Tag Archives: michael jackson

Liberian Girl

“Liberian Girl” is a single from Michael Jackson’s album Bad. It’s an alright song, some would describe it as filler material, but it’s catchy and has a cool, sexy vibe to it. He made a music video for it because of course he did. The video’s premise is kind of meta. It’s about a bunch of eighties celebrities meeting on a soundstage to film the music video for “Liberian Girl.” It’s a virtual Who’s Who of eighties entertainment. It’s kind of funny to watch it now and try to name all the celebrities. Some of them are still famous and some of them are pretty obscure. Are they still famous if nobody remembers them? Anyway, so all the celebrities are talking amongst each other while wondering where Michael is and what the video is going to be about, all the while the song is playing in the background almost unnoticed. You keep waiting for the music video to actually start, and then Michael Jackson is revealed to have been filming them all along, and that’s how the music video ends. It’s one of his most unique videos. He’s not really in it, there’s no dance choreography, and the song is not really the main focus. I included the video below. Watch it. Try to guess all the celebrities. Turn it into a drinking game.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Whatzupwitu

Eddie Murphy has had a pretty successful comedy and acting career. You might also recall that he tried to use his popularity to launch a musical career. He collaborated with Rick James on the single “Party All the Time.” That was actually a decent song. But success went to Eddie Murphy’s head and he continued unleashing terrible music upon the world, like when he collaborated with Michael Jackson for a little ditty called “Whatzupwitu.” It’s bad song with an awful accompanying music video. Eddie and Michael walk around a green-screened sky while they are bombarded by poorly animated music notes, flowers, and peace signs. It seems like there was script for filming. The director just told them to dance around awkwardly with each other and reassured them that they will fix everything in postproduction. They didn’t. The end result speaks for itself. You can watch it below. And I’m sorry if the song gets stuck in your head, I promise that wasn’t my intention.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Janet Jackson

Janet Jackson is an American singer/songwriter and actress. She’s had a successful career but she will always be most famous for being Michael Jackson’s sister. She’s had quite a few hits and a lot of success, but she will forever be overshadowed by the King of Pop. She’s sold over 140 million albums, he’s sold over 400 million. Michael died in 2009, her career died long before that. Sorry, but it’s true. The last time Janet Jackson was really worth talking about was the infamous wardrobe malfunction during Super Bowl XXXVIII. That was over ten years ago. I’ll admit that Janet had a successful career but she was way too dependent on her sexuality to sell records. It’s kind of creepy because she looks like Michael Jackson but with cleavage. Nobody ever wanted to see Michael Jackson with cleavage. That’s Nasty (see what I did there?).

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Janet-Jackson

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Michael Jackson’s Sex Life

Let’s talk about Michael Jackson’s sex life. I don’t think he had one. I don’t think he was a pedophile. I don’t believe he had sex with any little boys. I don’t think he ever had sex with anyone, man or woman. I don’t think he even masturbated. I think he was completely asexual. He never had a real childhood and he never grew up. He was a boy trapped in a man’s body. He thought of himself as Peter Pan, and Peter Pan thinks that sex is icky. You get the impression from his love songs that he didn’t know what love is. It was an abstract concept that was completely foreign to him. He talks about his feelings but he doesn’t say what he is feeling, he just says that he has them. He had three kids, but they are whiter than Jim Gaffigan. Michael Jackson was black. He might have bleached his skin, but he didn’t bleach his DNA. If those were really his kids, they would have a bit more color. Of course this is all speculation. Michael Jackson could have been a pimp mac daddy, but I highly doubt it. Either way, we can all agree that he was one of the best entertainers of all time and it’s a shame that we killed him.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson

            Michael Jackson is the King of Pop and the Master of Music Videos. Or rather he was. He’s dead now. Everyone has their own favorite Michael Jackson video. Boring and cliché people are partial to Thriller. A lot of people like Bad, Beat it, and Billie Jean. Those are all great videos, but Smooth Criminal is the best Michael Jackson video. It’s a great song and he showcases some of his best dance moves including the moonwalk and the anti-gravity lean. I wonder how many wannabes broke their nose trying to do the lean. I’m guessing it was a lot. Smooth Criminal is not just a music video, it’s short film. And it has almost all the iconic Michael Jackson trademarks: he’s rocking a fedora, a slick suit with an armband, tape on his fingertips, he’s pretending to be tough and feigning street cred, there are strangers doing a spontaneous yet perfectly choreographed dance, a couple of little kids running around well past their bedtime… the only things missing are the glove and his hair on fire.

Smooth Criminal is a very stylized video (it’s actually the centerpiece of his film Moonwalker). MJ enters a 1930’s nightclub filled with gangsters and he’s somehow tougher than all of them. He sings and dances and prances around. He beats up some dudes, and he even shoots and kills another guy, sending him flying backwards through a brick wall. At one point the music cuts out and everyone starts moving in slow motion with a blue tinge. Michael does a little howling and finger snapping and bobs his head ferociously. A cat walks on a piano for some reason, the ladies start moaning, and everything slows down before the song explodes back into existence. It’s impossible to watch this video and not try to emulate his moves. Don’t even try to dance like Michael Jackson; you won’t be able to pull it off. Michael Jackson is the only guy who looks cool doing Michael Jackson moves. Everyone else looks like Corey Feldman during his MJ obsession.

            Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Rush Hour (film, not traffic)

Rush Hour is a 1998 comedy/martial arts/buddy cop movie directed by Brett Ratner and starring Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. One is a hot shot detective from Hong Kong, the other is a loudmouth cop from LA. I’ll let you guess which is which. They are forced to work together when a Chinese diplomat’s daughter gets kidnapped. Detective Inspector Lee (Jackie Chan) is asked by the Chinese to solve the case, and Detective Carter (Chris Tucker) is asked by the FBI to distract Lee and keep him from interfering with the investigation. Carter and Lee don’t trust each other, they don’t like each other, but they have to learn to work together in order to solve the case and save little Soo Yung Han.

Jackie Chan is one of the most entertaining martial artists to ever grace the big screen. He can fight like a motherfucker and does all his own stunts like a badass. And he does some truly spectacular stunts. His fighting style is also unique. Bruce Lee, Jet Li, Chuck Norris… they all just punch and kick the bad guys. Jackie Chan punches and kicks them too, but he’s always trying to escape and avoid fighting. He uses the objects around him for defense and uses them to hurt the bad guys. It’s like parkour as a martial art. He’s not afraid to stand and fight, but he’ll run away if he can. It makes the fights more entertaining, more personal, and more realistic in a lot of ways.

Chris Tucker is talks loud and fast. He is obnoxious and annoying… and somehow endearing. His character is brash, arrogant, and totally full of himself. But he does the right thing when he needs to. Chris Tucker is obviously a Michael Jackson fan and he sneaks a lot of M.J. references into the movie.

The movie is entertaining. There are a lot of plot holes but the producers don’t care and neither should you. Brett Ratner will never win an Oscar but he knows how to make an action flick. The movie is pretty decent, way better than the sequels. The credits are one of the highlights (like most Jackie Chan films) where they show all the bloopers. You see Jackie messing up on stunts and see Chris Tucker messing up his lines. The chemistry they have off-screen carries over into the movie. You should have seen this movie already. A long time ago.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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