Tag Archives: pee

Continuous Stream

Guys are competitive about everything. Even peeing. We always try to outdo everyone else, even at the urinal. That’s why pissing contest is a term. We try to hold it in as long as possible in an attempt to achieve the continuous stream. That’s when you piss slow and steady for a solid sixty seconds or more. It’s relieving and impressive at the same time. If you go up to a urinal at a crowded bar or sports stadium and barely manage to whiz for ten seconds, you feel like less of a man because you are one. But if you overcome your bladder shyness and obtain a continuous stream, you can accomplish anything. The world is yours.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Don’t Step In Any Liquid On City Streets

So you’re going to the city for a night. You get all dressed up and ready for a fun night on the town. But before you go out, let me give you some advice: don’t step in any liquid on city streets. Because it’s probably not water. It’s probably piss. People piss outside all the time. Homeless people, drunk people, and people who just can’t hold it in anymore all treat the city like it’s giant toilet. Yeah, it’s gross. Yeah, it’s disgusting. But that’s how it is and you can’t change it. All you can do is try to avoid stepping into any mysterious puddles or streams on the sidewalk.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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If It’s Yellow, Let It Mellow

I’m staying on a couch at the moment and had to take a piss at three in the morning, but I didn’t want to wake anybody up. I tiptoed down the hall, I slowly opened the door, quietly turned the knob, and aimed for the side of the bowl to avoid making noise. Then I stood there for about five minutes deciding whether or not to flush the toilet. If I flushed it, then all my attempts at stealth would go down the drain. If I left it, they might think that I’m a rude houseguest. I didn’t know what to do until I remembered the old adage: If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down. There are other variants like If it’s pee, let it be, but the message is the same: urine can stay in the bowl, but you gotta flush the shit. So I didn’t flush, and if they were wondering why not, that’s why. They didn’t wake up though, so I regret nothing.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Puddles

A puddle is a small pool of a liquid. Most of the puddles that you encounter are rain puddles. If you have babies or puppies, you are more familiar with pee puddles. If you know my friends, you are more familiar with puddles of vomit. It was fun to splash and stomp in puddles in the rain when you were a kid, but then you grew up and realized that the world is a soulless, crushing place and now splashing in puddles doesn’t do anything for you anymore. The only joy you get from puddles these days is from watching cars drive through them and soaking old ladies walking down the sidewalk. Grandma shouldn’t be walking in the rain anyway.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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RunPee

Going to the movies these days is a big deal. Tickets are expensive, the snacks and candy are expensive, the sodas are expensive… a 3-D IMAX movie for two people plus food can easily set you back fifty bucks. So it sucks when you’re watching a movie and you have to go to the bathroom. You don’t know when to get up and go. You paid and arm and a leg to watch this blockbuster and don’t want to miss the part where Superman destroys Metropolis. RunPee solves this problem. It’s a website and a downloadable app that tells you when to go. You select which movie you’re seeing, and it gives you a few options for the best time to go, like 47 minutes into the film when so-and-so says something, or an hour and twelve minutes into the film when another character makes a quip. And then it will tell you if you have three minutes or five minutes to use the bathroom. It even gives you a brief summary of what you missed. The app costs 99 cents. It’s worth every penny (yes, all 99 of them). The app comes with a timer so you don’t have to be glancing at your phone constantly. It will also tell you if there’s anything after the credits. It even dims your phone so you don’t disturb anyone else while using it. It’s a pretty handy app, and well worth getting if you’re a film junkie with a small bladder.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Pissing On the Plunger

I’ve pissed on hundreds of plungers in my lifetime. Almost everyone I know has a toilet and a plunger to go with it. And everyone seems to keep the plunger right next to the toilet. It seems logical and convenient but it’s not. It’s a terrible place to keep because I’m going to pee on it. It’s like a lightening rod for my urinary stream. I probably won’t do it on purpose, but it’s going to happen one way or another. I’m a guy, that’s what we do. We piss all over the toilet seat and whatever else is in the vicinity and that includes the plunger. Yeah, we have built-in fire hoses but it’s hard to pee through morning wood or aim when we’re drunk. Pissing on the plunger isn’t something I’m proud of but I’m not ashamed to admit it either.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Waiting for the Bathroom at the Bar

You drink at a bar. That’s what you do. And drinking makes you have to pee. Eventually you’ll end up waiting for the bathroom at the bar. You have to wait in a single file line with other drunk patrons, alternating between random drunken conversations with strangers and checking your phone for texts and Facebook notifications. You’ll bitch and sigh and shuffle your feet while the line slowly creeps along. Finally you get your chance to drain your bladder and check your reflection, then you wash your hands and grab another drink. Fifteen minutes later you’ll be in line for the bathroom again. It seems like half your time at the bar is spent trying to order another drink or waiting in line to pee. As long as you’re drunk, who cares?

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Piss on the Toilet Seat

Ladies, I know you get exasperated at constantly having to wipe the piss off the toilet seat. You wonder how it’s even possible to piss on the toilet seat. You know that guys have built-in fire hoses so we can aim, but there’s still piss on the seat. I’m here to tell you that there are two main reasons for pissing on the toilet seat. First off, it might have been the unintentional consequence of splashback. That’s when the force of your stream hitting the toilet water causes some of it to splash back and up onto the toilet seat. The other reason is that morning wood is hard to piss through. It wasn’t intentional. Most guys aren’t trying to piss on the seat, it just happens. If it really bothers you than you should leave the seat up.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Peeing in a Bottle

Ladies, please don’t judge this post. You will never know the simple joy of peeing in a bottle. You can try it, but it might spray so be careful. Peeing in a bottle is not something that you should make a habit of. You do it in emergencies, like when you’re stuck in traffic or someone refuses to get out of the bathroom. I prefer to pee outside, either on a tree or in the snow, but I have no qualms about peeing in a bottle. You just gotta make sure that you don’t lose your grip or overflow the bottle. Drunk pisses can last a long time, and hopefully you’re drunk if you’re peeing into a bottle.

I’m not advocating pissing into bottles. But sometimes toilets get boring and you need to shake things up a bit.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Breaking the Seal

Be careful about breaking the seal and plan accordingly. One of the biggest mistakes you can make while drinking is breaking the seal too early. It’s all over once you give in to your bladder and take that first drunken pee. Breaking the seal means that every other beer results in a trip to the bathroom. That could lead to disaster when everyone on your team is relying on you to flip that cup or pong that beer and you’re too busy worry about pissing your pants.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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