Tag Archives: harry potter

March 27, 2018 · 2:59 pm

There is no Wayne’s World 1

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone inserts 1 into the title of the first film of a franchise. You often hear people say that Wayne’s World 1 is way better than Wayne’s World 2. Or that Rush Hour 1 was the best movie in the trilogy. I hate that. There is no Wayne’s World 1. It’s Wayne’s World and Wayne’s World 2. Rush Hour has two sequels. Yes, it’s the first movie but it’s not called Rush Hour 1. It’s simply Rush Hour. You can check IMDB.com if you don’t believe me. Don’t even get me started on people who say Die Hard 1 or Star Wars 1.

There are a few exceptions like History of the World, Part I and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1. But there is no History of the World, Part II and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 was the seventh film of the franchise, not the first. The moral of the story is there is no Wayne’s World 1. So don’t say it.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 23, 2016 · 2:52 pm

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

2016 was a great year for Potterheads, especially me. I went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios Hollywood in April. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child came out during the summer. And then Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them came out in November. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is a spinoff film and the first flick of a five film franchise. J.K. Rowling wrote a book with the same name for charity, but it was just an encyclopedia of imaginary creatures from the books. The film is a completely new story created for the big screen, which is awesome for real fans of Harry Potter.

Real fans of Harry Potter were never truly amazed by the films because we read the books before and knew what to expect. We already knew what was going to happen. We just debated what they were going to show, what they were going to skip, and speculate how they’d portray certain parts. I went into Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them without a clue of what was going to happen. It was awesome to meet new characters and creatures and to see a whole new side of the wizarding world as the plot unraveled in front of me. It was the most fun I’ve had at the movies since Deadpool. 

I won’t even talk about what actually happens in the movie. I want you to discover it for yourself. My girlfriend is not a Harry Potter fan (nobody is perfect) but she really liked it. That’s how I know it’s a good movie and I’m not just being biased. J.K. Rowling wrote the screenplay. David Yates, the guy who directed the last Order of the Phoenix, Half-Blood Prince, and both parts of Deathly Hallows, is back in the director’s chair for this film. You get solid performances from the cast and there’s a mindfuck of a cameo at the end that leaves you anxious for the next installment. Damn, 2018 is a long time away.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

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August 1, 2016 · 8:25 pm

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Parts I & II (Special Rehearsal Edition Script)

 There are two types of people in the world: fans of Harry Potter and everyone else. Me, I’m a fan of Harry Potter. A part of my life ended back in 2007 when Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released and the series ended. But then J.K. Rowling announced that she would continue the story onstage in a play. She also realized that not everyone would be able to see the production so she released the script in book form as well, bless her soul. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Parts I & II (Special Rehearsal Edition Script) was released on July 31, 2016 and the Harry Potter nerds suddenly had a new story to lose their shit over. 

I kind of slacked off and forgot to preorder a paper copy, but I bought the e-book version and read the entire thing on my iPhone in a couple of hours. It’s mostly dialogue with a little bit of stage direction so it’s a much faster read than the later books in the series. It was written by Jack Thorne and John Tiffany and based on a story by J.K. Rowling. The story starts in the epilogue of the Deathly Hallows with an older Harry sending his sons James and Albus off to Hogwarts. I don’t want to say too much else. Spoilers aren’t fun. And you should be friending to read it for yourself so I won’t give anything major away. Harry, Ron, and Hermione are important characters, but the plot revolves around Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy (Draco’s son). They are the next generation of wizards and they are trying to escape the shadow of their fathers. 

 We visit old charters. We meet new ones. And it feels good to be back in the wizarding world, I must say. The humor and charm are still there, as is the sense of dread that something wicked this way comes. It’s very satisfying. I wish it was longer. It’s always sad to reach the end of a great story, and this definitely seems like final chapter. I hope that J.K. Rowling has more in store for us, but this is a solid way to say goodbye to Harry Potter. Goodbye, Harry, old chum.

 Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 4, 2015 · 8:06 pm

Harry Potter Glasses

It’s impossible to picture Harry Potter in your head without his trademark glasses. You’re thinking of Danielle Radcliffe if you think you can and Daniel Radcliffe is not Harry Potter. There’s a difference. Anyway, those circular specs are a huge part of Harry Potter’s image. It makes him seem more relatable and less like a powerful wizard. But that got me to thinking that those glasses are proof that he’s not that great of a wizard. I mean Hermione used magic to change her teeth. We know that they can regrow and mend broken bones with Skele-Gro. You’re telling me there’s not a spell to cure astigmatism? They don’t have magical contacts? Somebody ask J.K. Rowling for me if you get the chance. Thanks.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Youngil_fullxfull.508808955_o5l1_original

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February 4, 2015 · 9:00 pm

Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans

Hey kids, do you like Harry Potter? Remember that part where Harry and his pals eat jelly beans with crazy flavors? Well, thanks to Jelly Belly and product licensing, you can eat them too! There are traditional Jelly Belly flavors like Banana, Blueberry, Cherry, Lemon, Tutti-Fruiti, and Watermelon. But there are also awful flavors like Booger, Dirt, Earthworm, Grass, Rotten Egg, Sausage, Soap, and Vomit. You can mix and match the flavors to create exciting combinations like an Earthworm and Dirt. You can also eat Vomit and then get rid of the horrible taste with Soap. The best way to enjoy Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans is to give your friend a bad tasting jelly bean and watch how they react to it. You should film it if possible. Put it on YouTube if they freak out. It’s also fun to experience the flavors for yourself. They actually made candy that tastes like rotten eggs. How can you pass up an opportunity like that?

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 10, 2014 · 9:23 pm

Finishing Up a Series

Finishing up a series is always bittersweet. There’s a sense of accomplishment in that you finished it, but then you feel a bit empty when it’s over. I remember getting to the last hundred pages of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and realizing that I was almost done with it. I wouldn’t have any more Harry Potter stories to look forward to once I finished reading it. I wanted to know what happened but I didn’t want it to end. That’s how I feel whenever I reach the end of an epic saga. It doesn’t matter if it’s a series of books, or a TV show, or a movie trilogy. I want it to keep going. There’s a memorable scene in the cult classic Freaks and Geeks where a hippie chick is describing how amazing the Grateful Dead’s American Beauty album is. She says that she wishes she never heard it so that she could hear it again for the first time. There’s nothing quite like the first time you experience something. You can’t go back. You can only find something new.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 21, 2014 · 7:54 pm

Reed’s Flying Cauldron Non-Alcoholic Butterscotch Beer

Reed’s Flying Cauldron Non-Alcoholic Butterscotch Beer is a butterscotch cream soda and a blatant rip-off of Harry Potter’s butterbeer. J.K. Rowling would sue the people at Reed’s but she already has too much money. It tastes like what you would expect. It’s sweet, slightly carbonated, and is actually healthier than most sodas. It’s gluten free and 100% natural. It’s made from purified carbonated water, cane sugar, vanilla extract, natural caramel, natural flavors, and stevia rebaudiana leaf extract. Somehow that shit all fits together to create a tasty beverage. The label doesn’t mention anything about caffeine so I assume that it’s caffeine free, but I would avoid drinking one before bed just to be safe. It’s not that good of a soda, but the novelty factor makes it worth checking out.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 18, 2013 · 9:55 am

The Noble Collection Holiday Catalog

A few years ago I bought my sister a replica of Dumbledore’s wand for Christmas, and it was one of the best things that I’ve ever done because now I get The Noble Collection Holiday Catalog delivered in the mail every November. It’s basically a catalog for movie nerds. They have replicas of props from all the movies you geek out over. Do you like The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings? Well then maybe you would enjoy an Illuminating Gandalf Staff for $159, or maybe the Pipe of Bilbo Baggins for only $69 (and it says it’s fully functional). They have a bunch of stuff from The Dark Knight trilogy as well. You can get a Folding Batarang Money Clip in either bronze or flat black for $39. $395 will get you a full-sized Batman Cowl or Bane Mask… I’m not sure you could actually wear them, but I’d love to find out.

