August 9, 2013 · 10:09 am

Fighting for a Barstool

Nobody likes to sit next to a stranger. That’s pretty apparent whenever you go into a bar and sit at the bar top. You don’t sit down right next to a random stranger, because that’s creepy and weird. You always need a buffer chair (an empty chair that separates you from the other barflies). Everyone wants their own space, a personal place to drown their sorrows in peace. But the problem with everyone utilizing the buffer chair system is that when the bar fills up, there’s not enough space for groups to sit together. This could lead to a potential conflict, and alcohol and conflicts aren’t a good mix. You could end up fighting for a barstool. It’s been known to happen. Most of the time it will just be a verbal argument, but that could escalate quickly. I’ve seen people come to blows over a barstool. Drunk people will fight over anything though. Sometimes they even fight over women. Crazy, I know. Fighting for a barstool is pretty lame, but sometimes you have to defend your turf and your honor. Just don’t get carried away, because the buffer seat defense won’t hold up in court.

            Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

1 Comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

August 9, 2013 · 10:06 am

Scheckter’s Organic Energy

Scheckter’s Organic Energy is an organic energy drink that promises to harness the power of nature to get you through the day. It claims to be all natural, all organic, and 100% vegetarian with no artificial sweeteners, no preservatives, no artificial colorants, and no toxic chemicals. Despite all that, it doesn’t taste half bad. It tastes like a typical energy drink, somewhere in between Rockstar and Red Bull. It’s effervescent and crisp, with a slight pomegranate flavor. I’m looking at their website now and it’s called Scheckter’s because it’s named after the founder. But they spell his name two different ways. He’s either Toby Schecter or Toby Scheckter. It’s not a good sign if they can’t decide which one it is. Maybe they should harness the power of spell check. All in all, this is a pretty good energy drink, and I would recommend it to any tired hippie. They love organic shit.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

August 8, 2013 · 9:54 am

Power Outage

I was relaxing in my room the other night when the power went out. At first I thought it was a blown fuse, but when my roommate and I investigated it, we discovered that the whole neighborhood was blacked out, save for a few random streetlights scattered every few blocks. I didn’t know what to do, I was caught totally unprepared. My laptop only had 24% battery left and my phone was practically dead. I used my keychain Maglite to find an old, almost depleted, scented candle. I also remembered that I had a few glow sticks in my camping gear, so I grabbed a couple of those and blew out the candle. There was not much to do, and it was too dark to play cards, so my roommate and I went outside to take it all in. All the houses were dark. There were no lights on, there were no glowing television screens or computer monitors, there was no music blasting. It was like we went back in time. We cracked a few brews, smoked a few cigarettes, and just marveled at how quiet it was. It was like something from a dream, or like going back to visit your hometown after a few years… everything is the same, but oddly different. It’s just not right, like a perverted version of reality. But as we took the last few drags from our cigarettes, the power came back online. The streetlights started to flicker and brighten, the windows regained the blue glow from various TV screens, and the twenty-first century reawakened. We tossed our butts away and went back inside, back to electricity, the internet, and the mundane.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

August 8, 2013 · 9:51 am

A Snoring Homeless Guy

The other night I was trying to catch a late bus to get back to my house. I got to the bus stop with a few minutes to spare and was waiting for the bus to show up, and that’s when I heard somebody snoring. I looked around and discovered the source of the sound: it was a bum sleeping on the street right behind the bus stop. It was mindboggling how anyone could possibly be sleeping so soundly without a care in the world, especially on a crowded sidewalk by a busy street. I was actually a little jealous of him because I can’t remember the last time that I had a peaceful slumber of my own. It’s kind of sad when a snoring homeless guy gets a better night’s sleep than me. It’s not fair, my bed is way more comfortable than his cardboard box but he’s sleeping like a baby while I toss and turn. At least I don’t have to worry about getting shanked while I’m passed out.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under People I Feel Sorry For

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

August 7, 2013 · 9:54 am

Clean Sheets

Every few weeks I will wash my sheets and put fresh ones on my bed. Clean sheets are the shit. It’s a cheap and easy way to get super comfortable. Your bed is already the best spot in the house, and clean sheets make it even better. You just want to lie in bed and embrace the cozy warmth the sheets provide. It’s the ideal time to call it an early night and watch a movie in bed. Clean sheets feel nice. It’s like a new pair of socks, but your whole body gets to feel good, not just your feet. Don’t you want that feeling? Do your laundry right now and you can experience the magic tonight.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , ,

August 7, 2013 · 9:51 am

Arizona Georgia Peach

Georgia Peach is an iced tea made by Arizona. It’s green tea with ginseng and peach juice. Arizona Green Tea is already invigorating, and the added peach juice is a nice touch. It’s a nice blend. It’s sweet and peachy, but not overwhelmingly so. It’s only 5% juice, so the green tea is still the main flavor. The peach flavor is just a guest star. It comes in the classic Arizona 99¢ tallboy can, which is always a good deal. It’s the perfect caffeine fix when you want something that’s easily drinkable and refreshing. I like it, I would get it again, and I would even give it out as a birthday gift. But I’m also a cheap ass motherfucker.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

