Monthly Archives: December 2013

December 31, 2013 · 8:48 am

Before-After Triple Bock

Before-After Triple Bock is an impressive bock from Rinkuškiai Aluas Darykla in Lithuania. Don’t ask me what that means or how to pronounce it, but I’m pretty sure that it’s a brewery and Rinkuškiai is the name of the brand. It has a rich, sweet malt aroma with hints of floral, cinnamon, and ginger. It tastes even sweeter than I was expecting. I get brown sugar, ginger, orange peel, spice, caramel, and a little oak. The sweet flavor masks the high 12% ABV. This beer is practically a wine. It also has a really cool label with an optical illusion. There’s a picture of a pretty girl’s face, and she turns into an old lady when you turn it upside down. It’s fitting because this triple bock will definitely give you beer goggles if you have more than one. Hopefully you’re not drinking it at your family reunion.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 31, 2013 · 12:06 am

Another New Year’s Eve

Cheers to another New Year’s Eve. New Year’s Eve is the last day of the year. You celebrate it by getting drunk, drinking champagne, and trying to make out with someone at midnight. It’s one of those nights that you’ll plan ahead days, weeks, or months in advance, but you’ll always be disappointed if you have expectations. It has the potential to be amazingly epic if you just wing it and go with the flow. New Year’s Eve is also a time of reflection, a time to think of all the broken promises you’ve made to yourself over the last year. It’s also the time to pat yourself on the back for your many small victories. You’re another year older and another year wiser, and now you get to celebrate. 2013 was awesome but now it’s time to experience 2014. I hope you all stay safe and wish you all a Happy New Year!

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 30, 2013 · 8:52 am

Bowling

Bowling is a game where you roll a ball down a narrow lane in an attempt to knock over ten pins. There are professional bowlers and tournaments, but most bowling games are casual contests between friends. You’ll go down to the nearest bowling alley, rent a few lanes and a pair of ugly shoes, maybe grab a few beers, and play a couple of games. Bowling is easy to learn, but hard to master. Professional bowlers try to get twelve strikes in a row for a perfect game. Casual bowlers just try to keep the ball out of the gutter and feel satisfied with the occasional strike. The most difficult thing about bowling is learning how to keep score. Luckily most bowling alleys have computers that keep track for you. Bowling is fun on the Wii, but it’s better in real life. The sound of powerful strike is one of the most satisfying sounds in sports. But not many things are as agonizing as a gutter ball and I bowl a lot more of those.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 30, 2013 · 8:50 am

Santa’s Little Helper (beer)

Santa’s Little Helper is a Russian Imperial Stout from the Port Brewing Company. It has a coffee malt aroma like you would expect from a good stout. I also get whiffs of chocolate and dark fruits. It tastes of roasted malts, chocolate, wood, coffee, espresso, and bitter hops. It is very rich and flavorful, a very robust malty beverage. It’s also pretty strong with an alcohol content of 10%. This is the kind of beer that you go out of your way to get. Hell, it’s the kind of beer that you Instagram before you drink. Plus it has a cool name that doubles as a reference to The Simpsons. You know who likes this beer? People with good taste.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 29, 2013 · 12:14 pm

Lincoln Logs

Lincoln Logs are either a classic children’s toy or the fecal remains of our sixteenth president. Most of the time, it refers to the classic toy. A Lincoln Log is a small piece of wood with a notch. The logs are notched so that another log can be placed on it at a ninety-degree angle. They link together so that you can make small-scale frontier forts and cabins. They were invented by John Lloyd Wright, the son of Frank Lloyd Wright (the internationally renowned and respected architect). Frank Lloyd Wright designed amazing, unique, and exciting buildings. John Lloyd Wright made a crappy toy that you threw away as soon as you discovered Legos. Frank might have been a little disappointed in his son’s career choice. They are both dead now so it doesn’t matter anymore. Lincoln Logs are a mediocre toy at best.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 29, 2013 · 11:56 am

Imaginary Friends

It seems like every little kid has an imaginary friend or two. It’s a way to stave off boredom and it helps them to develop personality and social skills. But as you grow up, your imaginary friends begin to fade away. It’s tough to say if you are outgrowing them or if your imaginary friends just don’t want to hang out with you anymore. It’s probably the latter. Imaginary friends get sick and tired of having to do everything that you want to do. Maybe they didn’t want to go to the zoo or play Hot Lava, but you still made them do it anyway. They probably resent you for always controlling the situation and never respecting their opinions. You might have listened to them, but you never really heard what they were saying. And so they started hanging out with other people’s imaginary friends and let your relationship fizzle out. Friendships sometimes end. Even imaginary ones.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 28, 2013 · 8:47 am

