Tag Archives: work

May 3, 2016 · 3:06 pm

Decompression Day

I went on a weeklong road trip vacation to Los Angeles and Santa Barbara with my girlfriend. It was a long trip that involved Disneyland, California Adventure, Universal Studios Hollywood, camping, my cousin’s wedding, me meeting my girlfriend’s parents, and her meeting practically my whole family at the wedding. Vacations should be relaxing, and this one had a lot going on, so we decided to cut the trip short and come home a day early. It was a good call. We needed a decompression day. It would have been too hard to come home from a road trip like that and immediately go back to work the next day. Everyone should schedule a decompression day to mark the end of an extended vacation. It gives you a little bit of time to reflect on your trip, unpack, do laundry, and catch up on Netflix. It’s like a vacation from your vacation. Get on it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 19, 2016 · 6:49 pm

Manager Goose Chase

I’m a bit of a prankster at work sometimes. One of my favorite tricks to play on people is to send them on a manager goose chase. It’s a wild-goose chase for a manager that they will never find. It’s a simple gag. First off, get the managers in on it. They like to stave off boredom just as much as you do. Then you tell an unsuspecting coworker that a manager is looking for him. He goes to the manager to see what he wants. The manager says that he wasn’t looking for him, it was another manager. He goes and tracks down the other manager to see what he wants. That manager directs him to a different manager. He goes to find that manager to see what he wants. That manager sends him to a different manager. It can go on for a while depending how many supervisors and managers are on the clock. The best way to end the gag is to have the last manager send him back to the original manager. If the coworker hasn’t figured it out by then, he deserves to repeat the process. It’s a good prank. Nobody gets hurt, no property gets damaged, and it’s not good enough to post on YouTube so you won’t be ruining any lives. The manager goose chase. Try it the next time Monday is bringing you down.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

'I sent Higgins on a wild goose chase so we could get some work done.'

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January 29, 2016 · 6:30 pm

Off on Sundays

I work at a restaurant. I don’t work on Sundays. That’s rare. I’ll repeat that. I’m off on Sundays. Like that’s not supposed to happen. Set schedules aren’t common in the industry. Days off and clock in times fluctuate. Sometimes we work doubles. Sometimes it’s slow and people get cut early. Sometimes it’s busy and everyone works overtime. We always have to check the schedule to know when we are working. So having Sundays off is a miracle. I always know that I have a day to sleep in. It gives me a chance to catch up on laundry. I can make plans for brunch. I don’t have to worry about missing the Super Bowl. It also gives me the option of picking up a shift on a Sunday. That’s always a mistake. It reminds me why I requested Sundays off to begin with. Being off on Sunday is glorious. Normal people have Sundays off. It almost makes me feel normal too. Almost.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 8, 2016 · 5:56 pm

Half-Day

It was slow at work today so I asked to go home early. I don’t like working when there’s nothing to do. My manager had too many people scheduled and was more than happy to cut me from the floor. I clocked out by 1:00 pm instead of 5:30 pm like I was supposed to. I was stoked. I celebrated by getting a burrito. It tasted like freedom. I love half-days. There’s nothing quite like them. Remember how much fun half-days were in high school? You had to sludge through a few classes for a few hours and then it was time for shenanigans. College was all half-days and my liver still hates me for going to a party school.

Half-days are like Fridays. You have to work a little but then you get to play. Unplanned half-days are even better. It’s like the universe wants you to be happy. You can’t take them for granted. You have to do something special to celebrate. You don’t have to get a burrito like I did, but you gotta do something. Half-days don’t happen all the time. Take advantage when they do.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 12, 2015 · 4:54 pm

Living Across Town

I work in San Francisco’s number one tourist trap, Pier 39. It’s a cool spot. There are a lot of restaurants and shops, the weather is pretty decent, there are sea lions, and there are tons of things to see and do. The only problem with working there is that I live across town. Living across town is kind of a big deal. When I get out of work, I only have two options: I either go out or I go straight home. I live so far away that I don’t have time to go home and change if I want to go out. It takes me an hour or more to get home via a combination of public transportation and skateboarding, and another hour or so to come back out. It’s not worth it to go home and change, and that means I end up taking my work stuff in my backpack and lugging my skateboard around all night.

