Tag Archives: laundry

June 27, 2016 · 3:07 pm

Throw It All in the Same Dryer

 I do laundry a little bit different than other people at the laundromat. I separate my clothes into black and colors and put them in different washing machines like how I’m supposed to, but I’m a bit of a rebel when it comes to drying them. I throw it all in the same dryer. It says wash separately. It doesn’t say anything about drying separately. So I toss all my clothes in the same dryer. It saves me time and quarters. I haven’t noticed any ill effects on my wardrobe. My black shirts are still black. My blue jeans are still blue. My underwear still has shit stains but that’s a different story. I don’t see anything wrong with it so I’m gonna keep on doing it. You should do it too. I don’t want to be the only one. I hate being alone.  

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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June 6, 2016 · 6:35 pm

Buying New Clothes Instead of Doing Laundry 

 I was facing a rather serious dilemma couple of days ago. I was running out of clean underwear and didn’t have time to get any laundry done. I don’t have a washer and dryer in my apartment, so I can’t just throw in a load at night and get it in the morning. I have to go to the laundromat and I didn’t have two consecutive hours to spend waiting for my clothes to go through. So I stopped by the mall after work and bought some boxers, enough to last me for a week until my next day off to do laundry. That was my first time doing that. It was a weird experience. Buying new clothes instead of doing laundry made me feel lazy and wasteful, but also like a rock star. Fuck washing those soiled drawers, I’m just gonna put on a fresh new pair. That’s the American way. I’m still going to do laundry every couple of weeks, but buying new clothes is always a decent backup plan. I should spice up my wardrobe anyway. 

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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October 29, 2015 · 4:12 pm

Watching the Game at the Laundromat

I got rid of cable a few years ago and I only regret not being able to watch sports at home. My options are kind of limited. I can watch games a friend’s house or at a bar somewhere. But it dawned on me as I was doing laundry earlier today that I can watch the game at the laundromat. The laundromat that I go to has cable TV, a few chairs to relax on, and is hardly ever crowded so I could control the remote. I figure I can go there as a last resort if I ever need to. I would do a couple loads of laundry, taking as much time as possible while sipping on a couple of tall boys. I’d be a paying customer so I could get away with it. I think it’s a great idea. I’m surprised that it took me thirty years to think of it.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 16, 2015 · 12:46 pm

Being Productive Before Work

I usually work morning shifts, but every now and then my managers like to sneak in a closing night shift into my schedule. It keeps me on my toes. I don’t mind because night shifts give me the chance to be productive before work. It gives me enough time to do laundry, run errands, pay bills, and write blog posts about being productive before work. I don’t usually do anything fun or exciting before night shifts because I don’t want to get into shenanigans and feel the need to call out.

Today is one of those days where I work at night. I slept in an extra couple of hours and woke up feeling refreshed and invigorated. I drank a beer to kill that feeling, and then I did laundry. I’m still doing it actually. I just put everything into the dryer, then I skated home and started writing this article. Hopefully I will finish writing before I have to go back to the laundromat. This whole situation is very meta right now.

Well, the article is drawing to an end now and my laundry is still tumbling around in the dryer so I will call this a success. I still have a few hours to be productive. Maybe I will get a haircut. Most likely I will watch shit on YouTube or Netflix until it’s time to leave. You can’t deny that I was productive. I did some stuff.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 19, 2015 · 10:21 pm

Change Machine

I recently moved to a new spot and today was the first chance I had to do laundry. Needless to say, I took advantage of the opportunity and I went to the local laundromat. I had to do a couple loads, so I put a few bucks into the change machine to get some quarters. As the quarters fell out, it dawned on me that it shouldn’t be called a change machine. It doesn’t give you change. It only gives you quarters. Change is more a mixture or combination of coins. It should be called a quarter machine. It’s a more accurate name. A change machine is that thing at the grocery store checkout counter. It was hard to concentrate on my laundry after a revelation like that, but I managed not to slip anything red into my whites. 

