Tag Archives: drinking

Drunk Food

 One of the best things about getting drunk is getting drunk food. Drunk food is a complete meal you can eat with your hands that fills you up and is served quickly. Certain foods taste better when you’re inebriated. Pizza is always good, but it’s so much better when you’re drunk. A drunk burrito in between bars keeps your night going. Stumbling across a street vendor selling bacon-wrapped hot dogs will make you believe that God is real and wants us to be happy. Drunk food provides you with the much needed fuel to keep on drinking. It makes the party last longer. You know you had a good night when you find an empty pizza box on the counter when you wake up the next morning and no recollection of getting it. I’m not promoting binge drinking, I’m promoting eating food when you’re binge drinking. There’s a slight difference I’m sure. 

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Drinks, Snacks

Pinky Out

I know a girl who is classy as fuck. How do I know she’s classy? Easy, every time she takes a sip of something she extends her pinky out. She will hold the glass with all her fingers touching it, but as soon as she tilts the glass to take a sip her pinky goes out. She does it automatically and she does it every single time. Trust me, I’ve seen her drink a lot. It doesn’t matter if she’s drinking wine, beer, tea, or soda. She didn’t even know that she did it until I pointed it out. She had no idea that she was so fancy. It’s a good thing that I called attention to it. It’s good for her self-esteem. Every girl wants to be classy as fuck. Most people just pretend to be classy. She has it built in.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Getting Carded

I’m twenty-nine years old and still get carded. That might seem inconvenient to some, but it’s a great compliment and one that I will take any day. It might be my baby face. It might be my demeanor. I don’t care. People think that I’m a lot younger than I am. I can get away with paying student price on the bus. I can get half-priced move tickets. I have to have my ID ready at every bar or liquor store checkout. My last name is Young. I act young. I look young. I am Young. I plan to enjoy this as long as I can. One day I will wake up old or dead and nobody will bother to card me. And I will look back on the glory days of my youth with a twinkle in my eye and a scowl on my face.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

getting-carded

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Stooping

Stooping is when you hang out on a stoop, usually with a few friends and typically with a some drinks, a blunt, and/or some cigarettes. Stooping is a very common activity in a lot of cities. It’s a lot easier to enjoy the outdoors on the steps in front of your door rather than trekking to the park. You just sit on the steps, crack a brew, and enjoy each other’s company as you watch the people go by. Stooping is great because it combines so many of my favorite things into one situation. I like sitting. I like hanging out. I like smoking. I like drinking. I like people watching. And I like being lazy. If you like those things, you would probably like stooping too. It’s fun, simple, cheap, and a great way to pass the time. I highly recommend stooping it for your next casual get together.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Staying Up All Night

Last night was one of those crazy summer nights that never seems to end. I was partying and drinking and hanging out with friends all night. We started by pregaming, then we went to the club, then we went to an afterparty at a friend’s house, then we went to another afterparty, then we went on a hike to see the sunrise, then we hung out on a jungle gym, then we got some breakfast, and then I went home and finally slept after being awake for more than 24 hours straight. Staying up all night is something that you have to do a few times each year, just to prove to yourself that you’re still young and you’re still alive. You might feel like shit the next day, but that’s a small price to pay for surviving the night. There’s nothing quite like experiencing the darkness disappear into light and watching the world slowly wake up. There’s something surreal about empty streets coming to life. At first the only other people you see are sleeping bums, then you start to see people going to work and getting ready to start their day. They look at you and judge you and assume that you’re on drugs (and maybe you are), but you don’t care because your night was way better than theirs. And it’s still going on. Staying up all night means that you’ll sleep all day, a small price to pay for winning the night.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Rooftop Drinking

Drinking and people watching go together. That’s why rooftop drinking is so popular. Drinking makes you feel big and powerful, and so does watching people from high above. They go hand in hand. It’s fun watching the pedestrians below as they scurry around like ants for your amusement while you sip your nectar and feel like a god. It’s better than drinking on a balcony because you are higher up and have a better view. It’s more exciting, it’s more exhilarating, it’s all about the rooftop. You feel the wind, you see the lights, watch the cars, and take in the sights. Just don’t get too rowdy because gravity still applies. People have been known to fall off roofs and splattering to the pavement can put a damper on the evening. It sucks, but it happens. Be respectful of the edge and you should be all right.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Planning to Get Drunk

            One of the biggest signs that you might have a drinking problem is when you start planning to get drunk. You’ll tell yourself that you’re not an alcoholic; you just want to be prepared. You know that you’re going to want to drink all day and into the night and so you plan accordingly. So you’ll eat a big lunch. You’ll buy some food and snacks for later. You’ll buy an excessive amount of alcohol plus another twelve-pack just to play it safe. The last thing that you want is to run out of booze. You make sure that you have nothing to do and nowhere to go. You’re going to binge drink and there’s nothing that can stop you. Part of you feels guilty; the other part doesn’t give a fuck. Whatever, you won’t care after a few drinks anyway. It’s better to plan on getting drunk than drinking and driving, right?

            Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Drunk Me

Drunk Me is kind of a jerk. Not to other people but to his sober counterpart. Drunk Me doesn’t seem to respect Sober Me much at all. Drunk Me likes to spend a lot of money on beer and cabs because he thinks it’s hilarious when Sober Me wakes up without any money to go out for breakfast. Drunk Me has a habit of leaving my keys or wallet in some ridiculously obscure spot, like in a to-go box in the fridge so that Sober Me can embark on a frantic scavenger hunt. Drunk Me also likes to open a new beer, take a few sips, and then put it down somewhere and forget about it, so that Sober Me has something else to deal with. Drunk Me likes to forget to set an alarm or neglects to charge my phone so that I’m stressed out and scrambling around in the morning. Drunk Me only cares about himself and the moment. He does whatever he wants to because he knows that Sober Me will be the one to face the consequences. Drunk Me has fun, Sober Me has responsibilities. Guess which one I prefer to be.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Throwing Up After a Night of Drinking

I had a lot to drink last night and I felt it this morning. I woke up in pain. I tried to lie in bed and pretend that I was ok, but I couldn’t keep up the charade for long. As soon as I heard my roommate leave the bathroom, I ran in, raised the toilet lid, and shoved my finger down my throat. I was feeling much better after a couple of heaves. There’s nothing wrong with throwing up after a night of drinking. It will make your stomach feel better and you’ll feel less hungover. Drinking is fun, hangovers aren’t, and if puking relieves your pain then go for it.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Buying a Round

Work sucked today, but at last your shift is over and you can finally retreat to the closest dive bar with some coworkers. You know that it’s going to take a few drinks to start recuperating, and you’ll show your commitment to the group by buying a round. Buying a round is like an informal contract for the group. If somebody buys a round, it’s only right to return the favor. Then somebody else has to buy the next round, and somebody else gets the round after that, and the cycle continues until closing time or when people start passing out. Drinking is a social lubricant and buying a round is like K-Y Jelly.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Only One Drinking

The other day I was at a barbeque. There were football games on the TV, chips and dip, and we had the grill going nicely. The best part was a cooler full of beers. I helped myself to one as I made small talk. One beer turned into two beers, which turned into three, four, and more. A few rounds and a bathroom trip later, I realized that I was the only one with a brew in hand. I could either stop drinking or keep going. I was past the point of tipsy and had to keep going. I owed it to myself to show those fuckers how to party. YOLO and all that stuff. Being the only one drinking is not a bad thing. It’s just not the best thing.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Hangover

Some people hate hangovers. I kind of like them. It means last night was successful. The actual hangover part sucks: waking up with your head pounding, that weird taste coating your mouth, your eyes bloodshot, your entire body aching, and you know it’s going to be a long day. It’s important to do inventory whenever you wake up with a hangover. You have to account for your phone, wallet, keys, your bag and anything else you had with you when you started drinking. Then you start trying to remember what you had to drink and how many shots you took. That makes you start wondering how much money you spent. Did you get food? Did you pay your bar tab? When did you black out? Did you take a cab home? Where’s your other shoe?

Hangovers hurt. But at least you have fun getting them. A fun night drinking is worth a day feeling like shit. Mondays always feel more Mondayish with a hangover.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Breaking the Seal

Be careful about breaking the seal and plan accordingly. One of the biggest mistakes you can make while drinking is breaking the seal too early. It’s all over once you give in to your bladder and take that first drunken pee. Breaking the seal means that every other beer results in a trip to the bathroom. That could lead to disaster when everyone on your team is relying on you to flip that cup or pong that beer and you’re too busy worry about pissing your pants.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Flip Cup

Flip Cup is a drinking game. The object of the game is to flip your cup after you drink it. If your team can drink all their beers and flip all their cups faster than then other team, victory is yours. Each team has the same amount of competitors. You chug your beer, you flip your cup, and the person behind you does the same. The team that drinks all their beers and flips all their cups upside down first wins. If you get drunk, you are playing the game right. Good for you.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Day Drinking

Day drinking is exactly what it sounds like… drinking during the day. Most of the time drinking is a nighttime activity. You drink after work, or at a Saturday night party, or a casual Wednesday night get-together. The problem with day drinking is that you’re drinking during the day and you still have the night to contend with. You can either take a siesta or you can just keep on drinking until the moon is out and the stars are shining. It’s ok to pass out for a few hours, as long as you crack a brew when you come to.

Day drinking is a challenge. It’s not for the weak hearted. Plan ahead. Buy a 30 pack of beer, have some hard liquor, you’ll need Red Bulls and caffeine, and don’t forget a sandwich. You have to eat or you will die. And try not to drunk dial people. It’s weird to get a shitfaced call at 3:34 PM and they will think that you are an alcoholic. Remember: the trick is to pace yourself. You are going to poisoning yourself all day so you don’t want to overdo it. And seriously, don’t forget the sandwich.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Simultaneous Drunken Conversations

When you first arrive at a bar with a few friends, everyone is engaged in a single conversation. As time goes by and the drinks go down, the conversation starts to branch out and soon you simultaneous drunken conversations all over the place. Everybody has something to say and the more you drink, the more inclined you are to share your opinions. You alternate between blabbing about bullshit and nodding your head in agreement while drinking your drink. There’s a conversation about football to your left, a discussion about Kim Kardashian to your right, and a hundred other meaningless debates raging in your near vicinity. Just jump into one and don’t leave until you need another drink. It’s just drunk talk.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Sloshball

Sloshball is like baseball or kickball but with a beer in your hand. You play offense with a beer, you play defense with a beer, and second base should be a keg. On paper the object of the game is simple: you want to score more runs than the other team before you run out of innings. But the real object of the game is to get drunk and have a good time. You have a good time sacrificing your beer to catch a foul ball. You have a great time by pegging a base runner and smashing his beer cup into his face. You have an awesome time laughing and cheering and celebrating great plays. Sloshball is fun sport, best reserved for birthdays and special events. It’s not recommended for kids.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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