Bobblehead 

A bobblehead is a kind of collectible toy typically depicting a person or animal with an oversized head. The big head is usually attached by a spring so the the head moves or bobbles when you shake it. I’m pretty sure that’s why they call it a bobblehead. Bobbleheads are now a common giveaway at sporting events. So now I have a nice collection of San Francisco Giants bobbleheads. I have Angel Pagan, Brandon Belt, Brandon Crawford, Travis Ishikawa, Matt Duffy, Bruce Lee and Chewbacca. Here’s a fun fact: Bruce Lee and Chewbacca never played in a single game for the Giants. Here’s another fun fact: you can face swap with a bobblehead on Snapchat. I know because I’ve done it way more than I should have.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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Bad Walkers

I cruise around the city streets on my longboard almost every day, and I’ve noticed that there are a lot of bad walkers out there. I mean some people just don’t know how to walk. They can’t keep a steady pace, they constantly speed up and slow down. Some can’t walk in a straight line. They will weave from side to side like a drunk at last call. Some people hear my wheels clacking behind them and they will freeze in place like a deer in headlights. Do you know what happens to a deer in headlights? It gets hit by the fucking car. Don’t be a deer in headlights. Don’t freeze in place when you see a skateboarder. I guarantee that the skateboarder already saw you and has adjusted his path to avoid hitting you. 

I see lots of tourists stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to gawk at buildings or look at a map. They don’t seem to realize that they are blocking the flow of pedestrian traffic. And they will give me a dirty look for calling them out on it. I’m not being an asshole, I’m trying to change thier stupid habits and save the world. If you want to walk around in my city, you should know how to fucking walk. Keep a steady pace, hold a straight line, and move with deliberation and intent. Slower traffic should stay to the right side. Waking isn’t that hard. Babies can do it. I know you can too.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Beach Day

I didn’t have to work today. I slept in a bit, but dragged myself out of bed when I looked out the window and saw how nice it was outside. It was perfect summer’s day outside (summer might be officially over on the calendar but San Francisco summer is in September and October). I could stay cooped up inside watching football and catching up on Netflix but it seemed like a beach day so I went to the beach.

A beach day is a day when you go to the beach. Today is one of those days. I know that because I’m writing this on the beach right now. You’ve heard of live tweeting but I’m live blogging and taking the Internet to another level. I’m sitting on a towel, sipping on a Mike’s Harder Cranberry Lemonade, and listening to nineties songs on Pandora. I have a sandwich in my bag that I’ll eat after I post this. I’m shirtless too, in case anyone is wondering. Gotta work on my tan.

I see about fifteen dogs scattered all around, chasing balls and birds, frolicking in the water, and occasionally sniffing each other’s butts. I see dudes tossing a frisbee. I see bros throwing a football. I see kids digging in the sand. I see ladies laying out and guys strutting by to impress them. I see a couple trouncing along the shore with a cooler in search of the perfect spot. I see surfers paddling out. I see ships coming into the bay. It’s definitely a beach day. 

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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I Cut My Finger 

I cut my finger at work last week. It wasn’t on purpose. I was cutting some limes to make mojitos and the knife slipped. I cut the tip of my left index finger. I looked down at the damage and saw that it was gushing blood. It hurt. It hurt even worse when the lime juice got into it. I don’t recommend getting citric acid into open wounds. It stings really bad. I quickly washed the cut, wrapped a paper towel around it, and slinked towards the back office to find a manager. The paper towel was completely soaked with blood through by the time I found one.

My manager gave me first aid. He cleaned out the cut better than I did. He put some antibacterial cream on it and wrapped it up with gauze. Then he told me to sit down and keep my arm raised above my head until the bleeding stopped. It took about forty-five minutes to stop. I’m glad it stopped because that meant I didn’t have to go to the hospital and get stitches. I would have gotten worker’s compensation but it would have been a huge hassle and I don’t like hassles. 

The best part about cutting your finger at work is you get a half day. I left early and went to the drugstore to get some bandaids and liquid bandage. Liquid bandage is cool. You should get it the next time you cut or nick yourself. It’s an antiseptic that acts like a second layer of skin. It’s more flexible and waterproof than a regular bandaid. 

It’s been about a week and it’s almost fully healed. It was a deep cut so it will need a few more days. I can’t wait to have use of all ten fingers again. I’m tired of being a gimp. 

