I recently joined the dark side and got a vape pen. I didn’t get your standard vaporizer though, that would be boring and I need to stand out from the crowd. I got the PAX Era. PAX is known as the “Apple of vaping” and for good reason. They make quality products that look great and work great. They are best known for the Juul, their flagship e-cigarette. The Era is an updated version of the Juul, but it uses cannabis oil instead of nicotine. The cannabis oil comes in a 500mg pod. It’s kind of like a Keurig, you put in the pod, use it up, and throw it away. It’s a little wasteful but I’m American so it’s ok.
It’s ready to go as soon as you pop in the pod. There aren’t any buttons. You just put your lips on the pod and inhale. There is a cluster of four LED lights that glow when it’s in use. Shaking the device will cause the lights to show how much battery is left. You can also change the temperature setting by shaking the Era, removing the pod, and letting the lights cycle around until you find the one you prefer. There is also an app that connects to the Era via Bluetooth that allows you to change the color of the lights and to customize the temperature to the exact desired degree. You can even play some games on it. There aren’t any instructions on how to play the games so I have no idea what to do, but still my vaporizer has games. Technology is rad. It uses a micro USB cable to charge and it only takes forty-five minutes to get a full charge.
The Era costs $60 and the pods run at $45 to $50. The pods use CO2 extracted cannabis oil, which makes it taste clean and flavorful. They have sativa, indica, and hybrid strains so there is a pod for every type of stoner. I like how discrete it is. I’m not gonna lie, it makes puffing in public very easy. Anything that makes Muni more bearable can’t be a bad thing. I’m never going to stop smoking flowers, but vaping has quickly become my preferred way of smoking. It’s a lot more practical, especially for a stoner on the go like me. The PAX Era deserves to have its praises sing, that’s why I’m singing.
Well, I finally did it. I got my cannabis card. I know that I’m a few years late to the party, but it’s good to finally be part of the club. I just never wanted to be on a list, to have documented proof that I smoke weed. Then I realized that it wasn’t a secret and nobody cares. And if they do care, fuck them. It was time to get it so I got it.
There are a few ways to get a cannabis card. I used an app called eaze. And it was really easy. I downloaded the app, answered a few questions, verified my identity, had a quick FaceTime session with a doctor, got approved, and started shopping for a home delivery. The whole thing took ten minutes and cost forty bucks.
I browsed a few strains before deciding on an eighth of NYC Diesel. It was in my hand fifteen minutes later. If only filing taxes was that easy. Oh well, priorities.
I have a pair of amateur stoner neighbors. They don’t know what they are doing. About once or twice a week they will wake me up around 8:30 or 9:00 in the morning because of their absurdly loud smoking sessions. They open the window so everyone can hear their unnecessarily noisy conversations, they blast the stereo, and light one up while coughing and hacking after each hit. First off, no respectable stoner should be waking up before 10:00 am. Secondly, if you do wake up to smoke a joint, you shouldn’t be yelling and screaming and singing loudly to terrible ‘90s rock music. Why are you screaming? You should be more concerned with passing the joint around. The only thing you should be saying that early is: “C’mon, pass it already.” Thirdly, any decent stoner should be ashamed of coughing. If you can’t handle your shit, don’t do that shit. I’m not going to yell at them to shut the fuck up because I’m moving out soon. They won’t be my neighbors for much longer. I can only hope that my new neighbors will be more professional than these current amateurs. And that they have better taste in music. That shouldn’t be too hard.
High Times recently published an article about a new strain of cannabis discovered in Australia’s Blue Mountains. Most stoners could talk your ear off about the benefits of sativa, indica, or ruderalis (which has a lesser THC content so it’s less popular), but a new strain raises a lot of questions. Questions like what does it smoke like? and where can I get it?… Researchers have merely confirmed that it is indeed a new strain but they don’t have any seeds, only the sample of a single plant. Without any seeds we can’t cultivate anything. It’s up to 420-friendly hikers in the Australian Blue Mountains to find a seed and bring it back for the benefit of mankind. So get on it if you’re down under. You gave the world Crocodile Dundee and Steve Irwin, but you haven’t done much for us lately. A new strain of marijuana would make for a great comeback.http://www.hightimes.com/read/new-strain-cannabis-discovered
I don’t want to alarm anybody, but I smoke weed. In fact, I’m pretty good at it. I always some bud available at the house. Hit me up if you want to blaze. Anyway, one byproduct of smoking marijuana is that you’re left with an abundance of stems. The stems are the leftover traces of weed once you trim the leaves and smoke the bud. Stems are like sticks or branches. In fact, it smells and tastes like wood smoke when you burn it. It’s not an enjoyable smoke. A lot of people simply throw the stems away, but you can use them in a variety of ways. You can chew on them. It won’t get you very high but you get some of that delicious weed flavor. You can steep them in hot water and make a nice herbal tea. You can use them to make a balm for small cuts or bug bites. You can scrape the THC crystals off of them and make kief. It takes quite a few stems to make something worthwhile, but it’s better than throwing them away. Don’t be wasteful. Be resourceful.
