Tag Archives: smoke

April 15, 2016 · 8:16 pm

Campfire Smell

I went camping in Yosemite a week ago. It was a short trip, only three days and two nights in one of the most amazing places on Earth, but it was well worth it. I came back with dirt on my face and the lingering aroma of campfire on my clothes. It smelled smoky, musty, and real. I love that campfire smell. It’s a noseful of happy memories that cling to your clothes and hair. It’s very distinct and powerful. It’s not an odor for everyone. Some people hate that campfire smell. Those people are usually bitter and should leave the great outdoors for people who actually appreciate it. I don’t want to smell like campfire all the time. I want to smell like that when I’m camping or when I just came back from camping. Occasionally I will have a bonfire on the beach and go the bars after, sporting the campfire smell like a badge of honor. I’m not ashamed of reeking like a campfire. If I smell like a campfire, that means I was around a campfire. And I’d rather bask in the glow of a campfire than the glow of a TV. I’d rather live than merely exist I guess.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 4, 2015 · 12:40 pm

Amateur Stoner Neighbors

I have a pair of amateur stoner neighbors. They don’t know what they are doing. About once or twice a week they will wake me up around 8:30 or 9:00 in the morning because of their absurdly loud smoking sessions. They open the window so everyone can hear their unnecessarily noisy conversations, they blast the stereo, and light one up while coughing and hacking after each hit. First off, no respectable stoner should be waking up before 10:00 am. Secondly, if you do wake up to smoke a joint, you shouldn’t be yelling and screaming and singing loudly to terrible ‘90s rock music. Why are you screaming? You should be more concerned with passing the joint around. The only thing you should be saying that early is: “C’mon, pass it already.” Thirdly, any decent stoner should be ashamed of coughing. If you can’t handle your shit, don’t do that shit. I’m not going to yell at them to shut the fuck up because I’m moving out soon. They won’t be my neighbors for much longer. I can only hope that my new neighbors will be more professional than these current amateurs. And that they have better taste in music. That shouldn’t be too hard.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 17, 2014 · 7:37 pm

Stems

I don’t want to alarm anybody, but I smoke weed. In fact, I’m pretty good at it. I always some bud available at the house. Hit me up if you want to blaze. Anyway, one byproduct of smoking marijuana is that you’re left with an abundance of stems. The stems are the leftover traces of weed once you trim the leaves and smoke the bud. Stems are like sticks or branches. In fact, it smells and tastes like wood smoke when you burn it. It’s not an enjoyable smoke. A lot of people simply throw the stems away, but you can use them in a variety of ways. You can chew on them. It won’t get you very high but you get some of that delicious weed flavor. You can steep them in hot water and make a nice herbal tea. You can use them to make a balm for small cuts or bug bites. You can scrape the THC crystals off of them and make kief. It takes quite a few stems to make something worthwhile, but it’s better than throwing them away. Don’t be wasteful. Be resourceful.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 18, 2014 · 6:31 pm

Smoke Detector

A smoke detector is a device that you’ll find in most homes and businesses. It’s called a smoke detector because it detects smoke, and when it does it lets out a shrill sound to alert you to any potential fires. Smoke detectors were designed to save lives and they have saved thousands of lives. I don’t have any numbers or statistics on how many lives are saved by smoke detectors every year, but I assume that it’s a few hundred. That sounds reasonable to me. You probably have a couple of smoke detectors in your house. Half of them probably don’t work. That’s because they run on 9 volt batteries instead of a direct electrical current. Whenever the battery gets low, the machine starts beeping and chirping to remind you to put in a new battery. But you don’t have any 9 volt batteries lying around, only AA and AAA batteries like normal people. So you take out the battery just so it stops beeping and you can finally experience some peace and quiet. After a while you forget about it. Then you’re fucked if your place ever does catch on fire. Oh well, you had a good run.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 12, 2014 · 9:37 pm

