Tag Archives: table

Table Snatchers

If you are a server/waiter, table snatchers should be one of your biggest pet peeves. A table snatcher is a coworker who steals one of the tables in your section. You’ll notice that you got sat, you’ll go over and greet the table, and they’ll tell you that somebody already took their order. You’ll be confused for a minute, wondering if this is really your table or if one of the managers took their order. Then you see your sleazy coworker bringing drinks out to the table, the same coworker who always tries to steal your tables. You call her out on it and she plays dumb, pretending like she didn’t know which tables were in her section. You know that she knows and she knows that you know that she knows, but she still acts like it was an innocent mistake and she offers you a shitty table in her section as compensation. Don’t take the table. It’s better to be mad. Table snatchers are dirty, rotten thieves that try to steal your customers and your tips while feigning ignorance. Fuck that, and fuck them. Don’t fuck around with my money.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants

Table vs Bar Top

It’s beer thirty and it’s time to start drinking. You walk into the bar and are instantly faced with a decision. You can sit at the bar top or you can grab a table. I prefer getting a table. You can actually make eye contact with other people and have a normal conversation with your friends. It’s more casual and relaxed. The biggest problem with sitting at a table is that ordering another drink becomes a hassle. Everybody gets lazy and settled in, and if you finally cave and stand up to get another drink, everybody else is waving cash at you and asking that you also order them a beer while you’re up.

Sitting at the bar top is convenient, but it’s also kind of depressing. You are instantly limited in who you can talk to; it’s either the person the right or left of you and the bartender. The bartender might make small talk with you, but he or she doesn’t give a shit about you. They might crack a joke or share an anecdote, but they are just trying to get a tip out of you. You’re basically paying them to pretend to be your friend. Sitting at the bar top shows that you mean business. You are there to drink. Sitting at a table shows that you are there to socialize. You are there to have a drink with your friends. It doesn’t matter which one you prefer, as long as you have a drink in your hand.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Drinks

Coffee Table

A coffee table is a type of table typically found in the living room in front of the couch. It’s the ideal place to put your coffee while you’re sitting down. It was designed with coffee in mind, but it works surprisingly well with other beverages too. In England they are known as tea tables (I don’t actually have the facts to back that up, I’m just assuming that’s the case). Most people leave books and magazines out on the coffee table for people to thumb through when there’s a lull in the conversation. There’s even a whole subcategory of books known as coffee table books. They are usually hardcover books with lots of pretty pictures and minimal text. Coffee tables are where you keep beverage coasters and in a perfect world it’s also where the TV remote lives. I can’t imagine a world without coffee tables… sitting on your ass at home would be slightly more inconvenient.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants

Asking for a To-Go Box and Leaving It on the Table

Some people go out to eat, order too much, ask for a to-go box to take their leftovers home, and then leave their box of food on the table when they leave. Asking for a to-go box and leaving it on the table is counterproductive and wasteful. Not only are you wasting your extra food, but now you’re also wasting the to-go box and the bag that goes with it. Did you only ask for the box to test your server’s attentiveness? If you ask for a box, then you should use that fucking box. It’s common courtesy.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Snacks