The catalog also has a few other items like a Throne Bookend from Game of Thrones, The Green Power Lantern from The Green Lantern, and the Golden Compass from The Golden Compass. But the main reason why I get excited when the Holiday Catalog finally comes is for all their Harry Potter merchandise. They have about fifty wands from fifty different characters. They even sell fancy wand displays so you can display all your fancy wands. Almost every cool Harry Potter prop is available for sale. You can buy the Sword of Gryffindor, the Marauder’s Map, Tom Riddle’s Diary, the Sorcerer’s Stone, even a goddamned Firebolt. You might think that spending $295 on a broom is excessive, but it’s a fucking Firebolt! It’s the fastest broom there is. You’d be an idiot not to buy it. I know I’m not supposed to waste money on frivolous things, but it’s hard not to with The Noble Collection Holiday Catalog.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 18, 2013 · 10:21 am

Your Favorite Cup

I have a favorite cup. It’s a plastic souvenir cup that my friend got for me from the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I pretty much use it every single day. I’m even using it right now. I wash it and rinse it out everyday, but it never goes into the cupboard. It lives in my room on the table so my roommates can’t steal it and use it. One time my friend used it without asking me. I had to use another cup, and it made my drink taste weird. I’m not against other cups, I just prefer my Harry Potter one. Plus I don’t have a dishwasher so I try to keep my dish use down to a minimum. The less shit I use, the less shit I have to clean up. But even if I had a dishwasher, I’d probably still use the same cup everyday anyway. Things taste better out of your favorite cup, even if it’s just psychosomatic. I don’t know how a plastic drinking vessel can have so much sentimental value, but it does. I know that I’m crazy, but it’s way more interesting than being normal. Cheers to that with my Harry Potter cup.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 15, 2013 · 9:03 am

Harry Potter Movies Ranked in Descending Order

Harry Potter is one of the most successful book franchises of all time, so it was pretty much a given that Hollywood would turn them into movies, and that’s what Warner Bros. did. I’ve watched them (multiple times), and now I’ve ranked them in descending order.

#8: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. The sixth book became the worst movie for a variety of reasons, but the biggest problem is that it’s boring as fuck. The book was mostly exposition and setup for the final installment, and nothing that exciting happens. And as a result, nothing that exciting happens in the movie.  It loses all the momentum that the series was building up. You go from Goblet of Fire to Order of the Phoenix and suddenly everything slows down. It’s huge step backwards.

            #7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1. The final book was split into a two-part movie because there would be no satisfactory way to wrap up the series in a 2-hour movie. And because they would make a shitload more money. You don’t really need to see this movie; it’s mostly just Harry, Hermione, and Ron hiding in the woods for the duration of the running time. You might like it if you’re a fan of wizard camping. It’s slightly less boring than Half-Blood Prince, which is why it’s slightly higher up on the list. But not by much. I actually own all the Harry Potter movies, except for this one. It’s not essential viewing.

#6: Harry Potter and Sorcerer’s/Philosopher’s Stone. The first Harry Potter movie deserves a lot of credit for introducing the Boy Who Lived to the big screen. But it’s too much of a kid’s movie. It’s too light, too family friendly, and it has the worst acting and special effects in the whole series. Some parts are truly painful to watch.

#5: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. This is one of the most loyal adaptations in the series, and it’s almost a direct translation of the book. The special effects and acting have only slightly approved over the first movie, and it’s still a children’s movie. The basilisk scene is one of the highlights of the first two movies, but I really hate the flying car scene (especially when Harry falls out of the car for no fucking reason other than to add unnecessary tension).

            #4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. There was a lot of internal debate from the studio about breaking up Goblet of Fire into two movies because the book was so long. They decided not to, and the movie suffers as a result. It’s too incomplete and leaves too much stuff out. It’s really annoying when they go to the Quidditch World Cup but they don’t show any fucking Quidditch. Or omitting most of the cool shit that happens during the final task in the maze. And they eliminate the mystery by practically telling you that Mad-Eye Moody is really Barty Crouch, Jr. The biggest redeeming qualities of this flick are the scenes with the Hungarian Horntail and the graveyard return of Voldemort.

#3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. This is the epic conclusion to the HP saga and they do it right. Everything comes down to this, and the bulk of the film happens during one long day. The special effects, the acting, the action sequences are all amazing. It’s a roller coaster ride, and you don’t want it to end and then it does, and then you realize you have nothing else to look forward to. There are no more books to read, no more movies to watch, and a part of your life is over when the movie is over.

#2: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. This was the longest book and it became one of the shortest movies in the series. They leave a lot out. But they capture the tone and feel of the book. Whenever they leave something out, they still allude to it. The movie flows and it works. Gary Oldman doesn’t get much screen time as Sirius Black, but makes his presence known with a few key scenes and subtle dialog with Harry. The battle at the Ministry of Magic was everything you hoped it would be. And the epic fight between Dumbledore and Voldemort is one of the best moments of the entire series. I will put on the movie just to watch that part.