It seems like every stoner I know goes dry at least once a year. One side effect of smoking marijuana on a regular basis is getting too high and forgetting to get more green before you run out. Dealers aren’t always available and cannabis clubs aren’t always open. That’s when you have to ask a stoner friend if he can spare a nug. You don’t need a gram, you only need enough for a bowl or two. You should offer him five bucks for it as a courtesy. If he’s a good friend he’ll decline your money and just spot you, because he knows that you’ll return the favor somewhere down the road. Giving away weed to a friend in need is an important part of the stoner lifestyle. It’s like buying a round for your friends at the bar. It’s for the good kind of karma.
Marijuana has always been around, but now it’s going mainstream. Medical marijuana and even recreational use has been legalized by several states and decriminalized in others. It’s being accepted by those who used to shun it. Case in point: these three grandmas smoking weed for the first time. The grandmas were always aware of marijuana, but they didn’t try it because they didn’t see a reason to. They said they were too busy smoking cigarettes, drinking cocktails, and raising families to try it. Luckily for us, they did and Cut Video caught it all on camera. It starts with the three old ladies taking turns hitting a bong and encouraging the others to take bigger rips. Then they start discussing how they feel as they experience things while being stoned for the first time. Then they hit a vaporizer. The first one realizes how smooth it is and comments, “This could be dangerously fun!” Then they play Cards Against Humanity while enjoying munchies and trying to figure out the definition of queefing. After a decent amount of reflection, the grandmas explain their newfound feelings of acceptance of the drug. The ladies are dignified and distinguished and I’m glad this video came out before the holidays because I think it will inspire a lot of families to toke up together before the Thanksgiving feast is served. Marijuana is not a bad thing. This video is proof.
The Green Revolution is upon us and the US Government just passed a bill allowing the cultivation of the plant in ten states thanks to a “federal farm bill agreement” that occurred on Monday. Hemp is also Cannabis sativa, which is a strain of marijuana, but hemp is grown with a reduced amount of THC (and any stoner will tell you that THC is the shit that gets you high). You don’t want to smoke hemp, you want to smoke weed. Hemp is a wonder plant. Hemp was a part of our agricultural industry back in the day. The word “canvas” is derived from cannabis. It does so many things. You can make clothes out of it, you can make paper out of it, you can make rope out of it, you can make food and nutritional products out of it. You can use it to make plastic. It can be used as a source of fuel. You can even make hemp milk (similar to soy milk) out of it. Hemp is amazingly versatile, the only thing you can’t do with it is smoke it.
You always have to monitor your stash to avoid being caught off guard and discovering that you only have one more nugget left in your jar. The last nugget is a scary time for a stoner. It means that you’re almost out of weed. You have to start conserving, trying to make sure that you have enough to last until you get a chance to get more. You need to start thinking about how your work schedule looks and which dealers will be available or which dispensary will be open when you finally get time to re-up. If you’re smart, you will save the biggest bud for last for this very occasion. A bigger last nugget buys you more time. But you still have to get up off your ass and get more eventually. And that’s the hardest part.
Getting stoned is fun and getting stoned with other people is more fun. There’s nothing quite like passing a pipe or joint around with a good group of people. A lot of my friends smoke regularly so somebody always has weed, and there are usually two or three people contributing to each session. But there always seems to be a moocher who tries to jump in without offering anything in return. It’s ok to crash the occasional circle, but it’s bad form if you make a habit of smoking other people’s weed without offering anything in return. Weed is expensive; I can’t afford to get you high all the time. I don’t mind smoking someone out, but if I smoke you out, I expect a future session funded by you. Or a beer at least. And if somebody smokes me out, I make sure to return the favor. Real smoking buddies pass the pipe back and forth without any worries. If you packed the last bowl, I would pack the next. And I would give you a nugget from my personal stash if you were dry, because I know that you would sponsor the next session. Smoking someone out is an integral part of stoner culture. If you have weed, it’s a given that you’re going to have to smoke someone out. Just make sure it’s someone who will return the favor.