There are benefits to living across town. You have to sacrifice a few perks of downtown living, which isn’t hard to do. Living across town generally means that it’s quieter. Parking is more abundant. There is more nature, more parks, and more stuff to do outside. It’s easier to have dogs, cats, or kids. It’s just a bitch to take a cab, Lyft, or Uber home when you live across town. It’s more expensive and the driver is reluctant to take you there. You live on the other side of the city, you can’t blame them for hating you. Your best bet is to share a ride with other people who live across town. Not everyone lives out in the boonies though. Living across town isn’t for everyone.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 24, 2015 · 2:40 pm

Talking About Work After Work

The other day I clocked out of work after a double shift, went directly to the bar with a few coworkers, and we discussed the day’s events over round after round. We talked about customers, managers, scheduling, who does side work, who slacks off, the horror stories, the personal triumphs, who is hooking up with who, who is getting promoted, who is getting in trouble, and everything in between. Because that’s what we do after work. We talk about work. It’s not ideal but it’s unavoidable. I spend five or six days a week at work, as do my coworkers, and they are all fun and down to hang out so we hang out and inevitably end up talking about work after work. There’s no escape. It’s a vicious cycle. Case in point: Today is my day off and I’m writing about talking about work after work. FML.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 16, 2015 · 12:46 pm

Being Productive Before Work

I usually work morning shifts, but every now and then my managers like to sneak in a closing night shift into my schedule. It keeps me on my toes. I don’t mind because night shifts give me the chance to be productive before work. It gives me enough time to do laundry, run errands, pay bills, and write blog posts about being productive before work. I don’t usually do anything fun or exciting before night shifts because I don’t want to get into shenanigans and feel the need to call out.

Today is one of those days where I work at night. I slept in an extra couple of hours and woke up feeling refreshed and invigorated. I drank a beer to kill that feeling, and then I did laundry. I’m still doing it actually. I just put everything into the dryer, then I skated home and started writing this article. Hopefully I will finish writing before I have to go back to the laundromat. This whole situation is very meta right now.

Well, the article is drawing to an end now and my laundry is still tumbling around in the dryer so I will call this a success. I still have a few hours to be productive. Maybe I will get a haircut. Most likely I will watch shit on YouTube or Netflix until it’s time to leave. You can’t deny that I was productive. I did some stuff.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 26, 2015 · 10:04 pm

Working a Double

Working a double is when you work two shifts on the same day. Working a double shift is taxing on the body but rewarding on the paycheck. That overtime pay is one hell of a motivator. The best way to get through a double is avoid looking at the clock. A watched pot never boils. The more you think about the time, the slower it ticks by. Nobody really wants to work, so working a single shift is bad enough. Working two shifts in a day gives you a valid excuse to grumble and complain. You have the right to bitch… after all, you just worked a double! Some people work doubles a few times a week. That’s a good way to make a lot of money, but it may cost you your sanity. You’ll definitely get a gray hair or two. Maybe even a wrinkle. Doubles are stressful. And if they aren’t, you aren’t working hard enough.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 21, 2014 · 11:33 am

National Waiters and Waitresses Day

May 21st is National Waiters and Waitresses Day. It’s not as esteemed as Mother’s Day or Secretary’s Day, but it’s still a day to acknowledge the simple fact that your server is a person and deserves a little respect. How much respect? Preferably 20%. But they wouldn’t mind more. I’m a server and I love what I do. I meet people from all over the world, I work with some of the coolest and craziest motherfuckers I’ve ever met, and I don’t dread going to work. It’s fun, it’s fast paced, and every shift ends with cash in my pocket. I don’t have to wait two weeks for a paycheck because every day is pay day. I’ve grown accustomed to the server lifestyle. The industry gets in your blood. We deserve a holiday of our own, but we are willing to share. May 21st is also National Memo Day, so make a note of that.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 23, 2014 · 2:53 pm

Clopen

Ahhhh, the clopen. That’s the term for when you have a closing shift followed by an opening shift the next day. You get to be the last one to leave the building and you get to be the first one there the next morning. It ought to be illegal, but unfortunately it’s not. It’s how you know your managers love you. Clopens shouldn’t be a common occurrence, but they happen more than you’d like them to. I secretly think about sleeping in a storage closet each time I am scheduled to clopen. It makes more sense than trekking all the way home and sleeping uncomfortably for a few hours before coming right back to work. I wonder if I could get away with keeping a tent in the break room. Probably not but it’s worth a shot. If you’re scheduled to work a clopen, you are required to bitch about it nonstop for the duration of those two shifts. It’s not a true clopen if you’re not miserable about it.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 22, 2014 · 3:44 pm

Wearing Your Uniform to Work

Some workplaces require their employees to wear a uniform. It kind of sucks, but you’re lucky to have a job so stop complaining. I have to wear a uniform at work, I know your pain. I keep my work shoes, shirt, pants, and gear in a backpack, and I get to work a few minutes early so I have time to change, grab a coffee, and hang out in the break room. It’s annoying having to lug my backpack around if I want to go somewhere before or after work, but it’s better than wearing my work clothes all day long. There are exceptions to everything of course. Some people drive to work and drive back home right after work, they don’t stop anywhere and they don’t have much interaction with anyone along the way. But if you rely on public transportation, wearing your uniform to work makes you stick out like a sore thumb. A lot of servers at The Cheesecake Factory wear their uniforms to work for some reason. They wear white collared shirts, white pants, and white shoes. They look like they are in a cult. Wearing your uniform to work makes you look like a tool, especially if you have to wear all white. Have a little self-respect and bring a change of clothes to work. You’ll feel better about yourself at the end of the day.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 25, 2013 · 11:09 am