            #1: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. This was the movie that inspired me to finally read the books. It’s not perfect, but I still think it’s better than its bookly counterpart. I don’t like the whole time travelling subplot, but the film handles it better than the book. And it’s not the movie’s fault that the book had a stupid time travelling shtick. Alfonso Cuarón is responsible for the best movie in the franchise. He successfully turned a kid’s book into an art house blockbuster. He was able to take Chris Columbus’ foundation and J.K. Rowling’s book and delivered a faithful translation to the source material, but he still able to make it his own. You can enjoy the film even if you aren’t a Potter fan.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 8, 2013 · 8:17 am

Harry Potter Books Ranked in Descending Order

Harry Potter is awesome, but some of the books are better than others. Here is my Critically Rated Harry Potter countdown.

#7: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. This is the second book and it’s a little bit darker than the first one, but it’s still a kid’s book at this point. Voldemort is in it, but it’s just a teenaged version of him that was trapped in a diary. He’s not that formidable, and he hasn’t returned to power yet. It might not deserve to be the worst one, but I’ve got to start somewhere.

            #6: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s/Philosopher’s Stone. This is the book that started it all. First time readers might be amazed by how innocent Harry Potter is. He doesn’t know anything about being a wizard and he gets introduced to a magical world and we get to explore it with him. It sets everything up, it introduces a lot of the main characters in the HP universe. It transcends being a mere kid’s book, but it’s still a kid’s book.

#5: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. This is a dark story, but it’s still a kid’s book. You start to see the potential of Harry Potter. You have the Dementors and the main introduction of Sirius Black. Voldemort is not the main threat, and they have a ridiculous time traveling subplot that takes away from the overall quality of the third installment.

#4: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. The sixth book is just a set-up for the seventh book, and it’s pretty apparent upon reading it. Nothing much happens, except for a lot of backstory about Voldemort and the fact that Dumbledore dies. It seems like a step back in the series and it is.

            #3: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. This is the book where you learn how vast and expansive the Wizarding World is. You catch a glimpse of the Quidditch World Cup, you get to meet students from other wizard schools, and you start to see how Harry is different from his peers. Plus Voldemort returns to power and the series shifts into a darker gear.

#2: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. This is the fifth book and the longest one of the series. J.K. Rowling goes into great depth and Harry accomplishes a lot in this book. He steps up, he’s actively trying to defeat Voldemort. He’s pretty much accepted his fate at this point. He realizes that he’s done more than most, and he starts to pass off what he’s learned to his fellow students. He becomes a force to be reckoned with, as evidenced by the battle at the Ministry of Magic. The book is highlighted by the epic battle between Dumbledore and Voldemort.

            #1: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. This is the final installment of the HP series and a beyond-satisfying conclusion to the saga. It goes back to the beginning and reminds you about everything you love about Harry Potter. It answers all the questions and wraps everything up in a pretty little package. The last book provides the most answers, and when you finish reading it, you don’t regret anything about sacrificing a good portion of your life following the exploits of a fictional character.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 21, 2013 · 10:22 am

Alternative Titles for the Harry Potter Series

I’m too hungover and lazy to write anything amazing, so I though I would spit out a list of alternative titles for the Harry Potter series. People like lists and people like Harry Potter. It’s a winning combination.

Book 1: Harry Potter & the Start of the Beginning

Book 2: Harry Potter & the Unnecessary Flying Car

            Book 3: Harry Potter & the One with Time Travel

            Book 4: Harry Potter & the Ultimate Reality Show

            Book 5: Harry Potter & the Cunt Called Umbridge

            Book 6: Harry Potter & the Death of Dumbledore

            Book 7: Harry Potter & the Sudden Realization that It’s Over and There is Nothing Else Worth Reading

So there you go. Hope you enjoyed my half-assed list.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 17, 2012 · 9:47 am

The Marauder’s Map

The Marauder’s Map is one of the most important and magical objects in the Harry Potter Universe. Harry first comes across the Marauder’s Map in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. The Weasley twins give it to him out of pity because he can’t go to Hogsmeade to buy candy. The map shows the entire blueprint of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and everybody’s exact location on the grounds. It is an extremely valuable and useful tool.

