I was heading to work a few days ago when I spotted a family of three tourists attempting to cross a busy street. They were watching the flow of cars and they ran across the street when they saw a break in traffic. They were holding hands for some stupid reason. I think holding hands while running across is more than a slight hindrance; I think it’s downright dangerous. It slows you down, it makes you less agile, and it makes you a bigger target. If one of them tripped, he would have dragged the other ones down with him. If one of them got hit by a car, he would have taken the other ones with him. If you want to die by being stupid, that’s awesome and I totally support you, but try not to kill anyone else.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
The other night I was trying to catch a late bus to get back to my house. I got to the bus stop with a few minutes to spare and was waiting for the bus to show up, and that’s when I heard somebody snoring. I looked around and discovered the source of the sound: it was a bum sleeping on the street right behind the bus stop. It was mindboggling how anyone could possibly be sleeping so soundly without a care in the world, especially on a crowded sidewalk by a busy street. I was actually a little jealous of him because I can’t remember the last time that I had a peaceful slumber of my own. It’s kind of sad when a snoring homeless guy gets a better night’s sleep than me. It’s not fair, my bed is way more comfortable than his cardboard box but he’s sleeping like a baby while I toss and turn. At least I don’t have to worry about getting shanked while I’m passed out.
Critically Rated at 12/17
Written, Rated and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
People are fascinating. There are billions of us, scurrying around all over the place, each one of us doing our own thing. It’s fun to sit up on a balcony over a busy street and just watch the little puppets below acting out their lives oblivious to you watching them. You’ll see old ladies inching their way down the sidewalk. You’ll notice little brothers annoying their older sisters. You’ll observe homeless guys muttering to themselves. You’ll hear a douche on the phone saying the same thing over and over and over. You’ll spot the most awkward and opposite couple making out and laugh at the thought of them having sex. And you might feel bad for judging them but if you go people watching long enough, you can’t help but hate the human race. Or pity them.
Critically Rated at 10/17