Tag Archives: booze

Retox

My friend came over the other day to hang out for a few hours. Being the good host that I am, I offered her a beer. She said no and I asked her why. She said it was because she was doing a detox. I was totally supportive of her decision but I still cracked a beer open for myself. Some people choose to detox. Good for them. I choose to retox. It’s more fun. I retox almost every night. It’s what happens when you work in the restaurant industry. You work hard and play harder. Plus there are days when customers bring you down and crush your spirit. A little booze does a lot to revitalize oneself. If you do retox, retox responsibly. Use coasters and try not to spill anything. That’s alcohol abuse.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Mission Brewery Hard Root Beer

I drink a lot of beer but I’ll mix it up every once in a while and try something different. I was feeling adventurous at the store and got a six-pack of Mission Brewery Hard Root Beer. It’s what it sounds like. It’s root beer with booze in it. It has a respectable 7.5% alcohol content so it’s harder than Budweiser. I cracked open a bottle and poured it into a frosty mug. It looks like root beer. It’s a dark brown color with moderate carbonation and a thin head that dissipates quickly. It smells like root beer. There’s spice, licorice, and vanilla aromas. It tastes like root beer on the first sip, but with a definite boozy aftertaste once you swallow it. It has an herbal medicine flavor that takes some getting used to. It’s neither good nor bad. I’m not impressed and I’m not disappointed either. It’s just a different way of getting drunk. It’s worth trying if you like root beer and booze, but a six-pack is a big commitment if you’re not sure about it. I wish that I bought a single bottle to sample first. I’ll finish my six-pack eventually but I’m not in any rush to do so.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Mission Brewery Hard Root Beer

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Eggnog

I celebrated Christmas with my family yesterday. It was a grand old time. We laughed, talked, and caught up with each other. We had hors d’oeuvres, a nice steak dinner, and consumed copious amounts of alcohol. We had beer, wine, and a few cocktails. I even brought up a bottle of a rum and brandy mix to make some eggnog. It’s been a long time since I’ve had eggnog. At least five years I’m guessing. I was well overdue for some nog. Eggnog is traditionally a chilled dairy and egg-based cocktail with a couple of added spices for flavor. It could be non-alcoholic but that’s no fun. There are a lot of recipes for eggnog. You could make it from scratch if you have all the right ingredients, but it’s a lot easier and faster to buy some premade eggnog and then add some booze to it. That’s what I did. Sprinkle a little nutmeg on top and you’re in business. Pacing is important when consuming eggnog. Drink it too fast and you’ll get a stomach ache (or possibly salmonella). Drink it too slowly and it will curdle. It’s a holiday drink most enjoyed around Christmas. I wouldn’t bring a batch of nog to any Fourth of July festivities. It’s too hot. Milk and eggs are a bad choice.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

12.09.11_FA_Eggnog

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Hair of the Dog

Everybody knows that you fight fire with fire and that the best cure for a hangover is more alcohol. It’s known as hair of the dog. You might wake up the morning after a night of partying with a splitting headache and a craving for McDonald’s, but downing a Bloody Mary or a Mimosa in the a.m. is enough to save your life. You’re not drinking to get drunk again. You’re drinking to get rid of the pain. A hangover is the first sign of alcohol withdrawal. Pumping booze back into your system helps to level you out. It’s science. I read it on Wikipedia. Now you read it here. Dealing with the hair of the dog is not an easy thing to handle sometimes. It’s tough to drink when you don’t want to drink. But you’ll actually feel better if you can stomach it and manage not to puke. The best cure for a hangover is often the hair of the dog that bit you.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Chien avec des lunettes

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House Party

Parties are fun, but it’s hard to top a good house party. House parties are awesome because there is no guest list, there is no dress code, there is no last call, and there is no closing time. You don’t have to get your wrist stamped or worry about reentry if you go out for a smoke break. You get to control the music so you don’t have to suffer through a crappy DJ’s shitty set. The only downside is that you have to bring your own booze, but that still saves you money. A hundred bucks will get a lot more alcohol from the liquor store than it will get you at the bar. People have fun at bars and clubs, but they go nuts at house parties. It’s all friends and no strangers, so you feel more comfortable, relaxed, and less afraid of embarrassing yourself, and that means you’ll be drinking harder and longer than you would if there was a bouncer watching you. There are always a couple fun drinking games going on, a few random hookups to laugh about, and hundreds of random conversations about nothing to jump in to. The night goes on and on, and people start passing out and sleeping wherever they find a quiet corner to disappear in. Eventually the sun starts to rise, the party ends, and you get a smile on your face whenever you remember that night.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ordering a Frozen Drink and Complaining That You Can’t Taste the Alcohol

