Tag Archives: bacon

Skipping Breakfast 

I skip breakfast. I usually wake up, take a shit and a shower, get dressed, and go to work. I’ll have a cup of black coffee and a glass of ice water in the breakroom before my shift starts. My first meal is usually lunch, then I’ll snack throughout the day until dinner, and maybe a few more munchies before bedtime. That’s been my routine for a while now. 

The nice thing about skipping breakfast is that I’m conditioned to it and my body doesn’t rely on it. So when I do actually do eat breakfast I feel like Popeye downing a can of spinach. All the naysayers will say that’s proof that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Malarkey, it’s just a boost like a video game power up. 

The weird thing is that I like breakfast foods. Eggs, hash browns, sausage, pancakes, motherfucking bacon… all are delicious, but I’d rather have them for dinner when I’m awake enough to enjoy them. Cereal is more of a snack for me, but I’d rather eat it straight from the box than pour it in a bowl with milk. That makes it soggy and soggy cereal is gross. Don’t get me wrong. Breakfast is good, it’s just too early for me. I need time to build up my appetite.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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BLT

A BLT is one of the most classic and simple sandwiches in existence. BLT stands for bacon, lettuce, and tomato. You stack those three ingredients in between two slices of bread and you have yourself a BLT. I had one a few nights ago. It was dinner time and my girlfriend and I decided to make dinner at home instead of going out. I suggested BLTs because that’s one of the few things I know how to make. My girl said that she liked BLTs with onions and avocados instead of lettuce and tomatoes. That’s not a BLT. That’s a BOA. You need the lettuce and tomato for it to be a BLT. The bacon is the most important ingredient. Bacon is always the most important ingredient in anything.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Bacon

I’ve been blogging for more than three years now and I’ve somehow neglected to write about bacon. I’ve written about Canadian bacon. I’ve written about bacon jerky. But this is the first post about real bacon. Real bacon is officially known as side bacon or streaky bacon, and it comes from pig belly meat. The USDA defines bacon as the cured belly of a swine carcass. Don’t let that definition dissuade you from trying bacon. It’s delicious. It’s a wonder food. It’s amazing by itself and it makes everything else better. Try it with eggs. Try it with lettuce and tomato. Try it wrapped around fried chicken. Turn a cheeseburger into a bacon cheeseburger. Take that Bloody Mary to another level. Bacon is a four billion dollar industry in the United States alone. Jews and vegetarians have no idea what they are missing out on. I don’t care what they say, eating bacon is totally kosher.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Slim Jim Maple Flavored Bacon Jerkey

Bacon is delicious. Jerky is delicious. It was inevitable that eventually the two superfoods would meet and create a delicious hybrid. I’ve been wanting to try bacon jerky for a while now and Slim Jim is an established presence on the dried meat market, so I figured I couldn’t go wrong. I opened the bag and took a deep whiff. I smelled the bacon, I smelled the sweet maple and the stale musk of jerky. I also smelled dog food… maybe Purina or Alpo, I’m not quite sure. But it was defiantely dog food. Oh well, I came to try bacon jerky, so I’m going to try bacon jerky damn it! Each piece looks like bacon, albeit the crumpled broken buffet table remnants leftover from a hungry breakfast crowd at a three star hotel. It smells like bacon, it looks like bacon, and it tastes like bacon. But it’s not bacon. It’s bacon jerky. Don’t get the two confused. It’s a little more jerky-like than bacon and more bacon-like than jerky. Try it and see for yourself. All in all, I’m not overly impressed with it but maybe that’s just because Slim Jim isn’t a gourmet brand per se. They are more in the beef stick business as opposed to jerky. This was a decent introduction to the world of bacon jerky, yet I’m sure other people make bacon jerky better and I’m determined to find them.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Mo’s Dark Chocolate Bacon Bar

Mo’s Dark Chocolate Bacon Bar is a chocolate bar with real bits of bacon. They describe it on the package as being 62% dark chocolate with Hickory smoked uncured bacon and Alderwood smoked salt. It tastes like your standard dark chocolate candy bar. You wouldn’t know that there was bacon in it unless someone told you it wasn’t kosher. It has a little bit of a salty taste, but you can hardly detect any bacon. It’s good. It’s just not bacon-good. I was a little disappointed. I wanted more bacon. It was way too subtle. If you’re advertising a bacon candy bar, I expect to taste some fucking bacon. For shame, for shame.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Vegetarian Who Has Never Eaten Meat

Vegetarians are people who choose not to eat meat. Sometimes they do it for health or personal reasons, or because of religious requirements. I respect vegetarians who made a choice to avoid meat. That takes willpower. However, I can’t respect a vegetarian who has never eaten meat. They never made a choice; they just blindly go along with their upbringing. They are sheep. I can’t respect their opinion. A vegetarian who has never eaten meat is more judgmental and preachy about the dangers of eating meat than a real vegetarian too. They constantly talk about how bad bacon is. They need to shut the fuck up about things that they’ve never experienced. Bacon is fucking amazing. I’ll listen to a recovering alcoholic talk about the dangers of booze, but if some sober guy who has never had a sip of beer tells me to put down the bottle, I’ll throw it at his fucking skull. Being a vegetarian should be a choice, not something you blindly follow from birth. Eat a burger before you bash it.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Canadian Bacon (food, not the film)

Canadian bacon is not bacon. I’m not even sure it is really from Canada either. Canadian bacon looks like ham, smells like ham, and it tastes like ham. I’m pretty sure it’s fucking ham. It’s mostly found served as a breakfast item or paired up with pineapple on a pizza.

Canadian bacon is a lie. If you want bacon, you need bacon. A slice of imposter ham is not going to satisfy your achin’ for bacon. And yes, that is a reference to The Lion King.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Breakfast for Dinner

Breakfast food is amazing. Eggs, waffles, pancakes, hash browns, sausage, home fries, toast, bacon…. Some of the greatest creations are breakfast foods. The only problem with breakfast is that it’s too damn early. And sometimes I sleep in. But this is America, and there’s no rule prohibiting you from eating breakfast for another meal. Sometimes I want breakfast for dinner. Sometimes I want breakfast for lunch. I’m not talking about brunch. This is lunchtime and I want breakfast. IHOP, Denny’s and small diners know that you love eggs and bacon anytime of the day. It’s my dream to have breakfast foods available 24/7. I’m not worried about the economy or global warming. I think a lack of breakfast options after 11:00 AM is a bigger issue.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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