Tag Archives: roommate

Hijacking Your Roommate’s Alarm Clock

My roommate has a habit of ignoring his alarm clock and repeatedly hitting the snooze button. It’s loud enough to wake me up, and it keeps going off whenever I start to fall back asleep. I used to get mad when it went off, so I would get up and bang on his door. But he never learned his lesson. So now I hijack his alarm clock… instead of waking him up, I will just take over the bathroom. His shit is loud enough to wake me up, but if he doesn’t want to get up then he doesn’t deserve bathroom privileges. I’ll take a leisurely shit, enjoy a nice long shower, I’ll brush my teeth, I’ll shave, I’ll Q-tip my ears, and I will take my time in doing so. It’s better than tossing and turning and trying to get another fifteen minutes of sleep before he turns off his alarm. Hijacking your roommate’s alarm clock might cause some animosity, but it will save your sanity.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Early Morning Bathroom Battle

I live with a few roommates and we only have one bathroom. That means I get to experience the early morning bathroom battle a few times a week. That’s when you get up around the same time as someone else and you fight each other for the bathroom. Most people can’t function until they get through their morning routine, so there’s a lot more tension and less etiquette involved when dealing with sleep-deprived creatures fighting for the same space. You always feel like you are more deserving of the bathroom, that you’re more important. You’ll try to justify that your hygienic needs are more vital than his. It’s essential that you take a shower and you take one now. Your roomie can always brush his teeth in the kitchen or resort to pissing in a bottle… he just wants the bathroom, he doesn’t need it. There’s no better way to start the day than by arguing over who gets to use the shitter first. The early morning bathroom battle can turn violent, but it’s mostly a lot of name-calling and pounding on the door and telling them to hurry the fuck up.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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