Smoking on the Bus

Last night I witnessed something so ballsy or dickish that it blew my mind and became the subject for this post. I was on the late bus going home and saw a guy get up right before his stop, bum a cigarette from another passenger, put it in his mouth, ask for a light, wait for the doors to open, spark the lighter and light his cig, and toss the lighter back as he got off the bus. He wasn’t exactly smoking on the bus, but he definitely lit a cigarette on public transportation like it was the goddamn 1950s. It was pretty badass. He looked cool as fuck. If I were an impressionable teenager, I’d probably start copying him and start a new high school trend. The smoke took a while to waft over, and I could hardly notice the scent when it did. No harm, no foul as far as I’m concerned.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 2, 2013 · 9:54 am

Stooping

Stooping is when you hang out on a stoop, usually with a few friends and typically with a some drinks, a blunt, and/or some cigarettes. Stooping is a very common activity in a lot of cities. It’s a lot easier to enjoy the outdoors on the steps in front of your door rather than trekking to the park. You just sit on the steps, crack a brew, and enjoy each other’s company as you watch the people go by. Stooping is great because it combines so many of my favorite things into one situation. I like sitting. I like hanging out. I like smoking. I like drinking. I like people watching. And I like being lazy. If you like those things, you would probably like stooping too. It’s fun, simple, cheap, and a great way to pass the time. I highly recommend stooping it for your next casual get together.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 23, 2013 · 12:38 pm

The Cigarette Club

People who smoke cigarettes are part of a club: the Cigarette Club. Being a member allows you to approach anybody that is smoking or carrying cigarettes and ask them for a smoke. They are obliged to hand one to you. You can also ask for a light at anytime. They will either light your cigarette for you or hand you a pack of matches. But if you are a club member you are also obliged to give up cigarettes to any stranger who asks for one. And offer them a light on top of it. And pretend like you don’t mind. If you want to join, membership is easy. All it requires is a one-time purchase of a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and you’re in. Now every smoking stranger is your friend. But friends mooch sometimes. Sometimes you’re the moocher and sometimes you’re the moochie. At least you’re part of a club.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 27, 2013 · 10:23 am

Taking Up Smoking

I’ve decided to take up smoking. I’m not trying to look cool, I’m not trying to influence any kids to do the same, and I’m not trying to impress anyone. Nope, I’m taking up smoking in order to get more breaks at work. I live in San Francisco and there are a lot of strict labor laws. I only get a thirty-minute break every 6 hours. My managers will raise a stink if they catch me sitting down in the break room while I’m on the clock. But I’ve noticed that smokers get an unofficial 5-10 minute break every hour without getting in any trouble. I want to get in on that action. I want to get paid for ignoring my customers, filling my lungs with smoke, and polluting the planet all at once. I think I would be good at that. So I bought a pack of cloves (because cigarettes aren’t hipster enough) and now I’m able to take breaks whenever I want to. And life has never been better. I wonder what other substances I can consume at work to make the time go faster…. Drugs are bad.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 10, 2013 · 9:53 am

4:19

4:19 is a great time for a stoner. It means you still have time to get ready. If you glance at the clock and it’s already 4:20 there’s no way you can get set up in time. By the time you spark the bowl it’s 4:21 and your window of diplomatic immunity has closed. 4:19 is a minute away from the main event. It’s like Christmas Eve and 4:20 is like Christmas but better because it happens everyday. 4:19 means you’re approaching your favorite time of the day. Anticipation makes everything more exciting, and you won’t appreciate it if you aren’t looking forward to it.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 10, 2013 · 10:46 am

Smoking in the Bathroom

Smoking in the bathroom is cliché, but it’s only cliché because it makes sense. If you are a high school student, a college student living in the dorms, or if you’re a grownup stoner with a nosy landlord, then smoking in the bathroom is ideal. The tiled floor and walls combined with ventilation fans and windows means that you can air out any smoke within a few minutes. Then you can just spritz some air freshener and light a match to cover up any lingering aroma of burnt herbs. The bathroom offers you a place to sit and a lock to prevent trespassers. And you have a toilet to flush away the roach and any ash. Some bathrooms are pretty luxurious these days, even more comfortable than the living room. The nicer the bathroom, the nicer the session. Just don’t poop while you’re smoking, that’s tacky.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 4, 2012 · 9:33 am

