Monthly Archives: December 2015

December 28, 2015 · 1:21 pm

Cutting Pizza with Scissors

There are a few ways to cut a pizza. Some people opt for a pizza cutter, a device made for the sole purpose of cutting pizza. Some people us a sharp knife (sharp knives are much better than dull ones). My grandma was a rebel and didn’t play by the rules. She would cut pizza with scissors. It worked and it worked well. She could cut a pizza faster and more precisely than any other grandma in the neighborhood. She never got any recognition for her contributions to the pizza cutting world, but I’m fighting to preserve her culinary breakthrough. I want people to know that cutting pizza with scissors is not only an option, it’s a viable one. Try it the next time you cook up DiGiorno. It might change your life.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 27, 2015 · 2:42 pm

Mission Brewery Hard Root Beer

I drink a lot of beer but I’ll mix it up every once in a while and try something different. I was feeling adventurous at the store and got a six-pack of Mission Brewery Hard Root Beer. It’s what it sounds like. It’s root beer with booze in it. It has a respectable 7.5% alcohol content so it’s harder than Budweiser. I cracked open a bottle and poured it into a frosty mug. It looks like root beer. It’s a dark brown color with moderate carbonation and a thin head that dissipates quickly. It smells like root beer. There’s spice, licorice, and vanilla aromas. It tastes like root beer on the first sip, but with a definite boozy aftertaste once you swallow it. It has an herbal medicine flavor that takes some getting used to. It’s neither good nor bad. I’m not impressed and I’m not disappointed either. It’s just a different way of getting drunk. It’s worth trying if you like root beer and booze, but a six-pack is a big commitment if you’re not sure about it. I wish that I bought a single bottle to sample first. I’ll finish my six-pack eventually but I’m not in any rush to do so.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 24, 2015 · 9:25 pm

Christmas Eve 2015

Christmas Eve is the night before Christmas. It’s when Christmas fever is burning most fervently, right before the holiday completely crushes your spirit. Christmas Eve is kind of weird. It’s a precursor holiday. It’s holiday to honor another holiday. I suppose it’s really not that bad. There used to be twelve days of Christmas. Now we are down to two. It’s when slackers do their last minute shopping. It’s when TBS starts to play the 24-hour A Christmas Story marathon.

I was walking towards the metro station earlier tonight in downtown San Francisco and it was eerily quiet. There was hardly anybody on the sidewalks or on the streets. I glanced at my phone for the time and it was only 7:30 pm. Still early, but all the people were gone. It made me smile. I knew that almost everybody was somewhere they wanted to be. With their families. With their friends. Maybe at the bar. Maybe chilling with at home with Netflix. Christmas Eve may not be an official holiday but it certainly feels like one. Merry Christmas, I love you all. Thanks for reading the bullshit I feel compelled to write.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 23, 2015 · 9:20 pm

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (SPOILERS!!)

Star Wars: The Force Awakens is the seventh installment of the Star Wars franchise. It’s the first film of the newest trilogy, and the first truly great Star Wars film since The Empire Strikes Back (Return of the Jedi was a glorified toy commercial and a bit of a letdown. It’s still better than the prequel trilogy though). J.J. Abrams takes over the director’s chair and breaths fresh life into the series. There are new characters, new planets, new aliens, but with enough nostalgia to bring a smile to the most cynical of Star Wars fans. If you don’t like this film, you don’t like Star Wars and I feel bad for you. You have no sense of fun or adventure and you bring everyone down around you.

I didn’t have the chance to see The Force Awakens on opening night. I finally got to see it yesterday. It was worth the wait. I almost teared up as the introductory text crawl appeared onscreen. It’s been a long time since we visited Luke Skywalker and friends. To find out he was missing was surprising. Instantly you wonder what lies ahead. The first action sequence was overwhelming and you knew that you got your money’s worth right away.