Holding Hands While Running Across the Street

I was heading to work a few days ago when I spotted a family of three tourists attempting to cross a busy street. They were watching the flow of cars and they ran across the street when they saw a break in traffic. They were holding hands for some stupid reason. I think holding hands while running across is more than a slight hindrance; I think it’s downright dangerous. It slows you down, it makes you less agile, and it makes you a bigger target. If one of them tripped, he would have dragged the other ones down with him. If one of them got hit by a car, he would have taken the other ones with him. If you want to die by being stupid, that’s awesome and I totally support you, but try not to kill anyone else.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 28, 2013 · 8:44 am

Sublimely Self-Righteous Ale

Sublimely Self-Righteous Ale is another exciting craft beer from Stone Brewing Co. It’s an American black ale with a hearty 8.7% alcohol content. It has a nice aroma of piney hops and roasted malts, with hints of caramel and chocolate. It has a great taste with a strong malty backbone with bitter earthy hops. This beer doesn’t know what it wants to be. It’s somewhere in between a porter and an IPA. I can taste chocolate, espresso, pine, and citrus zest. It’s a unique flavor profile, but it works. It’s better than a lot of other beers on the marker, but Stone has better brews in their lineup.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 27, 2013 · 10:08 pm

A Mouse in the House

So I’ve been living in the same apartment in San Francisco for over six years now, and tonight I witnessed the first mouse in the house. Well, technically he wasn’t in the house, he was at the top of the stairs outside my front door. I just came home from a long, killer shift at work and was just looking forward to cracking open a beer and smoking a bowl. And then I was greeted by a rodent. That’s not a great welcome. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that it wasn’t actually inside the apartment, but I can’t help but feel that he was scoping out the place for his verminous friends. I already have two roommates, so I don’t need any furry pests encroaching on my living space, raiding the cabinets, and eating my food. A mouse in the house is a terrible thing. They say that if you see a mouse, then you have mice. I hope that’s not the case.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 27, 2013 · 1:01 am

The Perfect Christmas

I think I just had the perfect Christmas. It might have been a few days late, but I think it was the best one yet. I spent Christmas Day running around at work, suffering all day long with my coworkers. It might have sucked if I didn’t love all the people I work with, but luckily I do and we made the best of a stressful day. A couple of us went out for drinks after our shift and it ended up being a very memorable Christmas.
The 26th was my real Christmas though. I managed to get the day off and got to spend it with family. We started by getting a few drinks at Applebee’s. Classy, I know. Then we went to the Embassy Suites to take advantage of their happy hour. My family pregames before happy hour, how badass is that? After happy hour, we went back to my parents’ house for dinner, dessert, and more drinks. And presents, you can’t forget the presents.
It was a great Christmas. I saw my pregnant sister and the lump in her belly that I will soon be the uncle of. I discussed craft beers with my uncle while sipping on Pliny the Elder. I ate good food and laughed heartily every few minutes. Everybody was smiling and having a good time, nobody was pouting in the corner or silently sulking in the other room… And that automatically makes it better than any other holiday I’ve ever experienced. Christmas is about family and friends, and I got the best of both worlds this year. I consider myself lucky.
Critically Rated at 17/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 26, 2013 · 2:07 pm

Leaving the Toilet Seat Up

Girls are always complaining about guys leaving the toilet seat up. Leaving the toilet seat up is a tradition that’s not going anywhere. It’s not like we are doing it out of spite (well, sometimes we do), it just stays up because we piss a lot and we are lazy. You’re lucky if we even remember to flush. I sometimes feel sorry for the girls that end up falling into the toilet, but they should have paid attention. Guys need to sit down when they shit, but we don’t fall in because we check the status of the seat before we sit down. It’s common sense. Look before you leap and look before you squat. Girls complain that leaving the seat up is inconsiderate. They never stopped to consider that leaving the seat down is inconsiderate to guys. I’m not sorry about leaving the toilet seat up. I leave the seat up, and I leave it up proudly. It’s also proof that I didn’t pee on the seat in the bathroom at work.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 26, 2013 · 1:37 pm

Forgetting to Add Detergent

Today is laundry day. I don’t have a washer or a dryer so I have to trek three blocks to the closest Laundromat. Going to the Laundromat requires planning ahead. You have to make sure you grabbed all your dirty clothes, that you have enough quarters, and you can’t forget to bring detergent and dryer sheets. You have to be prepared. And I always am, but I was off my game today. I got to the Laundromat with no problems. I put my clothes in the washer, plunked the right amount of quarters into the slot, pressed the preferred temperature button, and the machine roared to life. I had thirty minutes to kill, so I went across the street to the convenience store to buy a celebratory Red Bull and some snacks. While I was purchasing my items, it suddenly dawned on me that I didn’t put any detergent in. Forgetting to add detergent is like washing your hands without using soap. It looks like productive but it’s not doing anything. Luckily I realized that I was a dumbass within ten minutes, so I went back to the Laundromat and threw in the detergent. The machine didn’t even cut off when I opened the lid, so I didn’t have to add another quarter. At least I didn’t have to pay extra for my stupidity.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

 

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December 25, 2013 · 11:09 am

