Tag Archives: call

Losing Your Phone

The world is a different place when you lose your phone. You have no idea how reliant you are on a miniature computer that fits in your pocket until it’s no longer in your pocket. I know this because I lost my phone on Friday night. I left it in the Uber. It was terrible, it was amateur, it was a rookie mistake. I felt like a loser in every sense of the word. I noticed something was amiss pretty quickly. I got out of the Uber, went to 7-Eleven, and patted an empty pocket on the way out the door. I sheepishly confessed to my friend that I lost my phone and I didn’t know if I left it in the Uber or at the bar. Yes, I was a little bit drunk. It was Friday fucking night, what did you expect? We called the bar but nobody had turned it in. My friend called the Uber driver and left a message. Then there was nothing left to do but play the waiting game and it was getting kind of late so I went home.

I got home and started changing all my passwords. I changed my email passwords, my bank password, and my Facebook password (ain’t no way I’m getting status hacked on top of everything else). I tried to change my Venmo account but stopped when it tried to send verification to me via text. I’m changing my password for a reason, what the fucking fuck!?!

I had to work the next morning and wake up by 8:30 am. This is when not having a phone started to become an actual burden. I use my phone for everything, including as an alarm clock. Luckily I’m a spoiled American and used my iPad as an alarm clock. I woke up Saturday morning and left to take the bus to work. I got to the stop and wanted to check the arrival time but I couldn’t because I didn’t have my phone. I waited for a while. I’m not really sure how long I waited for. I couldn’t check because I didn’t have my phone. I finally got on a bus. It was an insanely long bus ride. I couldn’t do anything to pass the time. I couldn’t listen to music, read the news, check sports scores, stalk people on Facebook, or play Trivia Crack because I didn’t have my phone. All I could do was stare out the window. Along the way I saw a group of old ladies dressed up as pirates. It was an unusual sight, even for San Francisco, so I wanted to take a picture. I couldn’t though because I didn’t have my phone.

The Uber driver eventually got in touch with my friend and he promised to bring it back. I tried to meet up with him a few times but it’s hard to communicate through third parties. I had to borrow other people’s phones to text my friend to text the Uber driver and hope that the messages got through. I finally got my phone back earlier today. The Uber driver was actually really nice about the whole thing and refused to take any cash as a reward/tip/display of gratitude or gas money.

I went through the whole weekend without my phone in my pocket. I survived but I never want to experience that kind of anxiety again. I never knew what time it was. I couldn’t GPS so I didn’t know where I was. I would occasionally forget that I didn’t have it and check my pocket, remember it’s not there, and get sad. I would feel phantom vibrations. I couldn’t call anyone, I couldn’t text anyone, I could only talk to people that were in the same room as me. I felt disconnected and alone. It was like being in a different time, a forgotten era. I don’t ever want to go back there. I vow that I’ll never be that stupid again. At least I hope I’ll never be that stupid again.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Good Wake Up Call

I had a cyst removed from my cheek about a week ago. It was about the size of a marble, which doesn’t sound very impressive until you realize that it came from my face. They cut it out, put it in a jar, and sent it out for a biopsy to make sure that it wasn’t cancerous. I wasn’t too worried about it, but it was on the back of my mind for a few long days. Well, I woke up this morning to my phone ringing from a number that I didn’t recognize. I groggily answered it. A woman’s cheery voice informed me that they got the test results back and they were negative. My cyst was just a cyst and nothing more. I thanked her, hung up, and smiled. That was a pretty damn good wake up call. The best way to wake up is to find out that you don’t have cancer. Not all days start off with great news like that. I’ll take it.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tell Them I Say Hi

You’re hanging out with some friends when one of your mutual friends calls you from out of state. You have a brief conversation and you mention that you’re with a couple of people, and he tells you to “Tell them I say hi.” You say you will, you hang up, and you don’t tell them that he said hi. And why would you? He doesn’t really expect you to tell them that he said hi. He just said that to acknowledge their presence, that he remembers that they exist, and they are his friends too. He doesn’t want to me to actually tell them that he says hi. I’m always worried about telling them that he said hi and then they say to tell him hi back. And I do, and then he tells me to ask them how they are doing. And I do, and then they say they are doing fine and to ask him how he is doing. And I do, and then he tells me to tell them that he is good and that they should come out the next time he’s in town. And I do, and then they tell me to tell him that sounds like fun and that he should shoot them a text soon. I don’t want to be the messenger. I’m not an owl. If you want to tell them hi, do it yourself and leave me out of it.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Calling the Wrong Person

In the old days you used to have to memorize phone numbers or carry around a piece of paper with all your contacts. Now you can just store everybody’s number in your cellphone and call them instantly. Or text them if you don’t want to hear their voice. The problem is that most people have duplicate names and entries in their phones. Sometimes they got a new number and you didn’t delete the old one, sometimes you made a new friend when you were drunk that you forgot about when you were sober, and sometimes you just know a bunch of people with the same damn name. I have like seven Jessicas in my phone and I only talk to three of them. Where did the extra Jessicas come from? And why do I always dial the wrong Jessica? Calling the wrong person is a problem that has plagued phones since the beginning. The smartest and most advanced technology is still vulnerable to human error. Calling the wrong person is eventually inevitable. Just act like you meant to call them to catch up, and then you can call the real target. And make sure you get the number right this time.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Calling or Texting Instead of Ringing the Doorbell

It seems like everyone has a cellphone these days, and the lucky ones have smartphones. Everyone is constantly connected to each other with this magical technology. And technology makes you lazy in stupid ways. I’ve noticed that most people end up calling or texting instead of ringing the doorbell. A doorbell has one button that produces a buzzing or chiming noise to notify that someone is at the door. Instead of pushing one button, we now push a few buttons or type out a text saying we are outside. It takes longer to get a response, there’s more work involved, and there’s no real reason to do it. But that’s how it is now. So just embrace it and text me when you get here.

Critically Rated at 10/17

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