Tag Archives: parking

Street Sweeping Ticket

I woke up from a peaceful slumber this morning to the sounds of the street sweeper making its way down my block. I wondered if I had accidently parked on the wrong side of the street the night before. I ran down the hallway to the living room and peered out the window. Sure enough, I was parked directly in the path of the street sweeper. I could see him flanked by two meter maids in their dopey little three-wheeled vehicles. I debated whether or not to run outside and try to move my car before they got there, but I knew that I wouldn’t make it in time. I wasn’t even wearing any pants. I had to stand there in my boxers as they ticketed my car. I was powerless to do anything. All I could do was watch as sixty-six dollars went the drain. I hate street sweeping tickets. Mostly because I have no one to blame but myself. I should have read the damn sign. Too little, too late.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Street_cleaner_and_four_parking_attendant_vehicles_in_San_Francisco

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Looking For Parking

I live in a city where you don’t need a car to get around. Driving a car in my city becomes a hassle. You have to deal with traffic, street cleaning, vandals, tickets, and looking for parking. Looking for parking is the worst thing about driving in the city. It only takes ten minutes to drive from Point A to Point B, but you’ll spend twenty minutes creeping up and down side streets and alleyways at seven miles per hour trying to find a spot. You finally find a spot and park, and only then will you notice that the curb is painted red and you’re right next to a fire hydrant. Or you can only park there on the second Wednesday of each month. Or you have to have a Residential Permit to park there. So you scream and bash your head into the steering wheel out of frustration and continue on your quest in search of parking. Another twenty minutes go by until you finally give up and pay twenty bucks to park it in a lot somewhere. Fuck that. Next time you’ll just take the bus.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

parking space

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It’s Not Illegally Parking If Someone Stays In the Car

Have you ever noticed that it’s perfectly ok to double park or park in a handicap spot without a placard if someone stays in the car? I’m pretty sure it’s still not legal to do that, but most cops will look the other way if someone stays in the car. It’s proof that you’re there temporarily and that you’ll be leaving in a minute. It might be a bit of an inconvenience to other drivers, but they do it too. Only the surliest of drivers will honk at you and scream at you to move your car. Don’t give in to assholes though… give them the finger and tell them to fuck off. And stay in your spot. Remember: it’s not illegally parking if someone stays in the car. Leave your baby in the backseat the next time you go grocery shopping and save yourself the hassle of searching for a spot.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Parking Spot

A parking spot is a spot where you park your car. You usually find parking spots in garages, parking lots, and on the side of the road. A parking spot is a precious commodity, especially in a big city. Drivers will go through great lengths to find a good parking spot. A driver might circle the same two blocks for forty-five minutes in a futile attempt to find a spot. A good parking spot is something to fight over. It’s not uncommon for two frustrated drivers to start yelling or throw fists over a few feet of asphalt. Earlier today I went to the neighborhood mom and pop shop to buy some groceries. The cashier greeted me when I walked in, I walked around and gathered my items, but she was gone when I went to pay. I wondered where she disappeared to and then she came running in from the street, apologizing and explaining that she saw a good parking spot open up outside and she had to take it. Perfectly understandable. Parking spots are like opportunities… you have to take them when you can.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Watching Someone Fail at Parking

I live in San Francisco and parking spaces are hard to come by. It’s not uncommon to see two or three cars fighting for a single spot. So you have to be able to park if you’re gonna drive in the city. And if you can’t parallel park then you can’t park at all. You can always spot a tourist based on how long it takes them to park. Watching someone fail at parking would be the ultimate reality show. Each futile attempt becomes increasingly sloppy, and you would see the driver’s frustration rising and exploding into rage. At a certain point it stops being entertainment and you start to feel bad for the driver. It’s like watching a goldfish flopping on the ground next to its tank. You want to plop the little guy back in his bowl, just like you wanna go over and park the car for him. But you have to refrain yourself from helping him. If you can’t park, then you can’t drive, and if you can’t drive you shouldn’t own a fucking car. You shouldn’t help goldfish park, sometimes you just gotta let those fuckers flop around.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Double Parking

If you live in the city and drive, you hate people who double park. These motherfuckers stop in the middle of the road, put on their hazard lights, and make you drive into oncoming traffic to get around them. Sometimes the driver isn’t even in the fucking car. Now you don’t even know who to flip off. The weirdest thing about double parking is that it’s always somehow justified when you do it. Funny how the universe works.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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