I don’t want to talk too much about the plot. I don’t think the plot is all that important. Star Wars was always more about the characters. If you don’t care about the characters, you won’t care about what happens to them. John Boyega plays Finn, a stormtrooper that quickly finds his conscious and joins the resistance. You can see his reluctance to kill before you ever see his face. Daisy Ridley play Rey, a fierce and tough scavenger who is thrust into an adventure she never planned for but is completely capable of handling. The most important new character is arguably BB-8, the droid that dominated the Christmas toy market. He is a robot that beeps and boops like R2-D2 and seems like a mechanical puppy a lot of the time. If you don’t buy him, you won’t like the film. He’s like Wall-E. He’s a mechanical object that has more emotions than a fourteen-year-old girl.

The new characters aren’t all good guys either. You have to have some bad guys for them to fight against. The Force Awakens has bad guys in spades. There’s Adam Driver as Kylo Ren, a masked villain who inevitably reminds you of Darth Vader, yet is still relatable. It helps that he takes his mask off and you find out his backstory in this film as opposed to waiting a few years for the sequel to discover who he is. He reminds me of Tom Hiddleston as Loki in the Marvel cinematic universe. Andy Serkis portrays Supreme Leader Snoke, the mysterious master of the dark side who is pulling the strings behind the scenes. We have a lot more to learn about him. Domhnall Gleeson plays General Hux, the Grand Moff Tarkin of the new trilogy. He’s a bad guy, but he’s a bureaucrat as opposed to an evil Jedi.

I haven’t even started talking about the returning characters. Harrison Ford and Peter Mayhew returning as Han Solo and Chewbacca was worth the price of admission alone. They had a much bigger part than I thought they would. I was expecting a glorified cameo. It was anything but. They drove the plot forward. Carrie Fisher returned as Leia Organa. She’s a general as opposed to a princess now. Anthony Daniels returns as C-3PO, although he’s almost unrecognizable with his new red arm. You also see a lot of former background characters reappear. I won’t lie, it was awesome seeing Admiral Ackbar and Nien Nunb again. I didn’t know that I missed them. I did.

The best thing about The Force Awakens is that it feels like a new Star Wars film. You get to catch up with old characters but the focus is on the new characters and nothing feels forced about it (enjoy that pun). There’s a passing of the torch. It’s not about Luke, Leia, and Han anymore. That’s a good thing. You don’t want to live in the past. Well, maybe you do but you shouldn’t.

You need to see this movie and it’s best to see it with other Star Wars nerds. It’s much more enjoyable to share a look and a comment with a friend when you both catch an obscure reference. It’s not a perfect movie, but no movies are. It’s still exciting and it hooks you in and leaves you breathless until the end. There are only a few characters and scenes that seem out of place but it all seems like is building up to something in the sequels. I will testify that we sat in the theater when the film ended and talked about everything we witnessed as the credits rolled. It’s not often that you want to immediately go back and watch what you just saw. That’s a testament to how satisfying The Force Awakens was. I could write a lot more about this movie. I’m going to drink a beer instead.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 21, 2015 · 8:52 pm

Eggnog

I celebrated Christmas with my family yesterday. It was a grand old time. We laughed, talked, and caught up with each other. We had hors d’oeuvres, a nice steak dinner, and consumed copious amounts of alcohol. We had beer, wine, and a few cocktails. I even brought up a bottle of a rum and brandy mix to make some eggnog. It’s been a long time since I’ve had eggnog. At least five years I’m guessing. I was well overdue for some nog. Eggnog is traditionally a chilled dairy and egg-based cocktail with a couple of added spices for flavor. It could be non-alcoholic but that’s no fun. There are a lot of recipes for eggnog. You could make it from scratch if you have all the right ingredients, but it’s a lot easier and faster to buy some premade eggnog and then add some booze to it. That’s what I did. Sprinkle a little nutmeg on top and you’re in business. Pacing is important when consuming eggnog. Drink it too fast and you’ll get a stomach ache (or possibly salmonella). Drink it too slowly and it will curdle. It’s a holiday drink most enjoyed around Christmas. I wouldn’t bring a batch of nog to any Fourth of July festivities. It’s too hot. Milk and eggs are a bad choice.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 18, 2015 · 5:15 pm

