Tag Archives: eat

Cooking Shows

Cooking shows are awesome. That’s why there’s a whole network about food. I used to not enjoy them. That was mostly because I was stoned and being tortured by tantalizing food that I couldn’t eat. Now I see cooking shows for what they are: a celebration of culinary creations that bring people together. Food is the great equalizer. Everyone needs to eat. It’s only natural to talk about the things we share. Different cultures have different cuisines and you can’t travel the world without expanding your palette. Cooking is an art and the cooks depicted have honed their craft.

Cooking shows are the televised window to all the things you are missing out on. They make you want to go to Vietnam and eat phò. Or to Mexico for some tacos al pastor. Every host enjoys the food too much and always praises it highly, and that makes me want to try it more for some reason. I want to scrutinize it and put it to the test. Every meal brings them to orgasm. Can it really be that good? Let’s see.

Cooking shows are postcards to what the world has to offer. It’s great to look at but it’s not real until you experience it for yourself. They give you incentive to try new things.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Snacks

Deciding Where to Eat

You’ve been hanging out with your friends all afternoon and it’s time to eat. You mention that you want some grub and everyone else is in the same boat. Now you have to decide where to eat. This is where it gets tricky. Everyone has an opinion on what to eat and where. You’ll mention Chinese food, but that will get rejected because Steve had Chinese last night. Someone else brings up pizza, but Stephanie had that for lunch. You’ll suggest Chevy’s and that will get shot down because Bruce saw a cockroach the last time he was there. The more people you are hanging out with, the hard it is deciding where to eat. The next time I hang out with people I’m going to bring beef jerky and PowerBars and avoid the hassle.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Snacks

Listening to Someone Eat

Have you ever had the displeasure of listening to someone eat when you’re not eating? It’s a form of torture. You’re in a quiet room with one other person and all you can hear is them eating. It’s subtle at first, but the constant lip smacking, soft grunts, and heavy nasal breathing are getting louder and louder and more and more disgusting. He sounds like a troll as he sinks he teeth into his sandwich and the sickening sounds of sloppy mastication makes you get up and leave the room. You know he’s not trying to be rude, but he’s making you lose your appetite as he satisfies his. And you would be totally justified in stabbing him in the throat with a fork.  Listening to someone eat is like hearing your parents have sex. You know that it happens, you just don’t want to be there when it does.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Snacks