Working on Christmas

A lot of people view Christmas as the most important holiday of the year, a time for family and friends, of food, laughter, and presents. But it’s also just another day and that means a lot of people have to work on Christmas, myself included. It’s not a bad thing. I’m not going to mope and feel sorry for myself. I’m just going to go to work and make money (hopefully a lot of money if people are feeling the Christmas spirit). I actually want to work. I get paid double time and I have a longer shift.  Working on Christmas has been my holiday tradition for a few years now. I’m still going to celebrate Christmas with my family, it just won’t be on the 25th. Ain’t no thang as long as I get presents. And isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 25, 2013 · 11:07 am

Vanilla Oatis

            Vanilla Oatis is an oatmeal stout made with vanilla. It’s made by the good people at the Ninkasi Brewing Company in Eugene, Oregon. It has a great aroma of chocolate, roasted coffee, and caramel malts, with a touch of vanilla and a hint of smoke. It tastes like it smells. It’s very malty, and I can taste bittersweet chocolate, vanilla, coffee, smoke, and maybe some toffee. It’s a solid stout, and that hint of vanilla brings a kind of smoothness to it. The alcohol content is 7.2%, which is average, but this beer is not. It’s pretty damn good and I would recommend it for any fan of craft beers.

            Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 24, 2013 · 9:03 am

The Bureau is Made of Redwood

I used to have a huge infatuation with ghosts and haunted houses when I was growing up, and the Winchester Mystery House was one of the tourist attractions that I always wanted to go. Sarah Winchester was a rich and eccentric old lady who was convinced that all the people who died from Winchester rifles would come back to haunt her. So she constructed a huge mansion that was continuously being built, remodeled, and redesigned in an effort to confuse the spirits. Some stairways lead directly into the ceiling, there are doorways to nowhere, there are secret passageways, and the general layout of the house is completely chaotic.

They offer guided tours daily, and I got to cross it off my bucket list a few years ago. My friend and I went together and we felt kind of out of place. We were the only twenty-somethings there. There were a few senior citizen couples and a few small families on the same tour as us. At one point we went into a small room and the guide pointed out a beautiful wooden bureau. It was a huge dresser, majestic and regal, and probably worth thousands of dollars. The guide asked us if we knew what kind of wood it was. Everyone just kind of shrugged their shoulders and rolled their eyes. Nobody knew what kind of wood it was and apparently nobody cared. But then one of the dads in the group casually raised his hand and said, “The bureau is made of redwood.”

The guide looked shocked. “That’s right,” he said. “How did you know that? I’ve been doing this tour for fifteen years. I ask that question four times everyday. Nobody’s ever gotten it right before.”

The dad glanced down at his two kids who were staring back at him with awe. “Well,” he said, “I went on this tour with my dad when I was a kid. They asked that same question and my dad was a lumberjack and knew that it was redwood. And if it was redwood then, it’s probably still redwood now.”

Everyone had a bit of a chuckle, but that whole exchange really resonated with me. That was the most memorable moment of the entire tour. I felt like I just witnessed a private moment and the birth of a new family tradition (which I fully intend to steal). I hope that one day his kids will come back to the Winchester Mystery House with their kids, and that when the guide asks about that fancy wooden dresser, they can answer that the bureau is made of redwood and explain how they know. The past is more present than you think.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 24, 2013 · 9:01 am

Dang! That’s Good Butterscotch Root Beer

Dang! That’s Good is a soda company and Butterscotch Root Beer is one of their flavored sodas. You can’t help but say “Dang! That’s good!” when you take a sip. It’s a rich, creamy, old-fashioned root beer with butterscotch flavor added to it. I’m not a big fan of butterscotch. I think it’s too sweet. But it perfectly compliments the root beer, and the end result is delicious. This is a soda pop. It pops in your mouth, and I can’t wait to finish it so I can pop open another one. It’s caffeine free like most root beers, but they use real sugar so you still get a temporary energy boost. It might be hard to find it, so you should buy a few bottles if you ever come across it. You will thank me for your stockpile after your first sip.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 23, 2013 · 9:56 am

Festivus

December 23rd is Festivus, the secular holiday that’s become a growing tradition thanks to Seinfeld. It’s been a real family custom for writer Dan O’Keefe since 1966, and he was gracious enough to introduce it to the world via the classic Seinfeld episode “The Strike.” Festivus is a response to the commercialization of Christmas, a holiday for the rest of us. There’s no tree, just an unadorned aluminum pole instead. There’s a dinner or feast, followed the “Airing of Grievances,” where each person expresses their disappointment with everyone else. Festivus concludes with the “Feats of Strength.” The head of the household challenges somebody to a wrestling match, and the holiday is finally over when the head of the household gets pinned. In theory, Festivus could go on forever. It seems to be gaining in popularity every year. There are already Festivus poles popping up alongside nativity scenes in public places around the US. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s an actual, recognized holiday within the next hundred years.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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