Tag Archives: picture

January 26, 2016 · 8:55 pm

Live Photos

So I recently upgraded to the iPhone 6s from an iPhone 4 and I’m still finding out some of the amazing things my phone can do. One of the coolest features on the new iPhone is Live Photos. Each picture is like a little movie. When you take a picture, it also records the moments before and after you took it. When you press down on the photo, it comes to life. It’s fricking rad, like some Harry Potter shit. It’s magic. You’ll see you and your friend settling into the perfect pose for a selfie. You’ll see dogs wagging their tails and running around. You’ll see babies laughing and drunk friends stumbling. You’ll see waterfalls falling and waves crashing and birds moving across the sky. There’s sound and everything. It’s like you’re right back there experiencing it again. Technology. It blows my mind sometimes.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 6, 2015 · 6:52 pm

Taking Selfies with Someone Else’s Phone

It’s slow season at work so I get into a lot of mischief during my shifts now. One of my newest games is covertly taking selfies with someone else’s phone when they leave it unattended. You don’t need to know their passcode to access the camera so you can take a few random pictures or record a video without them knowing about it. I will take selfies and group shots of me and all of my accomplices, or record a quick video, and sneakily replace their phone without them knowing. Then you sit back and wait for them to discover it. Sometimes it happens right away, sometimes you have to wait a few minutes or hours, and sometimes it takes days. It’s always a funny reaction. There are a few rules to the game. Pick your targets well. Some people don’t like it when you use their stuff without asking. I wouldn’t recommend taking any crotch shots or capturing anything illegal. It should just be funny faces or middle fingers, nothing that will cause any distress. If you take selfies with someone else’s phone, expect to have someone taking selfies with your phone as payback. It’s all part of the game, so make sure you really want to play before you click the shutter button.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 4, 2015 · 1:21 pm

Bad Driver’s License Photo

I had to go to the DMV a few weeks ago to renew my driver’s license. I had to take the eye exam, give them my thumbprint, and take a new picture. A few weeks passed and my new license arrived in the mail. I opened up the envelope and was instantly dismayed at how terrible my picture was. Or more specifically, at how terrible I looked in my picture. I look drunk, stoned, and hungover. I swear I was only one of the three. I didn’t like it at first. I considered going back to the DMV and seeing if they would retake the picture again Then I realized what a mistake that would be. If I ever get pulled over driving under the influence, the cop will take one look at my bad driver’s license photo, assume that I look fucked up all the time, and I’ll get off scot-free. If I use it wisely I’ll stay out of trouble… well, legal trouble at least. There are a lot of terrible things in life. A bad driver’s license photo is not one of them.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 11, 2015 · 1:46 pm

Profile Picture Crop Out

I was Facebooking last night and I noticed that my friend uploaded a picture of her hanging out with some friends. They were all dressed up nice. They were wearing dresses, they had their hair styled all fancy, and it was a solid group photo. I also noticed that my friend had changed her main profile picture. It was the same group photo but with all of her friends cropped out so that you could only see one smiling face with fancy styled hair. Ahhh, the classic profile picture crop out. It’s one of the most selfish things that you can do on social media. I love this picture of us, but I’m taking all you out of it so everyone can focus on me. I look great, don’t I? The best is when you see snippets and remnants of the people who were cropped out on the sides of the photo. Sometimes you’re the one who was cropped out. It’s not a nice feeling when you see that you didn’t make the cut. A group photo should remain a group photo. A crop out is a cop out.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 18, 2014 · 6:22 pm

Showing You the Camera Button

I work as a server at popular restaurant in a tourist trap location. As a result, there are some days that I can’t even walk five steps without getting stopped to take a picture of some happy couple or a miserable family. It always happens the same way too. I’ll be heading to work with my headphones in and some guy will kind of flail his arm at me, almost as if he was trying to hail a taxi cab. He will lift up his camera, then gesture back towards his girlfriend/wife and family with a half smile on his face, then look back at you and raise the camera again. That’s usually when I cave in and nod, and he approaches me with the camera and points at the camera button. They always end up showing you the camera button. I know how to take a fucking picture. Everyone knows how to take a fucking picture. You aim the camera at whatever you want to shoot and then you press the button. There’s no need to point out the camera button anymore. It’s 2014. We all have it by now.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 7, 2014 · 8:41 am

