Tag Archives: alcohol

Budweiser

Budweiser is a beer. It’s the only beer for a lot of people. Brand loyalty goes a long way and I know a lot of people that prefer Budweiser over water. My feelings on Budweiser are mixed. It’s too popular, it’s too bland, and it’s too pretentious. They call themselves the king of beers. They’ve even temporarily relabeled themselves as America instead of Budweiser as part of some bizarre marketing ploy. They proudly admit to being made partially from rice. Rice is nice but most beer lovers prefer hops and barley.

Budweiser is drinkable though. I have to give them that. It has a consistently crisp and refreshing taste. It doesn’t really get skunky. It’s my preferred tall boy for beach days because it’s cheap, it’s not too heavy, and it comes in twenty-five ounce cans. Most tall boys are twenty-four ounces. That extra ounce means you’re getting more bang for your buck.

I prefer to drink craft beer when I’m at a bar or at home. I like IPAs and sours and the occasional stout if the weather is cold. Whenever I buy a six pack of something nice I’ll still pick up a tall boy of Budweiser as well. I drink the good beer until I’m nice and toasty and then I’ll switch over to Bud when I’m drunk. That way I won’t waste my good beer when I’m too fucked up to enjoy it. That’s not alcoholism, that’s using my noodle. Budweiser is not the best beer. I wouldn’t even call it a good beer. But it’s beer and that’s enough reason for me to drink it.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Drunk Food

 One of the best things about getting drunk is getting drunk food. Drunk food is a complete meal you can eat with your hands that fills you up and is served quickly. Certain foods taste better when you’re inebriated. Pizza is always good, but it’s so much better when you’re drunk. A drunk burrito in between bars keeps your night going. Stumbling across a street vendor selling bacon-wrapped hot dogs will make you believe that God is real and wants us to be happy. Drunk food provides you with the much needed fuel to keep on drinking. It makes the party last longer. You know you had a good night when you find an empty pizza box on the counter when you wake up the next morning and no recollection of getting it. I’m not promoting binge drinking, I’m promoting eating food when you’re binge drinking. There’s a slight difference I’m sure. 

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Retox

My friend came over the other day to hang out for a few hours. Being the good host that I am, I offered her a beer. She said no and I asked her why. She said it was because she was doing a detox. I was totally supportive of her decision but I still cracked a beer open for myself. Some people choose to detox. Good for them. I choose to retox. It’s more fun. I retox almost every night. It’s what happens when you work in the restaurant industry. You work hard and play harder. Plus there are days when customers bring you down and crush your spirit. A little booze does a lot to revitalize oneself. If you do retox, retox responsibly. Use coasters and try not to spill anything. That’s alcohol abuse.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Mission Brewery Hard Root Beer

I drink a lot of beer but I’ll mix it up every once in a while and try something different. I was feeling adventurous at the store and got a six-pack of Mission Brewery Hard Root Beer. It’s what it sounds like. It’s root beer with booze in it. It has a respectable 7.5% alcohol content so it’s harder than Budweiser. I cracked open a bottle and poured it into a frosty mug. It looks like root beer. It’s a dark brown color with moderate carbonation and a thin head that dissipates quickly. It smells like root beer. There’s spice, licorice, and vanilla aromas. It tastes like root beer on the first sip, but with a definite boozy aftertaste once you swallow it. It has an herbal medicine flavor that takes some getting used to. It’s neither good nor bad. I’m not impressed and I’m not disappointed either. It’s just a different way of getting drunk. It’s worth trying if you like root beer and booze, but a six-pack is a big commitment if you’re not sure about it. I wish that I bought a single bottle to sample first. I’ll finish my six-pack eventually but I’m not in any rush to do so.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Mission Brewery Hard Root Beer

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Hair of the Dog

Everybody knows that you fight fire with fire and that the best cure for a hangover is more alcohol. It’s known as hair of the dog. You might wake up the morning after a night of partying with a splitting headache and a craving for McDonald’s, but downing a Bloody Mary or a Mimosa in the a.m. is enough to save your life. You’re not drinking to get drunk again. You’re drinking to get rid of the pain. A hangover is the first sign of alcohol withdrawal. Pumping booze back into your system helps to level you out. It’s science. I read it on Wikipedia. Now you read it here. Dealing with the hair of the dog is not an easy thing to handle sometimes. It’s tough to drink when you don’t want to drink. But you’ll actually feel better if you can stomach it and manage not to puke. The best cure for a hangover is often the hair of the dog that bit you.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Chien avec des lunettes

