Tag Archives: money

May 24, 2017 · 7:13 pm

Count Your Money, Not Your Problems

Last Saturday was a crazy shift and I went to the bar afterwards with my fellow servers for a much needed drink. We bragged about our good tips, bitched about bad tables, complained about lazy coworkers, what we fucked up on… you know, normal server conversations. Servers bitch a lot. It’s a well known fact in the restaurant industry. We bitch when it’s busy, we bitch when it’s slow, we invent reasons to bitch. So believe me when I say that one of the guys in the group was bitching way too much. He went on and on about all the problems and ignorant people he had to deal with. It was too much. That’s when I realized something. We all needed to stop bitching. Work was tough but it was over, we survived. The nice thing about serving is that everyday is pay day. You go to work and leave with money to show for it. You need to take that cash out of your pocket and look at it. Count your money, not your problems. I know that’s not a profound quote but it’s a good philosophy to have as a server. And if you do have problems, throwing money at them will make them go away. 

Critically Rated at 12/17

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December 11, 2016 · 2:30 pm

Coin Jar

I’m in the service industry and I rely on tips as my main source of income. Cash is my main form of payment and it works out pretty well for me. The only downside is that a wallet full of cash inevitably leads to a pocketful of coins. Coins are annoying. They jingle, they weigh more than paper money, and they are only worth fractions of a dollar. It’s very tempting to leave eight-nine cents at the cashier rather than be burdened with the excessive amount of change. But I’ve long ago realized that coins are still money and they add up quickly. So I lug home the random coins I’ve acquired throughout the day and throw them in a coin jar.

A coin jar is like a piggy bank for adults. The main difference between the two is that one is a jar and the other is shaped like a pig. You deposit coins in the jar and it gradually fills up. Then you take the coins to the bank and turn them into real money. The bigger the jar, the more money you get. It’s economics in action. 

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 4, 2016 · 6:33 pm

Ripped Off by a Vending Machine

I was eating some buffalo wings in the break room at work. They were really spicy and I was started to sweat a little bit. I was too lazy to walk all the way back to the kitchen to get a glass of water, so I plopped four quarters into the vending machine for a can of Coke. I put in the money, entered the two digit code for the Coke, and eagerly awaited for it to fall down into the retrieval slot. The Coke never came. The machine ate my money. Needless to say, I was devastated. My world came crashing down all around me. I hate when I get ripped off by a vending machine. It makes me feel dirty and used. And it’s an inanimate object so it doesn’t fear my wrath. I was tempted to put in another dollar to see if I got two Cokes, but I was too worried about getting shafted again. It’s better to waste one dollar and not get a Coke than to waste two dollars and still not get any Cokes. I don’t trust vending machines anymore. My faith in them has been shattered.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 25, 2015 · 9:17 pm

Passing Cash Down to the Vendor

I went to the San Francisco Giants game the other week with my friend. We scored some pretty decent seats about twenty rows behind home plate. It was a hot day and we were stuck in the sun. There was no escape from the heat unless we left our seats, and we are gamers so there was no way that was happening. We were going to sit there and be miserable. And we were. We were both dripping with sweat by the second inning. Luckily a vendor came by with some ice-cold lemonade. We hailed him, ordered a couple of lemonades, he passed them down the row, and we passed cash over to him, and then he passed back our change. It dawned on me how weird passing cash down to the vendor really is. You are trusting random strangers with your money. That’s one of the only places where you do that. Try pulling that shit at McDonald’s and see what happens. The craziest part is that nobody ever takes advantage of it. Just once I would love it if somebody tried to pocket a five-dollar bill during an exchange. But I’ve never seen it happen. You would have to be pretty bold or pretty stupid to try something like that. You’d have no escape and multiple witnesses. I’d like to try it sometime. Not because I need the money, I just want to watch how people would react. Maybe I’ll try it the next time a Dodgers fan tries to buy a bag of peanuts, because fuck the Dodgers.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 26, 2015 · 10:04 pm

Working a Double

Working a double is when you work two shifts on the same day. Working a double shift is taxing on the body but rewarding on the paycheck. That overtime pay is one hell of a motivator. The best way to get through a double is avoid looking at the clock. A watched pot never boils. The more you think about the time, the slower it ticks by. Nobody really wants to work, so working a single shift is bad enough. Working two shifts in a day gives you a valid excuse to grumble and complain. You have the right to bitch… after all, you just worked a double! Some people work doubles a few times a week. That’s a good way to make a lot of money, but it may cost you your sanity. You’ll definitely get a gray hair or two. Maybe even a wrinkle. Doubles are stressful. And if they aren’t, you aren’t working hard enough.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 26, 2015 · 7:06 pm