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The Pretzel Incident 

I went to a San Francisco Giants game last summer with a bunch of friends and the girl I was seeing at the time. We all bought tickets in different sections so we decided to move to the bleachers so we could all sit together. We sat in front of a spot that was empty except for an abandoned half-eaten pretzel and a pile of discarded peanut shells. I was sitting there watching the game, talking and laughing and enjoying being alive, and I turned to my girl to give her a kiss. But I couldn’t because she was eating a pretzel. I thought that was odd because we didn’t go on a food run yet. I asked her where she got the pretzel. She pointed to the spot behind me where the pile of discarded peanut shells was. The abandoned half-eaten pretzel was no longer there. It was in her hand. And her mouth. And I couldn’t even look her in the eye. It was horrible. It still is. And it’s come to be known as the Pretzel Incident. I pray you never experience it for yourself.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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Backpacking Food

Backpacking food is food that you take backpacking. I realize that you can take lots of food backpacking, so this post is focusing primarily on freeze dried food in a sealed bag that you add boiling water to in order to cook it. It’s kind of like a cup of noodles on steroids. There are quite a few different brands to chose from, but it seems like I always end up getting Mountain House or Backpacker’s Pantry. Both offer a wide variety of meals that provide you with a shit ton of caleries to get your energy back after a day on the trail. There are staple dishes like beef stroganoff, bacon and eggs, chicken and rice, etc. but they also have more exotic meals now too. I had beef pho and huevos rancheros on my last backpacking trip. Whatever brand or meal you chose, it’s a great way to reward yourself after lugging a heavy bag on your back for twelve miles. It’s even better with a couple swigs of whiskey.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Front Row Seat to a DUI

I’ve never been arrested for driving under the influence but one time I had a front row seat to a DUI. I was with my friend at a work party and we both got a little tipsy. We left the party early to go watch the second season premiere of True Blood. About halfway  back to my house, my friend noticed a cop in his rear view window. He started to freak out a bit, telling me that he knew he was being followed and that he was going to be pulled over. I told him to relax and focus on the road. Then the cop put his lights on and pulled us over. So much for consoling him.

The officer gave my friend a breathalyzer and within minutes he was in the back of the cop car. Then the cop asked if I was ok to drive my friend’s car home. I said no because I know entrapment when I see it. He told me to call a cab or take a bus home even though I had a perfectly functioning skateboard with me. I asked my friend if he needed anything, like for me to call his roommates or a pack of cigarettes for bartering in jail. He told me he was ok and I reluctantly left him in the clutches of the police. 

I went home and watched True Blood, but I couldn’t enjoy it. It wasn’t because I felt guilty that my friend was in the drunk tank. It was because that second season of True Blood was terrible. DUIs suck. I’m glad that I’ve only witnessed them and never experienced one for myself. Don’t drink and drive. You could kill yourself or an innocent bystander and it’s hard to watch HBO shows when you’re behind bars. 

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Be Careful Out There

My girlfriend lives in the Tenderloin, which is one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in San Francisco. Yesterday we were walking to the store and we passed by a homeless guy in a wheelchair going the opposite direction. We crossed the street and we suddenly heard screaming from behind us, right where we just were. Screams aren’t that uncommon in the TL where crackheads and crazy people run rampant, but this was different. It was someone screaming in terror. I turned around to see what was happening. 

I saw a blonde lady on the ground behind the cars parked by the curb. She was screaming but I couldn’t tell why until a guy ran past me towards the girl. He was yelling “No! No way! Get off her! Get off her, man!” I knew something was wrong so I told my girl to wait and I ran after the guy to see what was up. The homeless guy was no longer in his wheelchair, he was on the ground bear hugging the blonde lady as she was screaming for her life. The homeless guy saw that he was surrounded by a bunch of angry bystanders and he let her go as more people showed up and surrounded him to keep him from going anywhere. She got up, crying and sobbing, completely terrified. I stood between her and the homeless guy who slinked back into the wheelchair. Suddenly I heard screeching tires and a bike cop appeared out of nowhere. 

 I looked around and was surprised at how many people were all around us. The street was empty a moment before, but now there were about thirty people all around us. There were cellphones out taking video, everyone asking everyone else what had happened. The blonde lady knew she was safe now and she explained that she was walking by him when he stood up out of his wheelchair, grabbed her, and pulled her to the ground. The cop detained him and I hung around for a few minutes to make sure the blonde lady was ok. I asked her if she needed me to call anyone for her. She pulled out a cigarette and a nice crackhead came up and gave her a light. I overheard another crackhead scolding the creep, saying things like “You piece of shit, what if someone did that to your mother? Or your sister? Fuck you, man! You fucked up now!”

A couple more cops showed up on the scene. Nobody asked for my statement and me and my girlfriend eventually walked away talking about how crazy the whole situation was. It was broad daylight and we had just walked past that guy. He could have attacked my girlfriend if I wasn’t with her. I didn’t like the Tenderloin before and now I really don’t like it. I’m always going to feel uneasy for her to walk around her own neighborhood. I want her to carry Mace or a Taser at all times but I know that she might not have time to use it. Her most effective weapon would be to scream bloody murder like the blonde lady did. Her screams saved her life. 