Bluetooth Speakers

In the age of iPhones and iPads it’s important to have some Bluetooth speakers in your arsenal. That way you can enjoy listening to music or watching Netflix anywhere. The whole world becomes your living room. I remember having portable speakers for my Discman back in the day. They were horrible. They were big and bulky, required a couple of AA batteries that would drain out in less than three hours, and you had to plug them into the headphone jack. Flash forward a decade and we now have Bluetooth speakers, which are small and sleek, with a built-in rechargeable battery, and connect wirelessly. I got a Bluetooth speaker as a gift a year or so ago. It couldn’t have cost more than twenty bucks, but it’s awesome. It sounds great. I bring it to the beach, to the park, and on camping trips. It’s a portable party that fits in my pocket. And it has a suction cup so I can stick it to my forehead and literally not miss a beat. Plus it makes me look cool. I included a picture below if you don’t believe me.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 16, 2015 · 7:33 pm

American Dim Sum

I’m a fan of dim sum. Dim sum is like Chinese brunch with a twist. There aren’t any large portions, it’s typically bite-sized pieces of food. If you’re at a sit-down dim sum place you don’t order off a menu. Instead the servers walk around with trays of different dishes and you grab whatever looks good. It’s a great dining experience and it makes me wonder if anyone has come up with American dim sum. It would be small portions of American comfort foods. I’m talking about sliders, meatballs with toothpicks, fries, onion rings, mozzarella sticks, milkshake shots, potato skins, street tacos, mini corn dogs/pigs in a blanket, deep fried pickles, deep fried Twinkies, cheesecake bites, ice cream cupcakes, Buffalo wings, chicken nuggets… Do I need to keep listing food or can you just admit that American dim sum is a great idea? Anything that catches your eye ends up on your plate.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 15, 2015 · 12:40 pm

Chasing Tyson

Chasing Tyson is an ESPN 30 for 30 documentary about Evander Holyfield’s quest for glory and respect, and more importantly, to escape being stuck in Mike Tyson’s shadow. Holyfield was one of the greatest boxers of all time. He clawed his way up the boxing ranks and gradually became the only four-time heavyweight champion of the world, but he’s still best remembered for being the guy that Mike Tyson bit.

The documentary follows the two boxers as their careers unfold. Mike Tyson was a superstar, knocking people out quickly and brutally. He was crazy and dangerous and the media loved him for it. He transcended boxing. Evander Holyfield was the exact opposite. He was quiet, calm, and unassuming. He didn’t have explosive knockout power, but he had heart and the skill necessary to beat Tyson yet nobody believed that he stood a chance against him.

Holyfield did everything he could to prove himself as worthy opponent to Tyson. He beat everyone that Tyson beat, and that still wasn’t enough. The only way to prove that he was better than Tyson was to beat Tyson. Their long awaited fight was delayed for years while Mike Tyson served time in prison, and the two fighters were well past their prime when they finally met in the ring.

Mike Tyson will always be one of the most remembered and discussed boxers in history. Holyfield will be remembered as well, but mostly because he was linked to Tyson. Holyfield worked longer, harder, and deserves more recognition and respect. He’s never going to get it. Life’s not fair. Just ask Evander Holyfield.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 14, 2015 · 3:00 pm

Not So Silent Night 2015

Last Friday night I went to Not So Silent Night. It’s a concert thrown by LIVE 105, a popular Bay Area alternative rock radio station. They throw it every year but this year’s lineup was too good to miss, so I jumped at the chance when my friend asked if I wanted to go. The tickets weren’t too pricey. We got ours for fifty bucks apiece and sat in the front row of the second level. We had an unobstructed view of the stage and people below, plus easy access to the bathrooms. It was a good spot.

