Tag Archives: booger

Picking Your Nose With Your Tongue

I was on the train today during rush hour. That means we were packed in there, jammed together like sardines. I was face to face with one guy, probably around twenty-eight years hold who was reading a book. Every now and then he would flick his tongue into a nostril, wiggle it around some, retract it, do a slight nibble, and then repeat the process on his other nostril. It took me a few lizard licks to realize that he was picking his nose with his tongue. It was as impressive as it was disgusting. I’ve seen a lot of shit in San Francisco. I’ve never experienced anything quite like that. My tongue can’t extend that far. Even if it could, I wouldn’t do that. Boogers are meant to be flicked, not eaten.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H Young

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Picking Your Nose in Public

I ordered some food the other day and was waiting in line to pick it up when I noticed a guy sitting at a table savagely picking his nose. He was digging for gold, silver, platinum, diamonds, one ring to rule them all… I mean he was going at it. Most public nose pickers try to be subtle about it. This guy was not ashamed at all. He was picking with so much gusto that I was afraid his nose would start gushing blood. He really had no sense of shame about it. I couldn’t look away, I was too fascinated. Picking your nose in public is slightly taboo, but this guy turned it into an art form. It made me feel inadequate about my own nose picking skills. I didn’t know how good some people are at it. This guy could teach a class.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Snot Rocket

Snot Rockets are the answer to many of life’s questions. Need to blow your nose but don’t have any Kleenex handy? Snot rocket. Need to impress a girl but don’t know how? Snot rocket. A snot rocket is a glob of mucus that you launch from your nose. It’s a liquid booger projectile that can be used as a biological weapon. Aim at your enemies and fire. Hopefully they’ll be too disgusted to sock you in the face. There are many YouTube instructional videos if you want to learn how to harness your phlegm and become good at it. Someday you could be like Madison Bumgarner, a snot rocketeer and two-time World Series Champion.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Stubborn Booger

You are trying to act casual but you have a stubborn booger in your nose that refuses to budge. You’ve tried blowing your nose. You’ve tried picking your nose. Nothing works. You’ll give yourself a nosebleed before you remove that ball of nasal mucus. All you can do is hope that it isn’t visible. A stubborn booger is like a wedgie on your face. It’s not obvious to other people but it’s uncomfortable and it’s slowly driving you crazy.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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