So be careful out there. The world is a dangerous place. I saw how fucked up some people can be. But I also saw how good some people can be. A lot of us ran to help a complete stranger. They were young and old, all different races, some were homeless and some were in business suits. That’s great for humanity and all, but the lesson to take away is that it only takes a second for a scumbag to fuck everything up. That blonde lady is lucky that there were good people there to save her but she’s never going to be able to walk down the street feeling safe again. She’s scarred for life. 

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Towel Steppers

I went to San Francisco’s Outside Lands earlier this month. Outside Lands is a three day music and arts festival held in Golden Gate Park. I go every year and every year gets more and more crowded. Most people are respectful of other people’s space and property but there are always a couple of assholes who don’t give a fuck and consider themselves to be VIPs. They are towel steppers. They will literally step on your towel or blanket that you have splayed out on the ground. They will bump into you and not appologize. They will cut in line. They turn a fun event into a hassle. And they should be called out for it. The world needs more hippies and less towel steppers. 

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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Suicide Squad (film)

I saw Suicide Squad the other night. It’s the latest film instalment of the DC Extended Universe following 2013’s Man of Steel and 2016’s Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. I must admit that I was a little weary of spending money to see it after the fiasco that was Batman v Superman and reading all the terrible reviews from critics. But I saw it, and it wasn’t completely terrible. I kind of liked it in fact. It’s not a great movie by any means. There are plot holes, generic villains, and confusing moments, but there are enough good characters, solid performances, and exhilarating action sequences to balance it out. The soundtrack also stands out and makes the movie a little better.

The movie is about a group of convicts that are assembled to save the world from a powerful threat. Will Smith stars as Deadshot, a deadly mercenary with an absurdly accurate shot. Margot Robbie plays Harley Quinn, the psychotic lover of the Joker. Jai Courtney plays Captain Boomerang, an Australian bank robber with a penchant for boomerangs. Jay Hernandez play El Diablo, a fiery Latino who controls fire. Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje plays Killer Croc, a sewer-dwelling monster. And Karen Fukuhara plays Katana, a Japanese chick with a katana. They all are forced to team up to fight an ancient witch demon and her demon brother. And that’s what the movie is about.

Jared Leto is in the movie too. He plays the Joker in a vastly different way than the late Heath Ledger. I can’t really comment on his performance because he was hardly in it. He has like twelve minutes of screen time and only pops up occasionally. He wasn’t bad, he just didn’t make enough of an impact for me to care about him.

There are lots of Easter eggs and DC references for comic nerds to geek out over. It’s a more enjoyable film than Batman v Superman. There are more jokes and likeable characters and they didn’t add an excessive amount of unnessary storylines into the film. Batman v Superman tried to do too much. Suicide Squad lets the story unfold for itself. I would see it again in theaters. DC still has a long way to catch up to Marvel, but this is a step in the right direction.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

  

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Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Parts I & II (Special Rehearsal Edition Script)

 There are two types of people in the world: fans of Harry Potter and everyone else. Me, I’m a fan of Harry Potter. A part of my life ended back in 2007 when Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released and the series ended. But then J.K. Rowling announced that she would continue the story onstage in a play. She also realized that not everyone would be able to see the production so she released the script in book form as well, bless her soul. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Parts I & II (Special Rehearsal Edition Script) was released on July 31, 2016 and the Harry Potter nerds suddenly had a new story to lose their shit over. 

I kind of slacked off and forgot to preorder a paper copy, but I bought the e-book version and read the entire thing on my iPhone in a couple of hours. It’s mostly dialogue with a little bit of stage direction so it’s a much faster read than the later books in the series. It was written by Jack Thorne and John Tiffany and based on a story by J.K. Rowling. The story starts in the epilogue of the Deathly Hallows with an older Harry sending his sons James and Albus off to Hogwarts. I don’t want to say too much else. Spoilers aren’t fun. And you should be friending to read it for yourself so I won’t give anything major away. Harry, Ron, and Hermione are important characters, but the plot revolves around Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy (Draco’s son). They are the next generation of wizards and they are trying to escape the shadow of their fathers. 

 We visit old charters. We meet new ones. And it feels good to be back in the wizarding world, I must say. The humor and charm are still there, as is the sense of dread that something wicked this way comes. It’s very satisfying. I wish it was longer. It’s always sad to reach the end of a great story, and this definitely seems like final chapter. I hope that J.K. Rowling has more in store for us, but this is a solid way to say goodbye to Harry Potter. Goodbye, Harry, old chum.

 Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ripped Jeans 

 Ripped jeans are either really cool or really stupid. It all depends on where the rip is. If the knee is ripped, that’s stylish and hip. If the crotch is ripped, your day is probably ruined. I have a pair of jeans with frayed back pockets. I’m reluctant to keep my wallet in them, but they look fashionable so I wear them every now and then despite their diminished functionality. Some people buy news pairs of jeans that are already ripped. I don’t believe in that. I believe that rips should be earned. There should be a story behind them. You should rip your jeans while running from a mountain lion while hiking. You shouldn’t rip your jeans with scissors because Oprah says it’s trendy. I don’t know why denim looks good ripped, but it does. You don’t see people walking around with ripped cargo pants or ripped yoga pants. I have a theory that jean shorts were accidentally invented when a ripped knee got out of control.  

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ghostbusters (2016 film)

 Hollywood has been churning out reboots and remakes for the past couple of decades. No classic film is safe, as evidenced by the recent reboot of Ghostbusters. The new film is directed by Paul Feig and stars Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones, and Chris Hemsworth. It’s kind of like Bridesmaids but with more ghosts. It’s really funny with the right amount of spooky thrills. It’s a definite reboot. They pay homage to the original films, but the girls are the first batch of ghost exterminators in this universe. Most of the cast from the first films make cameos, the notable exceptions being Rick Moranis and Harold Ramis. Rick Moranis basically quit Hollywood and Harold Ramis passed away. They could have had him cameo as a ghost but that would have been disrespectful.

 The plot is similar to the first film. You kind of feel like you know what’s going to happen before it does. But the characters make the film worth watching. The four ghostbusters are all hilarious. The riff and play off of each other and it’s apparent that they are all having fun. Comedies are supposed to be fun. Chris Hemsworth had some of the best moments as their bumbling secretary. Who knew that he had comedic chops to rival Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy? 

 I liked the special effects. The ghosts looked retro like in the first two movies of the franchise. I saw it in 2D because that was the best showtime for me, but I wish I saw it in 3D because the climax was so spectacular. The end of the world has been depicted in countless movies, but this was one of the most memorable apocalypses I’ve seen. 

 There are a lot of haters who decided to hate this movie without watching it. You can’t hate it if you never experienced it. I experienced it. I liked it. Everyone else in the theater with me liked it too. I heard laughs and gasps and a smattering of applause when it was over. I heard no boos and no demands for a refund. I don’t think this movie will make its budget back. It won’t be a blockbuster even though it deserves to be. It sucks too, because the scene after the credits sets up a sequel that we might never see. 

 Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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There’s a Light at the End of the Rainbow 

 I overheard a guy complaining about his life to his friend. His girlfriend dumped him, he was overlooked for a promotion at work, and his dog likes his roommate more than him. His friend gave him some advice and told him that “There’s a light at the end of the rainbow.” I couldn’t help but scoff at them. That’s not an expression. That’s muddling up two different expressions. There’s either a light at the end of the tunnel and there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I’ve seen the end of the rainbow and there was definitely no light, only a pot of gold and a surly leprechaun guarding it. I asked the leprechaun where the light was. He said it was obviously at the end of the tunnel. That’s where they keep it. There’s no light at the end of the rainbow. Don’t believe the hype. And don’t speak in clichés if you don’t know how to say them, especially if I’m around to make fun of you. 

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Pokemon Go

My thoughts on Pokemon Go: DON’T FUCKING DO IT. 
Critically Rated at 1/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Drunk Food

 One of the best things about getting drunk is getting drunk food. Drunk food is a complete meal you can eat with your hands that fills you up and is served quickly. Certain foods taste better when you’re inebriated. Pizza is always good, but it’s so much better when you’re drunk. A drunk burrito in between bars keeps your night going. Stumbling across a street vendor selling bacon-wrapped hot dogs will make you believe that God is real and wants us to be happy. Drunk food provides you with the much needed fuel to keep on drinking. It makes the party last longer. You know you had a good night when you find an empty pizza box on the counter when you wake up the next morning and no recollection of getting it. I’m not promoting binge drinking, I’m promoting eating food when you’re binge drinking. There’s a slight difference I’m sure. 

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Going to the Game by Myself

 I went to work yesterday and I didn’t feel much like working. I had an opportunity to leave early and so I took it. I clocked in at 10:30 and I clocked out at 10:45. I had the whole day ahead of me and I wasn’t going to let it go to waste. The Giants were playing the Diamondbacks at 1:05 and I was in the mood for some baseball. I started texting friends to see if anybody was down to go. Nobody could go on such short notice so I bought a standing room only ticket for myself and went alone. It was my first time going to the game by myself and I don’t think it will be my last. It was a lot of fun. I could do whatever I wanted. I didn’t have to settle for inferior beer. There was no debating where to go for food. I could make bathroom trips whenever I wanted and didn’t have to wait for anyone stuck in a longer line than me. And I wasn’t bored because I still talked baseball with the other fans around me. I feel like I paid a lot more attention to the game. I still prefer going with other people but now I know that I can go to the game whenever the mood strikes me. And going to the game is always better than watching it on TV. You can call me a loser but you can’t say I’m not a fan. Go Giants! 

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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