One of the biggest pet peeves for anybody in the service industry is when somebody orders a frozen drink and then complains that they can’t taste the alcohol. No shit you can’t taste it, you just ordered a fucking frozen drink. The colder the drink, the less you can taste the alcohol. Blending booze and ice and sweet mixers is going to make your cocktail taste like a smoothie. It’s a waste of liquor. That’s why most places serve margaritas on the rocks as opposed to blended. There’s no point in getting a savory tequila if you’re not going to savor it. You want to be able to taste the liquor. Sometimes it’s really hot and you feel like a piña colada or strawberry daiquiri. That’s totally acceptable; just don’t complain to the bartender if you think it’s a virgin drink. It’s not. So shut up about it.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Planning to Get Drunk

            One of the biggest signs that you might have a drinking problem is when you start planning to get drunk. You’ll tell yourself that you’re not an alcoholic; you just want to be prepared. You know that you’re going to want to drink all day and into the night and so you plan accordingly. So you’ll eat a big lunch. You’ll buy some food and snacks for later. You’ll buy an excessive amount of alcohol plus another twelve-pack just to play it safe. The last thing that you want is to run out of booze. You make sure that you have nothing to do and nowhere to go. You’re going to binge drink and there’s nothing that can stop you. Part of you feels guilty; the other part doesn’t give a fuck. Whatever, you won’t care after a few drinks anyway. It’s better to plan on getting drunk than drinking and driving, right?

            Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Bar Mat Shot

A bar mat is a staple fixtures in bars around the world. They are rubber mats that grip glasses to prevent them from breaking and they have the added bonus of capturing and containing spills. Over the course of a shift, the bar mat collects the excess liquor and mixers from all the drinks made by messy bartenders. A bar mat shot is just what it sounds like: a shot of the liquid from the bar mat. It’s the ultimate mystery shot. It will have all types of booze, everything from absinthe to vodka, as well as other random flavors like OJ and Red Bull thrown in. There is no set recipe for a bar mat shot. It’s contains whatever drinks the bartender knocks over. It will taste different every time. A bar mat shot is never a good idea. Nothing good can come from taking one. You’ll probably end up puking right away. And if you don’t throw up, somebody else will when they watch you take it. It’s that nasty. If you’re even tempted to try it, consider it a sign to stop drinking for the night.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Drinking With Someone Who Doesn’t Drink

I went out to the baseball game the other day. It was my first game of the season and I was meeting up with an old friend. Our pact was simple: You buy the tickets and I’ll buy the beer. Naturally I was going to get inebriated. Gameday rolls around and we meet up at the stadium. I buy the first round, and I finish my beer before he’s even halfway done. So I bought another beer and finished it as he finished his first. I offered to buy another round and he said no. So I bought another beer for myself mostly because we had to kill time before first pitch. It was a hot day too, and I don’t need much of an excuse to crack a brew. It took until my fourth beer to realize that I was drinking with someone who doesn’t drink. I suddenly felt sloppy and like an alcoholic. But then I looked and noticed that the line for Budweiser was longer than the line for hot dogs and realized that he was the weird one, not me. Props for having restraint and self-control, but I’d prefer a few bottles of suds over soda any day of the week. Drinking with someone who doesn’t drink is ok as long as they don’t judge you and as long as you don’t judge them. It’s like eating a burger in front of a vegetarian; you don’t talk about how amazing it is because they don’t want to hear about it.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Birthday Beer

It’s your friend’s birthday and you want to get him something but you don’t want to go overboard. I recommend buying him a birthday beer. You can pick up a 6-pack of something nice, a 12-pack of something decent, or buy a round at the bar. All options are acceptable. Birthday beer is a perfectly valid present for anyone that is 21 or older. 18 if you’re European. Everyone wants to get drunk and nobody wants to pay for it. I’m sure you friend will appreciate the gesture. Don’t buy beer for anyone that you want to sleep with. That’s what wine and hard alcohol are for.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Mickey’s

