Sorry I’ve been slacking on my posts the last few days, but I’ve been busy training servers for the Hard Rock Cafe in Anchorage, Alaska. The Grand Opening is June 28th, 2014 and I’ll get back to my regular blogging routine a few days after that. Thanks for checking out my site and rock on. Here’s a picture of my friend’s dog to pacify you in the meantime.
Filed under Random Rants
Snoring is when you make loud noises when you’re breathing while sleeping. It might annoy the people that have to deal with your sleeping ass, but it’s completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it makes you seem more manly and that’s always good unless you happen to be a chick. I snore. It’s hereditary. My dad has Sleep Apnea. That means he stops breathing while he’s sleeping for a few minutes at a time. That also means I probably do the same thing. The only difference is that he has a machine that crams air into his lungs while he’s in slumber while I have to suffer through the night. Well not me, only the people that happen to be sleeping in the same room as me. They lose sleep as I sleep. It’s not much of a compromise but it benefits me. And that suits me just fine.
Critically Rated at 10/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
I went to the bowling alley a few weeks ago with some friends. One of them brought a pair of bowling shoes. We assumed that she must have been a good bowler if she had bowling shoes. This is why you just never assume anything about anybody. Because she sucked. She sucked big time. She got more gutter balls than pins. It sounds funny, but it was painful to watch. It was pathetic to watch. She sucked. She sucked hard. She sucked harder than, oh, let’s say Madonna on Dennis Rodman’s dick and that’s saying something. That’s not a timely reference but it will do.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
I’ve been living in a hotel for the past few days and I still have another couple of weeks to go. I came prepared with my own toiletries and stuff but I haven’t used them much. I’m all about taking advantage of the hotel freebies. I’m all about that mini bottle of shampoo. Free breakfast and coffee in the lobby? I’m there. Hotel freebies are one of the perks of living out of a suitcase. I don’t need a shower cap, but I’m still going to use it just because I can. Because it’s free. And free is almost always good. Ohh, a complimentary breath mint? Don’t mind if I do. Oy, never mind. That’s not a breath mint.
Critically Rated at 13/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Alaska’s Midnight Sun Brewing Co. presents Panty Peeler, a delicious Belgian-style Tripel with a delightfully raunchy name. It’s an ale brewed with orange peel and coriander and me likey mucho. It pours an orange-amber color with a white head that laces quickly. It smells of cloves, orange peel, Belgian yeast, coriander, and breaded malts. It tastes even better than it smells. I get bready malts, dark fruit, spice, orange peel, coriander, banana, and candied sugar. It’s extremely drinkable, I could sip on it all day. But I can’t because it has a hefty 8.5% ABV and the alcohol creeps up on you. I know that I said Chuli Stout was a great Alaskan beer, but this one is even better. Did I mention that me likey mucho?
Critically Rated at 15/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Drinks
A hotel safe is a safe in a hotel room. It’s usually in the closet. I don’t trust the hotel safe. It just seems kind of shady. You’re in a strange new city and you’re expected to keep your most precious valuables in a safe that’s reprogrammed hundreds of times each year. I always feel like the maid is just waiting to swipe your iPad, cash, and passport. I’d rather hide my shit under the mattress or in the pocket of a rolled up pair of jeans in my suitcase. That’s probably not secure either but it still gives me more peace of mind. Do you trust hotel safes? Would you keep your birth certificate or Social Security card in one? Fuck that jazz.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Chuli Stout is an Irish Dry Stout by Denali Brewing in Talkeetna, Alaska. It pours a rich black color with a nice creamy head. It has the nice roast and toast malt aroma as you’d expect from any decent stout. There’s chocolate and coffee notes as well. It has a nice malty flavor, lots of chocolate, some cream, and it has a bit of a spice compared to other Irish Dry Stouts. It’s very full flavored for only have a 5.9% ABV. Quality craft beer is available everywhere and Alaska has a lot of impressive offerings. This is one of the better ones.
Critically Rated at 15/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Drinks
Summer solstice is the first day of summer. It’s also the longest day of the year. I was lucky enough to celebrate summer solstice in Anchorage, Alaska for 2014 and the sun refused to go down. It just became something like twilight for a few hours. It never got dark. I never saw stars. Summer solstice is a holiday in Anchorage. The whole city comes out to celebrate with music, dancers, art, food, and festivities. They got the Spin Doctors to come out and play their two-and-a-half hits and a bunch of filler material in a free concert. And in case you were wondering, yes, there were a lot of hippies and awkward dancers struggling to move to the beat. I’m writing this article right around midnight and it’s still light outside. That sounds awesome until you realize that your body clock is warped and you can’t fall asleep for the life of you. That’s what’s when awe turns into insomnia.
Critically Rated at 15/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Watching the end of a movie that you haven’t seen before isn’t that big of a deal if the movie is worth watching. That’s how you know if it’s a good movie or not. It’s all about the ending, the climax. It’s why you prematurely ejaculate. The finale makes or breaks the movie. People like spoilers and skipping ahead to the end is a gratifying way to save time. The why you leek ahead in your book or search for unwrapped presents before Christmas. If it’s a good ending you might watch the while movie. If it sucks you might not watch it at all. And that saves you even more time.
