Tag Archives: machine

August 20, 2013 · 1:22 pm

Losing a Quarter to a Machine

Losing a quarter is not a big deal. It happens all the time. It will fall out of your pocket, you might accidently drop it on the ground, sometimes you give them away to bums without realizing it. But losing a quarter to a machine is enough to ruin your day. Sometimes you’ll go down to the Laundromat and choose a faulty washer that eats your coins. Then you have to beg for change from the other patrons. Sometimes the parking meter refuses to acknowledge the quarter you just fed it. Sometimes the vending machine will malfunction and refuse to give you a snack. Losing a quarter to a machine means that Skynet is winning, and the future is going to be a bleak one. You are funding Judgment Day each time you lose a quarter to a machine. It starts by stealing quarters and it ends with the mass genocide of mankind. Tread lightly.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 23, 2013 · 9:47 am

An Efficient Cab Driver

I live in the Sunset District of San Francisco and that means that cab drivers hate me. I live too far away and it’s not profitable for them to take me all the way out there. But they have to take me because it’s the law and I don’t take any bullshit. That’s when you seen an angry and bitter cabbie show off his driving skills. He switches lanes and maneuvers around cars with graceful ease. He screeches to a halt at stop signs at the last possible moment, and guns the engine after the briefest of moments. He starts mumbling and groaning and tapping his hands on the steering wheel when he gets stuck at a red light and then he floors it a half second before the light changes to green. An efficient cab driver is like a machine; he’s all about getting the job down as quickly and with as much precision as possible. Every second matters and he wastes absolutely no time in getting you from Point A to Point B as fast as he can. Don’t confuse an efficient cab driver with a rude driver; he’s just trying to get another fare as soon as he’s able to. It’s all about the turn and burn.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 16, 2013 · 9:58 am

A Rice Cooker

A rice cooker is a kitchen appliance that cooks rice. Rice is already pretty easy to make but a rice cooker makes it even simpler. Throw the uncooked rice into the machine, add water, hit a button and walk away. You’ll have a bunch of rice in twenty minutes. A cup of uncooked rice will make a cup and half of cooked rice. That’s the good kind of inflation. The kind that gives you more food. Rice cookers are also easy to clean, but you can always toss out the old rice and start a new batch if you’re feeling lazy. That’s the authentic way.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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