The Marauder’s Map is like checking in on Facebook. They know where you are and what you are doing. It’s an invasion of privacy, but no one gives a fuck. Everyone with a Droid or iPhone already has a personal Marauder’s Map in their pocket.

Back to geeking out. The Marauder’s Map was used multiple times throughout the remaining books to advance the plot. The only thing that bugs me… Why the fuck would the Weasley twins give it away? Why would anyone give it away? You can use it to see where everyone is around you. You could use it to steal, rob, rape, and kill. Or you could use it for good. Either way is cool. But you wouldn’t ever give something like that away for nothing. That’s the most unrealistic part of the Harry Potter saga.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 26, 2012 · 10:12 am

Actors in Multiple Movie Franchises

Some movies make a lot of money. And people like money, so they decide to make a sequel to make even more money. And if that sequel makes money they might make a third movie. And three movies in the same series makes a trilogy, and (for the purposes of this article) a trilogy is a film franchise. So if an actor appears in three or more movies in the same franchise and three or more movies in another franchise, then they will appear on this list. Unless I forgot about them. Sorry forgotten celebrity.

Harrison Ford starred in the original Star Wars trilogy and the Indiana Jones trilogy (and that shitty fourth movie that I try to forget about). He’s also rumored to come back in the new Star Wars movies.

Tim Allen starred in the Toy Story trilogy and the Santa Clause movies.

Michael J. Fox went Back to the Future three times and voiced Stuart Little three times.

Matt Damon was Jason Bourne three times and was in Ocean’s Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen.

Eddie Murphy was Donkey in four Shrek movies and Axel Foley three times as a Beverly Hills Cop. Mike Myers was Shrek in the Shrek flicks and Austin Powers and Dr. Evil in the Austin Powers movies.

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Orlando Bloom was Legolas in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and he’s reprising his role in The Hobbit movie. He was also in the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies too.

Sir Ian McKellen has saved the world as Gandalf in three Lord of the Rings movies and will do so again in The Hobbit trilogy. He’s also threatened the world three times as Magneto in the X-Men franchise.

Patrick Stewart played Captain Jean-Luc Picard four times on the big screen and played Charles Xavier in three X-Men movies with a cameo in the Wolverine movie.

Crazy anti-Semite Mel Gibson has been in four Lethal Weapon Movies and was Mad Max three times. You know he hates Jews right?

Warwick Davis was in six Leprechaun movies (about half were direct-to-video) and was also in all eight Harry Potter Movies playing duel roles as Professor Flitwick and Griphook.

Sylvester Stallone was Rambo four times and Rocky Balboa six times. I have a feeling he might be Expendable three times too.

Vin Diesel sucks a lot of balls, but he’s been in four Fast and/or Furious movies (one of them was just a cameo), and he will play Riddick again in 2013. I’m sure that there are at least four people who will pay to see that shit.

Ben Stiller has played Gaylord Focker in three movies and loaned his voice to three Madagascar movies.

Gary Oldman played Sirius Black in Harry Potter 3, 4, 5 and 7.5 and has been James Gordon three times in Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy.

Bruce Campbell has played Ash in the Evil Dead movies and had cameos in all of Sam Raimi’s Spider-man movies. That might be a stretch, but it still counts.

Antonio Banderas has been Puss in Boots in three Shrek movies and one spinoff and was in four Spy Kids movies (his scene was cut in the fourth one. Yes, there are four Spy Kids movies). He was played El Mariachi in two out of the three El Mariachi movies, so he doesn’t get any points for that.

John Cho has hung out with Kumar three times as Harold, and he was in American Pie, American Pie 2, American Wedding, and American Reunion. Cameos count. Right, Bruce Campbell?

Samuel L. Jackson was Mace Windu in Star Wars Episode I-III. He also played Nick Fury in Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America, and The Avengers, which are all part of the same universe, so he gets included.

Jackie Chan has three franchises under his belt. Three Rush Hour movies, four Police Story movies, and he’s loaned his voice to two Kung Fu Panda movies with a third coming out in 2013.

Christopher Lee played Fu Manchu three times, he was Dracula in a bunch of movies. He was Count Dooku in Episodes II and III and the animated Clone Wars movie. He was in Lord of the Rings too.

Hugo Weaving has also been in three franchises. He threatened Neo three times as Agent Smith in the Matrix trilogy. He loaned his voice to Megatron in the Transfomers movies. And he was Elrond in the Lord of the Rings movie and will reprise his role again in one of the upcoming Hobbit movies.

