Tag Archives: rain

January 9, 2018 · 2:34 pm

My Umbrella Story

It was raining when I went to work yesterday, so I bought an umbrella on the way. It was green and black and I had to get it because it reminded me of The Matrix. I was pretty proud of it. I showed it off to a couple of coworkers and they all agreed that it was a fine looking umbrella.

I chose a good time to buy a new umbrella because yesterday was the rainiest day in San Francisco since 2014. It was still pouring when I left work and headed to my girlfriend’s house, so I proudly made use of my nifty umbrella. Rain was still in the forecast this morning so I brought my umbrella with me when I took the train home. I was playing solitaire on my phone when I suddenly realized that I was at my stop. I quickly got up and jumped off the train. The doors closed, and as the train pulled away I looked down at my umbrella-less hands, knowing that I made a huge mistake.

I lost my umbrella. Well, I didn’t lose it. I knew exactly where it was but I was never going to get it back. I basically paid sixteen bucks to rent an umbrella for twenty-four hours. All I have left is a few memories and the now useless cover for it. I can only hope that the person who stumbles upon it treats it nice and gives it a better home than I did.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 9, 2017 · 3:52 pm

Broken Umbrella 

The past few days in San Francisco have been rainy and windy, which means there are a lot of broken umbrellas abandoned in garbage cans across the city. I counted five in a two block radius when I walked my dog earlier. That’s a lot of wet angry people that wish they bought a poncho instead. 

I hate when my umbrella breaks. I’m usually huddled under it when a gust of wind flips it inside out, breaking one of the spoke hinge things. I don’t know what you call those things, but they are crucial for proper umbrella functioning. You’re fucked once one of them breaks. You can either cling to your broken umbrella or throw it away and get soaked. You’re going to look stupid and be miserable no matter what. 

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 10, 2015 · 8:07 pm

Being Inside When It’s Shitty Outside

It’s raining outside my window right now. Not just raining, it’s hailing, the wind is howling, there’s thunder, a bit of lightening. El Niño is going off. But it’s nothing to me. I’m sitting comfortably in my room. I got a blanket wrapped around me, a beer by my side. The power is working, the lights are on, and Netflix is in full force. Life is good. Being inside when it’s shitty outside is a privilege that some people don’t have, so I try to take full advantage of it. Being warm is nice. Being dry is nice. I guess paying rent is worth it sometimes.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 15, 2015 · 3:22 pm

Washing Your Car After It Rains

It rained earlier this morning. I didn’t have to work so I slept in and lied in bed listening to the raindrops patter against the window. After a while I rolled out of bed, and started my day by driving to the store to pick up some stuff. I drove past a guy who was washing his car in his driveway. I had to do a double take. I looked again and confirmed that he was indeed washing his car after a fresh rain. I wanted to stop and ask him why he was washing it. Washing your car after it rains seems a little redundant. You don’t need to wash your car, nature took care of that for you. Now you’re just wasting water in the middle of a drought. I thought he was a jerk and set out to write a blog post about how stupid it is to wash your car after it rains. I Googled “washing your car after it rains” to find pictures and to do a little research for an adequate rant and discovered that washing your car after it rains is what you’re supposed to do. It’s good for the paint because rainwater has salt and pollutants in it or something. I didn’t know that. Now I do. I learned my lesson. You’re not crazy if you’re washing your car after it rains. You’re responsible and I’m sorry I doubted you. I still think it weird though.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 6, 2015 · 6:41 pm

Paying for an Umbrella

It was raining this morning as I left for work so I grabbed my umbrella. It’s a decent umbrella. It’s collapsible so it fits in my bag, it has a wrist strap, and it has a cover too. And I got it for free. Because I don’t believe in paying for an umbrella. You don’t buy umbrellas. You find them. That’s how it works. You come across them randomly and claim them as your own. Eventually you’ll leave that umbrella on the bus or at the coffee shop accidently and someone else will take it. Lots of restaurants have a bucket for wet umbrellas by the main entrance. If it’s a sunny day and you see an umbrella there, that shit is up for grabs. Or you can raid the lost & found at work on a rainy day. There are a million ways to get an umbrella. Paying for one shouldn’t be an option.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 17, 2014 · 7:38 pm