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

  

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October 8, 2014 · 2:30 pm

Washer and Dryer

I recently moved out of my old apartment and into a new one. The new place is more expensive, but it comes with perks like a balcony, dishwasher, and a washer and dryer. I haven’t had the luxury of my own washer and dryer for over seven years. I had to go to a Laundromat that was three blocks away from my house every couple of weeks. My laundry routine consisted of skating to the Laundromat, dumping all my clothes into one washing machine instead of separating them by color because it costs eight quarters to run each one, then skating back home for thirty minutes, then skating back to the Laundromat, throwing my clothes into the dryer and putting five quarters into dryer, then skating back home for thirty minutes, then skating back to pick up my laundry, then going back home to fold it. It would take over an hour, cost over three bucks, and take traveling over eighteen blocks just to do one load of laundry. Now I can walk halfway down the hallway to do my laundry. And I can separate my colors and delicates. And I don’t have to worry about forgetting it or people stealing my clothes. And I can save my quarters for gumball machines again. Life is good, all thanks to the washer and dryer in my new apartment.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 1, 2014 · 3:13 pm

Crayon In My Laundry

Today was the first day off in a few weeks where I had the chance to do laundry. I took all my dirty clothes to the laundromat, plunked down a few quarters, and started to wash them. I came back after thirty minutes to throw my clothes into the drier. As I was transferring my clothes from the washer to the drier, I found a piece of a yellow crayon. I tossed it away and didn’t think much of it. I came back thirty minutes later to get my clothes and that’s when I discovered that remnants from the yellow crayon had survived the transition from the washer to the drier and melted onto a bunch of my shirts, jeans, socks, and boxers. Melted yellow crayon looks a lot like mustard stains in case you were wondering. It looks like I got in a fight with a hot dog and got my ass kicked. It’s fucking bullshit. I don’t even know where that fucking crayon came from. Who carries around yellow crayons? I’m a little placated because I also found a twenty-dollar bill in the wash. But twenties don’t remove crayon stains so I’m still pissed off. Hashtag first world problems.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 28, 2014 · 10:07 am

Deserted Laundromat

I went to the Laundromat yesterday to wash my clothes. As soon as I walked in, I knew something was wrong. It was totally empty. There was not a single person in there, there was not a single machine running, there wasn’t even any clothes in a dryer waiting to get picked up. It was completely deserted. It was creepy. I mean it was five minutes to noon on a Thursday, you would expect there to be at least one bored housewife washing clothes just to get out of the house. I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be there, like I was trespassing or something. But it was laundry day and that’s what I was there to do, so I chose a washing machine and plunked in a few quarters and left to run some errands. I came back half an hour later and the Laundromat was still empty, but there was another machine running so I was slightly comforted. I hope you never experience the eeriness of a deserted Laundromat.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 31, 2014 · 8:55 am

Getting a New Stain Right After You Did Laundry

You’ve been putting off doing laundry for a few weeks until you finally crack and drag your dirty clothes to the Laundromat. You spend a few hours and a few quarters cleaning your clothes, and you feel accomplished and proud when you finally finish. You decide to celebrate your laundry victory by wearing a warm, clean shirt straight from the dryer. You’ll be wearing that shirt for about ten minutes before you dribble coffee down the front. Getting a new stain right after you did laundry is inevitable. The universe always knows when you’ve done laundry, and the universe will try to rectify the situation by getting your clothes dirty again. The universe wants you to waste quarters.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 26, 2013 · 1:37 pm

Forgetting to Add Detergent

Today is laundry day. I don’t have a washer or a dryer so I have to trek three blocks to the closest Laundromat. Going to the Laundromat requires planning ahead. You have to make sure you grabbed all your dirty clothes, that you have enough quarters, and you can’t forget to bring detergent and dryer sheets. You have to be prepared. And I always am, but I was off my game today. I got to the Laundromat with no problems. I put my clothes in the washer, plunked the right amount of quarters into the slot, pressed the preferred temperature button, and the machine roared to life. I had thirty minutes to kill, so I went across the street to the convenience store to buy a celebratory Red Bull and some snacks. While I was purchasing my items, it suddenly dawned on me that I didn’t put any detergent in. Forgetting to add detergent is like washing your hands without using soap. It looks like productive but it’s not doing anything. Luckily I realized that I was a dumbass within ten minutes, so I went back to the Laundromat and threw in the detergent. The machine didn’t even cut off when I opened the lid, so I didn’t have to add another quarter. At least I didn’t have to pay extra for my stupidity.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

 

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August 16, 2013 · 9:52 am

A Bum Doing Laundry

Today was laundry day, so I brought my dirty clothes to the Laundromat and started throwing them into the washing machine. As I was doing this, I caught a whiff of something unpleasant and it wasn’t coming from my soiled drawers. I glanced around and spotted the source… there was a homeless guy fifteen feet away sitting on a chair and staring intently at his clothes thumping around in a dryer. I had to do a double take. I’ve never seen a bum doing laundry before. I just assumed that they changed one dirty outfit for another, or that they just wear the same exact thing every single day. Maybe most of them do. But this guy saved up a few bucks and used it to wash his clothes. He might not be able to take a shower, but he can still enjoy the feeling of a freshly cleaned shirt straight from the dryer. You have to take comfort in the little things in life, and that’s what this guy was doing. You sometimes forget that homeless people are homeless people, and sometimes it takes a bum doing laundry to remember that.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 7, 2013 · 9:54 am

