if I want to upgrade to the meal. That’s his job. You seem like the type of person who would also complain if he didn’t offer you the meal. You’re cheap, you’re rude, and you’re wrong.”

The guy didn’t seem to like my answer very much and called me an asshole. I told him he was an angry person. He went back to yelling at the cashier before he stomped away without buying anything. I went up to the cashier to order. He thanked me for having his back and gave me a coupon for a Jumbo Jack. I told him that it was my pleasure. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time. Who knew that good deeds could be so satisfying?

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 19, 2018 · 2:28 pm

I Won HQ

Well, it finally happened. I won HQ. For those out of the loop, HQ is a live daily trivia gameshow that you play on your smartphone. You try to answer all twelve questions correctly and the winners split the jackpot. The questions come in a variety of categories like sports, history, pop culture, science, etc. Every now and then they have a themed game.

Last night’s game was focused on the American version of The Office. I was stoked and had a feeling I would do well. I watched it while it was airing weekly on NBC. It’s one of my Netflix background shows. I’ve also seen tons of YouTube compilations like Dwight’s best moments and every “That’s what she said!” so I felt prepared. I even had an extra life for playing five days in a row. I was at my dive bar and we had a group of eight each playing on our own phone. I had an extra life and I was sandwiched between two diehard fans of The Office. I was set.

The game began and the first few questions were easy as they always are. What was the name of the company they work for? Which character wasn’t in the pilot? The questions got harder as the game went on. I got knocked off around question seven. That extra life came in handy and I am not ashamed to have used it. I got back in the game and got right back in a grove. Which character didn’t dress up like a cat at Halloween? Who passed out at the Christmas party?

Before I knew it everyone else that I was playing with was eliminated and it was just me left. Everyone gathered around my phone and we worked together to advance me forward. I got to question twelve and the world got quiet and time slowed down. Where did Jim and Pam have their first kiss? I thought it was on the booze cruise but my friend Debbie said it was after the Dundies which was hosted at a chain restaurant. I went with her answer and victory was mine. I got it right. I finally won after eleven months of playing HQ. I celebrated. My fellow players cheered. The bartender rang the bar bell. My friend from Miami texted me congratulations. I became an HQ champion! I won fourteen cents. I’m not sure how much it will be after taxes, but that doesn’t matter. I won HQ. I don’t have to play anymore!

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 11, 2018 · 5:08 pm

Hiking Boots

I hiked Yosemite’s iconic Half Dome in June. It’s an epic sixteen miles and good hiking boots are essential to conquer the Dome. I used the hike as an excuse to get a new pair. I went to Sports Basement and tried on a few before settling on the Tor Tech mid waterproof shoe by Hoka One One. They are great hiking boots. They provide a lot of ankle support, they are really comfortable, relatively lightweight, provide great traction over rough terrain, and are waterproof. They are a bit too bulky to be an everyday shoe, but they make you want to go hiking so you have an excuse to wear them. This isn’t an advertisement for Hoka One One, it’s just an ode to hiking boots in general.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 5, 2018 · 9:06 pm

Bug Spray

I have eleven cans of bug spray in my house. That’s a lot of insect repellent. Most of them are slightly used and four of them are at least halfway gone. I don’t have a bug spray fetish. It’s not a collection. It’s an accumulation. I go hiking/camping a lot and always seem to forget to bring bug spray so then I have to make a pit stop and pick up a new can. I bring the can home and add it to my stash. It’s a vicious cycle. I haven’t gotten West Nile yet though, that’s gotta be worth something.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 2, 2018 · 4:23 pm

Your Hair Looks Nice Today

I overheard one of my coworkers saying “Your hair looks nice today!” to my manager. My manager thanked her. I don’t know why. “Your hair looks nice today” is not a real compliment. Why can’t her hair just be nice? Why did she have stress today? It’s the equivalent of saying that your hair is usually a mess but it looks good at this particular moment. It makes you question what your hair looks like on a daily basis. It’s like when someone comments that you’re in a good mood. That means you’re usually an asshole. You got to read between the lines. Not all compliments are compliments. Your hair looks nice today. Normally it doesn’t.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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