Wet Socks

I was walking into work the other day and I got caught in a sudden downpour. I was only outside for a few minutes, but that was more than enough time to get drenched. I was completely soaked in a matter of moments. The rain seeped inside my shoes and my socks absorbed all the water like a smelly sponge. I actually had to wring them out before I started my shift. Damp jeans I can deal with. Wet socks are something I try to avoid. I would carry a spare set of socks with me on rainy days, but that seems a little excessive and kind of weird. I’ll just stick to wringing them out and popping them in the microwave to dry them out. By the way, don’t use the microwave after me.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 11, 2014 · 8:33 pm

Keeping an Umbrella In Your Bag

Keeping an umbrella in your bag means that you’re prepared but also a little paranoid. It’s one thing to check the weather report before you leave the house and making a conscious decision to bring an umbrella with you. It’s entirely another thing to have an umbrella take up permanent residence in your backpack, briefcase, or purse at all times. Of course you will feel like it was all worth it if an unexpected storm blows in, but most of the time you’re lugging around an umbrella that you don’t need. There are a lot of things that take up the same amount of space as an umbrella but are more practical to have on a daily basis. Like a bottle of vodka for instance. You will use that way more than you would ever use an umbrella. And a bottle of vodka is more fun to take everywhere with you.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 21, 2013 · 10:44 am

Walking in the Rain

Walking in the rain can either be a terrible thing or a great thing. It sucks when you don’t plan on it raining and you get caught in a sudden downpour without an umbrella. You end up soaking wet and completely miserable. But planning to go for a walk in the rain changes everything. You put on a warm jacket with a hood and some waterproof boots and take a stroll through the park. The rain keeps all the normal people inside, so you end up having the park to yourself. You walk along with no particular destination, pausing every now and then to watch the drops ripple across a pond. You take deep, long breaths, filling your lungs with the fresh air that only comes with rain. The rain makes the air sweeter and more vibrant, and it makes you feel more alive. Walking in the rain is soothing, it relaxes your soul. It’s hard to feel stressed when you’re at one with nature.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 1, 2013 · 9:51 am

Puddles

A puddle is a small pool of a liquid. Most of the puddles that you encounter are rain puddles. If you have babies or puppies, you are more familiar with pee puddles. If you know my friends, you are more familiar with puddles of vomit. It was fun to splash and stomp in puddles in the rain when you were a kid, but then you grew up and realized that the world is a soulless, crushing place and now splashing in puddles doesn’t do anything for you anymore. The only joy you get from puddles these days is from watching cars drive through them and soaking old ladies walking down the sidewalk. Grandma shouldn’t be walking in the rain anyway.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 22, 2013 · 12:03 pm

Rainy Saturdays

I woke up last Saturday to the gentle pitter-patter of rain falling outside my window. And I was glad that it was raining. When you were a kid, rainy Saturdays were terrible. All you had was two days of freedom each weekend, and being stuck inside was pure torture. It meant that you couldn’t run around and climb trees and play sports with the neighborhood kids. You had to stay inside and play crummy board games or do puzzles that were always missing a piece with your sister. But now you’re an adult and rainy Saturdays means catching up on Breaking Bad or having a marathon Netflix session. Rainy Saturdays are a perfectly valid excuse to procrastinate and avoid doing laundry, paying bills, or running errands. You’re supposed to be lazy on a rainy Saturday. It’s your God-given right. So take advantage of that and don’t do anything productive.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 7, 2013 · 10:36 am

“It Looks Like Rain.”