The Roach

The butt end of a joint or a blunt is typically called the roach. It’s the harshest part of the joint. It has the most resin and tar and tastes like cardboard if you use a crutch. Some people throw it away. Some people keep it to smoke later. Some people leave it lying around in tribute to Bob Marley or some other dead stoner. You know that I smoke that shit. It’s a crime to waste weed, not to smoke it.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 20, 2012 · 9:55 am

Wake and Bake

Some mornings you just wake up and need to blaze before you start your day. There are a lot or reasons for a wake and bake. For starters, it’s one of the best cures for a hangover. Sometimes you know you have some bullshit to deal with (like jury duty) and being high would make things so much more interesting. Most of the time it’s simply because being stoned is awesome. The best way to start your day is with a big bowl of weedies.

Do the wake and bake before breakfast and experience the best meal of your life. Bacon was always tasty, but nothing beats stoney bacon. Eggs taste better. Pancakes are more delicious. Waffles and bagels and hash browns. Haha, HASH browns… its all better with a little THC.

The only downside to the wake and bake is that you might get tired later. The doctor says to smoke more weed and drink caffeine and stay out of the sun. And a power nap never hurt anyone.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 15, 2012 · 7:40 am

Smoking Circle

If you are smoking a blunt or a joint with people, there is a certain amount of etiquette involved. First off, you should form a smoking circle. One, two, or three people supply herb, someone is chosen to roll it, and someone supplies a lighter. The person who rolls it gets to spark it. The people who supplied the filling get the next few hits. If you supplied the fire, you’re next. Some people are adamant about which direction the joint/blunt is supposed to go. It doesn’t matter if you pass to the left or the right. Just don’t break rotation. Hit it, pass it along and let the next one in line hit it. Stay in your spot and keep from moving around. And shut the fuck up when it’s your turn to smoke. The conversation can wait but the weed can’t, it’s still burning, and you’re wasting it. And I wanna hit that shit.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 28, 2012 · 10:14 am

Perpetual Bowls

Have you ever smoked a bowl that just seems to never stop burning? You take a hit, you pass it around, you hit it again, you pass it around again, you’re surprised there’s still a hit left when it’s your turn again, you pass it around another time, then it comes back to you, and it’s still not cashed. Well, congratulations. You’ve just experienced a perpetual bowl. Perpetual bowls are rare, but they happen occasionally. Sometimes the herb is really dense and takes longer to burn. Sometimes someone in your rotation isn’t inhaling (maybe they can’t find the carb, maybe they just can’t hang). Sometimes the Weed Fairy comes and quietly keeps packing the bowl without anyone noticing. If you’re lucky enough to experience a perpetual bowl, take a moment to savor the moment and enjoy it.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 29, 2012 · 5:00 pm

Steamrollers

A steamroller is a large chamber with a bowl and a carb. It looks kind of like a bong without the water part. Very harsh, unfiltered smoke, but you get really big rips. They are typically glass. More portable than bongs, but they are pretty big. They are not that common.

Critically Rated at 8/17.

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January 29, 2012 · 4:59 pm

Pipes

Pipes are the most common piece. They are usually made of glass, some are made of metal or wood or some other materials. There is a bowl and a carburetor with a small chamber to hold the smoke. There are lots of different designs ranging from simple shapes to complex ones. Without a screen you can get a lot of ash and suckthrough.

I can’t help but notice how many people don’t realize that they need to clean their piece. It won’t destroy the colors, it will just make it look sexy again.

Critically Rated at 14/17.

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January 29, 2012 · 4:58 pm

Joints

Joints are small marijuana cigarettes. They are probably the most common way to get high. Very common in public, they are seen at concerts and in public parks and high school bathrooms. Desirable for deviants because as you smoke, you burn away the evidence. They can be harsh, because you inhale directly. It is constantly burning, so sometimes the wind smokes half of the joint.

Spliffs are joints that have tobacco added to the marijuana. You get a little bit of a buzz from the tobacco, and it makes for a different high. Very popular with Europeans and East Coasters. Always check with your smoking buddy before you add tobacco , its just courtesy.

Critically Rated at 14/17 for joints.

Critically Rated at 13/17 for spliffs.

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