Category Archives: Snacks

Chips, candy and other munchies

March 17, 2013 · 9:57 am

A Girl Reciting Everything She Ate That Day

It’s a known fact that girls keep an inventory of everything that they have ever eaten in their whole entire life. I’ve lost track of how many times a girl has told me what she ate that day. It’s always the same general story. It starts with her telling you that she’s fat. Not just fat, but SOOOO fat. Then she will proceed to list off every single thing that she ate that day and in the order that she ate it. It’s something like, “Oh my god, I’m so fat. I had half a Pop-Tart and a small bowl of Cheerios with bananas for breakfast, and then I splurged and got a small Jamba after yoga because I felt like earned it, and then I had half an Odwalla bar and 6 grapes with some water at the gym. Oh, and I had Kettle Chips before the gym. I had a salad at lunch and then Stacy and I were bad and split a cheesecake! It was chocolate and strawberry and it wasssssss ssssssooooooooo yummmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyy. I swear I could eat cheesecake like everyday….” It’s best to cut her off before you hear about dinner and all the other random snacks that she shoved in her face throughout the day. That’s awesome that you’re not bulimic but I don’t give a fuck what you ate. You look good though.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as a girl reciting everything she ate, cheerios, diet, food, inventory, kettle chips, list, odwalla bar, pop tart, snacks

March 15, 2013 · 9:50 am

Limes

Limes are a small green citrus fruit. They grow on lime trees. They have a bitter, acidic flavor that goes well with a lot of food and drinks. It’s a staple ingredient of Thai, Vietnamese, Indian and Mexican cuisine. Limes are also extremely popular in bars. A margarita without a lime wheel is not a margarita. A gin & tonic without a lime garnish is unacceptable. A Corona without a lime wedge is downright blasphemous. It’s not a tequila shot without licking salt and biting a lime. Limes are a great source of Vitamin C, so you should always order drinks with a lime garnish at the bar. Who knew that preventing scurvy could be so much fun?

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as bitter, citrus, food, fruit, garnish, lime, lime cube, lime trees, lime wedge, lime wheel, limes, mexican cuisine, staple ingredient, tequila shot

March 12, 2013 · 10:34 am

Slice of Pizza

It’s late at night, the bars are closing and your stomach is growling. It’s time for a slice of pizza. You don’t want a whole pie, you just need a slice and you need it now. A slice of pizza is a godsend when you’re drunk and starving. You’ll stumble into a small pizza shop and see a bunch of pizzas with an assortment of toppings bathing under the warmth of a half dozen heat lamps. Now you have choices…. A meat combo or a veggie combo or pepperoni with mushrooms? Decisions, decisions. You order a slice, they pop it in the oven to reanimate it, you add some pizza peppers and Parmesan cheese, then you take a bite and you’re in heaven. A slice of pizza is the perfect way to wrap up a night on the town.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as combo, heat lamps, oven, pepperoni, pizza, pizza shop, slice, slice of pizza, small pizza

February 28, 2013 · 9:05 am

Jensen’s Orchard Spinach & Artichoke Chips

There are a lot of different brands of snack food out there and Jensen’s Orchard Spinach and Artichoke Chips are on the healthier side of the spectrum. These chips are all natural with no trans fat, MSG, or hydrogenated oils and they are made with real spinach and artichokes. They don’t taste anything like a regular potato chip. You can really taste the spinach and artichoke and there are hints of garlic. You can eat them out of a bag or with a dip. If you eat them with a dip you should use a spinach and artichoke dip and go all out. They’re a bit on an acquired taste but I finished the bag. I don’t know if I’d buy them again, maybe if they were on sale.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as all natural, artichoke, chips, dip, hydrogenated oils, jensen's orchard, snack food, spinach, spinach & artichoke, spinach and artichoke

February 22, 2013 · 6:18 am

Pho

Pho is a Vietnamese noodle soup and one of the most delicious things in the world. Pho is usually broth with rice noodles, herbs, and meat (typically beef or chicken). Lots of places also offer onions, jalapenos, bean sprouts, basil, lemons or limes to garnish your pho. Feel free to add Sriracha and other sauces too. Pho is an amazing dish, but it’s best experienced when you have a cold or a hangover. Pho might be the best remedy for a hangover. In fact, sometimes I intentionally get a hangover just so I have an excuse to get pho. And it’s always worth it.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as bean sprouts, been, broth, chicken, dish, food, hangover, noodle, pho, rice noodles, sprout, sriracha, vietnamese, vietnamese noodle soup