Mickey’s is a malt liquor that they describe as a “fine malt liquor.” It’s not that fine. It’s just your typical 40oz. It doesn’t taste that good. I’ve never met a single person that says Mickey’s is their favorite drink, and I doubt I ever will. You drink it out of desperation, not to enjoy the subtle flavors of cheap booze. It is 5.6% alcohol, which isn’t that impressive for a forty. Forties should fuck you up. Mickey’s only gets you buzzed. Maybe that’s why there’s picture of a bee on the label. I liked Mickey’s more when I thought it was stronger. If you want to get drunk on a budget than forties are the way to go. But you might want to pass on the Mickey’s and get something a little bit stronger.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Coasters

If you have a cold glass and a wood table you need a coaster. Coasters protect the wood from the condensation on the glass. Nobody wants to be the jerk who leaves a water stain, so use a coaster whenever possible. Some coasters are made of sandstone, some are ceramic, some are made of cork, and the cheaper ones you find at bars and restaurants are typically cardboard advertisements for beer companies. The cardboard ones make great ninja stars. If you’ve ever been to a Chili’s or Chevys on a slow night, chances are that the servers are throwing them at each other behind the scenes. That’s why it’s taking so long for your refill. Coasters are classy. They are like saucers for your booze.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Poker Night

Girls get together and go to brunch. Guys get together and have a poker night. Mimosas and cantaloupe are nice and all, but I prefer beer and gambling. Someone volunteers their house, a few guys bring poker sets, and everyone else brings booze and snacks. You decide on a game (you can’t go wrong with Texas hold’em), everyone puts in their cash and gets a stack of chips, and the next couple of hours are spent sitting around the table laughing, joking and occasionally crying. You feel great when you bluff your way to a big pot, you feel agony when you get a bad beat on the river, and you try to survive getting knocked out long enough to at least win your money back. Poker is kind of like Mario Kart: you can do everything right, be winning the whole time, and still lose when a random blue shell takes you out. That’s why I love it and that’s why I hate it. But poker nights are always fun.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Stupid Girl Brown Bagging It

I’m constantly amazed by the stupidity of people. Earlier today I saw a stupid girl brown bagging it on the bus. I know that she was stupid because she didn’t know how to brown bag it. She would take her forty out of the bag, take a sip, and put it back in the bag. That kind of defeats the whole purpose of brown bagging it. You don’t want people to know that you have booze. That’s why you put it in the brown bag. If you don’t know how to drink it public, you shouldn’t drink in public.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Only One Drinking

The other day I was at a barbeque. There were football games on the TV, chips and dip, and we had the grill going nicely. The best part was a cooler full of beers. I helped myself to one as I made small talk. One beer turned into two beers, which turned into three, four, and more. A few rounds and a bathroom trip later, I realized that I was the only one with a brew in hand. I could either stop drinking or keep going. I was past the point of tipsy and had to keep going. I owed it to myself to show those fuckers how to party. YOLO and all that stuff. Being the only one drinking is not a bad thing. It’s just not the best thing.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Crossfaded

Crossfaded is when you are drunk and stoned at the same time. Being drunk is fun. Being stoned is fun. Put the two together and it’s a great time. Just be weary of the spins. You will be ok if you start smoking before drinking. It’s when you’re a few drinks in and you smoke a blunt that makes the world start spinning. Pace yourself and socialize. Enjoy the buzz. Enjoy the fog. Enjoy life and being alive. Crossfaded. Everyone’s doing it.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Leaving the Bar and Coming Back

I was almost responsible last night. I left the bar after a few drinks, feeling slightly buzzed. And somehow I got suckered into going back inside. Leaving the bar and coming back is not a victory. It just shows that you can’t make up your mind and you let booze decide for you. If you leave the bar and follow polite social protocol, you say your goodbyes and hug your lady friends and high-five your guy friends… leaving the bar can be a big production. So when you come back, naturally everyone is confused and slightly judgmental. “Didn’t you already leave?” they ask exasperated and out of breath. All you can do is smile and shake your head, before sipping a beer and asking what the fuck they are talking about.

Critically Rated at 10/17

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