Tag Archives: bed

December 2, 2016 · 3:26 pm

Pillow

A pillow is a sealed cloth bag primarily used for supporting your head or neck while you’re sleeping or lounging about. They are often filled with soft stuff like foam or feathers for added comfort. They have other uses besides being a sleeping accessory. They can be decorative. A nice pillow can really hold the room together. You can use them to battle siblings or friends at a slumber party. You can use them to put hospital patients out of their misery. You could spend thirty dollars on a fleshlight or use your already accessible pillow. 

A pillow is one of those things that you never appreciate until you don’t have one. Anyone who has ever gone camping but forgot a pillow will agree with me. A folded sweatshirt is not an adequate substitute. A good pillow is vital to a good night’s sleep. 

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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February 11, 2016 · 11:45 pm

Bedtime

Bedtime is that magical time when you go to bed. It’s a designated time set by your parents when you are growing up, but you start to control your own bedtime as you get older. You brush your teeth, you change into your pajamas or strip down to your undies, and jump into bed. When you’re a kid your bedtime gets gradually gets later and later. You’ll have to go to bed at 8:00 pm, then 8:30, then 9:00, and so on. Soon you’re in high school and you can stay out until midnight on Saturday night if you’re lucky. Then you get to college and you can stay up as late as you want (and sometimes you do) but you mostly end up crashing by 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning so you can make it to class. Your bedtime is any time that you feel tired when you are in your twenties. You are immortal for a few years, immune to hangovers and sleep deprivation. And then something happens (LIFE) and you have to start enforcing an earlier bedtime on yourself so that you can function adequately in the morning. As you get older, your bedtime gets later. Then you get too old, and your bedtime gets earlier. It’s not a bad thing. It’s simply inevitable. You might as well embrace it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

unnamed

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May 31, 2014 · 10:04 am

The Spider In My Sheets

A few years ago I woke up with a bug bite on the side of my neck. I didn’t think much of it until I woke up the next morning with another new bug bite on my cheek. That’s when I knew something was wrong. It didn’t take me long to find out what was attacking me. I pulled back my comforter and discovered a fat brown spider had taken up residence in between my top sheet and the comforter. That little fucker was feasting on my flesh while I slept. Most of the time I capture any stray spiders or insects with a cup and throw them out the window. I didn’t do that this time. I got a piece of tissue, picked that bastard up, and squished him. I had to kill him. He deserved it. I don’t feel any remorse, that fucker brought it on himself. I still check between the sheets before going to bed to this day. I’m not scared, just a little wary. You would be too if you ever had a spider in your bed.

Critically Rated at 4/17

wolf spider

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 20, 2013 · 10:38 am

Dropping Your Phone on Your Face

You’re lying in bed after a long night out and your phone buzzes. You fumble around for your phone, too tired to even sit up. You finally find your phone and hold it over your face, trying to figure out who is calling you so early and why. But you’re too groggy to function and you end up dropping your phone on your face. What a great way to start the day. At least you’re awake now. Hopefully your thick skull didn’t crack the screen. I don’t think your protection plan covers face dropping.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 7, 2013 · 9:54 am

Clean Sheets

Every few weeks I will wash my sheets and put fresh ones on my bed. Clean sheets are the shit. It’s a cheap and easy way to get super comfortable. Your bed is already the best spot in the house, and clean sheets make it even better. You just want to lie in bed and embrace the cozy warmth the sheets provide. It’s the ideal time to call it an early night and watch a movie in bed. Clean sheets feel nice. It’s like a new pair of socks, but your whole body gets to feel good, not just your feet. Don’t you want that feeling? Do your laundry right now and you can experience the magic tonight.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 6, 2012 · 10:44 am

Dutch Oven

You’re lying comfortably in bed without a care in the world, completely warm and wrapped tightly in your sheets. You’re totally relaxed and at ease. And then you let one rip and you snap out of your reverie. You just Dutch ovened yourself, the ultimate betrayal. A Dutch oven is a cooking pot. It’s also when you fart under the covers and are forced to smell it. It combines the joy of being farted on with the pleasure of inhaling flatulence. It’s not a great way to start your day. It’s even worse when someone else gets you. The worst is when a stranger gets you.

Critically Rated at 1/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 25, 2012 · 10:24 am

Lying in Bed While It’s Raining Outside

It is raining cats and dogs outside but you’re as snug as a bug in bed. Lying in bed while it’s raining outside is one of the great simple pleasures in life. You’re warm and relaxed and enjoying the soothing pitter-patter as the raindrops splash down. You know that the world outside your window is getting drenched while you remain completely dry and completely comfortable. Life is good on those wet mornings when you have no reason to get out of bed.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 25, 2012 · 10:19 am

Your Bed

I love my bed. Especially since I slept on a futon for a few years. I’ve noticed your bed is your sanctuary; it’s the best place in the world. It’s where you feel truly comfortable and at peace and there’s nowhere else like it. When you are stressed out at work or drunk at a party, your natural instinct is to go home and collapse on your bed. You can tell a difference between a hotel bed, or a guestroom bed, or your girlfriend’s bed… nothing compares to your bed. You can change your sheets, your mattress, your entire bedroom and it won’t matter. Your body will naturally adapt and know this new bed is your bed. Some days you don’t want to leave your bed. Those are the best days. Your bed is your bed and there are no substitutes. Love your bed.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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