Working on Christmas

A lot of people view Christmas as the most important holiday of the year, a time for family and friends, of food, laughter, and presents. But it’s also just another day and that means a lot of people have to work on Christmas, myself included. It’s not a bad thing. I’m not going to mope and feel sorry for myself. I’m just going to go to work and make money (hopefully a lot of money if people are feeling the Christmas spirit). I actually want to work. I get paid double time and I have a longer shift.  Working on Christmas has been my holiday tradition for a few years now. I’m still going to celebrate Christmas with my family, it just won’t be on the 25th. Ain’t no thang as long as I get presents. And isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 16, 2013 · 8:56 am

Pay Day

Pay Day is the day that you get paid. It’s the day that you can spoil yourself a little bit and indulge a little more.  After all, you earned it. It’s the day that reminds yourself of why you work in the first place. You work to get money, and you get that money on Pay Day. It usually comes once each fortnight or twice a month (I know that a fortnight means two weeks, but I never get to use that word and I wanted to be pretentious). Pay Day means that you can afford to go out and spend your money a little more frivolously. You probably shouldn’t, but if you’re going to waste money that’s the day to do it. Pay Day is when you go out for celebratory and meaningless cocktails with your coworkers. It’s when you buy that gadget you’ve been eyeing. It’s when you splurge and buy a few new shirts to add to your wardrobe. It’s when you buy your kid medicine so she stops coughing and keeping you up at night. Pay Day is one of the few times that a regular Joe Schlub feels like Donald Trump. Pay Day is what keeps capitalism alive. All hail the Pay Day.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

 

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August 21, 2013 · 8:29 am

Using the Toilet at Work

Using the toilet at work is always a bit of a conundrum. Each workplace has an unwritten code for its usage. Most of the rules are similar: don’t hog the bathroom for more than five minutes, try to avoid taking a shit if you can, and never pee on the seat (or wipe it off if you do). I work at a restaurant and we have a public restroom for men, a public restroom for women, and a bathroom by the break room for the staff. We essentially have one toilet for over fifty employees at any given point. It’s constantly in use. There’s almost always a line. Sometimes I’ll use the bathroom just because it’s unoccupied. I won’t even have to go, but I can’t pass up the opportunity. I’ll use it just because I can. Carpe Pee-um and all that. The most important thing about using the toilet at work is remembering to wash your hands before you go back to work. Especially if your boss is watching.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 3, 2013 · 9:25 am

Getting Distracted

Everyday you have something that you need to get done by a certain time. It’s paying a bill, it’s finishing a report, it’s doing chores or running errands. We all have things to do and only a little bit of time to get it done. Some people keep their eye on the ball, but most of us prefer getting distracted on a subconscious level. We would rather listen to music, or get sucked into a TV show, or surf the net for hours rather than do actual work, because those things are more fun than work. It’s hard to stay focused when a smart phone allows you to hold the entire internet in your hand. We are nowhere near being as productive as our grandparents were. It seems like we want to get sidetracked, like we want to fail on some level. And I’m ok with that. I even created this site to distract you from your daily routine for a few minutes before something else distracts you from this distraction. That’s what the Internet is… a giant web of distractions.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 27, 2013 · 10:23 am

Taking Up Smoking

I’ve decided to take up smoking. I’m not trying to look cool, I’m not trying to influence any kids to do the same, and I’m not trying to impress anyone. Nope, I’m taking up smoking in order to get more breaks at work. I live in San Francisco and there are a lot of strict labor laws. I only get a thirty-minute break every 6 hours. My managers will raise a stink if they catch me sitting down in the break room while I’m on the clock. But I’ve noticed that smokers get an unofficial 5-10 minute break every hour without getting in any trouble. I want to get in on that action. I want to get paid for ignoring my customers, filling my lungs with smoke, and polluting the planet all at once. I think I would be good at that. So I bought a pack of cloves (because cigarettes aren’t hipster enough) and now I’m able to take breaks whenever I want to. And life has never been better. I wonder what other substances I can consume at work to make the time go faster…. Drugs are bad.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 8, 2013 · 9:53 am

Watching the Game at Work

The game is on but you’re stuck at work. You can turn on the TV or radio and have it tuned in, but you can’t just stay in one spot and watch it because there’s shit to be done. That’s when watching the game at work becomes a group effort. You have to identify your gamer co-workers and work out an amateur system of notification. At any given point, one or two people should be following the game. Then if someone gets a run or makes a great play, they disperse and spread the word to everyone else, “Posey just hit a solo shot, it’s 5-4 now.” You might be missing most of the action, but you’re not missing out. Sports have a way of bringing people together. I have nothing in common with my manager except for a mutual passion for baseball. We can talk about the Giants for hours but all other small talk is nonexistent. Baseball season has a way of unifying people. I work in a restaurant, and it’s pretty awesome when the managers, servers, cooks, and bussers all have something to cheer about and celebrate together. Watching the game at work is essential for staff bonding. I’d still rather be at the game though.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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