Monthly Archives: April 2020

Space Enforcers

San Francisco has been sheltering at home for over a month and it’s starting to wear on people. I take my dog for a walk to the beach or the park every day and I’ve noticed that some people are starting to get agitated and possessive of their personal space. At least three times last week I’ve had someone say something about staying six feet apart or telling me to get back. I call them space enforcers.

They usually a bitter white person in their forties, often seen walking alone (occasionally on bikes), and don’t wear masks despite their paranoia. They are the Karens of Coronavirus. Not all space enforcers are Karens, but all Karens are space enforcers.

Just yesterday I was on the beach and a space enforcer told me I was walking too close to him. He was more than twelve feet away from me. I pointed at the big blue bandana on my face and said, “I’m way more than six feet away from you and I have a mask on. You’re the rude one contaminating the air. Stay the fuck at home if you’re so paranoid.” It was as eloquent as that but it’s my story so I’ll make myself look better.

Quarantine fatigue is starting to get to everyone. I try to be civil and give people their space. But I will always stand up to space enforcers. They aren’t making this situation any better.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed By Brendan H. Young

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Socialize Safely

FaceTime, Zoom, and Houseparty have been amazing in this time of social isolation, but nothing is better than an actual face to face interaction. Yesterday my girlfriend and I took the dogs out for a long walk in Golden Gate Park and on a whim I texted my friend Jerry and invited him and and his girlfriend to meet us. We settled on a meeting place in a nice meadow where we used to hang out.

Jerry and Dre got to the meadow before we did, and it was great watching the dogs get super excited when they saw them sitting on the grass. Honestly I was more excited to see them than the dogs were. We said our hellos as we sat down six feet away from them, the dogs playing in between us, cracked open a few beers, and just talked for a few hours enjoying the sunshine and each other’s company.

It felt normal, great even, like a weight being lifted from my shoulders that I didn’t even know was there. We didn’t shake hands or hug or do any form of physical interaction, but it was so therapeutic to just bask in the presence of other people. It was the best day of the apocalypse so far.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Socialize Safely

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