So that’s my list. I think it’s pretty complete. If you see anyone that I’m missing leave a comment. And I’ll either correct you or add it to my list. I don’t know how to rate this so I will just settle for something like this:

Critically Rated at 12/17

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March 28, 2012 · 9:46 am

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (film)

David Yates directs Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, and Daniel Radcliffe once again as the Harry Potter movie series reaches its epic conclusion. Harry, Ron, and Hermione track down the remaining Horcruxes and Harry and Voldemort face each other for the final time. And it’s all in mediocre 3D!

This movie marks the end of an era. You realize that you were spoiled by having eight awesome movies based on seven amazing books coming out over ten astounding years. You saw the kids grow up on screen, like British Olson Twins, but their careers didn’t end when they turned eighteen. With the 19 Years later epilogue at the end, you get to see them age into middle-aged adults. It’s cool to see how much those little tykes have grown.

Almost everything in the movie happens during one long day. Everything from the Gringott’s raid to Harry breaking and throwing away the Elder Wand happens pretty much within a 24 hour period. Harry’s day is way crazier than anything Jack Bauer ever had to deal with.

Harry’s quest to destroy Voldemort’s Horcruxes takes him back to Hogwarts. The Order of the Phoenix and Harry’s supporters all show up to take on Voldemort and the Death Eaters in one of the biggest and best battles in cinematic history. There are spells and creatures and death and destruction all jumping out of the screen and smacking you in the face. It wasn’t the best 3D movie, but it wasn’t the worst either.

Alan Rickman finally gets more than a few lines. Snape is the best character in the books, and Deathly Hallows is kind of his coming out party. His secret past is revealed at last. Harry exploring Snape’s memories in the Pensieve is one of the highlights of the film. It is brief but thorough.

I was a little nervous that Neville wouldn’t get to kill Nagini. In the book, Harry finds Neville and tells him to kill the snake. In the movie, Harry tells Ron and Hermione to kill the snake. Nagini was about to attack Ron and Hermione, but than Neville comes out of nowhere to decapitate the snake and relieve my fears. Neville is my favorite character. If he didn’t complete his story arc I would have written David Yates a strongly worded letter voicing my displeasure.

The movie was a pretty faithful adaptation for the most part. There are a few nitpicky things that would have improved the movie. They should have included Dumbledore’s backstory and not just hint at it. And Harry should have used the Elder Wand to fix his broken wand before he gets rid of it. Both the book and the movie screwed over Lupin and Tonks by killing them off-screen. I was hoping the movie would show how they bit the dust.

This is the only Potter movie to make over a billion dollars at the box office. Part 1 and 2 were made for $250 million, and took in $2,284,510,930 combined. That’s a spicy meatball. Take that Twilight.

I was sad when the movie ended. Harry Potter is over. No more books. No more movies. No more reason to live in this cruel world.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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March 20, 2012 · 9:56 am

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

The final book of the Harry Potter series was split up into two movies released six months apart. David Yates, the director of the fifth and sixth movies, comes back to finish up the epic saga. Splitting up the movie into two parts was a great idea. The book is rich and dense with material, and the previous movies left so much out, there was no conceivable way to make a two-and-a-half hour movie that would wrap everything up in a satisfactory way. The two parts of Deathly Hallows are the most loyal to the book since Chamber of Secrets. It makes the film much more enjoyable if you’ve read the books.

Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson all do a great job again. The last few movies would have been terrible if they had to recast. This Potter flick didn’t have any 3D. There were only a few scenes that would have benefitted from looking extra dimensiony, so it doesn’t really affect anything. The special effects were amazing, one of the highlights being the scene with the decoy Harrys.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione decide that destroying Voldemort’s Horcruxes is cooler than going back to school. The three of them embark on a mission to identify and track down the mysterious objects that house fragments of Voldemort’s soul.

Voldemort has taken over the Ministry of Magic. Harry has become a fugitive along with his two best friends. Ron gets all moody and bitchy and storms out on Harry and Hermione. They celebrate by dancing awkwardly. Eventually Ron comes back (what a relief) and the three of them continue on their quest.

Hermione reads aloud the story of the Deathly Hallows, and they jump to an animated sequence of the Peverell brothers and how they cheated death. It is reminiscent of the Japanimated O-Ren Ishii sequence in Kill Bill Vol. 1. It’s unexpected and an interesting moment that was unlike anything else previously seen in the Potter movies.