February 17, 2013 · 9:52 am

Gum Wrapper

A gum wrapper is the individual wrapper for a piece of gum. It helps keep the gum fresh, sanitary, and from sticking to other pieces of gum. Smart people hold on to the wrapper so they can spit the gum into it when it loses its flavor. Dumb people throw away the gum wrapper as soon as they open it and then they spit the gum on the ground or stick it under the table when they’re done chewing it. A gum wrapper is not a piece of trash. It’s a portable protector for unused gum that also doubles as a disposable device for used gum. What a novel concept.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as garbage, gum, gum wrapper, trash, wrapper

February 13, 2013 · 10:09 am

Skittles Darkside

With all this talk about Disney buying Lucasfilm and making new Star Wars movies, it only seems fitting that Skittles released a new flavor variety called Darkside. Now you can taste the other side of the rainbow with sophisticated flavors like Dark Berry, Pomegranate, Blood Orange, Midnight Lime, and Forbidden Fruit. I’m just relieved they didn’t get rid of Lime Skittles; they just changed its bedtime. I like most of the flavors except for the Blood Orange. Maybe it will grow on me, but for now I hate it more than anything and I never fucking exaggerate ever. Darkside is a welcome member to the Skittles family, try them out, look for the purple packaging.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as blood orange, candy, dark berry, darkside, flavor variety, flavors, forbidden fruit, midnight lime, new flavor, pomegranate, skittles

February 9, 2013 · 10:32 am

Chex Mix Traditional

Chex Mix Traditional is a snack mix made by General Mills. There are a few other flavors, but the original Traditional is the best. It’s made of Chex cereal, pretzels, rye chips, and bread sticks. You can grab a handful and shove it in your mouth, or you can pick out the pretzels, chips, and bread sticks and eat them first, saving the Chex for last because that’s the best part. Nothing beats homemade Chex Mix but prepackaged goods are so convenient.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as bread sticks, breadsticks, chex, chex cereal, chex mix, chex mix traditional, food, pretzels, rye chips, snack mix, traditional

February 4, 2013 · 9:48 am

Garlic Bread

Yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday and I didn’t want to show up to the party empty handed. I stopped by the grocery store on the way there to grab some beer and something to munch on. Grabbing the beer was the easy part, I just snagged a 12-bottle variety pack with IPA, Pale Ale, and a Belgian White. Deciding what food to bring was the hard part. I didn’t want to bring chips and dip or anything cliché like that. I wanted something tasty that was easy to prepare. I almost got a cheese platter and a tub of potato salad, but then I saw a sale on premade garlic bread. All you had to do was throw it in the oven and a few minutes later you would have deliciousness. So I bought a few loaves and it was a hit. Nobody can refuse a slice of freshly toasted garlic bread. It smells like magic and it tastes like a miracle. It’s a great side or appetizer. An added bonus is that it wards off vampires and drives the ladies crazy.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as appetizer, bread, garlic, garlic bread, garlic toast, side

January 24, 2013 · 11:18 am

Creamsicle Orange ‘n Cream

Sometimes you feel like dessert on a stick. And on one of these occasions you might try Creamsicle Orange ‘n Cream ice cream bars. It’s made by the same guys who make Popsicles. These are vanilla ice cream bars coated with orange sherbet and stuck on a stick. They are pretty good, despite having a terrible name for a phallic-looking treat you suck on. Why not just call them Cumsicles and get it over with?