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Drunken Migration

A drunken migration is when three or more drunk people attempt to go from one place to another. It’s always a shit show and it becomes more chaotic with each additional drunk. A three-minute walk to Jack in the Box becomes a half-hour excursion and someone always gets lost or turns up missing. A bunch of drunk people trying to get anywhere is like the blind leading the blind. You need to have a leader, someone who knows the way and isn’t afraid to take charge. The leader has to act like a shepherd and they have to wrangle up all the drunks and keep them moving and under control. But the leader is drunk too, so progress is minimal. But you feel so accomplished once you get to your destination.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Oaktown Brown Ale

Oaktown Brown Ale is a bold & soulful American brown ale from San Jose, California’s Calicraft Brewing Co. It has a rich malty aroma with hints of roast coffee, nuts, chocolate, caramel, and oak. It smells like it has a lot of flavor, but the first sip is disappointing. I can taste coffee, nuts, wood, roasted malts, chocolate, caramel, and toffee but it’s too thin and feels watered down. It’s not exciting. It’s bland. And you don’t want your craft beer to be bland. It has a 6.7% alcohol content, which is decent but not good. There’s not anything special about this beer. There’s nothing terrible about it, but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone and I definitely wouldn’t expect to be hailed as a hero for bringing it to a party. It’s a boring and forgettable beer. Even the label is boring. The only reason to try it is to say that you tried it. And that’s not a good enough reason.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Repeal Day

December 5th is Repeal Day, my favorite underrated holiday. It’s the anniversary of the 21st Amendment getting ratified, which ended prohibition in the United States. Drinking was suddenly legal again, and the country rejoiced and celebrated with a drink. It’s not like people weren’t getting drunk during prohibition, but the 21st Amendment’s passing meant that they didn’t need to hide it anymore. Prohibition failed. People drank more and they drank harder. Criminals and mobsters rose to power, supplying a thirsty nation with moonshine and hooch. Even prohibition’s biggest supporters had to admit that it was a terrible fucking idea, that alcohol was the fuel that keeps this machine running. And so they passed the 21st Amendment on December 5, 1933 and a new holiday was born. Raise your glass and wish somebody a Happy Repeal Day!

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Discovering a New Bar

People like to drink, especially in social settings. That’s why there are multiple bars in almost every single city and town around the world. There are classy bars, dive bars, sports bars, bars that you frequent, and bars that you avoid. Most people have a default bar or two, a place where you know the bartenders and they know you. The problem with being a regular is that you don’t bother going to other bars that you aren’t familiar with. Sometimes you have to take a chance and go to a different bar, you have to see what else is out there. I went to a going-away party for my friend’s last night in the city, and we went to a bar of his choice. It was a bar that I’ve never been to or even heard of. They had about fifty beers on tap, all microbrews. They even had Pliny the Elder. You know it’s a good bar if they have Pliny the Elder. It blew my mind that I had never been there before. Discovering a new bar that you like is a wakeup call, a reminder that you’re missing out on things by sticking to a routine. Discovering a new bar means forgetting an old one.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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House Party

Parties are fun, but it’s hard to top a good house party. House parties are awesome because there is no guest list, there is no dress code, there is no last call, and there is no closing time. You don’t have to get your wrist stamped or worry about reentry if you go out for a smoke break. You get to control the music so you don’t have to suffer through a crappy DJ’s shitty set. The only downside is that you have to bring your own booze, but that still saves you money. A hundred bucks will get a lot more alcohol from the liquor store than it will get you at the bar. People have fun at bars and clubs, but they go nuts at house parties. It’s all friends and no strangers, so you feel more comfortable, relaxed, and less afraid of embarrassing yourself, and that means you’ll be drinking harder and longer than you would if there was a bouncer watching you. There are always a couple fun drinking games going on, a few random hookups to laugh about, and hundreds of random conversations about nothing to jump in to. The night goes on and on, and people start passing out and sleeping wherever they find a quiet corner to disappear in. Eventually the sun starts to rise, the party ends, and you get a smile on your face whenever you remember that night.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Rakija

Rakija (sometimes spelled Rakia or Rachiu) is a liquor made from fermented fruit, and it will get you drunk. They use all different kinds of fruit to make it. There’s plum, peach, cherry, apricot, apple, cherry… but for some reason I always end up with pear rakija. It’s the alcoholic drink of choice in countries like Serbia, Croatia, Macedonia, Bosnia, etc. You can buy it in stores, but a lot of people make it themselves at home. You might consider it the moonshine of the Balkans. It’s considered bad form and very rude if you turn down your host’s rakija. You should never turn down free alcohol anyway, but it’s very offensive to refuse a shot of rakija.

Not only will rakija get you drunk, but you can use it for other things besides drowning your troubles away. You can pour some rakija on a towel and wrap it around your throat if you’re feeling sick. You can use it to unclog the bathroom sink. It cures jellyfish stings. You can use it in lieu of gasoline in your car. It’s also been know to cure blindness and to bring the dead back to life. It’s like the Swiss Army Knife of alcohol.

