Tag Archives: sandwich

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich 

You have a piece of bread covered in peanut butter on one side and another piece of bread covered with jelly on one side. Slap the two together and you have yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the official stereotypical dietary staple of American childhood. One mention of PB&J and you automatically conjure up images of opening your lunchbox and seeing a lovingly-prepared peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crusts cut off. It doesn’t matter if you never cut the crusts off, or had a lunchbox, or even ever actually had one because pop culture has groomed us to accept them as a part of our past. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are a part of us. To deny that is to deny how the world views America. They are as American as apple pie, hot dogs, burgers, beer… that’s a lot of food… and um, oh yeah, motherfucking guns. You can’t spell ‘Murica without PB&J. You know that’s true because you’re reading it on the internet. 

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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BLT

A BLT is one of the most classic and simple sandwiches in existence. BLT stands for bacon, lettuce, and tomato. You stack those three ingredients in between two slices of bread and you have yourself a BLT. I had one a few nights ago. It was dinner time and my girlfriend and I decided to make dinner at home instead of going out. I suggested BLTs because that’s one of the few things I know how to make. My girl said that she liked BLTs with onions and avocados instead of lettuce and tomatoes. That’s not a BLT. That’s a BOA. You need the lettuce and tomato for it to be a BLT. The bacon is the most important ingredient. Bacon is always the most important ingredient in anything.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Sammich

If you’re hungry and aren’t sure what to eat, you can’t go wrong with a sammich. A sammich is similar to a sandwich, only far more delicious.  Anyone can make a sandwich: you just slap some shit between two slices of bread and call it a day. But a sammich takes more time, both in making it and in eating it. You get a sandwich from Subway; you get a sammich from the deli. A PB&J is a sandwich. A BLT is a sammich.  A sammich is a sandwich that you are proud of. A sammich is a sandwich that other people are jealous of. It’s something that they might try to steal. A sammich is a precious commodity, especially around lunchtime. I could go for a sammich right about now.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ritz Cracker Sandwiches with Peanut Butter

Ritz Cracker Sandwiches with Peanut Butter are prepackaged Ritz crackers made with real peanut butter. They are great if you like Ritz crackers with peanut butter but are too lazy to put peanut butter on Ritz crackers yourself. It looks like the crackers are a little bit smaller than the regular Ritz, but it still makes for a decent snack. It might not stave off your appetite, but it will get you to your next meal without your stomach growling. You get the salty crunch from the cracker and the smooth nutty taste of peanut butter with each bite. They pair well with a glass of milk or a bottle of beer. Beer makes everything better. Add some Nutella and you’re golden. Nutella makes everything better too.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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This Tastes Bad, Try It

You’re relaxing in the break room and your coworker comes in, sits down, and starts eating her homemade lunch. She pulls out a wilted sandwich that looks like it has been sitting out a little too long. She opens her mouth, takes a bite, starts chewing slowly and carefully, and swallows it with a slight grimace. Then she looks at you and asks, “This tastes bad, try it.”

“No,” you say, “Fuck no, in fact.” And who can blame you? That sandwich looked gross from the get-go. Then you saw her reaction as she was eating it. And then she confirmed it by saying that it tasted bad. Why would you possibly want to try it? And why would she even offer you a disgusting sandwich? That’s not very nice. That’s not how you share. You should share good things, things that other people would enjoy. Not bad or weird tasting things. Maybe she wants you to suffer with her. She wants you to experience the same terrible things that she has. She wants you to feel her pain. Just say no. Whatever you do, don’t take a bite.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Craving Food and Being Disappointed

Your stomach is growling and it is time to eat. But you can’t settle for just anything. You have a craving for a certain sandwich from a specific spot and nothing else will suffice. You start telling yourself how perfect the sandwich will be, you start hyping it up, and your craving becomes a requirement. You go down to the deli, you order your sandwich and a drink, find a spot to sit, take off the wrapper, and take out your sandwich. You take a picture of it and post it to Facebook. Now you can finally take a bite.

As you take that first bite and start to chew, you realize that something’s wrong. This isn’t the orgasmic experience you were expecting. This sandwich was supposed to change the world, but it just tastes bland. Craving food and being disappointed with it is a letdown. It makes you question your judgment. How can you trust your future cravings? What if you lie to yourself again and you’re stuck with another shitty sandwich?

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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