We got to the concert a little late. We missed out on X Ambassadors completely. I don’t really know them though, so no harm, no foul. We got there just as Foals came out. They played for about twenty minutes or so. They were alright. Nothing too spectacular. CHVRCHES were next. I’ve been looking forward to seeing them for a while. Now I can cross that off the bucket list. Their set was only about thirty minutes. Halsey was after that. I’m not too familiar with her music and I’m still not. She was good though, just not my style.

Silversun Pickups played after that. I first saw Silversun Pickups at Outside Lands in 2009 and they instantly became one of my favorite bands. They were the main reason I wanted to go to Not So Silent Night. They have such a great sound and vibe. They played for about forty minutes, which wasn’t nearly enough time for them to play everything I wanted to hear. Bastille was after Silversun Pickups. I don’t know Bastille too well. I only know “Pompeii” and they played that. It’s much better live.

Death Cab for Cutie was next. They played around an hour and ten minutes and were able to cram a lot of their hits in. Ben Gibbard has one of the best voices in the music industry today and it was awesome to see him perform live for the first time in my life. I would definitely go see them again.

Weezer was the headliner and they deserved to be. They’ve been around for a long time and they are still coming out with great songs. They played for an hour and twenty minutes. Not too long, but long enough. They played some new stuff, but they also played almost everything I wanted to hear… “Undone – The Sweater Song,” “Say It Ain’t So,” “Hash Pipe,” “Beverly Hills,” “Perfect Situation,” and “Buddy Holly” to name a few. The whole crowd was singing along to every song. A few people even raised lighters over their heads. Real lighters, not cellphones. It was a sight to see.

That was my first Not So Silent Night and it probably won’t be my last. They crammed in a lot of solid bands, and there was only a ten-minute delay between sets. It was nonstop entertainment. I don’t like paying a lot of money to only see one or two bands. I saw seven bands (it could have been eight) in one night. That’s a lot of bang for my buck. Totally worth it.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 11, 2015 · 1:58 pm

Liberian Girl

“Liberian Girl” is a single from Michael Jackson’s album Bad. It’s an alright song, some would describe it as filler material, but it’s catchy and has a cool, sexy vibe to it. He made a music video for it because of course he did. The video’s premise is kind of meta. It’s about a bunch of eighties celebrities meeting on a soundstage to film the music video for “Liberian Girl.” It’s a virtual Who’s Who of eighties entertainment. It’s kind of funny to watch it now and try to name all the celebrities. Some of them are still famous and some of them are pretty obscure. Are they still famous if nobody remembers them? Anyway, so all the celebrities are talking amongst each other while wondering where Michael is and what the video is going to be about, all the while the song is playing in the background almost unnoticed. You keep waiting for the music video to actually start, and then Michael Jackson is revealed to have been filming them all along, and that’s how the music video ends. It’s one of his most unique videos. He’s not really in it, there’s no dance choreography, and the song is not really the main focus. I included the video below. Watch it. Try to guess all the celebrities. Turn it into a drinking game.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 10, 2015 · 8:07 pm

Being Inside When It’s Shitty Outside

It’s raining outside my window right now. Not just raining, it’s hailing, the wind is howling, there’s thunder, a bit of lightening. El Niño is going off. But it’s nothing to me. I’m sitting comfortably in my room. I got a blanket wrapped around me, a beer by my side. The power is working, the lights are on, and Netflix is in full force. Life is good. Being inside when it’s shitty outside is a privilege that some people don’t have, so I try to take full advantage of it. Being warm is nice. Being dry is nice. I guess paying rent is worth it sometimes.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 9, 2015 · 3:44 pm

