Tag Archives: coins

Coin Jar

I’m in the service industry and I rely on tips as my main source of income. Cash is my main form of payment and it works out pretty well for me. The only downside is that a wallet full of cash inevitably leads to a pocketful of coins. Coins are annoying. They jingle, they weigh more than paper money, and they are only worth fractions of a dollar. It’s very tempting to leave eight-nine cents at the cashier rather than be burdened with the excessive amount of change. But I’ve long ago realized that coins are still money and they add up quickly. So I lug home the random coins I’ve acquired throughout the day and throw them in a coin jar.

A coin jar is like a piggy bank for adults. The main difference between the two is that one is a jar and the other is shaped like a pig. You deposit coins in the jar and it gradually fills up. Then you take the coins to the bank and turn them into real money. The bigger the jar, the more money you get. It’s economics in action. 

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Change Machine

I recently moved to a new spot and today was the first chance I had to do laundry. Needless to say, I took advantage of the opportunity and I went to the local laundromat. I had to do a couple loads, so I put a few bucks into the change machine to get some quarters. As the quarters fell out, it dawned on me that it shouldn’t be called a change machine. It doesn’t give you change. It only gives you quarters. Change is more a mixture or combination of coins. It should be called a quarter machine. It’s a more accurate name. A change machine is that thing at the grocery store checkout counter. It was hard to concentrate on my laundry after a revelation like that, but I managed not to slip anything red into my whites. 

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

  

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Wrapping Coins

I had the day off today. It was the middle of the week, I was bored, and I had no plans. I started wrapping coins. It was my big task for the day, my only errand to run. I put on Netflix and I went through my change jar. I would grab a handful of coins and sort them. Quarters over here, dimes here, nickels go there, pennies there, half-dollars and dollar coins go together here, and all imposters (like Canadian coins) go into the reject pile there. After they were sorted I would go through each denomination and count out how many coins were needs to fill the wrap. A wrap for quarters is ten dollars. That’s forty quarters. A wrap for dimes is five dollars. That’s fifty quarters. A wrap for nickels is two dollars. That’s forty nickels. A wrap for pennies is fifty cents. That’s fifty pennies. I didn’t bother counting out the pennies though. That can go to charity if they are willing to wrap them up and haul them to the bank. All in all, my quarters, nickels, and dimes were worth a grand total of $228. Not bad for a year’s worth of loose change and a few hours to sort through it. I could always use extra money. Now I have it and all it cost me was caving into my OCD.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Dropping Change You’re Trying to Put In Your Pocket

You’re at the corner store buying a soda and some chips and maybe a candy bar, and your total comes out to $4.07. You hand the cashier a five-dollar bill, and he hands you back 93 cents. You take your small pile of coins and try to shove it in your pocket but you completely miss. The coins hit the floor and roll in all different directions. You wish that you could just pretend like it didn’t happen and walk out the door, but you can’t abandon those quarters. So you swallow your pride and get down on your hands and knees to pick them up. And you might as well pick up the dimes while you’re at it because those aren’t completely worthless. And you pick up the nickels and pennies because you don’t want to litter. Dropping change you’re trying to put in your pocket makes you feel like less of a person. The truth is you are. But it’s only temporary. Only the cashier and people waiting in line behind you know that you’re a failure. Nobody on the street knows what you did, so you’re in the clear once you exit the store.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Coin Snatching

Coin snatching is when you snatch a coin or coins off of your elbow. If you’re right handed, put a quarter onto your right elbow and balance it there. Then let your elbow drop and try to grab the quarter out of the air with your right hand. It takes a couple of tries but it’s pretty easy to get the hang of it. Practice with one quarter for a while and you can start moving up to more and more coins. It more impressive if you have more coins, but it’s also more embarrassing when you fail. Coin snatching will never get you any girls, but it’s a good bar trick if you can do it when you’re drunk.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Paying with Change

It’s a know fact that four quarters equal a dollar. But there is a huge difference between leaving a server a dollar bill versus leaving four quarters. You should never tip or pay for a bill with pocket change. I don’t care if you’re a tourist and if today is your last day in the States and you just want to get rid of all your spare coins… It’s insulting to leave a handful of change as payment. If you don’t want those coins, what makes you think that somebody else would appreciate it? There are a million other things you can do rather than offend a server and show how cheap you are. You can give it to a homeless guy, you can make wishes at a fountain, you can flatten them at the railroad tracks. Paying with change is a great way to tell other people how stingy you are.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Quarters

Quarters are the best coin. These are ideal for temporary tattoos, magic tricks, scratching off lotto tickets, parking meters and the list goes on and on. It even has its own drinking game named after it.

It has George Washington on it. GEORGE WASHINGTON, the guy who discovered America in 1776 and stole it from the British. He was a full 25% of the Four Fathers, the first President to win a second election, and he carved his own teeth from a cherry tree he chopped down. This is the American Coin of Choice.

I will give away pennies, nickels, dimes, even crumpled dollar bills to bums on the street, but I keep my quarters. Those are for laundry. We should get rid of all coins except for the quarter, half dollar, and dollar coin.

They would get a perfect score but you can’t buy a pack of gum or make a phone call anymore. I know that it’s because of inflation, so maybe they should make quarters worth 35 cents. Problem solved.

Critically Rated at 16/17.

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Dimes

One thing that has always bugged me about dimes is the fact that they are worth more than pennies and nickels but are smaller than both. Is it because FDR was a cripple? He won 4 straight presidential elections, got the US out of the Great Depression, and helped pave the way for an Allied victory in WWII, but couldn’t walk….. makes sense to honor him with a coin, a little tiny coin.

At least you can use them at the meter, for laundry, for bus fare, at the vending machine. It is probably the most practical coin beside the quarter, but that doesn’t mean much.

Critically Rated at 9/17.

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Nickels

Nickels are mediocre coins. They almost look like a quarter so you get your hopes up, and then you see Jefferson’s shitty profile and you die inside a little bit. Not to shit on good old TJ, that guy was alright (go to Wikipedia if you don’t believe me), but nickels are only good for 2 minutes in the meter or a Bazooka Joe.

Critically Rated at 7/17.

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Pennies

The penny is commonly thought of as garbage money. It is practically worthless. People don’t care about them. I’ve seen people throw them away. I know that a penny saved is a penny earned, but you have to save a shit ton of them just to buy a pack of gum.

Washing machines won’t accept them. Vending machines won’t accept them. Parking meters won’t accept them. Coin Star is the only thing that wants your pennies.

I like Lincoln, but he’s already on the five dollar bill and he also has his own dollar coin too. I don’t think he would lose his head if we got rid of the penny. Lose his head. Get it?

Critically Rated at 5/17.

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