Most Americans are oblivious of rakija’s existence, so it’s pretty awesome to watch someone try it for the first time. It’s a bit of an acquired taste… actually, you pretty much have to force yourself to drink it the first few times. A small number of people can down it without any problems, but most people can’t help but shudder and are in danger of throwing up when they first have it. But if you manage to get it down the hatch, you can see what all the fuss is about. It instantly warms you up and your head gets pleasantly cloudy. It’s the drink of choice for millions of people and you can see why. It’s ridiculously hard to find in the States, so don’t turn it down if you ever get the chance to experience rakija.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ordering a Frozen Drink and Complaining That You Can’t Taste the Alcohol

One of the biggest pet peeves for anybody in the service industry is when somebody orders a frozen drink and then complains that they can’t taste the alcohol. No shit you can’t taste it, you just ordered a fucking frozen drink. The colder the drink, the less you can taste the alcohol. Blending booze and ice and sweet mixers is going to make your cocktail taste like a smoothie. It’s a waste of liquor. That’s why most places serve margaritas on the rocks as opposed to blended. There’s no point in getting a savory tequila if you’re not going to savor it. You want to be able to taste the liquor. Sometimes it’s really hot and you feel like a piña colada or strawberry daiquiri. That’s totally acceptable; just don’t complain to the bartender if you think it’s a virgin drink. It’s not. So shut up about it.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Planning to Get Drunk

            One of the biggest signs that you might have a drinking problem is when you start planning to get drunk. You’ll tell yourself that you’re not an alcoholic; you just want to be prepared. You know that you’re going to want to drink all day and into the night and so you plan accordingly. So you’ll eat a big lunch. You’ll buy some food and snacks for later. You’ll buy an excessive amount of alcohol plus another twelve-pack just to play it safe. The last thing that you want is to run out of booze. You make sure that you have nothing to do and nowhere to go. You’re going to binge drink and there’s nothing that can stop you. Part of you feels guilty; the other part doesn’t give a fuck. Whatever, you won’t care after a few drinks anyway. It’s better to plan on getting drunk than drinking and driving, right?

            Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Neglected Drinks

If you’re a bartender or if you’ve ever hosted a party, you know all about neglected drinks. Neglected drinks are beers or cocktails that have been abandoned, either accidently or intentionally. Some are just a few swigs away from being finished, some of them have a few sips taken out of them, and some of them haven’t even been touched at all (which is the biggest crime of all). Alcohol is precious. It takes a lot of time to brew a beer or distill a spirit. So don’t waste it. If you don’t like it, give it to your drunk friend who will drink anything. You don’t need to set it down somewhere and pretend to forget about it. And if you’re already wasted, practice some self-control and stop ordering drinks if you can’t handle any more liquor. Neglected drinks need to stop. There are sober kids in China.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Birthday Beer

It’s your friend’s birthday and you want to get him something but you don’t want to go overboard. I recommend buying him a birthday beer. You can pick up a 6-pack of something nice, a 12-pack of something decent, or buy a round at the bar. All options are acceptable. Birthday beer is a perfectly valid present for anyone that is 21 or older. 18 if you’re European. Everyone wants to get drunk and nobody wants to pay for it. I’m sure you friend will appreciate the gesture. Don’t buy beer for anyone that you want to sleep with. That’s what wine and hard alcohol are for.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Happy Hour

Happy Hour is that magical time of the day when bars give away drinks at a discounted price. I really don’t know why it’s called Happy Hour. It’s usually two-three hours long, alcohol is a depressant, and depression isn’t a happy thing. Happy Hour is just an excuse to get drunk in public. You can always waste money at a bar but it’s somehow justified if it’s a dollar off well drinks and the sun is still shining. It’s better, cheaper, and more logical to grab a twelve pack and drink yourself into a stupor at home. At least then you can control the TV or radio station.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Watching the Game at the Bar

All across America and around the world people pack themselves into bars and pubs to watch their teams compete. Watching the game at the bar is more social, but it’s also more expensive than watching at home. It’s cool that you get to cheer and celebrate with other fans and you can discuss strategy and how bad the officials are. But you have to buy beer and food and you have to tip and that adds up. You have to deal with shit talkers and fair-weather fans who don’t know when to cheer. And there’s always a line for the bathroom. Watching the game at the bar is a ritual for some people and they like it. Some people don’t have any other place to watch it other than the bar so they have to suck it up and deal with it. No matter which camp you’re in, at least everyone in the bar can agree that watching sports and alcohol go hand in hand.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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