Monthly Archives: June 2016

June 27, 2016 · 3:07 pm

Throw It All in the Same Dryer

 I do laundry a little bit different than other people at the laundromat. I separate my clothes into black and colors and put them in different washing machines like how I’m supposed to, but I’m a bit of a rebel when it comes to drying them. I throw it all in the same dryer. It says wash separately. It doesn’t say anything about drying separately. So I toss all my clothes in the same dryer. It saves me time and quarters. I haven’t noticed any ill effects on my wardrobe. My black shirts are still black. My blue jeans are still blue. My underwear still has shit stains but that’s a different story. I don’t see anything wrong with it so I’m gonna keep on doing it. You should do it too. I don’t want to be the only one. I hate being alone.  

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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June 24, 2016 · 9:57 pm

Half Frozen Bottle of Water 

 I’m a big fan of ice cold water. It’s refreshing and invigorating and thirst quenching. I found a pretty useful life hack online a few months ago that allows me to have ice cold water whenever I want it. All you have to do is take a used bottle of water, fill it half way, lay it sideways in the freezer, and leave it alone for a few hours. Once the water is frozen, you open the bottle and fill it up the rest of the way. If you do it right, there will be ice on one side and water on the other. The ice makes the water cold instantly and keeps it chilled for hours. No muss, no fuss. I keep a half frozen bottle of water in the freezer at all times. It’s a cheap and easy way to impress thirsty guests when they come over. They think I’m smart and clever for coming up with it. I don’t tell them that I stole the idea from the internet. It’s not lying. It’s deceiving. There’s a difference.
  

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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June 21, 2016 · 7:52 pm

Finding Dory

 Finding Dory is the long awaited sequel to Finding Nemo, which is one of Pixar’s best movies. I’m glad to report that it doesn’t disappoint. It doesn’t feel like a sequel, it feels like a continuation and that’s hard to do with such a classic movie. The story picks up a year after the events of the first film. Marlin and Nemo are living comfortably in their sea anemone with Dory living right next to them. Dory starts getting flashbacks of her childhood and remembers that she has parents that love and miss her. She feels compelled to cross the ocean to be reunited with them. High jinx ensue. I’m not going to talk about the plot. I’m just going to say that if you like Finding Nemo, you will like Finding Dory. You might even like it more than Nemo. I think Dory is a more complex film. The storytelling is nonlinear. It’s sad and happy, funny and serious, nostalgic and fresh. We revisit old characters and meet new ones. It’s everything that you want from a sequel. I left the theater feeling very satisfied. I felt like I got my money’s worth and I would gladly see it again. 

 The voice cast is solid. Ellen DeGeneres and Albert Brooks reprise their roles as Dory and Marlin. Ed O’Neil plays a surly octopus. Sigourney Weaver has an unforgettable voice cameo. Eugene Levy plays Dory’s awkward father. Newcomer Hayden Rolence takes over the voice of Nemo because puberty is not kind to child actors, but Alexander Gould (the original Nemo) lends his voice to a minor character. Diane Keaton, Idris Elba, Dominic West, Kate McKinnon, Bill Hader, John Ratzenberger, Willem Dafoe, Stephen Root, and many others have bit parts. Andrew Stanton returned to write, direct, and play Crush, everyone’s favorite sea turtle. 

 Finding Dory is a good family flick. It’s also great for date night. I saw it a few days after opening night and my auditorium applauded it after it was over. Not every movie deserves an ovation. This one did. Go watch it. It’s worth it.

 Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young


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June 19, 2016 · 1:52 pm

SolarPuff 

 A few weeks ago I wrote an article about camping lanterns and mentioned that I have a solar powered lantern that only works during the daytime. I kind of lied. I really do have a solar powered lantern, but it really does work at night. It works really well at night in fact. It’s called SolarPuff, and it’s one of those rare Kickstarter success stories. It’s a portable compact LED solar lantern. It’s flat until you pull it open to form a cube shape. It even has a handle for your convenience. Then you press the button to turn it on. It has three settings. There’s bright, brighter, and strobe so you can get your rave on. Eight hours of sunlight is enough to provide eight to twelve hours of light. I don’t know much about the laws of thermodynamics, but I’m pretty sure that they achieved the impossible. I’m witnessing a miracle every time I turn it on. I let my roommate borrow it when he went camping and he loved it. He could not stop talking about how awesome it was. Like seriously every conversation was about how cool SolarPuff lanterns are. Morning, noon, and night he was talking about SolarPuff lanterns. He was obsessed about it. My girlfriend bought him one of his own to shut him up. He sits in his room basking in its glow every night, murmuring under his breath all the perks and benefits of the solar inflatable light cube known as the SolarPuff. 