Hold On, Let Me Show You a Picture

You’re hanging out with some friends or spending some time with family, just enjoying yourselves and catching up. Somebody asks you about the recent vacation that you took, and you start to describe the culture, the sights, and the things you did. And then you remember that you have a dozen pictures on your smartphone, so you bust it out and say, “Hold on, let me show you a picture.” You then spend the next few minutes scrolling through your thousands of pictures looking for the right ones, while everyone else pretends to care as their interest wanes. By the time you finally find the pictures of your vacation, the conversation has already moved on and nobody cares. They might glance at your pictures to be polite, but you’ve already killed the mood. Conversations are supposed to flow and transition. Trying to find a picture on your phone doesn’t let the conversation progress. A picture should start a discussion, not end it. You’re a great photographer though.

            Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 6, 2014 · 11:39 am

Commenting On a Really Old Facebook Picture

I checked my Facebook account earlier today and had a notification. A friend left a comment on an old picture of a summertime bonfire from 2009. It was really random. The picture was buried in one of several forgotten Facebook photo albums, which meant that she was looking through dozens of my pictures before finding that one and making a comment about it. She wasn’t even at the bonfire that night. There was no reason for her to comment on the picture at all. But she did. And it creeped me out so I deleted her. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Commenting on a really old Facebook picture makes you seem like a stalker. You shouldn’t have anything to say about a picture from the past that doesn’t involve you at all. So don’t do it and don’t let people do it to you. And call people out if you see them do it. It’s an epidemic that needs to be stopped. Together we can make a difference.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 4, 2013 · 8:04 am

Photobombing

Photobombing is when you sneak into the background of a picture without being noticed. It’s fun to photobomb your friends, but it’s more fun to photobomb strangers. The next time you notice some people taking a picture, put a stupid expression on your face and jump in behind them. It’s important that they don’t notice you until they examine the picture. If you do it right, they won’t see you until somebody else points out that they got photobombed. You got to pick your moments for photobombing. It should be a harmless prank; you’re not trying to ruin a once in a lifetime moment. You should only photobomb casual photos, not wedding photos or graduation pictures. It should be a harmless prank; you’re not trying to ruin a once in a lifetime moment.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 1, 2013 · 10:11 am

Getting Sucked Into Your Timeline

I’m on Facebook a lot because I’m a product of my time. I make statuses, I check into places, I post pictures, I share articles, and I get tagged every single day. Every once in a while, I will log on and check out my profile. It’s like looking at your life from an outsider’s perspective. You’ll start looking at what other people have posted on your wall, and you’ll eventually start looking at old pictures. We don’t have actual photo albums anymore. Instead we have Facebook Timeline. It sucks that it’s not tangible, but it’s better in a lot of ways. You’ll stumble upon a picture of you and a group of friends that you never see anymore in a place that you never go to anymore. You’ll feel nostalgic and you can instantly tag them or message them to remind them about the glory days. It tells you when it was posted, so you can reflect on how much shit has changed since it was taken. Then you’ll click on another picture of another group of forgotten friends in another forgotten place. Then you click on another picture, and another bunch of memories come flooding back. Before you know it, three hours have passed and it’s time for bed. Getting sucked into your timeline is like picking up your yearbook from senior year, it’s a trip down memory lane.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 24, 2013 · 10:05 am

Taking a Picture of Your Shirt in the Mirror

You’re checking Facebook and surfing through all the bullshit events, check ins, status updates, and picture uploads when you notice a picture of your friend modeling a new shirt. She makes a caption about her new shirt and how lucky she was to find it while shopping. But she took the picture in the mirror and it’s backwards. And she looks like a fucking idiot because everything is reversed. I’m glad that you got a new shirt. But I’m amazed that you took the time to pose and focus and adjust the flash and crop the photo and update it as your profile pic, all without noticing that the image is reversed. There’s no excuse for that level of ignorance. Most smartphones have a front and rear facing camera so you don’t need to rely on mirrors to take a self-portrait. You can flip the image on your phone or computer even if it’s backwards. There’s no reason to post anything backwards. But it still happens all the fucking time. I’ve started deleting people from my Facebook for these offenses, and I always make sure to send them a message to let them know how much they suck at life and why they deserve to die an early and painful death. I shouldn’t have to hold my phone up to a mirror to see what your stupid shirt says.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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