Wrapping Coins

I had the day off today. It was the middle of the week, I was bored, and I had no plans. I started wrapping coins. It was my big task for the day, my only errand to run. I put on Netflix and I went through my change jar. I would grab a handful of coins and sort them. Quarters over here, dimes here, nickels go there, pennies there, half-dollars and dollar coins go together here, and all imposters (like Canadian coins) go into the reject pile there. After they were sorted I would go through each denomination and count out how many coins were needs to fill the wrap. A wrap for quarters is ten dollars. That’s forty quarters. A wrap for dimes is five dollars. That’s fifty quarters. A wrap for nickels is two dollars. That’s forty nickels. A wrap for pennies is fifty cents. That’s fifty pennies. I didn’t bother counting out the pennies though. That can go to charity if they are willing to wrap them up and haul them to the bank. All in all, my quarters, nickels, and dimes were worth a grand total of $228. Not bad for a year’s worth of loose change and a few hours to sort through it. I could always use extra money. Now I have it and all it cost me was caving into my OCD.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 23, 2015 · 10:13 pm

Wrath of Ones

There are special names for groups of things. It’s a school of fish, a pride of lions, a murder of crows. I propose that we call a bunch of one-dollar bills a wrath of ones. No server or stripper wants to deal with a wad of ones. It’s a hassle. You can’t do much with a dollar today. You have to go to the bank and deposit them on a regular basis. You can only go on so many shopping sprees at the dollar store. Shit gets old after a while. It should be called a wrath of ones because that’s precisely what it is. It’s a curse. It’s why people prefer credit cards over cash.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 24, 2014 · 2:06 pm

Not Bringing Enough Cash

I work in the service industry. I rely on tips to make a living and cash is my preferred method of payment. I also live in San Francisco, and that means that there’s always something to do and it always costs more money than it should. Sometimes I end up not bringing enough cash. That sucks. It means that I failed at sticking to my budget. It also means that I have to hunt down an ATM, and I have to pay fees if I can’t find my bank’s ATM somewhere. Not only do I forget to bring cash, I get fined for it. It’s a slight inconvenience, but it’s still an inconvenience. Bah, why does life have to be so hard?

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 18, 2014 · 10:36 pm

Facing Money

I’m slightly OCD about a few things and facing money is one of them. I can’t stand a wad of crumpled bills in my pocket. I need more structure and organization that that. I need to have my cash sorted by denomination with all the portraits the right side up. When I unfold my cash you’re going to see in order Washington, Lincoln, Hamilton, Jackson, Grant, and Franklin if I had a good day at work. I respect money so it’s only logical that I face it. Plus facing money makes it easier to spend it and that’s the whole point of having cash anyway. Right? Please tell me I’m right.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 7, 2014 · 8:59 am

Dollar Sign After the Number

I went on Facebook the other day and saw my friend complaining that she got a parking ticket for 100$. Everyone else made a sympathetic comment, but I called her out for misusing the dollar sign. People do a lot of stupid things that bug me, and putting the dollar sign after the number is one of them. I don’t even know how anybody could be stupid enough to do that. You see dollar signs about a thousand times a day on commercials, price tags, printed ads, menus, and storefront windows. You have to be pretty damn ignorant to not know where the dollar sign goes. If you put the dollar sign after the number, you should be prepared to explain yourself. I genuinely want to know why you put the dollar sign there and not where it’s supposed to go. If you can’t respect the placement of the dollar sign, you don’t deserve any money. You should give it to me. I’ll respect $1 more than you could ever respect 1$.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 25, 2013 · 11:09 am

Working on Christmas

A lot of people view Christmas as the most important holiday of the year, a time for family and friends, of food, laughter, and presents. But it’s also just another day and that means a lot of people have to work on Christmas, myself included. It’s not a bad thing. I’m not going to mope and feel sorry for myself. I’m just going to go to work and make money (hopefully a lot of money if people are feeling the Christmas spirit). I actually want to work. I get paid double time and I have a longer shift.  Working on Christmas has been my holiday tradition for a few years now. I’m still going to celebrate Christmas with my family, it just won’t be on the 25th. Ain’t no thang as long as I get presents. And isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 16, 2013 · 8:56 am