It’s a great adaptation of the book. With the extended running time, there is no reason to rush or cut out important parts from the novel. It’s a bit disheartening when they show so many vital parts from the book, but don’t delve into Dumbledore’s backstory. That was a huge part of the book because it makes you question Dumbledore’s integrity. The film lags and drags for a bit when Harry and friends are hiding out in the wilderness, but the book was like that too. The escape from Malfoy Manor and Voldy getting the Elder Wand is a great way to end the film with a nice cliffhanger. It’s a good way to wrap up the movie and leaves you gearing up for the final chapter.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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March 12, 2012 · 11:33 am

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (book)

The Harry Potter Saga concludes in the seventh and final book. Things are much different this time around. Harry, Ron and Hermione blow off their final year at Hogwarts and embark on a quest to track down and destroy Voldemort’s remaining Horcruxes in order to defeat him. Voldemort has essentially taken over the wizarding world, forcing Harry and his supporters to go on the run. The war has started, and you can’t help but draw parallels between this war and the Nazi takeover during World War II.

Harry has no guide or mentor anymore. Dumbledore and Sirius were both selfish and died, and Harry rejected Lupin’s help. All he has is Ron and Hermione to help keep him on the right path. The friendship between Harry, Ron and Hermione is strained almost to the breaking point. Ron has always been jealous of Harry and Harry has always been stubborn. Some shit goes down and Ron decides to bail. Harry and Hermione trek on together for a bit, but Ron’s absence is noticed. It is a relief when he comes back.

Halfway through the book, the trinamic trio is still tromping from place to place. They only have one Horcrux with no clue as to how to destroy it. They don’t even know what or where the other Horcruxes are. It makes you feel very worried, you know that the book is ending soon and they are running out of time. The final third part of the book takes place in one day. Everything that happens the morning leading up to the Gringott’s raid to the fall of Voldemort occurs in one day. Sorry I didn’t put a spoiler alert there, but if you didn’t know that Voldemort dies I feel really bad for your parents. I liked the nineteen years later epilogue as well, but I think that seventeen years later would have been better.

Severus Snape is the man. He spends the entire seven books being an enigma. You can never tell where his loyalty lies. All you know is that Dumbledore trusts him, but Dumbledore makes mistakes too. J.K. Rowling’s best character is the most mysterious, but his ultimate redemption is enough cause to go back and reread the entire series, because now you know his motivation. Certain actions make sense with this new information, whereas before they seemed out of character. His final line, “Look… at…me…,” is amazing, and I love it even more because J.K. Rowling respects the reader, and doesn’t cheapen it by blatantly stating “Harry, look at me so that I can die gazing into your mother’s eyes, oh, how I loved Lily so.”

Dumbledore’s backstory makes you look at him in a new light. He was not always a great man. He had to learn about himself, what his strengths were and what his weaknesses were. You learn about his family life, and some of his shadier moments. You aren’t sure if you can fully trust him, even though you want to. This doubt heightens the drama when Harry learns he must sacrifice himself. Is Dumbledore capable of raising Harry like a lamb for slaughter?

Harry Potter steps up in the Order of the Phoenix. In Deathly Hallows, Neville Longbottom steps up. While Harry is out running around in the woods, Neville takes it upon himself to rebel against Snape and restarts Dumbledore’s Army. He protects the other students at his own expense. He was deserving enough to get the Sword of Gryffindor (like Harry back in Chamber or Secrets), and he uses the sword to kill Nagini, a.k.a. the final Horcrux. Only the most important characters destroy a Horcrux. Dumbledore destroys the ring, Harry destroyed the diary (and himself), Hermione destroyed Hufflepuff’s cup, Ron destroys the locket, the diadem was accidently destroyed by Fiendfyre, and Neville destroys Nagini. He comes full circle, from being comic relief to being Harry’s pureblood equivalent.

It is a great book, and the best ending that she could have come up with. I will never begin to understand how she could create and finish such an amazing and magical series with the pressure of the world watching, waiting, and judging. J.K. Rowling became the first ever author billionaire. She deserves all her success and more. She didn’t invent wizards or goblins or magic wands. But she made them her own, and created a timeless story that seals its place with masterpieces of literature like the Lord of the Rings and Goosebumps.

Critically Rated at 16/17

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