Clean Sheets

Every few weeks I will wash my sheets and put fresh ones on my bed. Clean sheets are the shit. It’s a cheap and easy way to get super comfortable. Your bed is already the best spot in the house, and clean sheets make it even better. You just want to lie in bed and embrace the cozy warmth the sheets provide. It’s the ideal time to call it an early night and watch a movie in bed. Clean sheets feel nice. It’s like a new pair of socks, but your whole body gets to feel good, not just your feet. Don’t you want that feeling? Do your laundry right now and you can experience the magic tonight.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 6, 2013 · 9:49 am

Forgetting About Your Laundry

You finally have a day off and a chance to wash that heap of dirty clothes in the corner of your room. You separate the colors and collect all the stray socks scattered around your room and throw it all in the washing machine. You’re not going to sit by the washer for thirty minutes, so you start doing a bunch of random things to kill time. You’ll tidy up around the house, you’ll watch TV, and surf the net. Then you’ll glance at the time and suddenly remember your laundry in a panic. It’s not a big deal if you have your own washer and dryer, but if you’re a schlub like me, you have to book it up to the Laundromat before someone throws your shit on the ground. Luckily, most of the time I realize that I forgot about it within a few minutes. But I know people who left their clothes at the Laundromat overnight. And then they had to buy a whole new wardrobe because all their clothes mysteriously vanished. That’s why you shouldn’t make a habit of forgetting about your laundry.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 16, 2013 · 10:10 am

Wearing Something Straight From the Dryer

Laundry is a chore. You keep putting it off until you have nothing clean to wear and then you have to do it. And while the world is turning and people are having fun, you are stuck staring at a washer and dryer for an hour. But it’s ultimately worth it when the dryer finally buzzes. Not only do you have clean clothes again, but there’s the added perk of wearing something straight from the dryer. A warm shirt on a cold day is like a gentle hug from the cotton gods. And nothing compares to a fresh pair of underwear on your nether regions. It makes you want to do lunges and squats to celebrate. Wearing something straight from the dryer is the best part of laundry day.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 1, 2013 · 10:02 am

Hamper

A hamper is a storage bin for your dirty clothes. It’s kind of like a trash can for your wardrobe. You just throw your shirts and socks and underwear in the hamper at the end of the day. After a few weeks it will be overflowing with dirty clothes and you’ll have to do laundry because you have nothing else to wear. You can’t be a functional adult without having a hamper. You can’t keep your used clothes in a heap on the floor or in a trash bag in your closet. Well you can, but you probably won’t get laid anytime soon. So go to the hamper store and buy a hamper if you don’t have a hamper. Then put your dirty clothes in it, then do the laundry when it’s full, and then repeat the process until you die.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 23, 2012 · 10:03 am

Laundry Day

One downside of living in society is having to wear clothes all the time. So most people have a wardrobe. You can’t wear dirty clothes if you want people to accept you so you have to wash your shit every couple of weeks. Laundry day can be a chore and a hassle. Especially if you go to the Laundromat. You can either sit there and watch your clothes spin around for an hour or you can leave and hope that no one steals your shit. Neither option is very appealing.

The best thing about laundry day is that you can use it as an excuse, “I can’t do it that day, it’s my only day off and I need to do laundry.” It’s more practical that saying you have to go to the dentist and way more believable than claiming you have a bunch of errands to run.

Laundry day is a part of life, at least until you win the lotto and can afford a brand new outfit every day.

Critically Rated at 10/17

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January 29, 2012 · 4:55 pm

Quarters

Quarters are the best coin. These are ideal for temporary tattoos, magic tricks, scratching off lotto tickets, parking meters and the list goes on and on. It even has its own drinking game named after it.

It has George Washington on it. GEORGE WASHINGTON, the guy who discovered America in 1776 and stole it from the British. He was a full 25% of the Four Fathers, the first President to win a second election, and he carved his own teeth from a cherry tree he chopped down. This is the American Coin of Choice.

I will give away pennies, nickels, dimes, even crumpled dollar bills to bums on the street, but I keep my quarters. Those are for laundry. We should get rid of all coins except for the quarter, half dollar, and dollar coin.

They would get a perfect score but you can’t buy a pack of gum or make a phone call anymore. I know that it’s because of inflation, so maybe they should make quarters worth 35 cents. Problem solved.

Critically Rated at 16/17.

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