Tag Archives: lunch

Skipping Breakfast 

I skip breakfast. I usually wake up, take a shit and a shower, get dressed, and go to work. I’ll have a cup of black coffee and a glass of ice water in the breakroom before my shift starts. My first meal is usually lunch, then I’ll snack throughout the day until dinner, and maybe a few more munchies before bedtime. That’s been my routine for a while now. 

The nice thing about skipping breakfast is that I’m conditioned to it and my body doesn’t rely on it. So when I do actually do eat breakfast I feel like Popeye downing a can of spinach. All the naysayers will say that’s proof that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Malarkey, it’s just a boost like a video game power up. 

The weird thing is that I like breakfast foods. Eggs, hash browns, sausage, pancakes, motherfucking bacon… all are delicious, but I’d rather have them for dinner when I’m awake enough to enjoy them. Cereal is more of a snack for me, but I’d rather eat it straight from the box than pour it in a bowl with milk. That makes it soggy and soggy cereal is gross. Don’t get me wrong. Breakfast is good, it’s just too early for me. I need time to build up my appetite.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Trading Lunch Items

Trading lunch items is a common practice in elementary school cafeterias around the world. The goal is simple: you want to swap your food for something more desirable. It’s best to find someone who has conflicting tastes with you. If you like sweet things and Jimmy likes salty things, then you should give him your Goldfish crackers for a pack of Gushers. He’s happy, you’re happy, and everybody wins. Some kids are really good at trading lunch items. They learn other people’s tastes and preferences and exploit them. They get rid of a slightly bruised apple and get pretzels in return. They can swap those pretzels for a juice box, and then get two bananas in exchange. They know that Billy’s mom is lazy and only buys Lunchables so he would gladly give it away for two bananas. And once you have a Lunchable you control the negotiations.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Missing the Lunch Special by a Few Minutes

I wanted a bento box from the sushi place near my house a few days ago. They have a lunch special where you can get a bento box with a few choices for $7.95 from 11:00 AM to 2:30 PM every weekday. I woke up craving it and I was determined to get it. I woke up and got dressed, started doing some chores, and got sucked into the internet for a while. When I finally noticed the time, I realized that I was pushing it. I grabbed my jacket and some cash and ran out the door. I speed-walked the few blocks to the sushi place, and pushed open the door slightly out of breath. The hostess offered me a seat at the bar and a menu, both of which I took gladly. I glanced at the menu, but I already knew that I wanted the bento box with a California roll and teriyaki chicken. The server came over, and I asked if I was too late for the lunch special. She smiled politely and said that I just missed it. She said that I could still get a bento box but it would be an extra six bucks. I just got up and left, settling for a slice of pizza from down the street. The bento box would have been more satisfying, but I wasn’t going to order it if I couldn’t get the lunch special discount. Missing the lunch special by a few minutes blows. It makes you think about all the bullshit things that made you late. You might have a full stomach if you hadn’t decided to do the dishes or take out the trash. You might have saved a few bucks if you shaved last night instead of this morning. There’s nothing you can do about it, except for trying to be more punctual next time. You live, you learn.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Brunch

Brunch is the miraculous mealtime hybrid that combines breakfast and lunch. It’s a late morning/early afternoon meal. It’s meant to be a social affair; you’re supposed to eat it with family and friends. Nobody goes to brunch alone. That’s depressing and weird. Most brunches have a diverse menu, ranging from breakfast foods like eggs and waffles to lunchtime foods like little sammiches, quiche, and cuts of meat. You might also expect to find rolls, cheese, salads, pasta dishes, and an array of fruits. Cantaloupe is required. It’s not brunch without cantaloupe. You can eat brunch any day of the week, but it’s best on Sundays. There’s no better way to get rid of your hangover than by having a big meal with good people and washing it all down with a few Mimosas and a Bloody Mary. It’s hard to top that. Brunch just might be the most enjoyable meal of the day.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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