Real Life Christmas Shopping

I decided to do some Christmas shopping today and I decided I would do it the old fashioned way. I went downtown and walked into actual shops. I went into a Target Express, I went into Old Navy, and I even went to the mall and walked around all the levels and explored random stores. It was real life Christmas shopping, just like I remember doing before the rise of Amazon and other online retailers. And it was a terrible experience. It wasn’t even crowded but there were a lot of angry shoppers and a lack of knowledgeable customer service representatives. I walked around the whole mall and only bought a handful of things. I thought getting up off my ass and physically going to a store would make the shopping experience more pleasant, more real, and more worthwhile. I was wrong. It was a complete waste of time. Sorry, Amazon. I’ll never doubt you again.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 8, 2015 · 3:47 pm

Corn Dog

A corn dog is a hot dog covered with cornbread on a stick. It’s probably my favorite food on a stick. They are associated with county fairs, baseball games, and evenings at the circus. They taste like America, like freedom on a stick. They are best served deep fried, but even nuking one in the microwave is good enough to combat the munchies. My roommate offered me a leftover box of frozen corn dogs that she was never going to eat. I accepted that offer and I accepted it gladly. A box of free corn dogs goes a long way, especially in today’s economy. You can have one corn dog for a snack or have three for a meal. I’m doing the latter right now. Writing about corn dogs is fun. Eating them is even better.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 7, 2015 · 9:51 pm

Bands I’ve Seen at Outside Lands

I’m too lazy think of something to write about right now so I figured I would just make a list of all the bands I’ve seen at Outside Lands. In case you don’t know, Outside Lands is a three-day music and arts festival held annually in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park. I live two blocks away from Golden Gate Park. I’m pretty much required to go and so I do. It’s a three-day festival in my backyard. How can I not go?

The first Outside Lands was in 2008. That was a long time ago so I can’t remember all the bands that I saw, but I remember seeing Beck, Dredg, Matt Nathanson, Steve Winwood, Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals, Rodrigo y Gabriela, Wilco, and all three main headliners: Radiohead, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, and Jack Johnson.

In 2009 I saw Incubus, Tom Jones, Silversun Pickups, the National, Black Eyed Peas, The Mars Volta, M.I.A., Modest Mouse, Matt & Kim, Atmosphere, Ween, and the three main headliners again: Pearl Jam, Dave Matthews Band, and Tenacious D. The Beastie Boys were supposed to be Sunday’s headliner but MCA got cancer and they were replaced by Tenacious D. Jack Black and K.G. put on a hell of a show, but that was my only chance to ever see the Beastie Boys.

Ok, so I might have lied earlier when I said that I’ve been to every Outside Lands because I didn’t buy tickets the third year because of various reasons. I was supposed to work that entire weekend but somehow got Sunday off. I celebrated by going to Golden Gate Park with some friends that night and listened to Kings of Leon’s set. We were on the wrong side of the fence, but I kinda sorta consider that as going to Outside Lands. Anyway, I learned from my mistake and vowed to never do that again.

In 2011 I saw Phantogram, Foster the People, MGMT, Phish, OK Go, Arctic Monkeys, the Black Keys, and Muse. I didn’t like Sunday’s lineup so I sold the ticket to a friend. I kind of regret it.

I kept my 2012 guide so I know exactly who I saw and when I saw them. 8/10/2012 was a Friday and I started the day by watching Tanlines, then Fitz and the Tantrums, Beck (again), Foo Fighters, and ended the night with Neil Young & Crazy Horse. Saturday began with Geographer, followed by Alabama Shakes, Big Boi, Passion Pit, and finished with Metallica. Sunday’s first set was Allen Stone, then fun., Franz Ferdinand, Regina Spektor, Santigold, Bloc Party, and it concluded with Stevie Wonder.

2013’s OSL rolled around and I saw Band of Horses, the National, Zedd, and Paul McCartney on Friday. I saw Social Studies, Atlas Genius, Young the Giant, Jurassic 5, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, a little bit of Nine Inch Nails, and then Phoenix on Saturday. On Sunday I saw Foals, Daryl Hall & John Oates (and yes, they did play “Maneater”), A-Trak, Matt & Kim (again), and closed the weekend with Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I misplaced my 2014 guide, but I know that I saw Aer, Bleachers, Holy Ghost! Chromeo, Disclosure, The Kooks, Local Natives, Haim, Death Cab for Cutie, Imelda May, Flume, Spoon, and Kanye West, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers (again), and The Killers.

