Tag Archives: status update

Too Many Status Updates

I have a Facebook friend who has way too many status updates every single day. You can change your status once or twice a day, maybe three times if something truly exciting happens. But this fool will update his status every hour or two. It’s almost as if he’s trying to constantly be at the top of my newsfeed. None of his posts are even remotely status worthy. He’s just an attention whore; he lives for likes and comments. But he doesn’t get any, so then he will post something else that’s guaranteed to get a thumbs up (like “I miss the ‘90s”). He doesn’t seem to grasp that nobody is responding to his shit because we all ignore him or have him blocked. Posting too many status updates is both annoying and unnecessary. He is two status updates away from getting permanently deleted. Both from Facebook and in real life.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Announcing That You’re Quitting a Social Media Site

Announcing that you’re quitting a social media site is a transparently desperate plea for attention. I constantly see posts on Facebook and Twitter denouncing Facebook and Twitter: “Sorry guys, I’ve had enough. I’m leaving Facebook for good. Sorry, but e-mail me if you want to stay in touch. Ciao!” First off, shut the fuck up. Secondly, nobody will notice. Nobody cares. I mean nobody. Nobody will confront you on the street, asking why you won’t comment on their statuses or like pictures of their dog wearing people clothes. Nobody will miss your witty status updates or your impressive check-ins. Nobody likes them now, that’s probably why you’re quitting. But if you want to quit than quit. Just shut the fuck up about it.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Status Worthy

Shit happens. Shit happens all the time, every day, to everybody. And when something happens to you, you want to share it with the world. But you should ask yourself if it’s status worthy before you post it on Facebook. Bitching about how much work you have to do is not status worthy. Nobody cares and nobody wants to hear it. Nobody cares about the mundane. Your status should be noteworthy, that’s why they call it a newsfeed. It’s supposed to be news, it’s supposed to be interesting, intriguing, and relevant. Things that are status worthy: getting a new job, running into a celebrity, grandma/grandpa/someone dying, and stuff like that. Things that aren’t status worthy: Bible quotes, song lyrics, what you had for dinner, an intentionally vague status that’s just a cry for attention, et cetera. I realize that everybody is guilty of posting crap that nobody cares about, but we can make the Internet a better place if we try, one status at a time.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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