Avocado

I’m from California and that means I like avocados. The avocado is king in California. People pay ten bucks for avocado toast. They will spend two bucks to add two slices of avocado onto their burger. If they had avocado milk people would buy it. California is crazy for avocado.

I’m going to name some fun avocado facts for you. The avocado you’re most familiar with is the Hass avocado. Who is Hass? I don’t know, but he’s immortalized through his namesake avocado. Some people call avocados alligator pears. I wish we all did. Avocados should have gone extinct alongside megafauna after the last ice age. Animals like the giant ground sloth would eat the fruit and poop out the seed. A mound of ground sloth poop makes for great fertilizer, ensuring the growth of a new avocado plant. Humans developed a taste for the avocado and decided to keep it around.

Finding the perfect avocado is an art form. They are notoriously fickle fruits. Sometimes they aren’t ripe and are hard and inedible. Sometimes they are overly ripe and become brown and mushy and gross. But the perfect avocado deserves to be praised and enjoyed. You could eat it plain, but if you add some salt, pepper, and a squeeze of lime you’ll be in heaven.

You might think I’m eating an avocado as I write this but you’re wrong. I’m just craving a good avocado. I went on a quest to find one. I went to five produce stores within a three block radius and couldn’t find an adequate avocado. Avocado season is over. I might as well go into hibernation. Wake me up when it’s 2019 and avocados are back.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young