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as cream, creamsicle, Creamsicle Orange ‘n Cream, cumsicle, ice cream bars, orange, orange sherbet, phallic, popsicle, vanilla, vanilla ice cream

January 20, 2013 · 10:43 am

Häagen-Dazs Green Tea Ice Cream

Häagen-Dazs has a lot of premium ice creams and Green Tea Ice Cream is one of them. Not only is it all natural but they also use Matcha green tea, which apparently is good stuff. Green tea ice cream is an oxymoron. How can you make a hot beverage into a cold dessert? And isn’t green tea herbal and ice cream dairy? What the hell is going on? But it works and it’s delicious. It might take a moment to get used to it, and it will never replace Vanilla, but it’s still worth getting. Me likey.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as flavor, green tea, green tea ice cream, Häagen-Dazs, ice cream

January 18, 2013 · 11:02 am

Skittles Original, Now with Green Apple

I know I’ve written about Skittles before, but now there’s a new flavor: Green Apple. It’s green and it tastes like a sour Granny Smith green apple. They had to get rid of the Lime flavor to make room for it. They can’t have two green ones in the same bag, that would be ludicrous. It tastes good, but I’m kind of peeved. I didn’t know that there was an Anti-Lime Skittle movement. Why didn’t they get rid of Grape? If you’ve been looking for an excuse to buy candy, a new flavor Skittle is perfectly valid. What an exciting time to be alive.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as granny smith, green, green apple, new flavor, now with green apple, skittles, skittles original

January 16, 2013 · 9:58 am

A Rice Cooker

A rice cooker is a kitchen appliance that cooks rice. Rice is already pretty easy to make but a rice cooker makes it even simpler. Throw the uncooked rice into the machine, add water, hit a button and walk away. You’ll have a bunch of rice in twenty minutes. A cup of uncooked rice will make a cup and half of cooked rice. That’s the good kind of inflation. The kind that gives you more food. Rice cookers are also easy to clean, but you can always toss out the old rice and start a new batch if you’re feeling lazy. That’s the authentic way.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as cooked rice, cooker, kitchen appliance, machine, rice, rice cooker, rice cookers, uncooked rice

January 9, 2013 · 10:58 am

Rice

The Internet once told me that on any given day half of the world’s population eats rice. That sounds about right. Rice is a dietary staple around the world. The Asians love it. The Latinos love it. And white people love Asian and Latino food. Rice is cheap and plentiful and billions of people rely on it to survive. There’s white rice, brown rice, Rice-A-Roni, and Uncle Ben’s. They have long grains, short grains, and grains that are just right. It doesn’t matter if you eat rice with a fork or chopstick, wrapped in seaweed or a tortilla, by itself or as part of a dish… eating rice is always nice.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as brown rice, dietary staple, grain, rice, white rice

January 8, 2013 · 11:06 am

Sour Skittles

How do you improve everyone’s favorite rainbow colored bite-sized fruit chews? By adding a shit ton of sugar and calling them Sour Skittles of course. I lied; Sour Skittles aren’t an improvement on the Original Skittles. All that extra sugar makes your teeth hurt more and doesn’t do anything to enhance the flavors. You have the classic Skittles: Grape, Lime, Lemon, Orange, and Strawberry, but each one is made slightly sour with an excessive sugar coating. Sour Skittles are ok every once in a while, but all the other varieties of Skittles are better.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as candy, excessive sugar, flavors, fruit chews, skittles, sour, sour skittles, sugar, sugar coating

January 3, 2013 · 11:45 am

Häagen-Dazs Raspberry Sorbet

Häagen-Dazs Raspberry Sorbet is a raspberry sorbet made by Häagen-Dazs. Give it a shot if you like raspberries and sorbets and the Häagen-Dazs brand. Sorbets are non-dairy for all you lacto-phobes out there, so you can get your dessert on while everyone else is enjoying real ice cream. It’s all natural and that means it’s healthy for you so you can eat it every single day without any consequences.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as Häagen-Dazs, Häagen-Dazs Raspberry Sorbet, raspberries, raspberry, raspberry sorbet, sorbet, sorbets

January 1, 2013 · 9:52 am

Asking for a To-Go Box and Leaving It on the Table

Some people go out to eat, order too much, ask for a to-go box to take their leftovers home, and then leave their box of food on the table when they leave. Asking for a to-go box and leaving it on the table is counterproductive and wasteful. Not only are you wasting your extra food, but now you’re also wasting the to-go box and the bag that goes with it. Did you only ask for the box to test your server’s attentiveness? If you ask for a box, then you should use that fucking box. It’s common courtesy.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as asking for a to-go box and leaving it on the table, box, doggy bag, food on the table, leftovers, restaurants, server, table, to-go, togo