Tag Archives: candy

Nougat

I was having a lengthy discussion about candy bars with my roommate (we may or may not have had the munchies) when I discovered that he didn’t know what nougat was. I was kind of shocked. Nougat is an essential ingredient in a lot of great candy bars. Snickers has nougat. Baby Ruth has nougat. Big Hunk has nougat. LOOK! has nougat. Mars bar has nougat. Milky Way has nougat. And somehow nougat is still overlooked and underrated. It deserves more attention and affection. So I decided to blog about it to help get the word out.

Nougat is a chewy confection made with roasted nuts and sugar or honey. There are a few different types of nougat. There is white nougat, brown nougat, and German/Viennese nougat. They are all made differently but I’m not going to tell you the differences between them. Stop being lazy and do your own research on nougat if you’re so fascinated by it. Anyway, a long time ago somebody discovered that nougat tasted good and they decided to combine it with chocolate and the world was changed for the better. Nobody knows who originally combined the two, so I’m just going to give credit to the Pope. You can decide which one.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Sour Gummies in the Freezer 

 I bought a packet of sour gummy worms today. I put them in the freezer. Why? Because they taste better cold. Everybody knows that putting chocolate bars in the freezer is a good idea. Fewer people are aware that putting sour gummies in the freezer is another way to satisfy the fat kid that lives inside of you. I suppose you could substitute regular gummies, but sour gummies are so much better. They have way more sugar. So the next time you have sour gummies and access to a freezer, I suggest you put those sour gummies in the freezer for a few hours and see how right I am. I didn’t invent storing sour gummies in the freezer, I’m simply a fan of the practice and want to spread the word. 

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

  

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Leftover Halloween Candy

Halloween has come and gone, but leftover Halloween candy is still around if you’re lucky. I went into the break room at work today and one of my coworkers brought in a bag of fun-sized candy for everybody to enjoy. It was a nice assortment of Smarties, Nerds, Swedish Fish, Laffy Taffy, Starburst, and Snickers bars. I grabbed a few pieces of candy and proceeded to stuff my face. I’m a fat kid at heart, I’m not ashamed to admit it. It’s always been like that. I was never good at saving my Halloween candy. I would eat it all within forty-eight hours. Surprisingly I never got cavities. I like to think it’s because of the milk in all the chocolate I ate. You have to be smart when you’re rationing out your leftover Halloween candy. You have to eat a good piece of candy and then a bad piece of candy. Or you can force yourself to eat a bad piece of candy and then reward yourself with a good piece of candy. You don’t want to end up with a bunch of Candy Corn.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Skittles Orchards

I went to the corner store to get a Red Bull. As I was standing in line to pay for it, I noticed a pack of Skittles in an unfamiliar package color. An unfamiliar package color can only mean one thing: a new flavor lineup of Skittles. I snatched up the dark green bag and discovered new Skittles Orchards. All the candies are flavored like fruits that grow on trees. There’s Cherry, Red Apple, Orange, Peach, and Lime. Orchards is a pretty apt name for them. Cherry is tart. Red Apple is crisp tasting. Orange is the same Orange that you know and love from Skittles Original. Peach is sweet. And Lime is sour. I’m glad they brought back Lime Skittles. I missed those fuckers. Skittles Orchards are a welcome addition to the Skittles family. I tasted the rainbow, I encourage you to do the same.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans

Hey kids, do you like Harry Potter? Remember that part where Harry and his pals eat jelly beans with crazy flavors? Well, thanks to Jelly Belly and product licensing, you can eat them too! There are traditional Jelly Belly flavors like Banana, Blueberry, Cherry, Lemon, Tutti-Fruiti, and Watermelon. But there are also awful flavors like Booger, Dirt, Earthworm, Grass, Rotten Egg, Sausage, Soap, and Vomit. You can mix and match the flavors to create exciting combinations like an Earthworm and Dirt. You can also eat Vomit and then get rid of the horrible taste with Soap. The best way to enjoy Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans is to give your friend a bad tasting jelly bean and watch how they react to it. You should film it if possible. Put it on YouTube if they freak out. It’s also fun to experience the flavors for yourself. They actually made candy that tastes like rotten eggs. How can you pass up an opportunity like that?

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Orange Tic Tacs

I had the munchies and went to the store and came back with some beer, soda, chips, and a container of two hundred Orange Tic Tacs. That’s a lot of Tic Tac. I enjoy all the flavors of Tic Tac, but I’m a big fan of Orange. I’m not sure how much it freshens your breath, but it tastes good and it’s the most chewable of all the Tic Tac flavors. It’s not really chewy, it’s crunchy and it crumbles. The unique texture and delicious flavor combination is enough to keep me from sharing. I know that I have two hundred orange Tic Tacs, but if I give you one I would only have a hundred and ninety-nine. You’re like me in high school: you’re not getting any.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Nerds (candy)

Nerds are a tiny, tangy crunchy candy made by the Willy Wonka Candy Company. They aren’t made by the real Willy Wonka; he’s a made-up literary character. They are made by the fake Willy Wonka; they are candy company created by business moguls to exploit the literary character. Nerds typically come in a cardboard box with a divider separating two different flavors. But they also make small individual-size boxes with only one flavor for Halloween, Valentine’s Day, etc. They also have a big box of Rainbow Nerds that are movie theater-size. The big box of Rainbow Nerds is the best because it has the biggest Nerds. Some can be as big as a pea. That’s a big nerd. That might not seem very impressive, but I’m easily impressed. Nerds are probably my favorite Wonka candy on the market. They are fruity, sour, crunchy, and fun to eat. Plus they have a great name. You can offer them out and insult someone at the same time. It’s hard to beat that.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tootsie Roll

A Tootsie Roll is a piece of candy that is similar in texture to taffy or caramel, but they claim that it’s chocolate flavored. I’m not sure if I believe them. It doesn’t taste like chocolate. It tastes like the stale memories of Halloweens long since passed. A Tootsie Roll is hard yet chewy, and they taste best when you let them soften up in your pocket for a while. The recipe for Tootsie Rolls involves using part of the batch of Tootsies from the previous day. So theoretically the Tootsie Roll you’re currently eating could contain trace remnants from the first Tootsie Roll ever made. It certainly tastes like it, doesn’t it? The weirdest thing about Tootsie Rolls is that they can’t agree to a uniform size. The short stubby ones are the ones you’re probably most familiar with, followed by the long skinny ones, and then the long fat ones. They all taste the same; they are just different sizes and shapes. I don’t like that. Make up your damn mind.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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PEZ

PEZ is a brand of Austrian candy, famous for its trademarked dispenser. The dispenser was originally designed to mimic a cigarette lighter, but it’s transitioned over time to become more of a toy or a collectible. You’ll find all kinds of PEZ dispensers with characters from all sorts of movie, TV, and cartoon franchises. They even have dispensers of historical figures, sports teams, and rock bands. The candy itself is pretty meh, but it tastes better coming from a PEZ head. Popular PEZ flavors include Cherry, Grape, Raspberry-Lemon, Chocolate, Peppermint, etc. You take the candy out of the wrapper and load it into the dispenser. Then you lift up the head, a piece will pop out, and you pop that piece into your mouth. It’s more fun to dispense PEZ than to eat PEZ. Everyone has had a PEZ dispenser at some point in their life. You get them as stocking stuffers or in a gift bag from your friend’s tenth birthday party. If you’ve never had one before, I suggest that you get your ass down to the local 7-Eleven and pick up a Hello Kitty one today. You’ll see what all the fuss is about and you’ll thank me for opening your eyes.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Skittles Desserts

It’s always a good day when you discover a new type of Skittles. Yesterday I discovered Skittles Desserts and my life is a little bit better now. Skittles Desserts have intriguing flavors like Key Lime Pie, Orange Créme, Raspberry Sorbet, Strawberry Milkshake, and Blueberry Tart. Key Lime Pie tastes kind of limey, but not key lime pie-y. Orange Créme tastes like orange crème. Strawberry Milkshake tastes like strawberries and cream. Raspberry Sorbet is sweet, sour, delicious, and the best flavor in the pack. Blueberry Tart definitely tastes like blueberries. All in all, Skittles Desserts is a pretty solid offering and it will satisfy your sweet tooth. It’s not the best type of Skittles but it’s not the worst. Try them. You might just find that you have a new favorite candy.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Blue Raspberry Flavor

Why is Blue Raspberry such a popular flavor for candy? I can understand why Raspberry would be so popular. It’s kind of sweet, it’s kind of tart, it’s a very well balanced flavor. But why do they have to make it blue? I guess it makes it a little bit more fun but candy is already fun, they don’t need to dye it unnatural colors. The only thing Blue Raspberry flavors do is stain your tongue blue, and that’s not always a good thing. Sometimes you try to hide fact that you have candy. You’ll pop a piece into your mouth when nobody is looking. But you can’t be discreet if you have a blue tongue. Everyone knows that a blue tongue means that you have candy, and then you’ll have to share with everybody. A blue tongue is a dead giveaway, and an unfortunate side effect of a Blue Raspberry flavor.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Now & Later Wild Fruits

Now & Later is a brand of long lasting fruit chew candies. They typically come in a pack of 18 pieces with three different flavors. The Now & Later Wild Fruit chews come in Tropical Punch, Wildberry, and Watermelon flavors. Tropical Punch comes in a yellow wrapper, but the candy inside is red. Wildberry has a blue wrapper, but the candy is purple. And the Watermelon has a green wrapper with a pink candy inside, mimicking an actual watermelon. Nothing is as it seems. They are all really fruity, sweet, and have exaggerated, exciting flavors. These are kind of a kid’s candy. You don’t see too many adult chewing on Now & Laters. They stain your tongue and dye your spit. They could potentially rip out a filling. But they taste good and make me nostalgic for my childhood. I don’t see them much these days, so I’ll grab a pack whenever I come across them in a shop.

Critically Rated at 1417

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Life Savers

It’s hard not to write about a fruity candy that you orally insert and suck on without sounding a little gay, but I will try. Life Savers are a brand of ring-shaped candies. They make hard candies and they also make gummies. This article is about the fruit Life Savers, the familiar five-flavored hard candy roll that you grew up with. The five flavors are Cherry, Raspberry, Watermelon, Orange, and Pineapple. If that sounds delicious, it’s because they are. Cherry is the best flavor of the bunch, but the rest are also good. If you’re still reading this, good for you because I’m going to tell you a secret. The next time you’re smoking a bowl, pop a Life Saver in your mouth and take a hit. You now have candy-flavored smoke and your weed will taste amazing. You’re welcome. Just try not to inhale the Life Saver because you could potentially choke to death. You can still enjoy Life Savers without weed, but I wouldn’t recommend it because weed makes everything better.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Spree (candy)

Spree is a candy that is manufactured by the delightful Willy Wonka. Not the real Wonka, the candy company that owes its entire existence to Roald Dahl. They are brightly colored, semi-fruit-flavored dextrose candies. They taste vaguely like Cherry, Orange, Lemon, Apple, or Grape. There are Original Spree (which you suck on) and there are also Chewy Spree (which you chew on). Just don’t mix them up because you could break a tooth by accident. They really aren’t that good, but I will get them every once in a while simply because I haven’t gotten them in a while. I probably wouldn’t notice if Spree disappeared tomorrow, but I would be kind of sad when I finally noticed a few years later.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Rolo

Rolo is a candy. It has nothing to do with YOLO. Let’s just get that out of the way. A Rolo is a soft chewy caramel covered with milk chocolate. It’s simple, sweet, and delicious. They are packed in a tube, with each bite-sized piece stacked upon each other. It’s not as satisfying as a Snickers bar. You eat one Rolo and you want another one and then another one. It’s good, but you’re never content. That’s how they get you. You just keep popping them into your mouth until they’re all gone. And you don’t really care when they are gone. You should be mad when you run out of candy. But you’re indifferent when you run out of Rolo. They are decent candies, but nobody would ever notice if Rolo was taken off the market tomorrow.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Snickers Peanut Butter Squared

Snickers Peanut Butter Squared is a flavor variant of Snickers, the classic candy bar and food staple of fat kids everywhere. It’s called Snickers Peanut Butter Squared because it’s a Snickers bar with peanut butter added to it and it’s cut up into cubes. If you like peanut butter, peanuts, caramel, and nougat covered in milk chocolate and served in bite sized pieces, this is the candy bar for you. If that doesn’t sound delicious, you should go to Hell and take your fucked up taste buds with you. This is a good candy bar, and I don’t even like chocolate bars that much. I’m more of a Skittles/Starburst/fruit chew kind of guy. But you can’t go wrong with a Snickers bar and peanut butter is always a welcome addition, so you should get your ass to the store and buy some Snickers Peanut Butter Squared today. You should share it too. It’s always nice to share.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Skittles Darkside

With all this talk about Disney buying Lucasfilm and making new Star Wars movies, it only seems fitting that Skittles released a new flavor variety called Darkside. Now you can taste the other side of the rainbow with sophisticated flavors like Dark Berry, Pomegranate, Blood Orange, Midnight Lime, and Forbidden Fruit. I’m just relieved they didn’t get rid of Lime Skittles; they just changed its bedtime. I like most of the flavors except for the Blood Orange. Maybe it will grow on me, but for now I hate it more than anything and I never fucking exaggerate ever. Darkside is a welcome member to the Skittles family, try them out, look for the purple packaging.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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