Don’t worry though, I have my 2015 guide so I can tell you that on Friday, 8/7/2015 I saw the Family Crest, Lake Street Dive, Lindsey Sterling, Glass Animals, RL Grime, Chet Faker, Porter Robinson, and Mumford & Sons. On Saturday I saw Misterwives, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Cold War Kids, Toro y Moi, Tame Impala, Classixx, and Kendrick Lamar. On Sunday I saw Shakey Graves, St. Paul and the Broken Bones, DJ Mustard, Odesza, Sam Smith, Caribou, and Elton John.

Outside Lands is a big part of my life. I look forward to it every year. I will blindly buy a ticket before they announce the lineup. It doesn’t matter who is playing. I love discovering bands that I haven’t heard before. I love finding out how popular bands sound live. I love seeing living legends like Paul McCartney and Elton John take the stage. I love forming temporary friendships with the random festival-goers around me, passing joints and sharing booze while killing time before the next set starts. I’m all about living life and Outside Lands is one of those places where I feel truly alive.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 6, 2015 · 6:52 pm

Taking Selfies with Someone Else’s Phone

It’s slow season at work so I get into a lot of mischief during my shifts now. One of my newest games is covertly taking selfies with someone else’s phone when they leave it unattended. You don’t need to know their passcode to access the camera so you can take a few random pictures or record a video without them knowing about it. I will take selfies and group shots of me and all of my accomplices, or record a quick video, and sneakily replace their phone without them knowing. Then you sit back and wait for them to discover it. Sometimes it happens right away, sometimes you have to wait a few minutes or hours, and sometimes it takes days. It’s always a funny reaction. There are a few rules to the game. Pick your targets well. Some people don’t like it when you use their stuff without asking. I wouldn’t recommend taking any crotch shots or capturing anything illegal. It should just be funny faces or middle fingers, nothing that will cause any distress. If you take selfies with someone else’s phone, expect to have someone taking selfies with your phone as payback. It’s all part of the game, so make sure you really want to play before you click the shutter button.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 5, 2015 · 7:01 pm

Netflix Race

My roommate got his own Netflix account a month or two ago. He asked me to recommend a few shows for him to binge-watch. I gave him a few suggestions, Arrow was one of them, and he started to watch it. He was starting with the pilot episode, while I was already ten episodes into the third season. Each season has twenty-three episodes so I had a bit of head start on him to say the least. I would follow his progress, asking him where he was in the show and what he thought was going to happen next. He was flying through it. I was only watching an episode every couple of days. Pretty soon he was done with the first season. Before I knew it he was done with the second season. Suddenly he was on the third season and steadily catching up to me. Now it’s a race, a Netflix race. I have three episodes to go in the third season and he’s fifteen episodes in. I think I’ll beat him this time thanks to my massive head start but I’m never challenging him to a Netflix race again. He’s too damn good at Netflix and chilling.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 4, 2015 · 8:06 pm

Harry Potter Glasses

It’s impossible to picture Harry Potter in your head without his trademark glasses. You’re thinking of Danielle Radcliffe if you think you can and Daniel Radcliffe is not Harry Potter. There’s a difference. Anyway, those circular specs are a huge part of Harry Potter’s image. It makes him seem more relatable and less like a powerful wizard. But that got me to thinking that those glasses are proof that he’s not that great of a wizard. I mean Hermione used magic to change her teeth. We know that they can regrow and mend broken bones with Skele-Gro. You’re telling me there’s not a spell to cure astigmatism? They don’t have magical contacts? Somebody ask J.K. Rowling for me if you get the chance. Thanks.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Youngil_fullxfull.508808955_o5l1_original

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