August 6, 2013 · 9:54 am

A Slow Bartender

It was a shitty day at work the other day, so I went to Happy Hour with a few coworkers. We were in desperate need for a drink, but unfortunately we go stuck with the slowest bartender in the history of the world. We ordered a few cocktails and a couple of beers, and then we started playing the waiting game. We waited as he sauntered around getting the liquors and mixers ready. We waited some more as he gathered up the glassware and started to make the first few drinks. Then we waited as he came back and asked what else we ordered. Then we waited as he made the next few drinks. Then we had to remind him that we also ordered beer, and we had to wait while he poured them from the tap. Then he asked us what we ordered again so that he could ring it in. We didn’t have a complicated order. There wasn’t anything that had to be blended or muddled, just a few simple cocktails and some beers. We had three drinks that were the same, we had two other drinks that were the same, and we had two IPAs. We could tell that he felt bad about taking so long, and he even offered us another round on the house. We had to pass. It would have taken too long, and it wouldn’t have been worth it. Time is the one thing that you can’t get back. If you’re a slow bartender, you are in the wrong profession.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 6, 2013 · 9:52 am

Krave Jerky Smoky Grilled Teriyaki

Krave Jerky is a brand of premium jerky. They make beef jerky, they make turkey jerky, and apparently they also make pork jerky. And that’s what Smoky Grilled Teriyaki is. It’s pork. You can tell by the smell that it’s pork and not beef. It’s really sweet. It’s like eating candied pork or a stale slice of ham. You can’t really taste any smoke or teriyaki flavors. It’s just overpriced sweetened hunks of dried pork. It’s worth trying because it’s a different type of jerky than you’re used to, but it’s only worth trying once. It’s kind of a disappointing experience. I also think that the minimize the fact that it’s pork on the package. It seems like it would be too easy for somebody to grab it without realizing that it’s pork. And that’s not kosher.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Snacks

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

August 5, 2013 · 9:38 am

Ordering a Pizza While Drunk

I went to a going-away party the other night and proceeded to get shitfaced with about fifty friends. We were doing shots, drinking cocktails, chugging down beers, and drunk people are known to get hungry. We decided to order a couple of pizzas and that turned into a process. First we had to decide on a place. Then we had to figure out how many people are eating so we would know how many pies to get. Then we had to figure out what toppings you want, and that part took forever because some people are vegetarians and some people are opposed to pineapple and some people can’t eat cheese. It turned into a debate over whether or not to get a meat combo or a veggie combo or a plain cheese pizza, and everyone was drunk so they all have an opinion, and everyone’s opinion was loud. We finally decided on the three pizzas that we would get, and then another argument started over who would call and place the order. Everyone had a lame reason or an excuse over why they couldn’t be the one to call. Eventually I gave in and I called. I didn’t even bother leaving the room full of rowdy drunks, so I had to yell so that the lady could hear me and kept having to ask the lady to repeat herself. After five minutes I finally got the order in, but then we had to collect the money, and that was the biggest hassle of all. Some people had cash, but only big bills that had to be broken. Some people only had cards. Some people had to borrow money from other people. Everyone wanted pizza and that meant some people weren’t going to eat any. Ordering a pizza while drunk is a chore, but eating a pizza while drunk makes it all worthwhile.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks, Snacks

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

August 5, 2013 · 9:34 am

Rogue Hazelnut Brown Nectar

Oregon’s Rogue Ales is a popular microbrewery that receives national attention for their great craft brews. Hazelnut Brown Nectar is one of them. It’s award-winning. It says so on the label. It’s an American Brown Ale brewed with hazelnut extract. The hazelnut gives it a nutty aroma, and it also smells of chocolate and spice. It’s has a smooth and creamy mouthfeel, and it tastes of coffee, caramel, hazelnut, with a little bitter hops thrown in for balance. It’s a pretty good brown ale, but I don’t think it’s hazelnutty enough to have to have hazelnut in its name. Sure, you can taste it and smell it, but it doesn’t dominate the beer. The hazelnut is relatively subtle. It has an alcohol content of 6.2% so it makes for a good day drinking beer. It’s something that you can sip on and enjoy. I would pair it with a slice of toast and Nutella.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks

Tagged as , , , ,

August 4, 2013 · 10:35 am

Too Many Status Updates

I have a Facebook friend who has way too many status updates every single day. You can change your status once or twice a day, maybe three times if something truly exciting happens. But this fool will update his status every hour or two. It’s almost as if he’s trying to constantly be at the top of my newsfeed. None of his posts are even remotely status worthy. He’s just an attention whore; he lives for likes and comments. But he doesn’t get any, so then he will post something else that’s guaranteed to get a thumbs up (like “I miss the ‘90s”). He doesn’t seem to grasp that nobody is responding to his shit because we all ignore him or have him blocked. Posting too many status updates is both annoying and unnecessary. He is two status updates away from getting permanently deleted. Both from Facebook and in real life.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , ,