You go outside and notice that your shadow is missing. You look up and see the sun is hidden behind some clouds and the whole sky looks dark and gloomy. A storm is clearly on the way. And no matter how obvious the shitty weather is, inevitably you will hear some jackass say, “It looks like rain.” Of course it looks like rain, it’s about to fucking rain. I don’t need some wannabe weatherman stating the obvious. He’s one of those jerks who watches you play solitaire over your shoulder and tells you to move the three. He somehow thinks he’s helping you and that you should be grateful for his insightful observations. The only person who can get away with saying “It looks like rain” is an umbrella salesman making his pitch. Everyone else needs to shut the fuck up.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 20, 2013 · 10:18 am

Walking Under Awnings With an Umbrella

I was just walking to the corner store and got caught in a sudden downpour. I was unprepared with only a hoodie and no umbrella. I ran underneath an awning and started making my way down the street, going from one storefront to the next, using the narrow pathway of protection that the awnings provided. The awnings kept me and my fellow unprepared pedestrians relatively dry, but every once in a while we would have to step around oncoming pedestrians going the opposite direction and go in the rain. That’s acceptable. What’s not acceptable is having to sidestep into the rain because some asshole is walking under the awnings with an umbrella. An umbrella is a personal and portable water dispelling device that enables the user to walk in the rain freely. It’s way better than relying on storefront awnings. That space should be reserved for the unprepared pedestrians, the ones who can’t walk freely in the rain. They deserve to be dry too. Any asshole walking underneath an awning with an umbrella deserves to be beat with it, even Rihanna agrees with that.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 22, 2012 · 9:30 am

Leaving Your Umbrella Open When It’s Not Raining

It’s sprinkling off and on and the sidewalks are filled with pedestrians with umbrellas. If you’re a normal person, you open your umbrella when it’s actively raining and then you close it when the drops stop falling. But some people don’t do that. They leave their umbrella open and over their head even though it’s stopped raining. There’s no reason for leaving your umbrella open when it’s not raining. You’re obviously not paying attention to the world around you. And you’re taking up space. You’re really just failing at life on all sorts of levels now. It’s not enough to make people hate you, but they lose respect for you instantly.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 15, 2012 · 11:18 am

Playing a Game in the Rain

Three’s nothing quite like playing a game in the rain. Sports are awesome enough, but something about competition in a downpour gets your adrenaline pumping. Rain makes sports more fun. I think it’s something to do with wet dirt. Football is awesome but it doesn’t compare to mud football. The feeling you get when you locate the ball through the raindrops and catch the ball while diving face first into a puddle is indescribable. You feel like you won the Super Bowl. You’re soaking wet and covered with mud but you feel like a champion. That’s all that matters.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 2, 2012 · 10:30 am

Homeless People Riding the Bus Because It’s Raining

I don’t mind the rain. I like the smell of a fresh downpour. I like the sound of raindrops hitting the roof. I like using the emergency umbrella I carry in my backpack. The only thing I don’t like are the homeless people riding the bus because it’s raining. If you live in a city and rely on public transportation, you’ve probably experienced this too. The rain starts to fall and the homeless try to get dry. They’ll jump on the bus and ride it until their transfer expires. I’m not opposed to homeless people using public transportation, I’m opposed to wet and smelly homeless people using public transportation. It’s worse than wet dog smell. It’s a combination of piss, stale beer, sweaty socks, and depression. Wet bum stench gets stuck in your nostrils and lingers long after you get off the bus. There’s no escaping the stink, it follows you, it knows where you live, and it will haunt your dreams.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 12, 2012 · 12:34 pm

Rain Ponchos

It’s starting to rain and you left your umbrella at home. You can either buy a new umbrella, brave the rain and get soaked, or you can wear a plastic garbage bag and pretend that it’s a poncho. Real rain ponchos are better though. Real rain ponchos are sometimes more practical than umbrellas. They are foldable, more portable and they look like cloaks, which makes them more fashionable. You can’t really get away with wearing cloaks these days but a plastic poncho will suffice. Ponchos are just another item in our arsenal against global warming. Bring it on.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 25, 2012 · 10:24 am

Lying in Bed While It’s Raining Outside

It is raining cats and dogs outside but you’re as snug as a bug in bed. Lying in bed while it’s raining outside is one of the great simple pleasures in life. You’re warm and relaxed and enjoying the soothing pitter-patter as the raindrops splash down. You know that the world outside your window is getting drenched while you remain completely dry and completely comfortable. Life is good on those wet mornings when you have no reason to get out of bed.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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