Critically Rated at 11/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Entertainment
Deboarding the plane is always a shit show. As soon as the plane touches the ground everyone unbuckles their seatbelt and stand up, desperate to get off the plane before it even reaches the gate. All the impatient people push and clamor their way into the aisle, despite the fact that the second row has gotten off yet and they are in the last row. The best way to deboard is to sit still and wait your damn turn. Let all the people sitting in front of you get up and get off before you try to do so. The aisle is too narrow to push your way past them anyway. Just relax and be civil, you fucking asshole.
Critically Rated at 5/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
One of the perks of a road trip is an unscheduled pit stop. That’s when you stop at a random location, like a gas station or a neglected Carl’s Jr, on a road trip. It’s where you break the monotony of a several hour long car ride by getting out of the car, stretching your legs, going to the bathroom and buying something to munch on when you get back on the road. A pit stop is not a destination. You’re only there for a few minutes before you move on towards where you really want to go. A pit stop is just a brief moment to relax before the journey takes too much of a toll and you veer off into a ditch and die in a ball of flames, it doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens. So be cautious and make a pit stop every once in a while.
Critically Rated at 12/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
One of the perks about traveling is trying new things, like a local brew that you’ve never heard of before. I was flying to Anchorage, Alaska the other day and I had a layover in Seattle. I went to the first airport bar I could find and asked for the best local brew on tap. The bartender poured me a Pike IPA. It’s wasn’t the the best beer in the world, but it was certainly enjoyable. And there’s no way that I would have ever tried it if I never asked about it. Asking for a local brew is a good way to sample the culture of the area you’re visiting. It’s a way to experience new things. And experiencing new things is what life is all about. It’s why we travel. It’s why we ask for a local brew. It’s how you win at life.
Critically Rated at 14/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Drinks
Landing in a plane is always the most nerve racking thing about flying. You’re high in the sky and then you start slowing down. The ground starts coming closer and closer, faster and faster. The plane shakes and shudders, it jumps and jerks. And you keep telling yourself that you’re gonna be fine, that you’re not going to crash, but a part of you thinks that it’s inevitable. You know that you’re not a good flier. All you can do is hope that your pilot is. Statistically you’re the most likely to crash when you’re taking off or when you’re landing. It’s best not to think about that though. Just try to enjoy the ride. I’ve been skydiving twice before and it’s always a trip to realize that I’ve taken off in a plane more times than I’ve landed in one.
Critically Rated at 5/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
I was lounging in the break room the other day at work. I had five minutes before I had to clock in and I had to kill some time. There was a copy of some celebrity gossip magazine on the table. There was also a sharpie on the table. It was only natural that I spent the remainder of my break using the Sharpie to draw dicks on the cover of the celebrity gossip magazine. Anyone can draw a dick on a magazine cover and get a laugh out of it, but you have to be somewhat clever. You have to look at the celebrity’s expression and determine where to place the dick for maximum effectiveness. The illustrated penis doesn’t always have to be touching the celebrity’s face. Sometimes the celebrity is looking at a dick and sometimes they are trying to avoid looking at a dick. But you also don’t want to spend too much time drawing the dicks. You want it to be crude and badly drawn. You’re not making art, you’re vandalizing. It’s important to remember that.
Critically Rated at 12/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Entertainment
Enjoy By 07.04.14 is a once-in-a-lifetime Double IPA from California’s Stone Brewing Company. It pours a clear and bright amber color with a nice foamy head with nice retention. It smells amazing. Lots of floral, citrus, and pine hops with a little malt aroma. It tastes like what you want from a Double IPA. It’s extremely hoppy with a dry malty backbone. I taste pine, resin, citrus, orange peel, and pepper. It’s hard to believe that it has a 9.4% ABV. I feel like I could drink it all day, but I would probably pass out after the fourth one. This beer creeps up on you. Be cautious because this brew has the power to make or break your night.
Critically Rated at 14/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Drinks
Bacon is delicious. Jerky is delicious. It was inevitable that eventually the two superfoods would meet and create a delicious hybrid. I’ve been wanting to try bacon jerky for a while now and Slim Jim is an established presence on the dried meat market, so I figured I couldn’t go wrong. I opened the bag and took a deep whiff. I smelled the bacon, I smelled the sweet maple and the stale musk of jerky. I also smelled dog food… maybe Purina or Alpo, I’m not quite sure. But it was defiantely dog food. Oh well, I came to try bacon jerky, so I’m going to try bacon jerky damn it! Each piece looks like bacon, albeit the crumpled broken buffet table remnants leftover from a hungry breakfast crowd at a three star hotel. It smells like bacon, it looks like bacon, and it tastes like bacon. But it’s not bacon. It’s bacon jerky. Don’t get the two confused. It’s a little more jerky-like than bacon and more bacon-like than jerky. Try it and see for yourself. All in all, I’m not overly impressed with it but maybe that’s just because Slim Jim isn’t a gourmet brand per se. They are more in the beef stick business as opposed to jerky. This was a decent introduction to the world of bacon jerky, yet I’m sure other people make bacon jerky better and I’m determined to find them.
Critically Rated at 13/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Snacks
I’m slightly OCD about a few things and facing money is one of them. I can’t stand a wad of crumpled bills in my pocket. I need more structure and organization that that. I need to have my cash sorted by denomination with all the portraits the right side up. When I unfold my cash you’re going to see in order Washington, Lincoln, Hamilton, Jackson, Grant, and Franklin if I had a good day at work. I respect money so it’s only logical that I face it. Plus facing money makes it easier to spend it and that’s the whole point of having cash anyway. Right? Please tell me I’m right.
Critically Rated at 9/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
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