Tag Archives: clean

Toilet Brush

A toilet brush is a device that you use to scrub dirty toilets. It gets rid of shit stains and that nasty ring of filth that accumulates around the water line. Everyone poops but you don’t want to see the physical evidence of it. That’s why you flush the toilet (well, that and for hygiene). I poop twice a day on average, once in the morning and again when I come home from work or wherever. If it’s a particularly nasty shit, I feel compelled to break out the toilet brush and clean up a little bit. I’m not trying to impress anyone, I’m trying to keep others from being disgusted. I’m considerate like that I guess. I’m writing about toilet brushes because I bought a new one today. Pretty exciting, I know. It only cost two bucks at the store. I think that’s a good price, but I don’t really know the average retail price for toilet brushes. I was willing to pay five bucks for one. Two bucks was a steal. I think I’ll give out toilet brushes as stocking stuffers for Christmas this year. They are a cheap yet practical gift. I’ve thought about this too much. I’m going to go drink beer now.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Getting a New Stain Right After You Did Laundry

You’ve been putting off doing laundry for a few weeks until you finally crack and drag your dirty clothes to the Laundromat. You spend a few hours and a few quarters cleaning your clothes, and you feel accomplished and proud when you finally finish. You decide to celebrate your laundry victory by wearing a warm, clean shirt straight from the dryer. You’ll be wearing that shirt for about ten minutes before you dribble coffee down the front. Getting a new stain right after you did laundry is inevitable. The universe always knows when you’ve done laundry, and the universe will try to rectify the situation by getting your clothes dirty again. The universe wants you to waste quarters.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Wearing Something Straight From the Dryer

Laundry is a chore. You keep putting it off until you have nothing clean to wear and then you have to do it. And while the world is turning and people are having fun, you are stuck staring at a washer and dryer for an hour. But it’s ultimately worth it when the dryer finally buzzes. Not only do you have clean clothes again, but there’s the added perk of wearing something straight from the dryer. A warm shirt on a cold day is like a gentle hug from the cotton gods. And nothing compares to a fresh pair of underwear on your nether regions. It makes you want to do lunges and squats to celebrate. Wearing something straight from the dryer is the best part of laundry day.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Cleaning Your Room

Cleaning your room is one of the first steps to being a responsible adult. Your parents constantly nagged you to clean up your room when you were growing up and you hated them for it. Then at a certain point in middle school you realize that a messy room is kind of embarrassing. You would tidy up and try to make it look presentable before friends came over. Then you grew up and went to college and realized that your roommate doesn’t like it when you leave your shit all over the place. So you started really cleaning your room, mostly to be respectful to your roommate, but also so that any late-night hookups wouldn’t change their mind when they see how you live. Cleaning your room is important. It’s just a shitty chore that never ends.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Solar Bowls

If you paid attention in science class growing up, you might recall that you can use a magnifying glass to manipulate solar rays into a death ray for insects.  But it might not have occurred to you that instead of harnessing the sun’s energy for evil, you can use it to get high. That’s right, instead of burning ants alive, you can use your magnifying glass to light your bowl. This, my friends, is a solar bowl. Solar bowls are clean tasting. When you use a lighter to smoke a bowl, you are inhaling and tasting trace amounts of butane that alters the flavor of your herb of choice. When you smoke a blunt or a joint, you are also tasting the blunt wrap or rolling paper. When you smoke a solar bowl, you are tasting the weed as it’s truly meant to be smoked. They only downside to a solar bowl is that you can’t do it at night.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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