4:19 is a great time for a stoner. It means you still have time to get ready. If you glance at the clock and it’s already 4:20 there’s no way you can get set up in time. By the time you spark the bowl it’s 4:21 and your window of diplomatic immunity has closed. 4:19 is a minute away from the main event. It’s like Christmas Eve and 4:20 is like Christmas but better because it happens everyday. 4:19 means you’re approaching your favorite time of the day. Anticipation makes everything more exciting, and you won’t appreciate it if you aren’t looking forward to it.
Why smoke weed when you can eat it? Edibles are culinary cannabis creations that get you high. You can buy premade treats from a dispensary or find appetizing recipes online. You can make almost anything magical: cookies, brownies, rice crispy treats, pasta, dressing, butter, chocolate, etc. You can even improve bacon. Edibles have endless opportunities but smoking weed is more fun. I like rolling it or packing a bowl, I like sparking the lighter, I like taking a hit and holding it in… I like the whole ritual of it all. But edibles are delicious and discrete. You can eat them in plain sight, you can take them on planes, into movies and concerts and get your stoned on without bothering anyone with smoke. They’re called magic brownies for a reason: not only is the brownie delicious but it also gets you stoned. How magical is that?
It’s time for a joint or a blunt and someone has to break up the weed. You can cut it up using scissors or break it up with your fingers but they will get all sticky. Grinders are the way to go. They are little cylinders that open up to reveal jagged teeth. You put the buds in between the teeth and twist the top and the bottom. This shreds the weed, making it the perfect filling your rolling paper or blunt wrap. Some of the better grinders have a keif catcher on the bottom. All the extra THC crystals will make their way into there and you can harvest that to make hash. Grinders are for the more committed stoners. If you don’t smoke regularly, you probably don’t need one. You slacker.
You move to a new place and you need to find a new weed connection but you aren’t sure how to go about it. All you need to do is ask if someone smokes and listen to how they respond. If you ask if someone if they smoke, they will assume that you mean tobacco and they will respond with a simple yes or no. But if that person smokes weed, they will reply with a subtle response: “I don’t smoke cigarettes.” That means that they smoke something else, and that something else is probably weed. Hopefully it’s not crack or peyote that they are smoking. Either way, it’s better than tobacco.
Crossfaded is when you are drunk and stoned at the same time. Being drunk is fun. Being stoned is fun. Put the two together and it’s a great time. Just be weary of the spins. You will be ok if you start smoking before drinking. It’s when you’re a few drinks in and you smoke a blunt that makes the world start spinning. Pace yourself and socialize. Enjoy the buzz. Enjoy the fog. Enjoy life and being alive. Crossfaded. Everyone’s doing it.
Some mornings you just wake up and need to blaze before you start your day. There are a lot or reasons for a wake and bake. For starters, it’s one of the best cures for a hangover. Sometimes you know you have some bullshit to deal with (like jury duty) and being high would make things so much more interesting. Most of the time it’s simply because being stoned is awesome. The best way to start your day is with a big bowl of weedies.
Do the wake and bake before breakfast and experience the best meal of your life. Bacon was always tasty, but nothing beats stoney bacon. Eggs taste better. Pancakes are more delicious. Waffles and bagels and hash browns. Haha, HASH browns… its all better with a little THC.
The only downside to the wake and bake is that you might get tired later. The doctor says to smoke more weed and drink caffeine and stay out of the sun. And a power nap never hurt anyone.
Have you ever smoked a bowl that just seems to never stop burning? You take a hit, you pass it around, you hit it again, you pass it around again, you’re surprised there’s still a hit left when it’s your turn again, you pass it around another time, then it comes back to you, and it’s still not cashed. Well, congratulations. You’ve just experienced a perpetual bowl. Perpetual bowls are rare, but they happen occasionally. Sometimes the herb is really dense and takes longer to burn. Sometimes someone in your rotation isn’t inhaling (maybe they can’t find the carb, maybe they just can’t hang). Sometimes the Weed Fairy comes and quietly keeps packing the bowl without anyone noticing. If you’re lucky enough to experience a perpetual bowl, take a moment to savor the moment and enjoy it.