Tag Archives: scissors

Cutting Pizza with Scissors

There are a few ways to cut a pizza. Some people opt for a pizza cutter, a device made for the sole purpose of cutting pizza. Some people us a sharp knife (sharp knives are much better than dull ones). My grandma was a rebel and didn’t play by the rules. She would cut pizza with scissors. It worked and it worked well. She could cut a pizza faster and more precisely than any other grandma in the neighborhood. She never got any recognition for her contributions to the pizza cutting world, but I’m fighting to preserve her culinary breakthrough. I want people to know that cutting pizza with scissors is not only an option, it’s a viable one. Try it the next time you cook up DiGiorno. It might change your life.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Leatherman Squirt PS4

I got a Leatherman Squirt PS4 for Christmas. It’s a handy little multi-tool that fits on your keychain. I’ve had it for just over a week and I’ve used it about a million times. It’s practical and well-built. Leatherman knows how to make quality tools. The Squirt PS4 flips open to reveal pliers, both needlenose and regular equipped with wire cutters. It also has a few other tools like a knife, scissors, a bottle opener, a Phillips screwdriver/small screwdriver, a wood and metal file, and a medium screwdriver. The knife, file, scissors, and screwdrivers are all easily accessible from the outside. You don’t have to open it up to access anything except for the pliers and wire cutters. The knife is really sharp and cuts through paper and plastic like it’s butter. It cuts through butter like it’s really soft butter. The scissors are better than anything you’ll find on a Swiss Army knife. And I’ve already used the screwdrivers to fix a broken model helicopter and to tighten the handle on my roommate’s frying pan. The only tool I haven’t used yet is the file. If you have anything that needs filing, let me know and I’ll file it for you. The Squirt PS4 is practical and versatile and you’ll end up using it a thousand times a day. The zombie apocalypse is approaching. Be prepared.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Rock-Paper-Scissors

Rock-paper-scissors is a classic playground game. Two opponents face off and choose one of three shapes (rock, paper, or scissors) and try to win a best of three series. A closed fist is a rock, two extended fingers are scissors, and an open hand is paper. Rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper, and paper beats rock.  Everyone knows this game, but some regions have their own name for it. Most of the world knows it as rock-paper-scissors, but I grew up calling it roshambo. I’ve also heard ick-ack-ock and paper-scissors-stone, but it really doesn’t matter what you call it, it’s still the same game. You would play it just to play it when you were a kid, but now you only play it to settle minor disputes with your friends. It’s still a good game though. You rely on luck and psyching out your opponent and it’s always fun to get into someone’s head and break them down.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Edward Scissorhands

Edward Scissorhands is Tim Burton’s best movie and the first one starring Johnny Depp. Now it’s practically a requirement for a Tim Burton movie to have Johnny Depp in it. Tim Burton movies have a dreamlike quality about them. He likes to deal with the fantastic and shuns reality. The main character has fucking scissors for hands. That’s pretty fantastic.

Peg Boggs (Diane Wiest) is the friendly local Avon lady who decides that the gloomy, creepy mansion is a great place to make a sales pitch. Instead of making a sale, she finds a Goth kid with scissors for hands. She talks to him for a few minutes and decides to unofficially adopt him and takes him home to her family. Because that’s what you do when you find someone who has been living in isolation for years and has weapons for hands. You take them home to live with your young son and sexy teenaged daughter.

Edward learns about life from the Boggs family and starts to fall in love with Kim (Winona Ryder). But she has a douchebag boyfriend that makes life difficult. Edward uses his scissor hands to trim bushes and cut hair, and he becomes the talk of the neighborhood. Then shit happens and the neighbors start to distrust and fear the artificial man with fucking scissors for hands. And they drive him out of town and he goes back to live in isolation in the gloomy and creepy mansion.

Edward is a great character, but it’s his effect on the neighbors that drives the story. They embrace him at first and eventually shun him because of gossip and hearsay. The housewives are leeches and they want Edward’s blood. The suburban setting is like a dream that turns into a nightmare. During the day everything is perfect. All the houses are painted in pastel colors, the husbands all leave for work and come home at the same time, all the housewives spend their days gossiping, it’s all so ideal. Then Edward comes and shakes things up a bit, and by the end of the movie the neighborhood is dark and hostile.

This is a timeless movie. It’s a modern day fairy tale. And if you’re slacking if you haven’t seen it yet. Stop slacking.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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