Tag Archives: shower

Pubic Hair on the Shower Wall

I’ve noticed that there is always a pubic hair on the shower wall. It doesn’t matter if it’s your shower, a hotel’s shower, or a friend’s shower. It doesn’t matter if you’re a dirty person or anal about cleaning. It doesn’t even matter if you shave downstairs. There’s still going to be a pubic hair on the wall and it’s hardly ever yours. You can’t fight it. Don’t try to. Embrace the pube on the wall. Marvel at how curly it is. Wonder how it got so high up there. Aim the showerhead at it to wash it away. Notice that it’s back on the wall the next day. It’s a mystery, a conspiracy, a law of the universe. I theorize that every missing sock turns into a pubic hair on the shower wall. That’s the only explanation for the phenomenon.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Using Up Abandoned Bottles of Shampoo

Anyone who has caught a glimpse of the bathroom in my apartment has realized that we have an insane amount of crap in the shower. There are a few half-empty bottles of body wash, facial scrub, shampoo, and conditioner that sit there unused and undisturbed, remnants from former roommates and ex-girlfriends. There’s even a mesh sponge with a dead spider in it. Really. You can’t make that shit up. And I’m tired of seeing all these forgotten hygienic products and I’m too cheap to simply throw them away, so I’ve been using them when I shower (not the dead spider sponge, I’m hoping that a houseguest uses that one). Using up abandoned bottles of shampoo might not be ideal, but it’s better than wasting it and dumping it into the garbage. I try to think of them as free samples, not as scavenging. And anything that saves you a few bucks these days can’t be that bad.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Broken Showerhead

I have a broken showerhead. It sucks because I rely on showers to wake up in the morning. No showerhead means no shower. The hot water works fine. The bathtub part works fine. But the water refuses to come out of the showerhead. All I get is a trickle and a trickle isn’t enough to do anything. I’ve been resorted to using plastic cups to get clean. I’ll fill up a couple of cups and use it to shampoo my hair and to lather up, then use it to rinse off. It’s not satisfying but it’s effective. I get clean but it’s not enjoyable. And taking a shower is half hygienic and half leisure, so I’m not getting the full experience. It kind of sucks. Actually, it really sucks. I rely on showers. Baths don’t do anything for me and neither do cups of hot water.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Hijacking Your Roommate’s Alarm Clock

My roommate has a habit of ignoring his alarm clock and repeatedly hitting the snooze button. It’s loud enough to wake me up, and it keeps going off whenever I start to fall back asleep. I used to get mad when it went off, so I would get up and bang on his door. But he never learned his lesson. So now I hijack his alarm clock… instead of waking him up, I will just take over the bathroom. His shit is loud enough to wake me up, but if he doesn’t want to get up then he doesn’t deserve bathroom privileges. I’ll take a leisurely shit, enjoy a nice long shower, I’ll brush my teeth, I’ll shave, I’ll Q-tip my ears, and I will take my time in doing so. It’s better than tossing and turning and trying to get another fifteen minutes of sleep before he turns off his alarm. Hijacking your roommate’s alarm clock might cause some animosity, but it will save your sanity.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Clogged Shower Drain

A clogged shower drain is a terrible way to start the day. I woke up, shuffled down the hall to the bathroom, turned on the shower and started brushing my teeth while the water warmed up, which is my usual morning routine. I finished brushing, then stepped into the shower and instantly knew that something was wrong. It was like splashing into a puddle. The drain was clogged and the water level was rising. It’s a shower/bathtub combo so there was no danger of overflowing, but it was still quite disheartening. I wanted a shower, not a bath. I turned off the water and busted out the plunger. You know you’re going to have a shitty day when you’re using a plunger before you’ve even had a cup of coffee. After fucking around with the plunger for a while, I realized that it wasn’t doing much. In fact, it wasn’t doing anything. I ended up delaying my shower so I could slap on some deodorant and run to the store to buy some Drano. Then I had to pour the Drano down the drain and wait for another half hour while it did its thing. All in all, it took me almost 90 minutes to take a fucking shower. The things we do for hygiene.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Cold Showers

People like being clean and taking showers helps people get clean. There are two main types of showers: hot or cold. Hot showers are the normal choice for normal people. They like water so hot it scalds their skin and fogs up the mirror. It’s warm, it’s inviting, it feels so right. Then there are cold showers. Most people regard cold showers as a form of torture or a sign that you need a new hot water heater. But some people actually like cold showers. They say a cold shower is refreshing, that it wakes them up. I think getting drenched with ice-cold water would be a lousy way to start the day. But it’s cool if you’re into that sort of thing; it just means there’s more hot water for me.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Taking a Shower and Forgetting Your Towel

Every once in a while you fail to follow your routine, and that can have some serious consequences. Like when you finish your shower and realize that you didn’t bring your fucking towel. Now you have a few options. You can flail you limbs wildly in a vain attempt to shake off the water. You can drip your way out of the bathroom and down the hall until you get to your towel. Or you can use a shit ton of toilet paper to sop off the excess moisture. I often wonder how MacGyver would handle the situation. No matter what, you know your day is going to be shitty when you start off by taking a shower and forgetting your towel.

Critically Rated at 5/17

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