August 4, 2013 · 10:31 am

Pepsi

Pepsi is an American cola that tries (and fails) to compete with Coca-Cola. It’s sweeter and less bitter than Coke, and you can tell the difference between the two if you ever do a blind taste test. It’s not a bad cola, it’s just not Coke. It tries to be hip and cool and more youth-orientated, but it’s been around since 1893 so they can’t keep pretending to be the new guy on the block. Anyway, there are two types of people in the world: Coke people and Pepsi people. Coca-Cola is the number one soda for a reason: it’s better. Pepsi just kind of exists as an alternative. It’s an inferior product for people who want to rebel against the status quo. Hipsters drink Pepsi and nobody wants to be a hipster. I’m not going to judge you if you prefer Pepsi over Coke, but I’ll know that I don’t want to be your friend.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 3, 2013 · 8:36 am

Hijacking Your Roommate’s Alarm Clock

My roommate has a habit of ignoring his alarm clock and repeatedly hitting the snooze button. It’s loud enough to wake me up, and it keeps going off whenever I start to fall back asleep. I used to get mad when it went off, so I would get up and bang on his door. But he never learned his lesson. So now I hijack his alarm clock… instead of waking him up, I will just take over the bathroom. His shit is loud enough to wake me up, but if he doesn’t want to get up then he doesn’t deserve bathroom privileges. I’ll take a leisurely shit, enjoy a nice long shower, I’ll brush my teeth, I’ll shave, I’ll Q-tip my ears, and I will take my time in doing so. It’s better than tossing and turning and trying to get another fifteen minutes of sleep before he turns off his alarm. Hijacking your roommate’s alarm clock might cause some animosity, but it will save your sanity.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 3, 2013 · 8:33 am

Old Spice Wolfthorn Deodorant

Wolfthorn is a new scent from Old Spice. Hopefully you’ve seen the commercials for it, because they are fucking hilarious. The tagline for it says that it’s For Nocturnal Creatures, so I guess it’s good for clubbing or bar hopping. But it has a sunshiny feel to it. It has a really crisp and fruity smell, it reminds me of tropical-flavored bubble gum or candy. But it doesn’t taste as good. I got the Anti-Perspirant & Deodorant version, and I’ve noticed that it leaves less residue than other the other Old Spice anti-perspirants. The less mess, the better. This is a good deodorant. It makes you sweat less, it makes you smell better, and it lasts all day. What more do you want from deodorant? And it has a cool name. When someone asks what you are wearing, you can whisper Wolfthorn… how classy is that?

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , ,

August 2, 2013 · 8:34 am

Zymaster Series No. 4: Fort Ross Farmhouse Ale

Anchor Brewing presents Zymaster Series No. 4: Fort Ross Farmhouse Ale, an exciting seasonal brew. It’s described as a Belgian-style farmhouse ale with a California twist. They make it with hops, barley malt, wheat malt, toasted Belgian wheat malt, and a native California plant called Yerba Santa or Holy Herb. The Yerba Santa lends the brew a bitter, spicy flavor that compliments the malty, fruity, undertones. I taste hints of cloves and banana as well. It has an alcohol percentage of 7.2%, and it’s pretty drinkable. If you’re with a group of people and you can’t decide on something dark or something light, this is a pretty decent compromise. It has more flavor than Bud drinkers are used to, but they should experience a real beer every once in a while. And Anchor Brewing Zymaster Series No. 4: Fort Ross Farmhouse Ale is a real beer.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

August 2, 2013 · 8:31 am

Saying the Wrong Thing

Humans are lucky creatures because we have the ability to express our thoughts to other humans. But sometimes shit gets lost in translation and you end up saying the wrong thing. The other night my friend was talking about her childhood and her memories as a four-year-old. I wanted to know how long ago that was, like the year that it was when she was four. But the words got jumbled up on the way from my brain to my tongue, and I ended up asking her “How old were you when you were four?” I didn’t mean to ask her a trick question, and it took a few seconds for what I said to sink in. Saying the wrong thing is like accidently spitting when you talk… you didn’t mean to do it, but it happened and you can’t avoid it. All you can do is suck it up, laugh at yourself, and own up to it. Eventually someone else will say the wrong thing and your gaffe will be forgotten.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 1, 2013 · 8:42 am

A Cold Beverage in a Hot Glass

A cold beverage in a hot glass is a bad idea. Any server will tell you that that’s a recipe for a cracked glass. Sometimes the glass is so hot and the drink is so cold, that it shatters in your hand while you take it to the table. Hot plus cold equals cracked glass. That’s why you don’t pour hot water over an iced-over windshield. It will crack the glass. It’s simple physics. Two extreme temperatures can’t coexist on a fragile surface. The fastest way to cool down a glass is to turn it upside and run cold water over it. It chills the glass down pretty quickly most of the time, but it’s not foolproof and you can still end up with a broken glass if you’re not careful. Don’t be an idiot and avoid serving a cold beverage in a hot glass.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks, Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , ,