Tag Archives: stoner

Amateur Stoner Neighbors

I have a pair of amateur stoner neighbors. They don’t know what they are doing. About once or twice a week they will wake me up around 8:30 or 9:00 in the morning because of their absurdly loud smoking sessions. They open the window so everyone can hear their unnecessarily noisy conversations, they blast the stereo, and light one up while coughing and hacking after each hit. First off, no respectable stoner should be waking up before 10:00 am. Secondly, if you do wake up to smoke a joint, you shouldn’t be yelling and screaming and singing loudly to terrible ‘90s rock music. Why are you screaming? You should be more concerned with passing the joint around. The only thing you should be saying that early is: “C’mon, pass it already.” Thirdly, any decent stoner should be ashamed of coughing. If you can’t handle your shit, don’t do that shit. I’m not going to yell at them to shut the fuck up because I’m moving out soon. They won’t be my neighbors for much longer. I can only hope that my new neighbors will be more professional than these current amateurs. And that they have better taste in music. That shouldn’t be too hard.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young


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Spare a Nug

It seems like every stoner I know goes dry at least once a year. One side effect of smoking marijuana on a regular basis is getting too high and forgetting to get more green before you run out. Dealers aren’t always available and cannabis clubs aren’t always open. That’s when you have to ask a stoner friend if he can spare a nug. You don’t need a gram, you only need enough for a bowl or two. You should offer him five bucks for it as a courtesy. If he’s a good friend he’ll decline your money and just spot you, because he knows that you’ll return the favor somewhere down the road. Giving away weed to a friend in need is an important part of the stoner lifestyle. It’s like buying a round for your friends at the bar. It’s for the good kind of karma.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young


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Smoking Someone Out

Getting stoned is fun and getting stoned with other people is more fun. There’s nothing quite like passing a pipe or joint around with a good group of people. A lot of my friends smoke regularly so somebody always has weed, and there are usually two or three people contributing to each session. But there always seems to be a moocher who tries to jump in without offering anything in return. It’s ok to crash the occasional circle, but it’s bad form if you make a habit of smoking other people’s weed without offering anything in return. Weed is expensive; I can’t afford to get you high all the time. I don’t mind smoking someone out, but if I smoke you out, I expect a future session funded by you. Or a beer at least. And if somebody smokes me out, I make sure to return the favor. Real smoking buddies pass the pipe back and forth without any worries. If you packed the last bowl, I would pack the next. And I would give you a nugget from my personal stash if you were dry, because I know that you would sponsor the next session. Smoking someone out is an integral part of stoner culture. If you have weed, it’s a given that you’re going to have to smoke someone out. Just make sure it’s someone who will return the favor.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Pineapple Express

Pineapple Express is a stoner action film staring Seth Rogen, James Franco and Danny McBride. David Gordon Green directs and Judd Apatow produces. It’s about a stoner who witnesses a murder and gets wrapped up in the middle of a drug war. I hate when that happens.

Seth Rogen is Dale Denton, a 25-year-old process server who dreams of being on the radio someday. He smokes weed and buys from a smalltime dealer named Saul (James Franco). Saul sells Dale some rare weed called Pineapple Express, and Dale goes back to work. He’s waiting to serve a guy named Ted Jones (Gary Cole) ,and he witnesses Ted and a cop (Rosie Perez) kill an Asian guy. Dale freaks out, tosses his roach and goes to Saul for help.

Saul buys his weed from a guy named Red (Danny McBride), and Red buys from Ted. Pineapple Express is really rare and Ted is the supplier, so he is able to trace it back to Saul and Dale.

They go on the run. They spend the night in the woods and have a little bonding time. The next day they go to visit Red and find out if he’s told Ted anything. And he did, because he was threatened by two henchmen (Kevin Corrigan and Craig Robinson). Dale and Saul get in a clumsy stoner fight with Red, and they escape before Ted’s henchmen come back.

They go to warn Dale’s high school girlfriend (Amber Heard) and her family that they might be in danger. And even though her dad tries to kill Dale and Saul, he’s able to convince them to hide out a hotel.

Dale and Saul have a fight, and Dale says that they were never friends. Saul gets caught by Ted’s men and Dale decides he has to save him. He gets Red to help, but Red bails at the last minute and Dale confronts Ted’s gang alone. He gets captured pretty quickly and is reunited with Saul in a cell.

They chose a pretty good night to get captured, because Ted’s rivals, the Asians, stage a raid of Ted’s base. Saul and Dale manage to escape and they are killing their way out, while the Asians are killing their way in, and Ted’s guys are killing everyone. Even Red comes back to kill some people.

Dale, Saul, and Red all manage to survive. And they celebrate by getting breakfast and deciding to be best friends.

If you are a fan of quality entertainment, you might recall a show called Freaks and Geeks. Judd Apatow developed that show and Seth Rogen and James Franco starred in it. It’s good to see them working together again. Even Kevin Corrigan guest starred in an episode.

This movie has a few cool action scenes, but it never forgets that it’s a comedy. So the fights have gags in them. Saul and Dale don’t know how to fight and it shows. The car chase scene was completely absurd and it was really fun to watch,

As with a lot of Apatow movies, the dialog seems to flow. Everything seems improvised. James Franco and Seth Rogen are perfect for this movie, but Danny McBride steals the movie as Red. He has so many great lines. And he can’t die.

Pineapple Express is a solid comedy. People will still be quoting it in twenty years. It doesn’t take itself too seriously… that whole subplot with the Asians feels pretty tacked on and I’m sure that it’s intentional. All things considered, it’s a fun film and comedies should be fun.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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