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 17, 2016 · 8:20 pm

That Wasn’t My Water 

 I was starving at work today, so I ran into the break room to eat some food real quick. I took a few bites of my burger and took a big gulp of water to wash it down. Then I realized that it wasn’t my water. I didn’t even have water. I chugged somebody else’s water that they left behind. I felt sick. I felt violated. It’s pretty horrifying to discover that you drank some random person’s drink. It was disgusting. And it didn’t even have ice, so it was lukewarm and gross. I wish I didn’t do that. Now I’m going to spend the next few days worrying about catching strange diseases. That’s not how I wanted to spend my weekend. I’m going to dwell on it for a while. Woe is me. 

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 12, 2016 · 2:31 pm

Fake Sneeze

 Are you bored right now? Well, I have a little trick to entertain yourself. Pour some water on your hand or stick it under the faucet for a second. Then find somebody that’s not looking at you, creep up behind them, pretend to sneeze while shaking the water off your hand onto the back of their neck. Hilarity ensues. They will think that you sneezed on them. They either get really mad or figure out that you duped them. Nobody wants to be sneezed on so they will be quite relieved that it was only a fake sneeze. They might even join you in your laughter. Or they might punch you in the face. It’s comedic gold no matter what. And yes, I have faked quite a few sneezes in my day. I haven’t gotten punched yet, but I’ll admit that I deserve it when it finally happens. And I just wrote about fake sneezes, I must be getting desperate for things to blog about. Fuck. 

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 6, 2016 · 6:35 pm

Buying New Clothes Instead of Doing Laundry 

 I was facing a rather serious dilemma couple of days ago. I was running out of clean underwear and didn’t have time to get any laundry done. I don’t have a washer and dryer in my apartment, so I can’t just throw in a load at night and get it in the morning. I have to go to the laundromat and I didn’t have two consecutive hours to spend waiting for my clothes to go through. So I stopped by the mall after work and bought some boxers, enough to last me for a week until my next day off to do laundry. That was my first time doing that. It was a weird experience. Buying new clothes instead of doing laundry made me feel lazy and wasteful, but also like a rock star. Fuck washing those soiled drawers, I’m just gonna put on a fresh new pair. That’s the American way. I’m still going to do laundry every couple of weeks, but buying new clothes is always a decent backup plan. I should spice up my wardrobe anyway. 

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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June 5, 2016 · 5:07 pm

She’s All That

  She’s All That is one of those nineties teenage Rom-Coms that you either love or hate. I was in the middle of eighth grade when it first came out, just the right age for a movie about high school to make a lasting impression, and I have to admit that I liked it. I’ll even admit that I watched it again last night with my girlfriend. I’m not proud to admit it, but I’m not ashamed either. Anyway, She’s All That stars Freddie Prinze, Jr. as Zack Siler, the resident big man on campus who makes a bet that he can turn any girl into Prom Queen. Rachel Leigh Cook plays Laney Boggs, the nerdy outsider who becomes the object of the bet.  

 I’ll give you the general plot line now, so spoiler alert. Zack gets dumped by his girlfriend for another guy, so logically he makes a bet with his douchey friend that he can make any girl Prom Queen. Laney is chosen because she looks awkward in overalls and a ponytail. Zack lies, deceives, and manipulates her into a fake relationship. At some point he decides that he really does want to fuck her, but then his douchey friend decides that he wants to fuck her too, and that leads to drama. At some point there’s a dance-off. Oh, and some bullies eat pubes on a pizza. In the end, Zack ends up with Laney because high school popularity is all that matters.

 Ok it’s not a great movie, but it’s a movie that I like. I saw it at the right time in my life. You can’t judge me. It’s funny to go back and watch it now. You realize how dramatic everything was in high school, how it seemed like everything was important, and that it was all bullshit. It’s especially hard to take this movie seriously if you’ve seen Not Another Teen Movie, which does a great job parodying She’s All That. That’s a review for another day though. 

 Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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June 2, 2016 · 9:20 pm

Creaky Floorboards 

 I like my room. It’s big, I have a walk in closet, it has three windows, and there is enough space to do all kinds of activities. But it has creaky floorboards. And I have downstairs neighbors. So sometimes I feel bad when I walk around. And I have to remind myself that I shouldn’t have to feel bad about walking around in my room. After all, it’s my fucking room. I can walk around if I want to. I still try to be courteous though. I kind of know the spots on the floor that creak and I try to avoid stepping on them. I also try to take off my shoes when I come home and walk softly. But there’s no stopping creaky floorboards, they’re going to creak. That’s what they do. They are fucking creaky floorboards. You just gotta deal with it and hope that your downstairs neighbors can too. They can always retaliate with thumping the ceiling with a broomstick if need be. Don’t feel too bad.  Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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