Pay Day

Pay Day is the day that you get paid. It’s the day that you can spoil yourself a little bit and indulge a little more.  After all, you earned it. It’s the day that reminds yourself of why you work in the first place. You work to get money, and you get that money on Pay Day. It usually comes once each fortnight or twice a month (I know that a fortnight means two weeks, but I never get to use that word and I wanted to be pretentious). Pay Day means that you can afford to go out and spend your money a little more frivolously. You probably shouldn’t, but if you’re going to waste money that’s the day to do it. Pay Day is when you go out for celebratory and meaningless cocktails with your coworkers. It’s when you buy that gadget you’ve been eyeing. It’s when you splurge and buy a few new shirts to add to your wardrobe. It’s when you buy your kid medicine so she stops coughing and keeping you up at night. Pay Day is one of the few times that a regular Joe Schlub feels like Donald Trump. Pay Day is what keeps capitalism alive. All hail the Pay Day.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

 

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October 1, 2013 · 9:53 am

Ripped Dollar

I went out to dinner a few nights ago and picked up the check with my credit card. My friends opened their wallets and threw a couple of bucks my way and then we all parted ways. I got back home and took out the cash to count it and I noticed that someone slipped in a ripped ten-dollar-bill. It was practically ripped in half, and the two pieces were barely holding together. A slight breeze could have blown it apart. I felt hurt and betrayed. I could not believe that one of my so-called friends would have the audacity to give me such a ghetto piece of legal tender. At least tape it up before you give it to me. You only have two options when you get a ripped dollar. You can go to the bank and exchange it for another bill, or you can tape it up and try to pass it on to some unsuspecting cashier. Money is supposed to be crisp, clean, and sexy. Nobody wants a tainted ripped dollar. Try to get rid of it as fast as you can and move on with your life.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 12, 2012 · 9:53 am

Incorrect Change

We’ve all been there before. It’s rush hour at the local convenience store. Your few items cost $7.84. You pay with a twenty. You get $2.16 in change and make it halfway home before you realize you’ve been shortchanged. You turn around and go back to the same cashier to logically explain your situation and get your money back. Only now he doesn’t recognize you. You’ve gone to the same store and dealt with the same people for more than a year. Yeah, you don’t know his name, but you know his face and you always acknowledge him. Isn’t that enough? Apparently not, now you have to take it up with the storeowner. They will nod and pretend to understand where you are coming from. Then they will side with their incompetent employee. Never mind the fact that you know what denomination you paid with, never mind the fact that they can review the surveillance tapes to verify what denomination you paid with… the customer is always wrong when payment is in dispute.

Critically Rated at 2/17

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February 11, 2012 · 7:18 am

Hundreds

Puff Daddy said it best: “It’s all about the Benjamins!” This is my favorite US currency with a non-president on it. Benjamin Franklin was a bad ass. He was a true Renaissance Man, a jack-of-all-trades. He makes Thomas Jefferson look like George W. Bush. He was just that awesome. This is a big bill, the largest denomination currently being printed. They aren’t as practical as twenties, but they are definitely more fun to have.

The clock on Independence Hall on the back says 4:10. If it were ten minutes later it would get a perfect score.

Critically Rated at 16/17

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February 9, 2012 · 11:30 am

Fifties

Fifty-dollar bills are the second highest denomination for US currency. They are kind of lame. They have to share a cash register slot with hundreds. I would rather have a few tens and crumpled ones than a fifty-dollar bill. Grant is the featured president. He was a good general but a pretty mediocre president with a corrupt office. I really want a bill with like an eagle catching a snake and the snake is on fire. I think that would be better than sticking lame presidents on potentially cool bills.

Critically Rated at 10/17

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February 7, 2012 · 9:38 am

Twenties

Twenty-dollar bills are the money currency, pun definitely intended. If it’s good enough for the ATM, it is good enough for me. It’s the most practical bill for most cash transactions.

A lot of people don’t like this bill because it depicts Andrew Jackson. Jackson was a strong leader, but a very controversial president. He was super racist and was responsible for the Trail of Tears. Look it up on Wikipedia, that shit was fucked up. Bigotry and politics aside, the twenty is the most practical bill we have.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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